Daycare.com Forum Force of Nature Disinfectant

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Parents and Guardians Forum

Parents and Guardians Forum Parents and Guardians should post and answer questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-01-2010, 05:38 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Provider Unsure About Our 3-Year-Old

Greetings, all! I’m so glad to have found this forum! Sorry in advance for the length...:

My wife, 3-year-old daughter and I recently moved to a small community (population: ~8,000). Truth is, my job takes me to some pretty remote areas (e.g., population: 3) and this is the first time we’ve really been in a community of any kind. But that’s what we moved here for. So far, it’s been great for our family—many more opportunities for socializing, community involvement, etc.

Of course I’m biased, but my daughter really is a sweetheart. I’ve never seen her hit, bite, or shove another human being. She’s gentle, independent, relatively quiet, and has no problem finding ways to entertain herself (not that she’s necessarily had to—mommy stays at home and gives a lot of loving attention). Granted, we’re very conscious that she hasn’t spent as much time around kids as other children, but we are close to our families and she has cousins her age that she sees on a regular basis. And, since we’ve been here (about 4 months), she plays with other kids on a relatively regular basis—at parks, community centers, the public pool, etc. There are even standing play dates here and there. Again, we haven’t seen anything that would concern us that when the time came for mommy to go back to work, that there would be any major issues.

Well, there aren’t a lot of daycare options here, but we’ve researched them all (almost exclusively home-based providers) and the whole family has visited several of them. The one we liked best has decades of experience, stellar references, and only accepts 3-5 year olds. The provider seems like an honest, down-to-earth person who genuinely cares for her kids. We really like her, and our daughter seems to, too. During our visits, my daughter really enjoyed her time there and cried when she had to leave. She played with the other kids a bit, but mostly played by herself. Anyhow, we’ve since had two short (3-hour) trials without mommy and daddy. After the first, the provider suggested that this might not be the best fit. To be honest, my wife and I were kind of shocked. Our daughter had no separation issues, and the provider gushed over how sweet and smart she was. But the concern was that she was the youngest one there (but by no more than a year), and that some of the games the other kids were playing were a bit too “advanced” for our daughter. I figured it wasn’t so much a problem, because our daughter would likely just play by herself somewhere (which she apparently did) and eventually would get the hang of it all. She’d learn. And, when there were group participation songs, dances, and/or exercises, she apparently participated just like all the other kids. Aside from this, however, there were a couple issues that concerned us more: she cried/threw a minor fit when she didn’t like the food she was served as snack time; and, she complained when she was told to use the restroom. The second trial date went pretty much the same way except that when my daughter spied the provider’s father’s candy jar, she threw a fit because she wanted some.

Anyhow, the provider says she’s on the fence but we get the distinct impression that she’s quite reluctant. My wife and I are pretty distraught and confused and, to be honest, my daughter doesn’t seem like she wants to go back, either. Trouble is, we don’t have a lot of options where we live—some of the others we’re now forced to consider are either prohibitively expensive, dirty, have TVs on most of the time, and/or don’t have kids anywhere near her age. Of course, I’m new to all this—this is my first (and possibly only) child going to daycare. It just seems to me that an experienced daycare provider who advertises that they care for 3-year-olds might have some strategies for dealing with (what I perceive to be) normal 3-year-old behavior. Am I being naïve? Expecting too much from a day care provider? Am I oblivious to the fact that my daughter is somehow spoiled? Honestly, the behavior the daycare provider experienced is just about the worst we’ve ever experienced at home, too. We shared with her how we deal with these sorts of issues at home: You don’t want to eat your snack? Fine. I guess you won’t be having a snack then. If she throws a fit, we ignore the behavior and/or give her a time-out. I didn’t think this sort of discipline was groundbreaking, unheard of, and/or impossible to perform in a day care setting. Maybe she’s not telling us everything? That being said, there are clearly some disciplinary issues that we’re going to have to pay more attention to around home…

I respect the experience and professionalism of this provider. And, of course, I would never want to compromise the daycare experiences of other enrolled kids (e.g., if the provider has to spend extra time with my daughter). But I still find myself feeling a little lost and confused. My wife and I would really appreciate any insight other parents might have into this sort of issue. Thanks so much in advance!

Last edited by Michael; 02-01-2010 at 11:18 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-01-2010, 06:07 PM
AmandasFCC's Avatar
AmandasFCC AmandasFCC is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 409
Default

.... Your daughter sounds like a normal 3 year old to me too .... I think there's something else going on. Can't even begin to speculate what that would be. As much as no one wants to say it, sometimes kids, just like adults, rub us the wrong way. I'd try a different daycare and find a place where your daughter fits a little better. She'll be more comfortable, and so will you.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-01-2010, 07:15 PM
Persephone's Avatar
Persephone Persephone is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Alabama
Posts: 272
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandasFCC View Post
.... Your daughter sounds like a normal 3 year old to me too .... I think there's something else going on. Can't even begin to speculate what that would be. As much as no one wants to say it, sometimes kids, just like adults, rub us the wrong way. I'd try a different daycare and find a place where your daughter fits a little better. She'll be more comfortable, and so will you.
I agree. Totally sounds like a normal thing. Kids throw fits over little things and if a caregiver to 3-5 year olds doesn't know how to handle it she's the one with the problem.

I also agree that sometimes people adults and children alike just don't get along for what ever reason.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-01-2010, 07:35 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

This is what I would be worried about if I was this provider. If a child acts this way (the fits) on the first day of a trial I would be very worried about what type of behaviors the child might be capable of when she finally gets comfortable. In my experience a lot of children are usually MUCH better behaved when they are in an unfamiliar environment with people they are not really comfortable with. Sometimes known as the "honeymoon" period. They generally will start testing the waters on the second week or so, but I would be wary of a child that turned it on right away.
I don't know you or your child, so I'm working on assumptions only and am going to tell you what I think is going on. Please, please, please don't be offended, because that is not my intent and I'm just going to give you my impression from what you've posted. I think the provider is trying not to make you mad and that there was probably a lot more behavior issues going on than she feels comfortable discussing with you. She's trying to let you down nicely without making you feel defensive about your daughter.
She's got a program going on with a group of children and it's all clicking along well with them and she's convinced that your daughter will be the wrench that messes up the well oiled machine she's got right now.
Keep looking you'll find a good fit.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-01-2010, 11:03 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Many thanks to everyone for their response (I'm the original poster). It does seem that, for whatever reason, it's best if we just forget about this provider and find another. Unfortunately, as I mentioned, our options are very limited...

While it is, indeed, possible that the provider was just trying to let us down easy without offering a full explanation, I certainly don't find that very helpful or professional. It's my kid--if she's doing something wrong, tell me. I can handle it. I may not be nice to hear, but it's a heck of a lot better than wondering what's wrong--i.e., with the provider, my kid, and/or me and my wife.

As it turns-out, there may be more at play here. My wife was telling me that this provider very recently let-go of an "older" boy who, apparently, was quite a handful and did not mesh all that will with her group of kids. She's also in a rather unique situation in which she doesn't really need the money her daycare brings in (though she's by no means rich). It's entirely possible that she just wants a "break" so that she can work with the kids that she knows and is comfortable with before having to bring-on someone else--well-behaved or otherwise. I don't know, perhaps I'm grasping here...

Anyhow, thanks for all the insight! Visiting another potential provider tomorrow...
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-02-2010, 08:35 AM
Carole's Daycare's Avatar
Carole's Daycare Carole's Daycare is offline
Daycare Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 236
Default

If the provider doesn't need the money, she can afford to be "picky" and wait for the child that really fits- makes friends right away with some of her other children- the personalities click, etc. It is possible she's afraid the behaviors will escalate, and that the child will negatively influence the happy routine she has now. Either way it doesn't seem like a good fit. It is concerning that at 3 your child isolates herself and plays alone. Has she been in childcare before? If not, learning to function in a group settting with other children may be challenging- and if she's not comfortable with the expectations and is having a hard time socially she may act out. In my experience how a child acts at home, especially if an only child, is very different than how they act at daycare. The process really takes a couple of weeks, so I'm surprised the provider didnt give it more time. I've taken kids who were fired from other daycares for bad behavior and been able to work it out within a few weeks. (Not that the child didn't still occasionally act like a 3 yr old.... but progress..) Maybe a very small daycare with only a couple children will be an easier transition for your daughter- or she may need a more highly structured environment...Best of Luck in your search
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-02-2010, 07:04 PM
skittles skittles is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 62
Default reply

Hi,
I am a provider and from what you posted your little girl sounds like a very normal 3yr old. If this is her first time away from mom she may be acting out due to the change.. The provider does sound like she is letting you go without a good explanation, maybe she does not have one. It could be a personality conflict between your daughter and her, best to look at another option if you can. Good Luck. Your a great dad don't beat yourself up, we need more dad's involved in the search for daycare.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-21-2010, 07:29 PM
mac60's Avatar
mac60 mac60 is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Northeast
Posts: 1,597
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkFillipos View Post
Its really hard because every exchange student is different. So far everyone Ive talked to said that going home strangely felt like nothing happen- like as if they never left They would occassionaly get mad over small things such as say, everyone is always on time in the exchange country but not at home so when someone is really late, they get really pissed off

But Ive never heard of anyone getting serious rebound shock. I think 2 months is fine- in fact its probably something she would want to do as the exchange is still fresh in her mind and she wants to stay involved. Maybe you can ask her ?
HUH?????? Must be late, I didn't understand any of this.
__________________
mom to many.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-21-2010, 08:51 PM
Michael's Avatar
Michael Michael is online now
Admin & Owner-Daycare.com
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Moorpark CA, Ocean Ridge, FL
Posts: 7,627
Default

I agree. It was deleted.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-27-2010, 10:41 PM
undunk
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Provider Unsure About Our 3 Year Old

My son is 2 1/2 ,and has been using an Omnipod for 4 months now. We have only had 2 fall off - both issues with potty training a 2 year old, so I;m assuming you wont have problems with that

We love it. He doesnt even know its there. He doesnt mind the pod changes, just says "owie...wheres my toy?" since he gets a small toy if hes good when we change the pod

Jen
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 04-08-2010, 09:11 PM
anlexanok123
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Greetings, all! I’m so glad to have found this forum! Sorry in advance for the length...:

My wife, 3-year-old daughter and I recently moved to a small community (population: ~8,000). Truth is, my job takes me to some pretty remote areas (e.g., population: 3) and this is the first time we’ve really been in a community of any kind. But that’s what we moved here for. So far, it’s been great for our family—many more opportunities for socializing, community involvement, etc.

Of course I’m biased, but my daughter really is a sweetheart. I’ve never seen her hit, bite, or shove another human being. She’s gentle, independent, relatively quiet, and has no problem finding ways to entertain herself (not that she’s necessarily had to—mommy stays at home and gives a lot of loving attention). Granted, we’re very conscious that she hasn’t spent as much time around kids as other children, but we are close to our families and she has cousins her age that she sees on a regular basis. And, since we’ve been here (about 4 months), she plays with other kids on a relatively regular basis—at parks, community centers, the public pool, etc. There are even standing play dates here and there. Again, we haven’t seen anything that would concern us that when the time came for mommy to go back to work, that there would be any major issues.

Well, there aren’t a lot of daycare options here, but we’ve researched them all (almost exclusively home-based providers) and the whole family has visited several of them. The one we liked best has decades of experience, stellar references, and only accepts 3-5 year olds. The provider seems like an honest, down-to-earth person who genuinely cares for her kids. We really like her, and our daughter seems to, too. During our visits, my daughter really enjoyed her time there and cried when she had to leave. She played with the other kids a bit, but mostly played by herself. Anyhow, we’ve since had two short (3-hour) trials without mommy and daddy. After the first, the provider suggested that this might not be the best fit. To be honest, my wife and I were kind of shocked. Our daughter had no separation issues, and the provider gushed over how sweet and smart she was. But the concern was that she was the youngest one there (but by no more than a year), and that some of the games the other kids were playing were a bit too “advanced” for our daughter. I figured it wasn’t so much a problem, because our daughter would likely just play by herself somewhere (which she apparently did) and eventually would get the hang of it all. She’d learn. And, when there were group participation songs, dances, and/or exercises, she apparently participated just like all the other kids. Aside from this, however, there were a couple issues that concerned us more: she cried/threw a minor fit when she didn’t like the food she was served as snack time; and, she complained when she was told to use the restroom. The second trial date went pretty much the same way except that when my daughter spied the provider’s father’s candy jar, she threw a fit because she wanted some.

Anyhow, the provider says she’s on the fence but we get the distinct impression that she’s quite reluctant. My wife and I are pretty distraught and confused and, to be honest, my daughter doesn’t seem like she wants to go back, either. Trouble is, we don’t have a lot of options where we live—some of the others we’re now forced to consider are either prohibitively expensive, dirty, have TVs on most of the time, and/or don’t have kids anywhere near her age. Of course, I’m new to all this—this is my first (and possibly only) child going to daycare. It just seems to me that an experienced daycare provider who advertises that they care for 3-year-olds might have some strategies for dealing with (what I perceive to be) normal 3-year-old behavior. Am I being naïve? Expecting too much from a day care provider? Am I oblivious to the fact that my daughter is somehow spoiled? Honestly, the behavior the daycare provider experienced is just about the worst we’ve ever experienced at home, too. We shared with her how we deal with these sorts of issues at home: You don’t want to eat your snack? Fine. I guess you won’t be having a snack then. If she throws a fit, we ignore the behavior and/or give her a time-out. I didn’t think this sort of discipline was groundbreaking, unheard of, and/or impossible to perform in a day care setting. Maybe she’s not telling us everything? That being said, there are clearly some disciplinary issues that we’re going to have to pay more attention to around home…

I respect the experience and professionalism of this provider. And, of course, I would never want to compromise the daycare experiences of other enrolled kids (e.g., if the provider has to spend extra time with my daughter). But I still find myself feeling a little lost and confused. My wife and I would really appreciate any insight other parents might have into this sort of issue. Thanks so much in advance!
It 's a good idea. I think so. Thanks a lot !
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-16-2010, 07:52 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Good Morning- I am a provider of 15 years. I know the exact behavior you are talking about. It may be as simple as the change. Not ever being in daycare or in some sort of enviroment with other children is a mistake a lot of parents make. A child that is 3 and never been in daycare is going to struggle and that provider should be well aware of that if she has such wonderful references. Some providers just do not want to deal with the issues. That is the right of the provider. "On the fence" is a terrible way for her to speak of a child.

It sounds like you are a little picky as to what you want in a provider. You will pay the price for what you want. I tell my parents if my house is a mess you know your kids are taken care of. My children's clothes get dirty and sometimes they go home with messy hair. It is all in the day and what is going on. We have TV days sometimes. If you walk into a daycare picky you are going to get picked apart also. Your daughter is going to control it if you let her. I have lots of littles that don't always want to come. Children need to be with other children, especially only children.

Have an open mind when interviewing with providers the one wth the dirty house may be the best provider you will ever find. Just because they have an immaculant setup means nothing. We protect our children with all we have but you have to let the provider in before you judge them. 80% of us are in it for the children first and paycheck second.

Your little lady will probably not adjust well for ahile no matter what daycare you find. Goo luck to you!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
behavior - effecting others, behavior problems, crying for provider, discipline, provder, tantrums

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Charging on Holidays Interested Parents and Guardians Forum 343 12-26-2019 07:28 AM
4 Year Old Defiance In PreK, What Is Normal And What Is Not? Unregistered Parents and Guardians Forum 13 06-26-2012 11:19 AM
DCP's looking for childcare for a year? SunshineMama Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 5 05-29-2012 12:26 PM
WOW. Not One Card. Nothing sahm2three Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 34 12-28-2010 05:07 PM
Is it Legal to Charge for Full Year When Leaving a Program with Notice? Unregistered Parents and Guardians Forum 7 01-21-2010 10:11 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:14 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming