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Blackcat31 09:08 AM 09-15-2013
Thought this was an interesting article. My sister visits a food forum and they had this posted. Your thoughts?

12 Things Selective Eaters Want You To Know

“You didn’t eat the peas,”
“Why didn’t you try the casserole?”
“You need to eat healthier,”
“You eat like a two year old.”

Do you believe that these comments are helping? You may want to think again after hearing how your comments sound from the other side of the table, where your selective eating dinner companion is seated

1. Treat me like a “normal” eater. I am not spoiled or manipulative, I am anxious and very cautious. Resist the urge to make comments about what I’m eating, or to try to get me to eat in a way that YOU prefer. I am quite capable of choosing what I’m comfortable with from what’s available.

2. You know that nonsense about offering a food 10, 12, 17 or 20 times? Forget that noise. If I think food looks like something I might want to eat, I’ll have a go at it, otherwise, I’ll try it when I’m ready. Accept that I may never want to. Telling me “you’ll like it”, “just try a little”, or “you don’t know what you’re missing” will not convince me to eat something that, to me, does not look like food.

3. I have a very sensitive sense of taste and smell. Food can be downright overwhelming, frightening even. I don’t want to look, smell or touch anything that frightens me. I most certainly don’t want it in my mouth. Let me decide when I’m ready to try something new and let me spit it out if I change my mind.

4. It is absolutely NOT OKAY to bribe me with dessert for eating my veggies. This just reinforces what I already know – that vegetables are icky. Let me eat dessert WITH or BEFORE the rest of the meal. Often, starting the meal with something pleasant helps me to relax. Nobody eats well under stress.

5. Embarrassing me (or allowing others to embarrass me) based on my eating habits doesn’t encourage me to eat. I really don’t want to be the center of attention. This only makes me feel uncomfortable and less likely to want to eat in a social setting.

6. Please stop reminding me that I’ve had the same food repeatedly over the past few days (or weeks). I already know that I will get bored, and I may already be bored with it, but right now, it’s the only thing I can eat.

7. Don’t force me sit at the table or insist I take one bite of everything on my plate. I should not have to earn your love by pleasing you with what I eat.

8. Do not take away what I am comfortable eating in the hopes of forcing me to eat something different. I will not eat because I’m hungry. In fact, I would prefer to be hungry rather than eat something I can’t. Please include me in social eating events by ensuring there is something on the table that I can eat, even if it’s just a basket of rolls. I do not wish to be catered to and I am amazingly easy to please.

9. I don’t want to hear about starving kids in some far-off corner of the world when I refuse to eat something. What I eat or don’t eat does not take food away from anybody anywhere on this planet. There is no need to take my food preferences personally. I am trying my best to be respectful and pleasant during the meal. Perhaps you could do the same?

10. Do not define me by what I eat. Do not judge my parents by the variety of my diet. The less said about my eating, the better. I eat to sustain myself, not for your judgment or approval. Go play mommy wars somewhere else.

11. I may not always make the healthiest choices. I am fully aware of this. Please stop assessing the nutritional quality of my diet. It’s embarrassing, and makes me feel guilty and self-conscious. If I was interested in knowing which nutrients are lacking in my diet, I would seek facts from a knowledgeable professional. I don’t recall asking for your opinion.

12. This is just the way I am, I am not trying to be difficult. When you support and advocate for me, you show me that you love and accept me for who I am, not what I eat. It’s difficult for me to trust you when you act like my most interesting quality is the food on my plate.

(http://mealtimehostage.wordpress.com...t-you-to-know/)
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Leigh 09:28 AM 09-15-2013
Very good article. And very true.
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melilley 10:33 AM 09-15-2013
Good and true article. The only one I don't agree with is number 4...lol I would never give desert before or with a meal, but that's just me.
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Unregistered 11:39 AM 09-15-2013
I would never comment on an adult who is a selective or picky eater. They are an adult and can make their own choices.

If it is my own child, from the get go I would greatly encourage them to be a well rounded healthy eater. I will expose them to a variety of healthy foods. While I would not embarrass, shame or punish them in anyway for food choices, they would be encouraged to try foods served in different ways. They will be required to join the family to sit at the table. They are however not required to eat. At the same time if you choose not to eat anything from the foods set on the table, then there will be no other foods offered until the next meal or snack time (and snack will be a snack portion not a meal). I do not feel meals should be a stressful battle at all. At the same time with multiple kids in the house I don't believe in making several different meals to accommodate each child. They will need to work with what is put before them. Sometimes we simply need to learn to eat things we do not care for. I also respect that we often have certain foods we just detest and should not be required to eat.
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Play Care 12:01 PM 09-15-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I would never comment on an adult who is a selective or picky eater. They are an adult and can make their own choices.

If it is my own child, from the get go I would greatly encourage them to be a well rounded healthy eater. I will expose them to a variety of healthy foods. While I would not embarrass, shame or punish them in anyway for food choices, they would be encouraged to try foods served in different ways. They will be required to join the family to sit at the table. They are however not required to eat. At the same time if you choose not to eat anything from the foods set on the table, then there will be no other foods offered until the next meal or snack time (and snack will be a snack portion not a meal). I do not feel meals should be a stressful battle at all. At the same time with multiple kids in the house I don't believe in making several different meals to accommodate each child. They will need to work with what is put before them. Sometimes we simply need to learn to eat things we do not care for. I also respect that we often have certain foods we just detest and should not be required to eat.


I will say I agree with number 10 to an extent. My friends son is a very picky/selective eater and I know it drives her nuts. There are times she will cave and just put whatever in his lunch in hopes he will eat *something* because often, he doesn't. I know there are people who do not know my friend and see his lunch and assume they are terrible eaters and mom doesn't know better and packs crap for lunches. Which is hysterical since I know they grow all their own veggies, keep chickens and have their own eggs/ meat and have homemade, organic meals that are delicious.
That said, I have some dc parents who admit they are just lazy about cooking dinner. So they have McDonalds, donuts, etc And then I had kids who won't eat because it doesn't come from a fast food bag.
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Hunni Bee 12:22 PM 09-15-2013
I was going to say I didn't agree with it, but I went back and read it again.

I agree with nearly all of them except the dessert one. I'd never do that. Dessert is meant to be eaten after dinner...in England its actually called "afters". I just would not allow a child to eat cake or something before dinner! Because eventually it'll go from eating cake before dinner to eating cake FOR dinner, because what appeal does chicken and broccoli have to an already picky eater who's just eaten a brownie? Nope.

I feel like if adults change their ideas about what is "dinner food" they'd have a better time with picky eaters. Some kids just can't handle big, smelly, complex foods late in the evening. A few pieces of sliced off chicken, a piece of whole wheat bread, some veggies to dip and some yogurt and fruit are just as or more healthy than whatever dinner the kid is rejecting. And looks more appealing to a picky eater. JMO.
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Blackcat31 09:11 AM 09-16-2013
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
I was going to say I didn't agree with it, but I went back and read it again.

I agree with nearly all of them except the dessert one. I'd never do that. Dessert is meant to be eaten after dinner...in England its actually called "afters". I just would not allow a child to eat cake or something before dinner! Because eventually it'll go from eating cake before dinner to eating cake FOR dinner, because what appeal does chicken and broccoli have to an already picky eater who's just eaten a brownie? Nope.

I feel like if adults change their ideas about what is "dinner food" they'd have a better time with picky eaters. Some kids just can't handle big, smelly, complex foods late in the evening. A few pieces of sliced off chicken, a piece of whole wheat bread, some veggies to dip and some yogurt and fruit are just as or more healthy than whatever dinner the kid is rejecting. And looks more appealing to a picky eater. JMO.
Yeah, I kind of laughed at the dessert before dinner one too! I doubt even my BEST eaters would take the time to eat the good stuff before moving to the "good" stuff (ie dessert)

I also think you are right about changing our "ideas" about what constitutes breakfast, lunch and/or dinner. My mom made breakfast for dinner on LOTS of occasions and it was always my favorite.....I don't ever remember there being rules as to when certain foods/meals could or couldn't be served.
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Heidi 10:49 AM 09-16-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Yeah, I kind of laughed at the dessert before dinner one too! I doubt even my BEST eaters would take the time to eat the good stuff before moving to the "good" stuff (ie dessert)

I also think you are right about changing our "ideas" about what constitutes breakfast, lunch and/or dinner. My mom made breakfast for dinner on LOTS of occasions and it was always my favorite.....I don't ever remember there being rules as to when certain foods/meals could or couldn't be served.
My second son would be the kid who eats the chocolate cake, then the broccoli. There is no food he's afraid of.

My first is the kid (now 23) who could have written the post. He will tell you now that it's not just the taste of food, but the texture that is hard for him. As an adult, he has branched out a ton, challenging himself to eat things he could not have as a child. He enjoys cooking with new ingredients, and can tell you subtle differences in tastes.

If you watch Criminal Minds, that guy Reed? That's my son...without the 3 PHD's.
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lovemylife 11:00 AM 09-16-2013
Originally Posted by Heidi:
.

If you watch Criminal Minds, that guy Reed? That's my son...without the 3 PHD's.


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Play Care 11:04 AM 09-16-2013
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
I was going to say I didn't agree with it, but I went back and read it again.

I agree with nearly all of them except the dessert one. I'd never do that. Dessert is meant to be eaten after dinner...in England its actually called "afters". I just would not allow a child to eat cake or something before dinner! Because eventually it'll go from eating cake before dinner to eating cake FOR dinner, because what appeal does chicken and broccoli have to an already picky eater who's just eaten a brownie? Nope.

I feel like if adults change their ideas about what is "dinner food" they'd have a better time with picky eaters. Some kids just can't handle big, smelly, complex foods late in the evening. A few pieces of sliced off chicken, a piece of whole wheat bread, some veggies to dip and some yogurt and fruit are just as or more healthy than whatever dinner the kid is rejecting. And looks more appealing to a picky eater. JMO.

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Country Kids 11:26 AM 09-16-2013
I really question all of it. I have never seen so many picky eaters till the last 10 years or so. Its getting ridiculous. Children aren't picky, the parents are in my opinion. Most parents these days serve fast/quick meals and the little ones rarely get a wide variety of foods.

I had one that grandparents were picky, their children were picky, and the grandchildren were picky. Its starting to be a generational thing in my eyes. When I was young, you ate or went to bed hungry. There was no bribing, talking, or negotiating. Funny thing-you rarely saw a child who was heavier and really not alot of heavy adults. There were some but its funny they didn't have the rolls like people do know. It was actually poportioned differently.


It seems more and more everyone has issues. Whether its eating, behavior, or just living. I really question how much of it is real and how much is not. It seems like sense the 90's there has been one issue after another with children and adults and to me its mind boggling that in 20 years it really has sky rocketed.
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mamac 06:24 PM 09-16-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I really question all of it. I have never seen so many picky eaters till the last 10 years or so. Its getting ridiculous. Children aren't picky, the parents are in my opinion. Most parents these days serve fast/quick meals and the little ones rarely get a wide variety of foods.

I had one that grandparents were picky, their children were picky, and the grandchildren were picky. Its starting to be a generational thing in my eyes. When I was young, you ate or went to bed hungry. There was no bribing, talking, or negotiating. Funny thing-you rarely saw a child who was heavier and really not alot of heavy adults. There were some but its funny they didn't have the rolls like people do know. It was actually poportioned differently.


It seems more and more everyone has issues. Whether its eating, behavior, or just living. I really question how much of it is real and how much is not. It seems like sense the 90's there has been one issue after another with children and adults and to me its mind boggling that in 20 years it really has sky rocketed.
I agree because this is where I was with my yds. Before starting my dc, I had a job that didn't allow me to be home for meals so we ate out ALL the time. He didn't get much variety at all and then one day he just decided he wasn't going to eat anything. Well, on the advice of his dr I gave him whatever he wanted just to give him calories. Milkshakes, cereal, crackers, whatever. I finally put my foot down and made him sit at the table to eat what we were eating. He finally stopped being so stubborn and doesn't give us as hard a time during meals. Just today I made him try a taste of applesauce that he insisted he didn't like. He cried and acted like I was trying to poison him. One teensy little taste later (after I told him he had to try it) and he loved it.

I'm not saying this tactic will work on all kids, but I know my ds's problem was his being stubborn and wanting to be in control. I wasn't having that anymore. I believe that a lot of the issues with kids today are due to the parents not wanting to or being afraid of parenting their kids for fear of hurting their feelings or being judged by others for being too "strict".
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Familycare71 08:32 AM 09-17-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I really question all of it. I have never seen so many picky eaters till the last 10 years or so. Its getting ridiculous. Children aren't picky, the parents are in my opinion. Most parents these days serve fast/quick meals and the little ones rarely get a wide variety of foods.

I had one that grandparents were picky, their children were picky, and the grandchildren were picky. Its starting to be a generational thing in my eyes. When I was young, you ate or went to bed hungry. There was no bribing, talking, or negotiating. Funny thing-you rarely saw a child who was heavier and really not alot of heavy adults. There were some but its funny they didn't have the rolls like people do know. It was actually poportioned differently.


It seems more and more everyone has issues. Whether its eating, behavior, or just living. I really question how much of it is real and how much is not. It seems like sense the 90's there has been one issue after another with children and adults and to me its mind boggling that in 20 years it really has sky rocketed.
I agree to a certain extent- the other side tho- is how many of those kids did have sensory issues and went to bed hungry but it was better than going through the experience of eating that certain food? I know I have talked to plenty of "older" adults that would vomit from eating a certain food and still have to eat it. I think it is rare to have a child that is so strong willed they would sit at a table all night long just for spite.
I was on a site about Autisum and was AMAZED at how many of the commenters were 40+ and just getting diagnosed (not that I'm saying all picky eaters have ASD). I can't imagine how hard life (esp childhood) must have been on them!
Anyway long story short - I think it is a combo of awareness and laziness
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