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Old 02-20-2012, 01:54 PM
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Default When You Don't Like A DCK

Thanks to meeko's post (Not sorry to see her go), many here admitted that they have provided care for a child they didn't necessarily like. How do you do that and maintain your professionalism, not to mention your sanity?
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Old 02-20-2012, 02:15 PM
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Originally Posted by AmyLeigh View Post
Thanks to meeko's post (Not sorry to see her go), many here admitted that they have provided care for a child they didn't necessarily like. How do you do that and maintain your professionalism, not to mention your sanity?
I have to say that I really appreciated Meeko's post, because I have had some children in the past who I have not necessairly liked much, and I always felt bad for feeling that way. It is nice to know that I am not the only one.

It is easy to maintain professionalism, however. Like any job, you do what you are supposed to do with a smile on your face. It is your job to provide the best care you can for these children, and you just do it Sanity, on the other hand, is a completely different thing. If a child gets me so upset that I start to feel angry or irritated, I will close my eyes and take deep breaths, or count to 10, until I am calm. I will also put them in a stroller and go for a walk to the park. I found that the most difficult children are a lot easier to handle when they are given lots of fresh air and outdoor play. We are outside all morning when we can be

I have terminated a child before because he upset me so much that everyday I would have a bad tension headache, from holding in all of my frustration. Since then, I have a personal policy that if a child ever agitates me to the point that it is causing me physical signs of stress, I terminate. Nothing is worth years off of your life.
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Old 02-20-2012, 02:30 PM
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I have only had a couple of kids that really irritated me over the past 6 years. The worst I was literally beaten up by many times a week. He would throw huge tantrums, slamming himself backwards at the age of 18 months (when he started here) often hurting his head. In the process of me trying to move him to a safe place where he wouldn't bust his head I would be slapped in the face, scratched, pinched, hair pulled out, kicked in the stomach, you name it! Once he grabbed my face and about pulled my eyelid off! I would have scrapes and scratches even a few bruises by the time he was done. I tolerated this child for 1 1/2 years. Things did get better as time went on and I called a state behavior specialist in but I eventually let him go when I managed to get some spots filled because he never fully got over his rage. He had a sweet side too not all bad but my God the attitude! He was acted like a mini thug, demanding and the looks he could give. Found out later he got that from his Mom that I felt bad for and thought was so sweet. It was all an act. She turned on me in the end too. She's actually in jail right now for beating her latest boyfriend up. Reason I kept him at 1st I felt bad for the single Mom and thought it was a phase. Then he was he was my ONLY child at the time and we needed to live. I can forgive a lot kids do but it's harder when they leave actual scars on me.

After going through that it takes a lot for a child to upset me to the point of term these days. I look back and am thankful I don't have to endure worse. I have 2 very sweet temperment preschoolers and 2 pretty good SA right now. I must admitt I am pretty much content. The parents, that's a dif story!

I love to see all the positive but sometimes it actually helps to see the negative so we know we are not alone and don't feel afraid to speak up!
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Old 02-20-2012, 03:17 PM
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I've only had a few children that didn't work out too well. I've always been able to maintain my composure and professionalism. Their parents are paying for quality care, so quality care is what they receive.

Now that I no longer watch school agers, that has pretty much eliminated most problems I've had.

I have 1 now that isn't my favorite and definitely likes to try my patience and test the boundaries but overall, he knows this is MY house and MY rules apply. If he doesn't want to participate in what everyone else is doing, we've made him his own little area he can hang out in.
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Old 02-20-2012, 06:51 PM
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Fake it until you make it. That's been my motto for a few kids I've had. This latest DCB is by far the worst behaved and enabled child I've ever had or come in contact with. My Grandma used to call kids brats and I hate that word but it fits this boy so well. He'll be off to K in a few months or I'd temp him. If it gets harder to treat him the same as the other kids then I will temp as it wouldn't be fair to him or me.
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Old 02-20-2012, 07:53 PM
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I've had very few kids over the years that I just couldn't fall in love with. I have one right now and I do everything in my power to keep my cool with this child. I smile, count to ten, and tell the child how much I like him/her.

I am really looking forward to June when I can say, BYE, BYE.

I probably go overboard with the ones I don't love. Guilt, I guess.
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Old 02-21-2012, 05:28 AM
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I do have one I don't like. it happens, but I treat her just the same. I would like to term, she is going to K in the fall. I may just term in June and say there's no room this summer. Or if I get a call that would fill her spot I might do that.
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Old 02-21-2012, 07:58 AM
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same story here-hard to like, really, but going off in the fall..

I try every day to connect and find something to like, and some days, it does happen!
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Old 02-21-2012, 07:59 AM
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bbo-
great advice! I will try this from now on!
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Old 02-21-2012, 01:11 PM
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I ask myself, "If this were my child, how would I want my day care provider to treat him/her." For some reason, asking myself that questions keeps me calm, professional and sane whenever I've had to deal with a child I didn't particularly enjoy.
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Old 02-21-2012, 01:27 PM
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I ask myself, "If this were my child, how would I want my day care provider to treat him/her." For some reason, asking myself that questions keeps me calm, professional and sane whenever I've had to deal with a child I didn't particularly enjoy.
Ditto this and it works.

We can't expect to get along with every person we me, regardless of age. I also have one that gets me in a bunch. I do like them, I just have a hard time liking them.

Just as the previous poster said, how would I want my child to be treated in this situation and this is how I go on to deal with it.
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Old 02-21-2012, 01:37 PM
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Ditto this and it works.

We can't expect to get along with every person we me, regardless of age. I also have one that gets me in a bunch. I do like them, I just have a hard time liking them.

Just as the previous poster said, how would I want my child to be treated in this situation and this is how I go on to deal with it.
I think the same thing but.........there is a reason for not liking the child and in the back of my mind I know personally that what ever is making it hard for me to be working with that child, my own wouldn't be doing it.

When my hubby and I had our first we had family members say "we didn't think you would have children" Of course I asked "why would you think that" The answer "well it seems like you don't like children" My answer "no, I love children, I don't like/love unbehaved children" I think that summed it up in a nutshell for them.

I know my own children aren't perfect but the problems I have with dck would be handled promptly if I kept hearing from her the same discipline problems.
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Old 02-21-2012, 02:50 PM
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Originally Posted by e.j. View Post
I ask myself, "If this were my child, how would I want my day care provider to treat him/her." For some reason, asking myself that questions keeps me calm, professional and sane whenever I've had to deal with a child I didn't particularly enjoy.
I try to keep this in the back of my mind but sometimes it's hard. I have 3 in my class and they are solely responsible for me learning patience. I sometimes think that we feel the way we do because we may not agree with the parenting they get. I know that I don't agree with everything my parents do, but I think that the ones whose parenting skills make you question their sanity tend to cause some biases against their kids.
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Old 02-21-2012, 06:02 PM
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I was thinking about this thread a little more and wanted to add that in addition to asking myself how I would want my child treated, I also ask myself, "How do I want this child talking about me 2 or 3 years from now?"

It goes back to my own son when he was in day care. He was in care until he was about 3. He was always very well behaved. I never had to worry about his behavior no matter where we went. I never heard anything different from his providers. I always got good reports.

It wasn't until I had been doing day care for about a year that we were sitting eating lunch one day with my other day care kids and out of the blue he said, "Pat used to try to make me eat celery. She used to make me open my mouth and then she would try to push it down my throat even though I told her I didn't like it." I was floored! After that, he began to tell me other things he remembered that I had been totally unaware of at the time. I was angry that my child had been treated the way he had been but it was also a lesson to me. Young kids may not be able to express what is happening at the time but there's a good chance they'll remember how they were treated. When they start to talk, you want them to have positive things to say!
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