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sahdaycaremom 11:48 AM 10-12-2010
i have been providing care for 2 girls for about 2 months now. Parents are separted (just found out a month ago) I never saw dad until a few weeks after starting care for their kids. (always dealt with mom) anyway he started calling me just to see how the girls were doing, which I thought was pretty normal. He has stopped by a couple times to check on girls. Which I didn't think much about it, until about 10 mins ago when my door bell rang, and it was him. I opened the door and he said "hi just wanted to stop by and say hey". He knows its nap time here, so he knew the kids would be sleeping. What is his deal? Im getting creeped out by him. Would you be creeped out too??? I just feel very uncomfortable around him. He called once during nap time a few weeks ago, my husband was home on his lunch break, i was busy when my cell phone rang he he answered for me. My husband said he sounded shocked and weird that I wasn't the one answering the phone. Do you think Im getting myself paranoid over nothing or would you feel the same way??
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MommyMuffin 12:01 PM 10-12-2010
Maybe you are feeling this way for a reason. I would talk to him about it. I would ask him if there is something you can do to make him feel less concerned about his childrens care at your home (this may also put him on the spot.) Also I would say even though I have an open door policy, if you are coming to stop by you must take your children with you, I cannot have parents coming in and out all the time as it affects the schedule.

If it was the first week or two I wouldnt mind but its been 2 months!
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Unregistered 01:08 PM 10-12-2010
Originally Posted by sahdaycaremom:
He called once during nap time a few weeks ago, my husband was home on his lunch break, i was busy when my cell phone rang he he answered for me. My husband said he sounded shocked and weird that I wasn't the one answering the phone.
As some of the replies in the recent thread about men in day care indicate, he may be one of those parents who is uncomfortable at the thought of a man being present while you're doing day care for his daughters. He's probably the paranoid one!

I'd do as the previous poster suggested and talk to him. Tell him you've noticed that he seems to be calling and visiting more frequently than in the past and ask if he has any concerns about his daughters' care in your home.
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MyAngels 03:57 PM 10-12-2010
Follow your instincts. Where there's smoke, there's normally fire. I do like the PP's idea of letting him know that if he shows up early, he must take the children with him. Have you talked to the mother about it at all?
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missnikki 04:09 PM 10-12-2010
MommyMuffin is right on. I agree totally, that's creepy. I had that too- a set of parents that use my program as a visitation spot. Had to put the 'kaibash' on that real quick- was very upsetting to the kids to be told 'No, you can't go home until ___ comes. I just came by to tell you I love you." ARRGH, it's not enough to put the poor kids in the middle, you've got to involve everyone else?

So what I did- I gave them both the same speech: "Visitation should not take place at school or daycare. When you come, you need to take your children. As far as checking up on the kids, I must say that this habit is taking away from the quality of care I can offer. I'm going to ask you to refrain from calling during the day unless there is an emergency. I am always here for any questions or concerns at drop off and pick up, but in-between is when I'm here for the kids."
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TGT09 04:21 PM 10-12-2010
Without knowing the man, I might even have to think that he might be quite upset about the divorce and is missing that companionship (not physical). Or maybe he just plain isn't seeing his children as much and needs/wants any connection to them at all, which includes you.

HOWEVER, I do completely agree that this is inappropriate to put you in the middle and should have a lid put on it fairly quickly before it gets out of hand.
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Fro 05:48 PM 10-12-2010
I have something similar going on now. The moms new boyfriend comes to pick the baby up in the afternoon, but instead of staying in the entranceway while I go get the babies things, like most of the parents do, he follows me upstairs, and has a seat on the couch and chats about EVERYTHING, or sometimes he just sits and doesnt talk at all. I use my normal cue's that he should leave "well I have to change some diapers, I'll see you tomorrow"... ect. I have tried having everything ready by the door, and I answer the door with the baby in my arms and his shoes on... but he doesnt seem to get it. He still walks upstairs and sits down.
Im sure he is just being friendly, and I do have some moms who come in and play with the kids and chat, but usually about their kids. And they are moms. Something about this guy gives me a bad feeling. Maybe the fact that most dads dont just 'chat' with the daycare provider, or that I am home alone with a bunch of kids, and he seems to not want to leave?
I have asked my husband to come home early once or twice, to make sure this guy knows he is around. All he did was come out and introduce himself to the guy, and for the most part, he stopped the visiting, for a while. But he has started it again.
In any case, I am about to terminate them for late payments. And if they didnt have a problem with paying, I would term for just not meshing here.
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BentleysBands 03:25 AM 10-13-2010
i guess it depends...i have a similar situation with a grand-dad LOL....drives me nuts but i have an open door policy. if he comes while they r napping he will leave but i never know when he comes...i have feeling like u have to be 'perfect' when he comes kwim? i guess i stressed TOO much of my open door policy to the family LOL
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DBug 03:57 AM 10-13-2010
I don't know -- it sounds like this dad might have more of an interest in visiting with sahdaycaremom, and not just his daughters, kwim? I'm a big believer in intuition, and if you're feeling creeped out, it may be that his body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, etc., is tipping off your subconscious warning system. If I were you, I'd make it very clear that you're not available to chat or visit (even to the point of giving him the cold shoulder), and keep your doors locked during dc hours. If your husband can be around more when this dad is likely to show up, that would be good too. If your answering machine has your voice on it, I'd get your husband to record a new greeting, and then avoid picking up if it's that dad calling (if you have call display). If the kids are asleep when he shows up and he's not taking them home, keep him on the doorstep and don't let him in. In my experience, guys like this are pretty persistent and sometimes you even have to go to the point of being rude to get the idea across that you're not available. They'll take anything (a smile, a pat on the shoulder) as encouragement to continue the pursuit, and can get a little stalker-ish about it.

I certainly hope this dad isn't one of those guys, but you never know ...
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BentleysBands 04:04 AM 10-13-2010
Originally Posted by DBug:
I don't know -- it sounds like this dad might have more of an interest in visiting with sahdaycaremom, and not just his daughters, kwim? I'm a big believer in intuition, and if you're feeling creeped out, it may be that his body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, etc., is tipping off your subconscious warning system. If I were you, I'd make it very clear that you're not available to chat or visit (even to the point of giving him the cold shoulder), and keep your doors locked during dc hours. If your husband can be around more when this dad is likely to show up, that would be good too. If your answering machine has your voice on it, I'd get your husband to record a new greeting, and then avoid picking up if it's that dad calling (if you have call display). If the kids are asleep when he shows up and he's not taking them home, keep him on the doorstep and don't let him in. In my experience, guys like this are pretty persistent and sometimes you even have to go to the point of being rude to get the idea across that you're not available. They'll take anything (a smile, a pat on the shoulder) as encouragement to continue the pursuit, and can get a little stalker-ish about it.

I certainly hope this dad isn't one of those guys, but you never know ...
i think u might be right...i just re-read since the kids r now eating lol and cant think LOL...maybe politely mention to mom and she if she can talk to dad? if not u might have to confront him and just say u dont mind him checking on his kids however its causing too much interference with your schedule. ie; kids r acting up or something.
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sahdaycaremom 06:37 AM 10-13-2010
Thanks for all your opinions ladies! Dcd is how I found out that they were no longer together. (he told me he kicked her out). He told me last week when he called that he had NO concerns about how I was taking care of his daughters and that they love comming to my house. So why does he feel like he needs to "check" up on them???? He has them everyday of the week overnight, so not seeing them often is not an isssue. Dcm is not the most personable person, she rarely talks when she picks up the girls, just a quick thank you and is out the door. I do not feel comfortable mentioning it to her, it he might cause more issues. (I think they "fight" alot) I am considering just terminating this family. I have these girls MWF 12-5 and Tues-thurs 12-3:30. Not the hours intially signed up for. A friend of theirs keeps the girls in the morning (i am assuming to cut down on daycare costs) Thanks you to all who replied, I am so glad I found this forum. I have learned SO much and know that I am not alone when he comes to issues with daycare
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