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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>At What Point Do You Call For Pickup? Behavior Question
GKJNIGMN 10:41 AM 05-14-2014
I wanted to hear from some other's what there line is as far as calling a parent for pick up of an out of control child.
I have a difficult DCG who is 3.5. As of recently she has begun kicking walls, kicking adults, throwing things, screaming (not crying, screaming) for upwards of 20 minutes at a time, telling kids they are stupid or not her friend, and also throwing herself down on the ground in public and refusing to move including on walks where I literally have to drag her home. I have called for pickup once when she was placed in a separate room and was cursing which I have never heard out of her before.
I feel like at this point I would be calling her everyday and I maybe just want some reassurance that I am not being unreasonable. What are some behaviors that you call for pick up for?
I have a difficult DCG who is 3.5. As of recently she has begun kicking walls, kicking adults, throwing things, screaming (not crying, screaming) for upwards of 20 minutes at a time, telling kids they are stupid or not her friend, and also throwing herself down on the ground in public and refusing to move including on walks where I literally have to drag her home. I have called for pickup once when she was placed in a separate room and was cursing which I have never heard out of her before.
I feel like at this point I would be calling her everyday and I maybe just want some reassurance that I am not being unreasonable. What are some behaviors that you call for pick up for?
Play Care 10:46 AM 05-14-2014
I have some strong willed kids in my care and they have *never* put a hand or foot on me. They would be *done* right then and there. That does not sound like normal behavior for that age at all. 
butterfly 10:49 AM 05-14-2014
Originally Posted by GKJNIGMN:
I wanted to hear from some other's what there line is as far as calling a parent for pick up of an out of control child.
I have a difficult DCG who is 3.5. As of recently she has begun kicking walls, kicking adults, throwing things, screaming (not crying, screaming) for upwards of 20 minutes at a time, telling kids they are stupid or not her friend, and also throwing herself down on the ground in public and refusing to move including on walks where I literally have to drag her home. I have called for pickup once when she was placed in a separate room and was cursing which I have never heard out of her before.
I feel like at this point I would be calling her everyday and I maybe just want some reassurance that I am not being unreasonable. What are some behaviors that you call for pick up for?
Call for immediate pickup and termination! I just had to let one go for the same type of behaviors. It's not worth the stress on me or the other kids. You'll feel so relieved when that headache is gone. Or call for immediate pickup every. single. day. Until the parents term themselves... I wanted to hear from some other's what there line is as far as calling a parent for pick up of an out of control child.
I have a difficult DCG who is 3.5. As of recently she has begun kicking walls, kicking adults, throwing things, screaming (not crying, screaming) for upwards of 20 minutes at a time, telling kids they are stupid or not her friend, and also throwing herself down on the ground in public and refusing to move including on walks where I literally have to drag her home. I have called for pickup once when she was placed in a separate room and was cursing which I have never heard out of her before.
I feel like at this point I would be calling her everyday and I maybe just want some reassurance that I am not being unreasonable. What are some behaviors that you call for pick up for?
GKJNIGMN 11:08 AM 05-14-2014
Thank you for clarifying that this is not normal. I have no training in child development so I sometimes wonder if I am just being too hard or dealing with something the wrong way.
My own ds is 4 months older than her and he has moments where I have to ask him to do something more than once, he even has meltdowns where he is crying loudly in his room if he is overly tired but he doesn't kick walls, or people, or throw things, or even call names.
I think I will let DCM know today that I am putting DCG on probation until school is out in 3 1/2 weeks and will be calling for pickup anytime is out of control. I don't mind losing her so I will just explain that if she isn't ok with it, I am still going to do it, and she can start looking for new care now lol
My own ds is 4 months older than her and he has moments where I have to ask him to do something more than once, he even has meltdowns where he is crying loudly in his room if he is overly tired but he doesn't kick walls, or people, or throw things, or even call names.
I think I will let DCM know today that I am putting DCG on probation until school is out in 3 1/2 weeks and will be calling for pickup anytime is out of control. I don't mind losing her so I will just explain that if she isn't ok with it, I am still going to do it, and she can start looking for new care now lol
Heidi 11:12 AM 05-14-2014
Originally Posted by GKJNIGMN:
Thank you for clarifying that this is not normal. I have no training in child development so I sometimes wonder if I am just being too hard or dealing with something the wrong way.
My own ds is 4 months older than her and he has moments where I have to ask him to do something more than once, he even has meltdowns where he is crying loudly in his room if he is overly tired but he doesn't kick walls, or people, or throw things, or even call names.
I think I will let DCM know today that I am putting DCG on probation until school is out in 3 1/2 weeks and will be calling for pickup anytime is out of control. I don't mind losing her so I will just explain that if she isn't ok with it, I am still going to do it, and she can start looking for new care now lol
Thank you for clarifying that this is not normal. I have no training in child development so I sometimes wonder if I am just being too hard or dealing with something the wrong way.
My own ds is 4 months older than her and he has moments where I have to ask him to do something more than once, he even has meltdowns where he is crying loudly in his room if he is overly tired but he doesn't kick walls, or people, or throw things, or even call names.
I think I will let DCM know today that I am putting DCG on probation until school is out in 3 1/2 weeks and will be calling for pickup anytime is out of control. I don't mind losing her so I will just explain that if she isn't ok with it, I am still going to do it, and she can start looking for new care now lol
3.5 and verbal is too old to be behaving this way. I dealt with that for way too long with a kid a couple years ago, and it never changed no matter what I did. In his case, there was no follow through at home, at all. If I sent him home (which I never did), I'm certain they would have taken him for ice cream to console him.
My3cents 11:40 AM 05-14-2014
Originally Posted by GKJNIGMN:
Thank you for clarifying that this is not normal. I have no training in child development so I sometimes wonder if I am just being too hard or dealing with something the wrong way.
My own ds is 4 months older than her and he has moments where I have to ask him to do something more than once, he even has meltdowns where he is crying loudly in his room if he is overly tired but he doesn't kick walls, or people, or throw things, or even call names.
I think I will let DCM know today that I am putting DCG on probation until school is out in 3 1/2 weeks and will be calling for pickup anytime is out of control. I don't mind losing her so I will just explain that if she isn't ok with it, I am still going to do it, and she can start looking for new care now lol
Thank you for clarifying that this is not normal. I have no training in child development so I sometimes wonder if I am just being too hard or dealing with something the wrong way.
My own ds is 4 months older than her and he has moments where I have to ask him to do something more than once, he even has meltdowns where he is crying loudly in his room if he is overly tired but he doesn't kick walls, or people, or throw things, or even call names.
I think I will let DCM know today that I am putting DCG on probation until school is out in 3 1/2 weeks and will be calling for pickup anytime is out of control. I don't mind losing her so I will just explain that if she isn't ok with it, I am still going to do it, and she can start looking for new care now lol
I would get some training under you. If you are licensed I would surely think that you had some type of training in order to start your daycare. but the best training in my 3cents is your own gut intuition. If its not working out, its not working out and it is ok to term or let go or say enough is enough. I think your on the right path to telling the parent two weeks we shape up in the behavior or your going to have to look for care elsewhere. but.....if this child continued and you don't have a handle on it and your not getting any help from the parent, immediate termination is ok too. You don't want to risk the loss of other clients or worse someone getting hurt because of this one child.
I wish you the best-
Annalee 11:52 AM 05-14-2014
Originally Posted by GKJNIGMN:
I wanted to hear from some other's what there line is as far as calling a parent for pick up of an out of control child.
I have a difficult DCG who is 3.5. As of recently she has begun kicking walls, kicking adults, throwing things, screaming (not crying, screaming) for upwards of 20 minutes at a time, telling kids they are stupid or not her friend, and also throwing herself down on the ground in public and refusing to move including on walks where I literally have to drag her home. I have called for pickup once when she was placed in a separate room and was cursing which I have never heard out of her before.
I feel like at this point I would be calling her everyday and I maybe just want some reassurance that I am not being unreasonable. What are some behaviors that you call for pick up for?
I have only called for pickup twice with the same 4 year old kid. She would start running from wall to wall bamming her head and body while screaming...It was a tantrum of some sort. The mom took her out after the second call and the next home daycare would put her in a big high chair to control her.I wanted to hear from some other's what there line is as far as calling a parent for pick up of an out of control child.
I have a difficult DCG who is 3.5. As of recently she has begun kicking walls, kicking adults, throwing things, screaming (not crying, screaming) for upwards of 20 minutes at a time, telling kids they are stupid or not her friend, and also throwing herself down on the ground in public and refusing to move including on walks where I literally have to drag her home. I have called for pickup once when she was placed in a separate room and was cursing which I have never heard out of her before.
I feel like at this point I would be calling her everyday and I maybe just want some reassurance that I am not being unreasonable. What are some behaviors that you call for pick up for?
She is probably in 5th grade now, but not sure what happened when she entered school. 
Blackcat31 12:41 PM 05-14-2014
I agree with who ever said term.
That is NOT normal behavior for a 3.5 yr old. Maybe a new 2 but not an almost 4 yr old.
Sounds to me like she has some serious coping issues about not getting her way.
Is she babied at home? Does she run the show?
I would have a discussion with mom/dad about her refusal to cooperate, especially the walk thing....NO WAY would I drag a kid home on a daily basis.
I would do it once and then plan ALL walks when she is not present and go so far as to let her know we went without her.
If you aren't planning to terminate, I would absolutely go back to square one and begin a system of earning her privileges. She would be my shadow until she learned to behave as expected.
Mom/dad need to be on board too or this type of thing will become a massive power struggle between you and DCG.
She needs to know what NOT having fun is like so she can appreciate the privilege of being allowed play with the others and go for walks with the group.
That is NOT normal behavior for a 3.5 yr old. Maybe a new 2 but not an almost 4 yr old.
Sounds to me like she has some serious coping issues about not getting her way.
Is she babied at home? Does she run the show?
I would have a discussion with mom/dad about her refusal to cooperate, especially the walk thing....NO WAY would I drag a kid home on a daily basis.
I would do it once and then plan ALL walks when she is not present and go so far as to let her know we went without her.
If you aren't planning to terminate, I would absolutely go back to square one and begin a system of earning her privileges. She would be my shadow until she learned to behave as expected.
Mom/dad need to be on board too or this type of thing will become a massive power struggle between you and DCG.
She needs to know what NOT having fun is like so she can appreciate the privilege of being allowed play with the others and go for walks with the group.
drseuss 12:50 PM 05-14-2014
You are not being unreasonable if your dcg is wreaking that much havoc on your daycare environment. Think about how unfair it is to the other kiddos to have to endure that level of stress all the time. It's not fair to anybody. Including that little girl whose parents apparently can't seem to get a handle on things either. YOU are not being unreasonable!
I had a family with two children, one was 3 or 3.5 and the other was an infant. The 3yo was out of control in a way that I had never seen before. She was spiteful and mean to everyone. I did everything I could, we talked about the issues on an almost daily basis, and then things went from bad to worse when dcg pushed a crawling baby from behind.
She started to destroy things in the room she napped in, peed the bedding on purpose, etc. When I finally had the conversation with those parents that their daughter was starting to hurt the other children and that I could not allow that on my watch, they totally turned the table on me. They claimed that she was confused about who was in charge at my house, because I had been going to PT twice a week (last half hour of the day) and my sub was coming in. LOL!! Whatever. They treated me like dirt, and I gave them an immediate termination and said that I would not be talked to or treated like this by any daycare parents, ever. Good riddance! Now we see each other all the time and they avoid me like the plague.
I had a family with two children, one was 3 or 3.5 and the other was an infant. The 3yo was out of control in a way that I had never seen before. She was spiteful and mean to everyone. I did everything I could, we talked about the issues on an almost daily basis, and then things went from bad to worse when dcg pushed a crawling baby from behind.
She started to destroy things in the room she napped in, peed the bedding on purpose, etc. When I finally had the conversation with those parents that their daughter was starting to hurt the other children and that I could not allow that on my watch, they totally turned the table on me. They claimed that she was confused about who was in charge at my house, because I had been going to PT twice a week (last half hour of the day) and my sub was coming in. LOL!! Whatever. They treated me like dirt, and I gave them an immediate termination and said that I would not be talked to or treated like this by any daycare parents, ever. Good riddance! Now we see each other all the time and they avoid me like the plague.
GKJNIGMN 01:29 PM 05-14-2014
I appreciate all of the advice. When I say lack of training, I more mean I never worked at a center or any childcare job prior. We are licensed foster parents so I am not used to being able to put it back on the parents lol
She does run the show. DCM isn't able to convince her to get dressed or any other simple task. If she doesn't want to do it she just takes off clothes as you are putting other ones on and literally goes ballistic if you attempt to stop her. She does the not walking thing for her mother regularly.
I so wish I could show a video of someone trying to get her into a car seat. A friend of mine saw DCM at parent teacher conferences with her older child literally tackling her to get her in.
I do think we will throw in the towel on this one as soon as school is out if not sooner lol I told DCM I will be calling for pickup anytime DCG gets out of control and the first time she doesn't "hear" the call, which she is famous for, I will be terminating on the spot. I also let her know if any of the other kids end up late for school because I can't get her in the car I am terminating.
She does run the show. DCM isn't able to convince her to get dressed or any other simple task. If she doesn't want to do it she just takes off clothes as you are putting other ones on and literally goes ballistic if you attempt to stop her. She does the not walking thing for her mother regularly.
I so wish I could show a video of someone trying to get her into a car seat. A friend of mine saw DCM at parent teacher conferences with her older child literally tackling her to get her in.
I do think we will throw in the towel on this one as soon as school is out if not sooner lol I told DCM I will be calling for pickup anytime DCG gets out of control and the first time she doesn't "hear" the call, which she is famous for, I will be terminating on the spot. I also let her know if any of the other kids end up late for school because I can't get her in the car I am terminating.
Blackcat31 01:39 PM 05-14-2014
Originally Posted by GKJNIGMN:
I do think we will throw in the towel on this one as soon as school is out if not sooner lol I told DCM I will be calling for pickup anytime DCG gets out of control and the first time she doesn't "hear" the call, which she is famous for, I will be terminating on the spot. I also let her know if any of the other kids end up late for school because I can't get her in the car I am terminating.
I do think we will throw in the towel on this one as soon as school is out if not sooner lol I told DCM I will be calling for pickup anytime DCG gets out of control and the first time she doesn't "hear" the call, which she is famous for, I will be terminating on the spot. I also let her know if any of the other kids end up late for school because I can't get her in the car I am terminating.
I think this is best for everyone involved.
daycarediva 02:49 PM 05-14-2014
This sounds like my DCG!!! I termed them. I put up with it for a LONG time. Dcg had been abused by her father, there was a TON of backstory that I wont go into. Dcm was NOT following through as she had told me initially and dcg was NOT improving, and that's when I let her go. No way was it all on me. I really (my whole family, honestly) adored her and I would have adopted her in a heartbeat if given the chance, but this was out of my control and severely impacting myself and the other children.
Put her on probation with a deadline for improvement, have dcm sign a statement about WHEN she will be called for pick up, and term if they don't get on board.
Put her on probation with a deadline for improvement, have dcm sign a statement about WHEN she will be called for pick up, and term if they don't get on board.
My3cents 11:44 AM 05-15-2014
Originally Posted by GKJNIGMN:
I appreciate all of the advice. When I say lack of training, I more mean I never worked at a center or any childcare job prior. We are licensed foster parents so I am not used to being able to put it back on the parents lol
She does run the show. DCM isn't able to convince her to get dressed or any other simple task. If she doesn't want to do it she just takes off clothes as you are putting other ones on and literally goes ballistic if you attempt to stop her. She does the not walking thing for her mother regularly.
I so wish I could show a video of someone trying to get her into a car seat. A friend of mine saw DCM at parent teacher conferences with her older child literally tackling her to get her in.
I do think we will throw in the towel on this one as soon as school is out if not sooner lol I told DCM I will be calling for pickup anytime DCG gets out of control and the first time she doesn't "hear" the call, which she is famous for, I will be terminating on the spot. I also let her know if any of the other kids end up late for school because I can't get her in the car I am terminating.
Foster Parenting I understand........but daycare yes you can put it back on the parents. I get where your coming from more now. If the parent is going to do nothing when you call and the child is going to be happy you called mumsy then thats not the answer. The answer is to let this one go if you don't see improvement in two weeks and make that known to the parent.I appreciate all of the advice. When I say lack of training, I more mean I never worked at a center or any childcare job prior. We are licensed foster parents so I am not used to being able to put it back on the parents lol
She does run the show. DCM isn't able to convince her to get dressed or any other simple task. If she doesn't want to do it she just takes off clothes as you are putting other ones on and literally goes ballistic if you attempt to stop her. She does the not walking thing for her mother regularly.
I so wish I could show a video of someone trying to get her into a car seat. A friend of mine saw DCM at parent teacher conferences with her older child literally tackling her to get her in.
I do think we will throw in the towel on this one as soon as school is out if not sooner lol I told DCM I will be calling for pickup anytime DCG gets out of control and the first time she doesn't "hear" the call, which she is famous for, I will be terminating on the spot. I also let her know if any of the other kids end up late for school because I can't get her in the car I am terminating.
Best-
caregiver 04:08 PM 05-15-2014
I have a 4, almost 5 yr old dcb who has huge meltdowns on a daily basis. By meltdowns I mean that if he doesn't get his way or is told no, he can not do something, he will start to cry,scream, usually throws himself on the floor rolling around or will hide behind a chair saying "I want to be good over and over. He will also say"don't bother me". When he screams, it is awful and I just have to walk out of the room and let him scream it out I have had him for just over a yr now and it was this way from day 1, but I chose to hang in there and try and deal and help him, but I just can't anymore I'm thinking of terming him soon.
Anyway I called his Mom at work one day as he was out of control and asked her to come get him. Her reply was"he wants to be at home anyway, so if I come get him, he will just be getting his way. WOW!
So kept him ,but really did not want to. My daycare is so small that I feel if I call a parent every time they act up,that I won't have any kids at all. I just take on 2 kids.
Anyway I called his Mom at work one day as he was out of control and asked her to come get him. Her reply was"he wants to be at home anyway, so if I come get him, he will just be getting his way. WOW!
So kept him ,but really did not want to. My daycare is so small that I feel if I call a parent every time they act up,that I won't have any kids at all. I just take on 2 kids.
GKJNIGMN 10:21 AM 05-16-2014
UPDATE: Yesterday went very well. Only one meltdown and DCG was able to calm herself in maybe 10 minutes tops.
Today.......not so much lol By the time she agreed to get her clothes on she was going to have to wait and eat breakfast after the older kids were dropped at school. Normally not a big deal. Today, she shoved food in her mouth, left the dining room and spit it all over living room. When I told her she would have to pick it up she spit at me and then spit all over the hardwood floors and rubbed it in. Then the screaming at the top of her lungs started. DCM had to pick up before 9AM.
I feel relieved because I had the talk with DCM the same day I asked for advice. I had her sign paperwork stating my concerns and when I would be calling as well as that I would terminate immediately if she didn't pick up when called or behavior doesn't improve within 2 weeks. At the end of the 2 weeks, I would guess she will have picked up at least every other day and I will feel as if I gave it my best and can know that she had fair warning.
Thanks again to everyone.
Today.......not so much lol By the time she agreed to get her clothes on she was going to have to wait and eat breakfast after the older kids were dropped at school. Normally not a big deal. Today, she shoved food in her mouth, left the dining room and spit it all over living room. When I told her she would have to pick it up she spit at me and then spit all over the hardwood floors and rubbed it in. Then the screaming at the top of her lungs started. DCM had to pick up before 9AM.
I feel relieved because I had the talk with DCM the same day I asked for advice. I had her sign paperwork stating my concerns and when I would be calling as well as that I would terminate immediately if she didn't pick up when called or behavior doesn't improve within 2 weeks. At the end of the 2 weeks, I would guess she will have picked up at least every other day and I will feel as if I gave it my best and can know that she had fair warning.
Thanks again to everyone.
childcaremom 10:54 AM 05-16-2014
Originally Posted by GKJNIGMN:
UPDATE: Yesterday went very well. Only one meltdown and DCG was able to calm herself in maybe 10 minutes tops.
Today.......not so much lol By the time she agreed to get her clothes on she was going to have to wait and eat breakfast after the older kids were dropped at school. Normally not a big deal. Today, she shoved food in her mouth, left the dining room and spit it all over living room. When I told her she would have to pick it up she spit at me and then spit all over the hardwood floors and rubbed it in. Then the screaming at the top of her lungs started. DCM had to pick up before 9AM.
UPDATE: Yesterday went very well. Only one meltdown and DCG was able to calm herself in maybe 10 minutes tops.
Today.......not so much lol By the time she agreed to get her clothes on she was going to have to wait and eat breakfast after the older kids were dropped at school. Normally not a big deal. Today, she shoved food in her mouth, left the dining room and spit it all over living room. When I told her she would have to pick it up she spit at me and then spit all over the hardwood floors and rubbed it in. Then the screaming at the top of her lungs started. DCM had to pick up before 9AM.
If that were my child, I would be mortified and embarassed and pi**ed off at my child's behaviour.What did mom say?
I really like your plan of action, btw. Hope it works out, however that may be.
daycarediva 11:16 AM 05-16-2014
Best of luck! Be prepared for them to term themselves now that they're being held responsible for their child's behavior!
GKJNIGMN 11:35 AM 05-16-2014
Originally Posted by childcaremom:
If that were my child, I would be mortified and embarassed and pi**ed off at my child's behaviour.
What did mom say?
I really like your plan of action, btw. Hope it works out, however that may be.
I would be embarrassed as well but this DCM has had incidents that should have been so much more embarrassing, like forgetting her kid at school and the police having to find her more than once, to where this isn't that serious to her. If that were my child, I would be mortified and embarassed and pi**ed off at my child's behaviour.What did mom say?
I really like your plan of action, btw. Hope it works out, however that may be.
She has rarely, if ever, offered an apology just an ok and today when DCG was crying not to leave here, the only thing she said was "you can't act right at daycare so you have to come home with me". DCG told me the other time she was sent home her mom yelled lol
childcaremom 12:16 PM 05-16-2014
Originally Posted by GKJNIGMN:
I would be embarrassed as well but this DCM has had incidents that should have been so much more embarrassing, like forgetting her kid at school and the police having to find her more than once, to where this isn't that serious to her.
She has rarely, if ever, offered an apology just an ok and today when DCG was crying not to leave here, the only thing she said was "you can't act right at daycare so you have to come home with me". DCG told me the other time she was sent home her mom yelled lol
Well I guess there are some bigger issues at play I would be embarrassed as well but this DCM has had incidents that should have been so much more embarrassing, like forgetting her kid at school and the police having to find her more than once, to where this isn't that serious to her.
She has rarely, if ever, offered an apology just an ok and today when DCG was crying not to leave here, the only thing she said was "you can't act right at daycare so you have to come home with me". DCG told me the other time she was sent home her mom yelled lol
EntropyControlSpecialist 12:25 PM 05-16-2014
Wow. I am glad you called for pick-up. That is inappropriate behavior and you do not need to endure that. Hopefully that mom starts parenting and gaining control of her child.