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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Charging a Friend :/
CalCare 11:43 AM 06-28-2017
My drop in is $50 a day and I feel guilty charging my friend. She wants to drop in. Last time I didn't charge her. But, I specifically said, "no charge today, but we'll figure out something for forure drop ins"... So now it's the future, and I need to tell her $50, but I feel so guilty. I was in her wedding for Peet's sake! Should I just let it go and do free? I do have to feed him snack, lunch, snack. I mean even if my service of child care were given freely, I need food money, right? :/ Idk. I feel like a bad friend. And of course, you all know, it's the whole single mom story as well. Not that she ever said that. I just know, obviously, since she is my friend.
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hwichlaz 11:49 AM 06-28-2017
Does she ever watch your kids for you? Or do things for you without charging?

I charge my friends for daycare if they are contracting me while they are at work. But for occasional drop in so they can get a much needed day to themselves, I do not. BUT, these are the same people that helped me move houses, that watch my kid on occasion, or fix my computer in their shop and refuse to charge me etc.

So, it depends on your relationship dynamic I guess?
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CalCare 11:53 AM 06-28-2017
Oh my gosh. You're so right. She never does anything for me actually! I used to just always say no to watching her kids because Everytime I would ask her to watch mine, she couldn't. Every time for years. So, anyway I guess now that she just moved out and separated from her husband, I felt like I should be helpful. But, yeah, I kinda forgot how she literally never does me any favors. I just know she works and she has three kids so she can't fit my kids in her car, and her place is small, etc. So I always make excuses for her in my own head. She doesn't give excuses. I do it to myself lol
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Unregistered 12:20 PM 06-28-2017
If you are watching her kid(s) during your business hours, charge her. This is your business and you need to treat it as such. Watching her kids during the weekend or during non-business hours, is personal and you can choose to do what you want at that time. But I highly recommend keeping business and personal completely separate.
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Ariana 12:20 PM 06-28-2017
If she gets free daycare it will sour your relationship for sure! Don't do anything for anyone for free unless you can live with it and hold no resentment ever.

If she never does things for you she might be a user. Friends can be users!! One of my best friends is a user and I am the sort of person that goes out of my way for friends. I really had to reign it in with her because I started to resent her.
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Blackcat31 12:31 PM 06-28-2017
Originally Posted by CalCare:
My drop in is $50 a day and I feel guilty charging my friend. She wants to drop in. Last time I didn't charge her. But, I specifically said, "no charge today, but we'll figure out something for forure drop ins"... So now it's the future, and I need to tell her $50, but I feel so guilty. I was in her wedding for Peet's sake! Should I just let it go and do free? I do have to feed him snack, lunch, snack. I mean even if my service of child care were given freely, I need food money, right? :/ Idk. I feel like a bad friend. And of course, you all know, it's the whole single mom story as well. Not that she ever said that. I just know, obviously, since she is my friend.
This goes both ways....

She should feel like a bad friend if she expects care for free!

My friend owns a beauty salon. I would never in a million years think that she should provide hair coloring/cutting etc for free.

The perks for me from her come in other ways...such as I know she is doing a wonderful job and will happily listen to what I am trying to do (style and/or cut) and is great company while I'm there.

The perks for you friend should be the comfort in knowing someone that truly cares about her/her child is caring for them....you can't buy that kind of security.
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daycarediva 12:53 PM 06-28-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
This goes both ways....

She should feel like a bad friend if she expects care for free!

My friend owns a beauty salon. I would never in a million years think that she should provide hair coloring/cutting etc for free.

The perks for me from her come in other ways...such as I know she is doing a wonderful job and will happily listen to what I am trying to do (style and/or cut) and is great company while I'm there.

The perks for you friend should be the comfort in knowing someone that truly cares about her/her child is caring for them....you can't buy that kind of security.

Yep.

Dh is a plumber/contractor. The amount of 'friends' and relatives that want free work is INSANE. Parts and time aren't free people. He DOES give them huge discounts, and very rarely charges for labor (unless he sends and employee, he can't take a loss) but we have lost 'friends' before who were angry about him charging ANYTHING.

I NEVER watch friends/families kids. EVER.
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CalCare 01:19 PM 06-28-2017
Yeah. I just couldn't tell if I was being obnoxious charging. Thanks.. I think I will tell her it's $50. Also I'm high priced. So, I feel bad! I really do a lot for any one. I never really care except I did reign it in for her long ago when she never would reciprocate. It's like, I've been so programmed to please, growing up I guess, that it's a very strong urge to suppress!
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Cat Herder 01:20 PM 06-28-2017
Originally Posted by CalCare:
I feel guilty charging my friend. I need to tell her $50, but I feel so guilty. I feel like a bad friend. it's the whole single mom story as well. Not that she ever said that. I just know, obviously, since she is my friend.
Originally Posted by CalCare:
I felt like I should be helpful. I always make excuses for her in my own head. She doesn't give excuses. I do it to myself lol

I think we have isolated your issue. Projection.

Take a cue from your friend and tell her what you can and can't do. She has told you no many, many times and you are still her friend. Give her the same opportunity to prove herself to you.
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Unregistered 01:38 PM 06-28-2017
I had a friend that wanted me to give her a discount. And I almost did. But then I thought to myself, "What friend would ask that? This is my business and my livelihood." I almost felt guilty for charging her full price, but she had no issue asking me to devalue myself and my business. So, no. I didn't give her a discount. I just said, "Sorry, I can't. I have to stick to my prices in order to provide the best care I can to my kids." She understood. She didn't sign on with me. But that's OK by me. We are still friends, so no bad blood.

I'm higher priced, too. But I really feel that people get what they pay for. If they don't want to pay my prices, OK by me. Moving on. And true friends understand that it's not personal. It's strictly business.
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Snowmom 01:45 PM 06-28-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I think we have isolated your issue. Projection.

Take a cue from your friend and tell her what you can and can't do. She has told you no many, many times and you are still her friend. Give her the same opportunity to prove herself to you.

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trix23 02:36 PM 06-28-2017
If I need the $, I'll give a discount. But never free. I charged a friend $40 for 4 hours for her 2 kids. Not bad.
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CalCare 02:47 PM 06-28-2017
I texted her it was $50 and she replied that she really wanted to support me (as in my business, I guess) but she couldn't afford that. She also said she would have her S.O. do the care. So, I guess it's all good .... And she apparently could have gotten SO to do it anyway... Mmmhmm.
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midaycare 02:58 PM 06-28-2017
Originally Posted by CalCare:
I texted her it was $50 and she replied that she really wanted to support me (as in my business, I guess) but she couldn't afford that. She also said she would have her S.O. do the care. So, I guess it's all good .... And she apparently could have gotten SO to do it anyway... Mmmhmm.
Perfectly handled
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mommyneedsadayoff 03:16 PM 06-28-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I think we have isolated your issue. Projection.

Take a cue from your friend and tell her what you can and can't do. She has told you no many, many times and you are still her friend. Give her the same opportunity to prove herself to you.

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Cat Herder 04:11 PM 06-28-2017
Perfect.

Do you feel stronger?
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CalCare 04:31 PM 06-28-2017
Yeah. I mean, I have been denying her childcare for years since she won't reciprocate. But I guess, since I agreed this time, I wasn't sure if I should charge her. But, lol, ends up I will just continue to not provide care at all, since she didn't want to pay!
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AmyKidsCo 06:28 PM 06-28-2017
It sounds like you worked it out, but for future reference keep in mind that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You could charge a discounted amount if you want.
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Ariana 06:36 PM 06-28-2017
Originally Posted by CalCare:
Yeah. I mean, I have been denying her childcare for years since she won't reciprocate. But I guess, since I agreed this time, I wasn't sure if I should charge her. But, lol, ends up I will just continue to not provide care at all, since she didn't want to pay!
Yep! She didn't want to pay for the service and thought she could get away with using you. Good for you for sticking to your guns. When it comes to money I do not expect handouts or discounts from my friends who run their own business. It is their livelihood and is just plain selfish. I just had a friend of mine build me a tv cabinet and I specifically asked that he not even think about discounting it. This is how he makes his living and I figured I would rather pay him than some factory in China.
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daycare 09:30 PM 06-28-2017
One thing I have found out. Never provide services for friends or family. They will be your worst client. As for paying, if they are taking a spot in my program you bet my happy butt they are paying. That's money I can't make up.

Of course, I'm not heartless, if something tragic happened and someone needed care for a day or so and I had space, I may offer it for free, but I do feel it's not cool on anyone's part to expect a business to do anything for free I hate when people expect me to do something just because I can.
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CalCare 10:08 PM 06-28-2017
One thing that I keep thinking back on, is this comment that she "really wants to support me". As if I solicited her business in some way and she is now turning me down. It's not like I sell lalaroux or whatever and asked her to buy something. THAT is a reasonable time to say "I wish I could support you". She asked ME to provide for her. Weird...
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Cat Herder 05:39 AM 06-29-2017
Originally Posted by CalCare:
One thing that I keep thinking back on, is this comment that she "really wants to support me". As if I solicited her business in some way and she is now turning me down. It's not like I sell lalaroux or whatever and asked her to buy something. THAT is a reasonable time to say "I wish I could support you". She asked ME to provide for her. Weird...
I actually get that. A friend of mine is an architect and owns a construction company. There will never be a day I can afford him. He is awesome but more into art you gently live in. I am more into "can it be pressure washed and survive small fires".

Anyway, I caught a lot of flack for hiring another local contractor from his wife, sister and mother.

She may have simply felt that same pressure to support her friends business instead of her friends competition.
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Jupadia 05:50 AM 06-29-2017
I've helped out friends before uselly over a school break. Parents have paid, I have done a lower rate for them for 2 reasons. 1. Cause their friends and my prices are for younger children to start with and 2. Because my program is mostly designed currently for kids under 5.

The only one I've done free (and only a couple times) is my nephew (in law) I've taken him for a afternoon a few times and not charged. Also we have him over all the time on the weekends for free for family time so it would of almost be weird. But if he came off ton or full time then I would charge
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rosieteddy 06:44 AM 06-29-2017
I always blamed the regulations.I would say sorry but unless you are signed up with paperwork no.If they chose to sign up then payment was expected.I might have done it for less but not free.It is surprising how quick a relative can do it when money is involved. You did the right thing.
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LittleScholars 07:08 AM 06-29-2017
Originally Posted by CalCare:
My drop in is $50 a day and I feel guilty charging my friend. She wants to drop in. Last time I didn't charge her. But, I specifically said, "no charge today, but we'll figure out something for forure drop ins"... So now it's the future, and I need to tell her $50, but I feel so guilty. I was in her wedding for Peet's sake! Should I just let it go and do free? I do have to feed him snack, lunch, snack. I mean even if my service of child care were given freely, I need food money, right? :/ Idk. I feel like a bad friend. And of course, you all know, it's the whole single mom story as well. Not that she ever said that. I just know, obviously, since she is my friend.
All of my friends are having babies and asking for care. Some of them are excellent friends and I would do a lot for them. I would happily take their kids for free after hours or on the weekend; however, when they ask about daycare I give them a list of other daycares I suggest. It is too messy. I'd feel bad charging, and I can't feel bad charging. I'd also feel like I need to bend to any request, and I can't bend to requests.

They get it. They want me to be successful.... they also don't actually want to pay for care (who does?). So, they can complain about another provider's rate
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Indoorvoice 02:36 PM 06-29-2017
My best friend uses me on occasion as back up care. The first time she used me, I told her no charge because she watches my kids all the time. She went on my site, looked up my drop in rate, and paid me MORE than that. She slipped my payment in my mailbox. THAT'S a real friend.
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NeedaVaca 03:18 PM 06-29-2017
Originally Posted by CalCare:
One thing that I keep thinking back on, is this comment that she "really wants to support me". As if I solicited her business in some way and she is now turning me down. It's not like I sell lalaroux or whatever and asked her to buy something. THAT is a reasonable time to say "I wish I could support you". She asked ME to provide for her. Weird...
This was the first thing that stood out to me when I read it! I doubt I would say anything at this point but I would want to... I don't "need" support from friends because I have a very successful business, really you were doing her the favor by taking her child as a drop in. I don't know what she is like so she could have meant it in a nice way I suppose...My guess is she didn't like that you were charging her the normal rate and wanted the upper hand, people are so weird!
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Controlled Chaos 07:00 PM 06-29-2017
Originally Posted by Indoorvoice:
My best friend uses me on occasion as back up care. The first time she used me, I told her no charge because she watches my kids all the time. She went on my site, looked up my drop in rate, and paid me MORE than that. She slipped my payment in my mailbox. THAT'S a real friend.

I have had a very dear friends child in all week as a drop in. She paid the whole week upfront at the drop in rate. She always insists on paying full price even if I feel like she has helped me out a bunch lately and I want to give her a day for free, she won't hear it. GOOD friends respect you and your business.
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Ariana 11:06 PM 06-29-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I actually get that. A friend of mine is an architect and owns a construction company. There will never be a day I can afford him. He is awesome but more into art you gently live in. I am more into "can it be pressure washed and survive small fires".

Anyway, I caught a lot of flack for hiring another local contractor from his wife, sister and mother.

She may have simply felt that same pressure to support her friends business instead of her friends competition.
At least you didn't have the audacity to ask for free first and then go to the competition!
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catinthebox 06:34 AM 07-18-2017
Friends and work don't mix ^+^
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llinnen 05:07 AM 07-19-2017
This is your business and income. I have a friend who I charged her half price and she's slow on paying her bill. I've asked for my money, she pays but not when bill is due. Right now I have a family home daycare and looking to open a center soon and I must get strict in order for my business to survive. No to friends who give a strong look when you say your fee.
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Tags:friends/neighbors/relatives kids - risk
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