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Old 05-01-2009, 02:09 PM
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I am unlicensed and babysit in my home. I only accept 3-4 children per day. Nothing big. Anyhow I have a five year old autistic boy and his two year old sister come part time. The five year old goes to a preschool program for two hours per day. Both children are still in diapers which isn't too bad but when the boy goes #2 it is very difficult to change. He hits me. My previous background in social work gives me the education to know what services are available in our area for this child. The mother wants the services but says she doesn't have time to get them in place. This boy attacks my children by choking them and hitting them. I explained to her that she would need to find somebody else because I am sorry about her situation but I cannot put other children at risk of being injured. She came here crying that life is so unfair and everything. It was a mess. I explained to her that if she would follow through with services he could have a behavior specialist that could work with the child and the adults in his life on how to properly care for him and teach discipline based upon his individual needs. See, up until now she made me think that I was causing this behavior and on this day admitted that this is an ongoing issue at school and at home. I told her that if she follows through with getting the appropriate services for her child I would be willing to go to meetings and learn how to properly care for her son. I was charging her 13 for the boy and 18 for the girl. I went to raise the rates across the board and gave two weeks notice that the rate will increase to 20 per day. Since the boy will he here all day 11 hours and the girl too. I felt that I earned this if going to meetings on my time, changing big boy diapers and getting beat up. She stated that she was not willing to pay this because I am not a preschool. This mother is a nurse practitioner and lives in rural America. She admitted that she can afford it but my care is not worth it because I do not have staff here and that if I hired someone she would pay me this amount. This is a person that puts me down that my house is smaller than hers. I have a 3 bedroom two bath cape cod on three acres and fenced in yard with play equipment. I only take 3 to 4 children. The boy has done damage to my home and the 2 yr old is obviously lost in the mess and is starving for attention. She is a very difficult child and her mother states that just because her child is more difficult she shouldn't have to hear about the problems I have with her. So, anyway I found out through the father that they decided not to try to get the behavior specialist. They would start the behavior specialist in the fall when school starts up again. I am back at square one. She told me that she can't find anyone to watch him because they will not accept a five yr old in diapers. I want to get rid of her because she again isn't following through. I am scared to take the child one more time. I have no clue if he is going to hurt me or the other children but with the proper guidance it could work. When he is here I have him with me at all times. I do not give him the opportunity to hurt another child. This also means that I give him all my attention and really can't accept other kids while he is here. Would I be awful if I didn't give her notice. I can't sleep at night in fear of what the next day will bring. I am a very sensitive person and I know as soon as I tell her she will go off on me and say bad things in this small town. I am afraid she will make me look like I am insensitive to his special needs. Could someone tell me what to say to her or how to handle this?
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Old 05-01-2009, 02:54 PM
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seashell seashell is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 179

I feel for you. If I was in your situation, I would explain to mom that if she wants him to continue, she needs to seek services to address his behavior issues and that tuition costs are not negotiable. Is she is still adverse, tell her you can no longer care for the children since you are unable to agree on the terms. There are plenty of other families out there who will respect you and follow your policies. Try craigslist. I have found a great many families there. I am also not licensed.

Good luck!
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Old 05-01-2009, 08:24 PM
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tymaboy tymaboy is offline Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 449

Call her & explain that it is not working out & that she needs to find new care for her children come Monday. You need to do what is best for everyone else in your home. Do not let her give you some sob story- it is not your problem & she apparently is not will to put the effort in to fix it (which is her responsibility not yours)
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Old 05-02-2009, 06:29 AM
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You are scared! You can't keep doing this to yourself. You're not worth the money so let her go find someone else to do what you're doing for the same price. She's using you. Don't give her ANY more notice, she knows she's pushing the envelope. Call her up and let her know they won't be allowed back Monday morning. Sorry for the short notice but you have the other children and yourself to worry about and your environment is not an appropriate one for her children. Goodness, make it all your fault, tell her you have the swine flu, yes it must be all your fault about his behavior so he shouldn't be around you anymore. Whatever it takes to get them to not darken your doorstep anymore. She probably will talk trash and you probably get dry mouth and week in the knees, but it will be such a relief. Explain to the other families that you were looking out for their children's best interests, and they may help soften any rumors she may spread. If it's a small town and he's having problems at the preschool other's probably know that he needs more that one person to make sure he's not trying to brain somebody with a snow globe (oh, I'm sorry, that was the little angle I had to ask not to come back, ever, really ticking off the mom)

Good luck, take a deep breath and just rip that band aid off as fast as you can, don't obsess about it too long, just get it over with. You will feel better for it. Good luck, good luck, good luck.
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Old 05-04-2009, 08:56 AM
sweetcinna sweetcinna is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 43

I make it very clear to my parents at the interview that i do not take special needs children because i don't have the training to do so. Now it seems to me that this parent has decieved you and that you have done all that you can do for this child. I would give her two weeks notice. Its not your problem if she can't find care. It is the parents responsiablity to get there children the proper care that they need and she clearly refuses to do so. This is why i do my client interviews after hours, and i screen each and every child and parent to make sure that the children will transtion and "fit in" with the group of children i have now. FYI- You do not have to accept any children into your care that you don't want there. I personally have turned families away.
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Old 05-19-2009, 11:10 PM
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lilbiddapopcorn lilbiddapopcorn is offline
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 75
Default I agree

You're obviously a kind person because you've given it your best to help this child and care for him, but ultimately it's not your responsibility to put your career aside and work with this child, it's his mother. He most likely needs more individual attention, and let's face it - a daycare setting of any kind, unless it caters specifically to special needs, is probably not going to work for him. I would give mom my 2 weeks notice, let her be upset about it, and move on. If you don't, all the stress will probably have you burnt out in no time if you're not already! I hope it works out for you.
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autism spectrum disorder, classroom management, payment issues, terminate - bad fit, training

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