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BumbleBee 05:23 AM 08-03-2018
How do you teach kids to take responsibility for their actions?
We have a 5 year old (almost 6) who it's always somebody else's fault. He is never at fault, for anything. It's a constant "well so n so did this so I had to do that."
Spills his milk because he's messing around? Not his fault, it's the cup, the table, my fault, his table neighbors fault, etc.
What I'm doing isn't having any effect.
We have a 5 year old (almost 6) who it's always somebody else's fault. He is never at fault, for anything. It's a constant "well so n so did this so I had to do that."
Spills his milk because he's messing around? Not his fault, it's the cup, the table, my fault, his table neighbors fault, etc.
What I'm doing isn't having any effect.
Cat Herder 05:46 AM 08-03-2018
Q: How do you teach kids to take responsibility for their actions?
A: Character Education Curriculum and modeling.
A: Character Education Curriculum and modeling.
Cat Herder 05:54 AM 08-03-2018
This is a great set: https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/...arners-2621226
Attached:
character (600 x 402).jpg (120.3 KB)
BumbleBee 10:24 AM 08-03-2018
Thank you!
BumbleBee 02:41 PM 08-05-2018
After a difficult Friday of frequent blaming of others, we've brain stormed, had a discussion with dcb's parents, and come to some realizations that we've been avoiding.
1. We are burned out, not overall, we are burned out specifically with dcb and dcb's sibling. Myself more so then my staff.
2. The parents are making excuses for their children's behavior. To an extent, daycare is the only place where dcb's are being held accountable for their actions.
3. Dcb's were in preschool during the 2017-2018 school year. They were held accountable for their actions there as well as here. This summer they are only at daycare.
4. I am feeling vindictive. I have not acted on those thoughts but they are there and they are frequent.
Example: Peeing your pants and claiming it is because I did not tell you to go potty? Guess you can go potty every hour.
While I did have that thought, I instead had Dcb change, clean himself and place his wet clothes into the washer. Granted Dcb did not let me forget how mean I was for having him take responsibility for himself. The entire scenario took 30 minutes because he was adamant that he was not going to get his extra clothes, clean himself, change himself, or put his clothes in the washer. I walked away and ignored but the 20 minutes of screaming refusal (in a safe area where he could not hurt himself or others)rattled my nerves.
When Dcb began this episode, an assistant took the other children outside to play.
5. School starts on September 4th. Dcb5 will be starting Kindergarten in another district, thus will not be at daycare except when school is closed. Dcb4 (sibling) will be attending preschool in the same district, so again will not be at daycare except for preschool closures.
We are at an impasse currently. Do we work on personal responsibility, and the inevitable backlash that we will receive from dcb, or do we muddle through the next 4 weeks until school starts?
1. We are burned out, not overall, we are burned out specifically with dcb and dcb's sibling. Myself more so then my staff.
2. The parents are making excuses for their children's behavior. To an extent, daycare is the only place where dcb's are being held accountable for their actions.
3. Dcb's were in preschool during the 2017-2018 school year. They were held accountable for their actions there as well as here. This summer they are only at daycare.
4. I am feeling vindictive. I have not acted on those thoughts but they are there and they are frequent.
Example: Peeing your pants and claiming it is because I did not tell you to go potty? Guess you can go potty every hour.
While I did have that thought, I instead had Dcb change, clean himself and place his wet clothes into the washer. Granted Dcb did not let me forget how mean I was for having him take responsibility for himself. The entire scenario took 30 minutes because he was adamant that he was not going to get his extra clothes, clean himself, change himself, or put his clothes in the washer. I walked away and ignored but the 20 minutes of screaming refusal (in a safe area where he could not hurt himself or others)rattled my nerves.
When Dcb began this episode, an assistant took the other children outside to play.
5. School starts on September 4th. Dcb5 will be starting Kindergarten in another district, thus will not be at daycare except when school is closed. Dcb4 (sibling) will be attending preschool in the same district, so again will not be at daycare except for preschool closures.
We are at an impasse currently. Do we work on personal responsibility, and the inevitable backlash that we will receive from dcb, or do we muddle through the next 4 weeks until school starts?
Josiegirl 03:00 PM 08-05-2018
I have a 5 yo dcg starting K in a few weeks, and she is the exact same way. It drives me insane because the things she blames others for do not make any sense at all. 
For example, she's constantly blaming me for making her do this or that, such as if she accidentally hurts someone(I could be on the other side of the room), or if she doesn't like what she's drawn(I made her mess up). I simply confront her and talk about what happened. I tell her we all make mistakes, even big people; mistakes help us learn.
I know many adults who can't or won't take responsibility for their own actions.
Just keep the conversation open but don't sweat it. Four more weeks.
For example, she's constantly blaming me for making her do this or that, such as if she accidentally hurts someone(I could be on the other side of the room), or if she doesn't like what she's drawn(I made her mess up). I simply confront her and talk about what happened. I tell her we all make mistakes, even big people; mistakes help us learn.I know many adults who can't or won't take responsibility for their own actions.
Just keep the conversation open but don't sweat it. Four more weeks.
BumbleBee 04:34 PM 08-05-2018
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
I simply confront her and talk about what happened. I tell her we all make mistakes, even big people; mistakes help us learn.
Just keep the conversation open but don't sweat it. Four more weeks.
I know I avoid confrontation with eldest Dcb as much as possible because his reactions are so intense. Despite our best efforts of teaching, modeling, encouraging and working with him on emotional regulation, he can and does explode-sometimes violently.I simply confront her and talk about what happened. I tell her we all make mistakes, even big people; mistakes help us learn.
Just keep the conversation open but don't sweat it. Four more weeks.
I worry about him. School, his future, relationships with others. On the positive side he is going to a school district that has an outstanding behavior modification program and exceptional resources for emotional impairment.
Blackcat31 06:31 AM 08-06-2018
Originally Posted by BumbleBee:
We are at an impasse currently. Do we work on personal responsibility, and the inevitable backlash that we will receive from dcb, or do we muddle through the next 4 weeks until school starts?
I would continue requiring him (both) to be responsible for his/their actions BUT I would have a plan in place so YOU (nor your staff) have to deal with the back lash. We are at an impasse currently. Do we work on personal responsibility, and the inevitable backlash that we will receive from dcb, or do we muddle through the next 4 weeks until school starts?
If child tantrums or refuses to do something that is simply non-negotiable (getting dressed, coming inside, extended periods of cry-screaming etc) I would call the parent for immediate pick up. BECAUSE they are in denial about this issue...
If it's something you can manage or tolerate....continue doing so....with consequences of course. I think if anything only for the benefit of the other kids in care. They can see that a person does not gain by refusing to follow rules or be responsible.
Sometimes the best lessons are those learned from someone else's mistakes or refusals. Whenever I have a child that is misbehaving, I will use positive rewarding for the other kids heavily.
I know I have kids that secretly rejoice when another kid has a tough/trying day...as that usually means they (the one's being good) will have a great/fun day! 
Bottom line, I totally understand just wanting to "manage" until they head of to school but if you look the other way or excuse either of them from personal responsibility I think it sends the wrong message to the other kids. kwim?
BumbleBee 10:16 AM 08-06-2018
That's a good point BC. So far today dcb5 has been ok. He came in as Mr. Bossy but after 30 minutes of that dcg6 put him in his place and he's simmered it down. His brother, age 4, is our challenge today. 
He isn't as intense as his brother, just very babied and whiney. He 'can't' or 'doesn't know how' to do many things, especially on Monday's He's getting lots of practice today
He isn't as intense as his brother, just very babied and whiney. He 'can't' or 'doesn't know how' to do many things, especially on Monday's He's getting lots of practice today