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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Trying Not To Take It Personally...
TwinKristi 12:38 PM 04-17-2014
Last night a DCM texted me around 7:30 that DCB was crying inconsolably and wanted to know if "something happened at DC today"... DCM lives with her mom and Nana asked her to ask me. DCM just figured he was overly tired but Nana wanted her to check.
A) if he gets hurt and needs any treatment other than hugs and kisses here I send him home with a boo-boo report and B) even if it just required hugs and kisses, I still tell whoever picks him up.
It really kind of offended me that of all things that could have taken place, she thinks it happened here?? This DCB is one I've talked of many times, he's delayed in several areas, has dietary issues, absent father, multiple adults living at home, only child, etc. He does GREAT here and always has. He's my best eater, my best sleeper... sure he has his other issues but overall he has a blast here. He is always happy to come here (unless Nana drops him off and lingers) and happy when he leaves. His therapists and case managers all say he's SO different here, that he's happy and engaging, not clingy and crying like at home. So like usual, he goes home and cries and it's suddenly something I neglected to tell them or even worse, hid from them?
I just don't know what she expected me to say aside from no, I would have told you at pickup if something happened. I told her he took a little bit shorter of a nap because the kids are home early on Wednesdays but not a significant amount of time that isn't normal for our early-out days. He didn't cry at all, he had lots of fun, ate well, slept well... nothing unusual. But now it just has me feeling offended that they even would ask me such a thing after 14 mos of him being here.
A) if he gets hurt and needs any treatment other than hugs and kisses here I send him home with a boo-boo report and B) even if it just required hugs and kisses, I still tell whoever picks him up.
It really kind of offended me that of all things that could have taken place, she thinks it happened here?? This DCB is one I've talked of many times, he's delayed in several areas, has dietary issues, absent father, multiple adults living at home, only child, etc. He does GREAT here and always has. He's my best eater, my best sleeper... sure he has his other issues but overall he has a blast here. He is always happy to come here (unless Nana drops him off and lingers) and happy when he leaves. His therapists and case managers all say he's SO different here, that he's happy and engaging, not clingy and crying like at home. So like usual, he goes home and cries and it's suddenly something I neglected to tell them or even worse, hid from them?
I just don't know what she expected me to say aside from no, I would have told you at pickup if something happened. I told her he took a little bit shorter of a nap because the kids are home early on Wednesdays but not a significant amount of time that isn't normal for our early-out days. He didn't cry at all, he had lots of fun, ate well, slept well... nothing unusual. But now it just has me feeling offended that they even would ask me such a thing after 14 mos of him being here.
CraftyMom 01:01 PM 04-17-2014
Originally Posted by TwinKristi:
Last night a DCM texted me around 7:30 that DCB was crying inconsolably and wanted to know if "something happened at DC today"... DCM lives with her mom and Nana asked her to ask me. DCM just figured he was overly tired but Nana wanted her to check.
A) if he gets hurt and needs any treatment other than hugs and kisses here I send him home with a boo-boo report and B) even if it just required hugs and kisses, I still tell whoever picks him up.
It really kind of offended me that of all things that could have taken place, she thinks it happened here?? This DCB is one I've talked of many times, he's delayed in several areas, has dietary issues, absent father, multiple adults living at home, only child, etc. He does GREAT here and always has. He's my best eater, my best sleeper... sure he has his other issues but overall he has a blast here. He is always happy to come here (unless Nana drops him off and lingers) and happy when he leaves. His therapists and case managers all say he's SO different here, that he's happy and engaging, not clingy and crying like at home. So like usual, he goes home and cries and it's suddenly something I neglected to tell them or even worse, hid from them?
I just don't know what she expected me to say aside from no, I would have told you at pickup if something happened. I told her he took a little bit shorter of a nap because the kids are home early on Wednesdays but not a significant amount of time that isn't normal for our early-out days. He didn't cry at all, he had lots of fun, ate well, slept well... nothing unusual. But now it just has me feeling offended that they even would ask me such a thing after 14 mos of him being here.
I can see how you would feel offended, I might too. Last night a DCM texted me around 7:30 that DCB was crying inconsolably and wanted to know if "something happened at DC today"... DCM lives with her mom and Nana asked her to ask me. DCM just figured he was overly tired but Nana wanted her to check.
A) if he gets hurt and needs any treatment other than hugs and kisses here I send him home with a boo-boo report and B) even if it just required hugs and kisses, I still tell whoever picks him up.
It really kind of offended me that of all things that could have taken place, she thinks it happened here?? This DCB is one I've talked of many times, he's delayed in several areas, has dietary issues, absent father, multiple adults living at home, only child, etc. He does GREAT here and always has. He's my best eater, my best sleeper... sure he has his other issues but overall he has a blast here. He is always happy to come here (unless Nana drops him off and lingers) and happy when he leaves. His therapists and case managers all say he's SO different here, that he's happy and engaging, not clingy and crying like at home. So like usual, he goes home and cries and it's suddenly something I neglected to tell them or even worse, hid from them?
I just don't know what she expected me to say aside from no, I would have told you at pickup if something happened. I told her he took a little bit shorter of a nap because the kids are home early on Wednesdays but not a significant amount of time that isn't normal for our early-out days. He didn't cry at all, he had lots of fun, ate well, slept well... nothing unusual. But now it just has me feeling offended that they even would ask me such a thing after 14 mos of him being here.
But looking at it from the mom's point of view, his behavior at home (even if he normally cries a lot) was probably out of the ordinary. You probably weren't her first thought, but after trying to figure things out and she came up with nothing other than him being tired, she probably thought maybe something happened at daycare.
Even though YOU know you would have told her about it, she probably knows that it can be hectic at pick up time and we don't always have time for a play by play. She may be thinking you forgot to tell her, not that you're hiding something
Try not to take it too seriously, just reassure mom that if something happens at daycare you will let her know
spinnymarie 02:14 PM 04-17-2014
Yeah maybe she was simply wondering if perhaps DCB had a shorter nap than usual?
I'd try to think of reasons not to be offended if possible
But I'm sure I'd feel the same way as you.
I'd try to think of reasons not to be offended if possible
But I'm sure I'd feel the same way as you.
MamaBearCanada 02:16 PM 04-17-2014
Maybe she asked just to get Nana off her back
BumbleBee 02:21 PM 04-17-2014
Originally Posted by MamaBearCanada:
Maybe she asked just to get Nana off her back
DittoMaybe she asked just to get Nana off her back
grandmom 02:21 PM 04-17-2014
Don't take it personally. When kids cry, parents want to know why. If they don't know why, they ask the other adults who the kid has been with. That's you. Just reassure them.
TwinKristi 02:43 PM 04-17-2014
Originally Posted by MamaBearCanada:
Maybe she asked just to get Nana off her back
I think this was it really, but that's almost what bugs me more. Nana is the HUGE problem but I know DCM needs her help for now. We talked about it at pickup for a bit so I know she knows I would tell her and I know his nana knows I would as well. <sigh> I'm just trying to not feel offended but I am.Maybe she asked just to get Nana off her back
daycarediva 03:03 PM 04-17-2014
Originally Posted by TwinKristi:
I think this was it really, but that's almost what bugs me more. Nana is the HUGE problem but I know DCM needs her help for now. We talked about it at pickup for a bit so I know she knows I would tell her and I know his nana knows I would as well. <sigh> I'm just trying to not feel offended but I am.
It would have offended me, too. Was he crying when he left? He left HOURS ago? If the crying started at home, then the cause is at home usually. It probably wasn't a slightly shorter nap if he is used to the Wednesday routine. I think this was it really, but that's almost what bugs me more. Nana is the HUGE problem but I know DCM needs her help for now. We talked about it at pickup for a bit so I know she knows I would tell her and I know his nana knows I would as well. <sigh> I'm just trying to not feel offended but I am.
TwinKristi 03:15 PM 04-17-2014
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
It would have offended me, too. Was he crying when he left? He left HOURS ago? If the crying started at home, then the cause is at home usually. It probably wasn't a slightly shorter nap if he is used to the Wednesday routine.
Yes this exactly... He had been home about 2.5hrs at that point. He left here perfectly content and happy with his mom. It would have offended me, too. Was he crying when he left? He left HOURS ago? If the crying started at home, then the cause is at home usually. It probably wasn't a slightly shorter nap if he is used to the Wednesday routine.
And the big part of this is Nana constantly coddles him, babies him, carries him around (he's the size of a 4+yr old at 2.5) and such. He acts like a baby at home because he's treated like a baby at home. Everyone complains about it, everyone knows about it, she just refuses to change it. When she drops him off he cries and throws a fit but never with mom dropping him off. When she doesn't carry him to the car he throws a fit and cries this big huge cry! The week before last I was asking HER if something happened at home because he was crying all day long and never does this normally. He's always happy and content here. When I asked mom what was up she said she had been working a lot and gone for a friend's wedding party stuff and he probably just missed her. She's been home more and part of what we talked about was Nana's roll in his lack of development. The therapists all said he doesn't do things because he doesn't have to. When he's pushed to do things he succeeds but with Nana holding him he'll never want to walk. When Nana does everything for him, he doesn't need to talk. Ugh... I guess my issue is not being offended by Nana's insisting something happened here and forcing DCM to ask me.
daycarediva 04:55 PM 04-17-2014
That "Nana" needs a reality check.
IF I answered, I would have responded. "I would have mentioned something, of course. He was perfectly happy when he left. What happened at home?"
IF I answered, I would have responded. "I would have mentioned something, of course. He was perfectly happy when he left. What happened at home?"
e.j. 05:35 PM 04-17-2014
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
I can see how you would feel offended, I might too.
But looking at it from the mom's point of view, his behavior at home (even if he normally cries a lot) was probably out of the ordinary. You probably weren't her first thought, but after trying to figure things out and she came up with nothing other than him being tired, she probably thought maybe something happened at daycare.
Even though YOU know you would have told her about it, she probably knows that it can be hectic at pick up time and we don't always have time for a play by play. She may be thinking you forgot to tell her, not that you're hiding something
Try not to take it too seriously, just reassure mom that if something happens at daycare you will let her know
I can see how you would feel offended, I might too.
But looking at it from the mom's point of view, his behavior at home (even if he normally cries a lot) was probably out of the ordinary. You probably weren't her first thought, but after trying to figure things out and she came up with nothing other than him being tired, she probably thought maybe something happened at daycare.
Even though YOU know you would have told her about it, she probably knows that it can be hectic at pick up time and we don't always have time for a play by play. She may be thinking you forgot to tell her, not that you're hiding something
Try not to take it too seriously, just reassure mom that if something happens at daycare you will let her know
This is exactly what I was thinking. Not knowing what was causing him to cry inconsolably, she was probably just trying to cover all bases. I know calls like that from a parent can be upsetting, though. I once had a dcd call shortly after leaving my house to ask what I had fed the kids that day. Dcb threw up shortly after he got home and he wanted to know if it was something I had given him to eat. I felt a little insulted that he would think I would give his kid something that would make him sick but I ran down my menu for the day and assured him all the food was fresh and prepared safely and that dcb had eaten all of the foods previously without any reaction. I was initially very upset but after giving it some thought, I realized that given the circumstances, I probably would have done the same thing if I were him.
The next day when dcd picked up again, he told me that dcb was drinking out of a sippy cup on the way home. It wasn't until later that night that he realized it was a cup that had rolled under the car seat almost 2 weeks prior. He drank the milk that was in it and promptly vomited as soon as he got home. I felt vindicated and a little relieved and he felt very embarrassed!
Josiegirl 03:12 AM 04-18-2014
Sounds like Nana's thinking is that since she does everything for him, it couldn't possibly be her fault.
If dcm, you, therapists, etc., are all on the same page, I wouldn't give it a 2nd thought. This is all on Nana.
If dcm, you, therapists, etc., are all on the same page, I wouldn't give it a 2nd thought. This is all on Nana.
taylorw1210 04:33 AM 04-18-2014
Originally Posted by MamaBearCanada:
Maybe she asked just to get Nana off her back
I'm totally guilty of this. Maybe she asked just to get Nana off her back
nannyde 04:42 AM 04-18-2014
Don't take it personally.
Just use the word "normal".
"Did something happen to Johnny today at day care?"
answer "normal day"
"Johnny is crying at home. Was he crying at your house?"
answer "nope... normal day... same as always"
Just don't buy into the energy of it. Be chipper and short and move on. Don't get involved in what they do wrong. It doesn't matter.
Just use the word "normal".
"Did something happen to Johnny today at day care?"
answer "normal day"
"Johnny is crying at home. Was he crying at your house?"
answer "nope... normal day... same as always"
Just don't buy into the energy of it. Be chipper and short and move on. Don't get involved in what they do wrong. It doesn't matter.
cheerfuldom 06:19 AM 04-18-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Don't take it personally.
Just use the word "normal".
"Did something happen to Johnny today at day care?"
answer "normal day"
"Johnny is crying at home. Was he crying at your house?"
answer "nope... normal day... same as always"
Just don't buy into the energy of it. Be chipper and short and move on. Don't get involved in what they do wrong. It doesn't matter.
exactly. dont get baited into a confrontation. The grandma would be more than happy for you to get upset and show unprofessional behavior so she can tell mom "see, look what that provider is doing?" just let it roll off your back and move on.Don't take it personally.
Just use the word "normal".
"Did something happen to Johnny today at day care?"
answer "normal day"
"Johnny is crying at home. Was he crying at your house?"
answer "nope... normal day... same as always"
Just don't buy into the energy of it. Be chipper and short and move on. Don't get involved in what they do wrong. It doesn't matter.
TwinKristi 01:21 PM 04-18-2014
I talked to DCM this morning about her comment and she rolled her eyes (about Nana, not to me) and said he was just tired. She said he started as soon as they pulled up to the house, after a bit she took him upstairs in their room away from the other adults and he was still upset but calmed down and went to bed shortly after. The way she said her mom said it bugged me though, like in a worrisome tone. I know she would like to find something to complain about but never can! She's just hoping to put it on me and not their home! But DCM saw DCB playing today and she knows he's happy here and very well taken care of. 