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  #1  
Old 03-21-2018, 09:16 PM
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Question Should I Term? We Just Don't Fit

I have a dcb that has been in my care for over a year and I really clash with his family but keep trying to stick with it. He's 5 and VERY babied. From day 1 I couldn't "click" with him:
*super picky eater- parents cooked him special meals. He's improved very much with this since he started daycare with us. One time he told his mom he was so hungry and cried when she picked him up. He likes apples so I had cut his apples into slices and he wouldn't eat 1 bite because they weren't the right size. He sat there and compared each slice with each other
*Talker... Big time! Wouldn't play and just followed me around ALL day talking- I nipped this by continuously telling him to go play
*Can not amuse himself. He absolutely needs another child to lead play but tries to switch everything to his own game to take control... I'm assuming this is because he's the oldest dck but the baby with 10+ years between himself and siblings.
*He's super sensitive to any kind of "no" or discipline. One time he pulled the upholstery off the back of my recliner and used a staple to pop a new ball... Then he hid the evidence for me to find later---that being said he's a bit destructive too
*Since He's scared of getting in trouble, he never tells me anything. If a kid is mean to him, when he gets a random bloody nose (prone to those), if he wants help getting a sweatshirt off, if he wants more of something to eat (I always make a point of asking him because otherwise he will not tell me)... Just anything and everything.
*He has a hide and pout attitude... I don't allow him to hide behind the recliner anymore though!

Anyway, his parents don't like me. I'm not a fan of them we have totally different parenting styles and they make me feel on edge ALL THE TIME. He was termed from his last daycare which they confessed to me but I have no idea why. They have told me "he's too scared to tell you and I don't want him to be afraid to tell you things." I'm not a mean person. I have a much more direct personality and like to keep my schedule and rules "strict" for lack of a better word. They, on the other hand are passive aggressive and snarky. This family never wants to hear about his day and randomly hint about things they want. Once, dcd said this to me- "If you want to wait til Wednesday to cash that check I wouldn't mind!" And "dcm likes him to have a sippy for the ride" (implying I send a filled cup with him at the end of the day).

On top of all of these "annoyances", today I was speaking with 2 day care moms at pick-up. DCD comes in telling one of the moms how happy his boy was to nap in the same room as her child. I mentioned that they are both good nappers and sleep a long time. (I always have to wake these two up... They sleep between 1.5 to 2 hrs) he says in a joking voice "yeah that's why he doesn't sleep at night 'hahaha' you maybe shouldn't let him do that." Then leaves. I wanted to tell him "maybe its the pacifier he still sleeps with or the tv you use to put him to bed that makes him have a hard time sleeping. Or... Perhaps its the YouTube videos his sister watches at night on her phone that keeps him up (he shares a room with her). Ugh.
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Old 03-21-2018, 09:31 PM
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Michael Michael is online now
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I think this is alone is a reason to term "his parents don't like me".

If there isn't trust, its a bad fit.

Last edited by Michael; 03-22-2018 at 12:37 PM.
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Old 03-22-2018, 04:15 AM
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Yeah, he wouldn't have lasted a year here. I don't put up with age inappropriate behaviors. And certainly not with clients who make me feel on edge in my own home.
As they say, not all money is good money.
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Old 03-22-2018, 05:04 AM
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Ooh that's a hard one. There have definitely been dcps in the past(and present) who I just don't click with. And I've had dcks do stuff like what you've mentioned also; destructive dcks, passive-aggressive parents, dcps who make me feel like I don't know what I'm doing, etc.. I guess it would depend on a lot of things. Dck will be entering K in the fall? Is it relatively easy to find dcfs? If you did term them, can you afford it? What would your summer look like with/without him?
Can you send them home a letter or email, explaining your issues and if it's a workable situation? If not, you'll have to give a notice? Sometimes dcps are so unaware.
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Old 03-22-2018, 07:27 AM
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I would terminate care but only because I am at the point in my career that I am over "fixing" kid issues that parents create and like my day to flow harmoniously.

I also see a lot of coddling on the parents part but there are some things you are doing too that I feel could be making things worse too such as the additional questioning/reminding (about food) as well as cutting apples in a specific way just to please him....

It sounds like this little guy is simply used to the adults in his world making sure everything is just so he likes it.....
which is THE problem.
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Old 03-22-2018, 09:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
It sounds like this little guy is simply used to the adults in his world making sure everything is just so he likes it.....which is THE problem.
I have one like this that I have kept since September.... he will stay thru the end of this school year then thankfully is leaving to a larger center. I am not sad to see him go but I also feel dcb will be better prepared for the center due to his time with me. He is learning that the world does not revolve around him in my program. I do not make sure everything in his world goes his way, I do focus on the group even if it means tears on his part.

A couple examples parents send in lunches but he will often say he is not hungry at lunch time then want to eat at dismissal which I do not allow, dcm said you know if dcb wants to eat at dismissal time I don't mind... same dcm said if dcb does not want to nap I am fine with him just not napping both of which are non-negotiable.

Should you term OP? Well almost always when I see that a provider needs to post that on this forum it tends to have been past the point to term. Are you looking for others to give you the confidence to term? Are you looking for tools to make it work? To me the child's behavior is not the red flag (as you plan a role it in teaching dcb how to respect your setting and supervision is a must at that age i.e. why did he have access to a stapler, why do you ask him if he wants more food, etc.) but the red flag is that you have a challenging relationship with the parents and that can be tough - it seems you really dislike the family as a whole and that would be difficult to have in your own home each day.
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Old 03-22-2018, 09:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
It sounds like this little guy is simply used to the adults in his world making sure everything is just so he likes it.....
which is THE problem.
This, 100%. The parents are creating the problems, and they are expecting you to deal with them because it is easier for them. The child has already been terminated from one care setting for it, and you will not be the last person to tell the parents that their child is struggling.

I had a part time DCB 3.5 who was also my best friends child. He was exactly as you described behavior wise. He is an only child, parents and grandparents cater to every whim, buy every toy, play every game so the child wins. Child had no regular peer interactions before coming to DC at 2.5, and he struggled. He relied on me to entertain him, refused to interact or play with other children and spent a lot of time hiding and pouting. I broached the subject with DCM and her solution was to bribe the kid with toys and money each day he was at DC, not attempt to fix the root causes.

In January DCB started preschool, and had a great first week. Now he is back to the same behaviors he exhibited here and his new teachers are really struggling with him. His parent's are continuing to parent in a way that is detrimental to their child, and not making the efforts to help their child. Today the mom told me "his teachers are working on it."

The parents in your case are no different, and ultimately you need to push their child's issues that they created back onto them. They will not make an effort to fix the problems until it becomes their problem.

I would definitely term, because I completely understand the toll a child like this takes on your happiness each day.
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:29 AM
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It is lazy parenting and way too much tv. A DCB told me today ďI donít like being at your house because we donít get to watch tvĒ It is unfortunate that the parents have created these kids with zero attention spans and zero curiosity about life, how things work, play etc. It is so sad.

I have a 4 yr old who is very similar but because he is only 2 days a week I can manage it. If this kid was here 5 days a week I would have termed months ago. You have a double whammy because the parents are giving you grief and being passive agressive.
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Old 03-22-2018, 12:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I would terminate care but only because I am at the point in my career that I am over "fixing" kid issues that parents create and like my day to flow harmoniously.

I also see a lot of coddling on the parents part but there are some things you are doing too that I feel could be making things worse too such as the additional questioning/reminding (about food) as well as cutting apples in a specific way just to please him....

It sounds like this little guy is simply used to the adults in his world making sure everything is just so he likes it.....
which is THE problem.
THIS!

I am too old to mess around, I am almost old enough to be the parents of the daycare PARENTS.

I now speak up.

"Maybe a better nighttime routine would help him come to school better rested and not needing the PM nap."

"GREAT! I'll tell dcb Mom is bringing a cup for him for the ride home!"

"HAHAHAHA! That's funny! I'll cash the check Wednesday and you can add (late fee amount) and we'll both be happy!"

Kids who act up at pick up and drop off.

"I was really proud of Johnny today getting ready for recess all by himself, especially since he is going to K in fall! I'm sure he would love to show off his self help skills!"

etc
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Old 03-22-2018, 12:23 PM
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I haven't wanted to term over a child's behavior, but I have threatened to term over a parent's behavior. Although this is a business it is also my home and I have no tolerance for parent relationships that are anything less than great. This sounds like a lot for you to deal with.
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