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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCM Asks To Skip 2 Weeks Of Payment To Catch Up On Money
Unregistered 05:36 AM 01-23-2017
I got a message from DCM asking if she could skip a week or two of paying so she could catch up on money. She said she is hoping child support would kick in soon or she can find a better job to repay anything she owes......which, to me, sounds like it is going to end up being longer than the 2 weeks she mentioned.
I really like this mom and her son. They have been respectful of my policies and rules and to my home and family.
I really wish I could make this work- goodness knows I have fallen on hard times myself but I simply can't afford to not fill his spot for who knows how long. She didn't make me feel guilty or that it was my responsibility to do a favor for her and she understood if I couldn't do it.
Am I wrong for telling her that I just can't right now? As my husband said to me "this is a business, not volunteer work" and I agree. He didn't mean it in an insensitive way-We have 4 kids to feed and clothe and this is my income but I just wish there was something I could to do help I guess. While I am getting better at keeping my emotions out of things like this, I guess there is always room for improvement.
I really like this mom and her son. They have been respectful of my policies and rules and to my home and family.
I really wish I could make this work- goodness knows I have fallen on hard times myself but I simply can't afford to not fill his spot for who knows how long. She didn't make me feel guilty or that it was my responsibility to do a favor for her and she understood if I couldn't do it.
Am I wrong for telling her that I just can't right now? As my husband said to me "this is a business, not volunteer work" and I agree. He didn't mean it in an insensitive way-We have 4 kids to feed and clothe and this is my income but I just wish there was something I could to do help I guess. While I am getting better at keeping my emotions out of things like this, I guess there is always room for improvement.
Unregistered 05:56 AM 01-23-2017
has anyone else ever been in this position? What would you do?
KTsKids 06:11 AM 01-23-2017
I actually just did exactly this for a family. I've been watching her child since she was 6 weeks old, they always paid on time and followed all my rules. It was one of the best families I've worked with and DCG was quiet and easy to take care of. Then DCM got pregnant, with twins, while on birth control. Two weeks after that DCD walk out on them. So... I started letting her fall behind a week or two in payment while waiting for child support to kick in... Next thing I know it's been 4 months, still no child support, and she has an $800 balance!
Once she fell substantially behind I didn't want to terminate care because I felt if she had to find and pay for another provider I would never see the money she owed. So I kept her, and she fell further and further behind. Last week she went into labor 2 months early and had the babies... So now she's not working, DCG was pulled from care, and with her newborns in the NICU I'd look like an insensitive b@%$ if I were to contact her about her balance. I've really learned my lesson on this one, I'll never let someone fall more than a day or two behind again. You have to do what's right for you though. It's easy to sit on this side of the computer and tell you don't do it, it's a lot harder to be in your shoes and tell DCM no.
If you do choose to give her a break be prepared for it to last longer than two weeks. I've found that once a parent knows I'll bend the rules even slightly they'll start to take advantage. Ya know, give an inch they take a mile. DCM knows that the electric company, landlord, and insurance company won't budge. If she thinks you will you'll be the one she comes to every time money gets tight. I know it's hard, but do your best to keep emotion out of it and keep your own family in mind. Why should her bills come before you taking care of your own kids?
Once she fell substantially behind I didn't want to terminate care because I felt if she had to find and pay for another provider I would never see the money she owed. So I kept her, and she fell further and further behind. Last week she went into labor 2 months early and had the babies... So now she's not working, DCG was pulled from care, and with her newborns in the NICU I'd look like an insensitive b@%$ if I were to contact her about her balance. I've really learned my lesson on this one, I'll never let someone fall more than a day or two behind again. You have to do what's right for you though. It's easy to sit on this side of the computer and tell you don't do it, it's a lot harder to be in your shoes and tell DCM no.
If you do choose to give her a break be prepared for it to last longer than two weeks. I've found that once a parent knows I'll bend the rules even slightly they'll start to take advantage. Ya know, give an inch they take a mile. DCM knows that the electric company, landlord, and insurance company won't budge. If she thinks you will you'll be the one she comes to every time money gets tight. I know it's hard, but do your best to keep emotion out of it and keep your own family in mind. Why should her bills come before you taking care of your own kids?
laundrymom 06:30 AM 01-23-2017
"I'm sorry mom, but this is not something I'm able to accommodate. "
Why would she expect you to suffer for her money issues? Is she your sister?
Or close friend? Why would you take a pay cut or pay deferral because she chose to not be prepared?
Why would she expect you to suffer for her money issues? Is she your sister?
Or close friend? Why would you take a pay cut or pay deferral because she chose to not be prepared?
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I got a message from DCM asking if she could skip a week or two of paying so she could catch up on money. She said she is hoping child support would kick in soon or she can find a better job to repay anything she owes......which, to me, sounds like it is going to end up being longer than the 2 weeks she mentioned.
I really like this mom and her son. They have been respectful of my policies and rules and to my home and family.
I really wish I could make this work- goodness knows I have fallen on hard times myself but I simply can't afford to not fill his spot for who knows how long. She didn't make me feel guilty or that it was my responsibility to do a favor for her and she understood if I couldn't do it.
Am I wrong for telling her that I just can't right now? As my husband said to me "this is a business, not volunteer work" and I agree. He didn't mean it in an insensitive way-We have 4 kids to feed and clothe and this is my income but I just wish there was something I could to do help I guess. While I am getting better at keeping my emotions out of things like this, I guess there is always room for improvement.
I got a message from DCM asking if she could skip a week or two of paying so she could catch up on money. She said she is hoping child support would kick in soon or she can find a better job to repay anything she owes......which, to me, sounds like it is going to end up being longer than the 2 weeks she mentioned.
I really like this mom and her son. They have been respectful of my policies and rules and to my home and family.
I really wish I could make this work- goodness knows I have fallen on hard times myself but I simply can't afford to not fill his spot for who knows how long. She didn't make me feel guilty or that it was my responsibility to do a favor for her and she understood if I couldn't do it.
Am I wrong for telling her that I just can't right now? As my husband said to me "this is a business, not volunteer work" and I agree. He didn't mean it in an insensitive way-We have 4 kids to feed and clothe and this is my income but I just wish there was something I could to do help I guess. While I am getting better at keeping my emotions out of things like this, I guess there is always room for improvement.
childcaremom 06:52 AM 01-23-2017
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
"I'm sorry mom, but this is not something I'm able to accommodate. "
Why would she expect you to suffer for her money issues? Is she your sister?
Or close friend? Why would you take a pay cut or pay deferral because she chose to not be prepared?
"I'm sorry mom, but this is not something I'm able to accommodate. "
Why would she expect you to suffer for her money issues? Is she your sister?
Or close friend? Why would you take a pay cut or pay deferral because she chose to not be prepared?
I'd just use the simple phrase above. Then start advertising.
Snowmom 07:13 AM 01-23-2017
Even the best relationships can turn sour very quickly. Especially when money is involved.
If you are prepared to potentially never see the money and you are ok with working for free, then sure. But, I would definitely go into it thinking it's charity and not business.
If you are prepared to potentially never see the money and you are ok with working for free, then sure. But, I would definitely go into it thinking it's charity and not business.
sharlan 07:15 AM 01-23-2017
No, no, no! I did this with one of my best paying parents. I also loaned her cash with a signed contract.
Mom ended up leaving the country with NO warning. I had to call her work to find out she left.
Expensive lesson that I won't forget.
Mom ended up leaving the country with NO warning. I had to call her work to find out she left.
Expensive lesson that I won't forget.
Blackcat31 07:31 AM 01-23-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I got a message from DCM asking if she could skip a week or two of paying so she could catch up on money. She said she is hoping child support would kick in soon or she can find a better job to repay anything she owes......which, to me, sounds like it is going to end up being longer than the 2 weeks she mentioned.
I really like this mom and her son. They have been respectful of my policies and rules and to my home and family.
I really wish I could make this work- goodness knows I have fallen on hard times myself but I simply can't afford to not fill his spot for who knows how long. She didn't make me feel guilty or that it was my responsibility to do a favor for her and she understood if I couldn't do it.
Am I wrong for telling her that I just can't right now? As my husband said to me "this is a business, not volunteer work" and I agree. He didn't mean it in an insensitive way-We have 4 kids to feed and clothe and this is my income but I just wish there was something I could to do help I guess. While I am getting better at keeping my emotions out of things like this, I guess there is always room for improvement.
Daycare is not a charity. I got a message from DCM asking if she could skip a week or two of paying so she could catch up on money. She said she is hoping child support would kick in soon or she can find a better job to repay anything she owes......which, to me, sounds like it is going to end up being longer than the 2 weeks she mentioned.
I really like this mom and her son. They have been respectful of my policies and rules and to my home and family.
I really wish I could make this work- goodness knows I have fallen on hard times myself but I simply can't afford to not fill his spot for who knows how long. She didn't make me feel guilty or that it was my responsibility to do a favor for her and she understood if I couldn't do it.
Am I wrong for telling her that I just can't right now? As my husband said to me "this is a business, not volunteer work" and I agree. He didn't mean it in an insensitive way-We have 4 kids to feed and clothe and this is my income but I just wish there was something I could to do help I guess. While I am getting better at keeping my emotions out of things like this, I guess there is always room for improvement.
I wonder if she'd be willing to suspend her internet or cell service for a period of time instead....
It's disheartening that child care providers are the first one's asked when in reality, you can still work if you don't have cell or internet but you can't work if you don't have child care services so I will never understand this thought process in regards to parents.....
@OP ~ if you are unable to make this arrangement with the mom, simply say no. You are NOT wrong for being honest and not being able to take the cut in pay.
Leigh 07:58 AM 01-23-2017
I had a family that fell into temporary hard times a couple of years ago. I discounted their rate for 2 months down to $15/day/child. I explained to them that I could NOT watch them for free because I would end up spending my own money for the privilege of caring for their children. It DOES cost you money to care for kids, so there's no way you should do it for nothing. I don't regret offering the temporary discount, but I doubt I'd do it again-I need my full rate. I can't justify taking money from my family to give to theirs.
Ariana 09:05 AM 01-23-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Daycare is not a charity.
I wonder if she'd be willing to suspend her internet or cell service for a period of time instead....
It's disheartening that child care providers are the first one's asked when in reality, you can still work if you don't have cell or internet but you can't work if you don't have child care services so I will never understand this thought process in regards to parents.....
@OP ~ if you are unable to make this arrangement with the mom, simply say no. You are NOT wrong for being honest and not being able to take the cut in pay.
Absolutely!Daycare is not a charity.
I wonder if she'd be willing to suspend her internet or cell service for a period of time instead....
It's disheartening that child care providers are the first one's asked when in reality, you can still work if you don't have cell or internet but you can't work if you don't have child care services so I will never understand this thought process in regards to parents.....
@OP ~ if you are unable to make this arrangement with the mom, simply say no. You are NOT wrong for being honest and not being able to take the cut in pay.
It is not your problem and you are not being an insensitive b!tch for not wanting to take on someone else's problem. It makes you a healthy person with healthy boundaries.
In my experience giving people breaks never ever works out for the caregiver. You cannot afford it so this will create a very bad situation for your family. They come first.
JackandJill 09:22 AM 01-23-2017
I'm always surprised when people ask if they can not pay or not pay on time! Like BC said, they could make cuts in other areas, but even then I am sure many of those companies would not be okay with not getting paid either.
You are a business... I would not work for free. Even if I could afford it, I know that it would cause the relationship to sour. They few times I have "done favors", parents have always ended up taking advantage of the situation.
Parents will do whats best for them, so always do whats best for you.
You are a business... I would not work for free. Even if I could afford it, I know that it would cause the relationship to sour. They few times I have "done favors", parents have always ended up taking advantage of the situation.
Parents will do whats best for them, so always do whats best for you.
Silly Songs 09:24 AM 01-23-2017
If you want to help her maybe you can reduce her rate for a month and give her the numbers of some social service agencies.
lovemydaycare0912 09:28 AM 01-23-2017
You are not wrong for saying no. You said it yourself you have 4 children to feed and in my eyes, family comes first.
Unregistered 10:37 AM 01-23-2017
Thank you for all of your replies. I knew you would open my eyes!! I feel better about standing firm in what I know is the right thing to do. I have an interview for a new family this Tuesday. I appreciate every response. Thank you again!
renodeb 01:12 PM 01-23-2017
Situations where the client has asked for a big favor like that rarely ever work out. Its a very slippery slope. That client should ask herself how she would fell if they asked if they could skip paying her for two weeks. I wouldn't do it. I have learned from my mistakes. I would start advertising to fill that spot.
Mom2Two 01:49 PM 01-25-2017
I picked up a handful of state assist brochures a few days ago. My plan is to hand out one of those if I'm ever asked for charity. In most cases, either they can cut expenses or they qualify for the state assistance.
CathyVarnell 03:47 PM 01-25-2017
Your husband is right; it's a business. I know it's difficult for some parents at times, but because you are watching their children, it is allowing them to work to make the money they have. They cannot go to the grocery store and say I cannot pay for this food, but I am going to take it. They cannot fill up their car with gas and say they are unable to pay for it. It is so hard to be stern with parents about payment, but you have expenses of your own. It took me over 10 years to get a backbone when it comes to collecting money, but I am glad I did. Maybe you can ask her to pay at least part of her balance. Even $20 is better than $0.
pritbrit@optonline.net 04:12 PM 01-25-2017
I have had my business for 21 years. Yes, I have been in your shoes and lost money but at the same time you have a heart and thats why you are here asking for opinions. If she has been a good customer, her kid is good and you cant afford to lose her is it worth it to say no? If you dont have a waiting list chances of you filling the spot quickly is pretty slim isnt it? Just my opinion try negotiating something with her. We all have been in a hard place before and sometimes you just need a little boost to get you back on track. I am not saying let her come for free but how about discuss something along the lines of...I'm really sorry as much as I would love to tell you yes I financially can't do it. How about for the next two weeks you pay half then the third week we go back to normal with the full amount and 25% of the first week payback, then week four normal payment and the balance of week 1, then week 5 full payment and 25% of 2nd week reduction and final week 6 full payment and balance (25%) of 2nd week missed. If you put it all in writing at least you wont lose the kid. You have to go with your gut. Do you think she will pull immediately and you will get stuck then don't do it. However if you feel that she has always been a good customer and just needs a little break I would do it.
lovemykidstoo 04:56 PM 01-25-2017
Please do what your gut is telling you to. I have a feeling you're torn because you're trying to make her happy along with your family. It's hard for you because you're a caring individual. However, we can get stung too. I had a mom one time get her hours cut and what we did was have her bring her son part time and her family watched him for free the rest of the time. The deal we had though was if I got someone else during this time, then he had to come back full time with full pay or lose the spot. It ended up working out, she got her hours back. Is there anyone that can watch her child for free and then have him come to you for as much time as she can afford? Did you have your interview yet with the other family and have you talked to her yet?
Crazy8 05:12 PM 01-25-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Daycare is not a charity.
I wonder if she'd be willing to suspend her internet or cell service for a period of time instead....
It's disheartening that child care providers are the first one's asked when in reality, you can still work if you don't have cell or internet but you can't work if you don't have child care services so I will never understand this thought process in regards to parents.....
@OP ~ if you are unable to make this arrangement with the mom, simply say no. You are NOT wrong for being honest and not being able to take the cut in pay.
Bolded is sooo true!! Mom probably wouldn't think of cancelling her $200/m cable but will come asking us for some leeway. Daycare is not a charity.
I wonder if she'd be willing to suspend her internet or cell service for a period of time instead....
It's disheartening that child care providers are the first one's asked when in reality, you can still work if you don't have cell or internet but you can't work if you don't have child care services so I will never understand this thought process in regards to parents.....
@OP ~ if you are unable to make this arrangement with the mom, simply say no. You are NOT wrong for being honest and not being able to take the cut in pay.
Different situation but I had a mom crying to me about how she's so behind at work and getting looks for leaving on time to get to me by my closing time - basically asking for an extra half hour for free. I stood firm and said sorry I couldn't do that but she is welcome to come earlier in the morning (she shows up an hour after I open, usually running very late for work). Funny how I haven't heard a peep about it since.
People often want US to make all the sacrifices for them.
Mike 05:39 PM 01-25-2017
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
People often want US to make all the sacrifices for them.
I used to be bad at that. I got it from my father. Back when I was a kid, he owned a garage and his customers would get to know him, get friendly with him, then start asking for financial favors because they couldn't afford the gas or work on their vehicle. He would of course be mr nice guy, until the day came he declared bankruptcy. People often want US to make all the sacrifices for them.
I still get taken advantage of sometimes, but have learned to cut back. I need to make sure that when I start my daycare, I stay professional. I can't do favors, can I?
nannyde 03:12 AM 01-26-2017
Was she planning on bringing the kids during the "two weeks"?
Remember when parents are asking not to pay they are really asking to borrow money. You don't ask a service provider to borrow money. You go to your family, friends, church, whatever... but not your child care provider.
It sounds to me like she wants to bring the kids and not pay or pull the kids for the two weeks and hold a spot without paying. Either one is not workable.
You need to look inside yourself to see what made her think she could ask something like this. Always stress the importance of payment and contracted notice throughout the relationship so they understand you want to get paid and don't hold spots for free.
I would just tell her that you can't loan her the money for child care for two weeks. It's not something you offer in your business. Nothing personal... but like most other businesses, you don't offer services for free when customers come on hard times.
If you have a contract, remind her she is obligated to give her notice time if she is going to pull the child and pay for it regardless of attendance.
Remember when parents are asking not to pay they are really asking to borrow money. You don't ask a service provider to borrow money. You go to your family, friends, church, whatever... but not your child care provider.
It sounds to me like she wants to bring the kids and not pay or pull the kids for the two weeks and hold a spot without paying. Either one is not workable.
You need to look inside yourself to see what made her think she could ask something like this. Always stress the importance of payment and contracted notice throughout the relationship so they understand you want to get paid and don't hold spots for free.
I would just tell her that you can't loan her the money for child care for two weeks. It's not something you offer in your business. Nothing personal... but like most other businesses, you don't offer services for free when customers come on hard times.
If you have a contract, remind her she is obligated to give her notice time if she is going to pull the child and pay for it regardless of attendance.
Unregistered 12:39 PM 01-27-2017
UPDATE:
She's gone. Silly me. I offered to watch him for one more week so she could find someone, which idk who, because who is going to watch him for free, etc. (I know, not my problem, but I am a softie and I know there's a whole situation going on with dcb and his dad coming in and out of the picture. I don't know if in hindsight I was hoping to give him some sort of consistency or what....). I never felt forced or obligated, just...sympathetic? anyway, guess who was a no call no show after agreeing to take me up on the offer? Then today, I saw she posted on facebook as her status about the struggle of going to Target just to return things only to leave with 3 bags full of stuff..........
So! lesson learned. From here on out, I keep it professional only. No more fb friends, no more chatty cathy at pick up/drop off. No more favors. Sure, I can be nice and congenial, but I don't need to be doing favors or be best friends with these people.
Thank you everyone for your insight and advice.
She's gone. Silly me. I offered to watch him for one more week so she could find someone, which idk who, because who is going to watch him for free, etc. (I know, not my problem, but I am a softie and I know there's a whole situation going on with dcb and his dad coming in and out of the picture. I don't know if in hindsight I was hoping to give him some sort of consistency or what....). I never felt forced or obligated, just...sympathetic? anyway, guess who was a no call no show after agreeing to take me up on the offer? Then today, I saw she posted on facebook as her status about the struggle of going to Target just to return things only to leave with 3 bags full of stuff..........
So! lesson learned. From here on out, I keep it professional only. No more fb friends, no more chatty cathy at pick up/drop off. No more favors. Sure, I can be nice and congenial, but I don't need to be doing favors or be best friends with these people.
Thank you everyone for your insight and advice.
happymom 12:59 PM 01-27-2017
Sorry to hear. Hope you can fill the spot quickly 
Lil_Diddle 01:14 PM 01-27-2017
When I first started out within the first year, I had a family that was really good about policies and unfortunately DCD lost his job. They asked for a discount. It is really hard to try and forget that these are families as well just trying to get by. I also didn't want to be a pushover because in all of my years working in daycares I seen parents take advantage and rack up bills. I created my handbook by looking at the faults I found in the centers I had worked at. I ended up not giving the family a discount but I did allow them to do a 3 month part time contract. The kids still had to come three days a week and be picked up by 3pm. Plenty of time for dad to fill out applications and go on interviews. I didn't want him bringing the kids at a discount all week and him going home to nap all day. We wrote up a contract and I emphasized I could only afford to provide part time care for two spots for 3 months. Luckily, before the 3 months was up he found a good job and the DCK's came back full time.
Originally Posted by Leigh:
I had a family that fell into temporary hard times a couple of years ago. I discounted their rate for 2 months down to $15/day/child. I explained to them that I could NOT watch them for free because I would end up spending my own money for the privilege of caring for their children. It DOES cost you money to care for kids, so there's no way you should do it for nothing. I don't regret offering the temporary discount, but I doubt I'd do it again-I need my full rate. I can't justify taking money from my family to give to theirs.
I had a family that fell into temporary hard times a couple of years ago. I discounted their rate for 2 months down to $15/day/child. I explained to them that I could NOT watch them for free because I would end up spending my own money for the privilege of caring for their children. It DOES cost you money to care for kids, so there's no way you should do it for nothing. I don't regret offering the temporary discount, but I doubt I'd do it again-I need my full rate. I can't justify taking money from my family to give to theirs.
Pandaluver21 02:47 PM 01-27-2017
I have done something similar for 2 parents.
1- Parent has a very unsteady paycheck. She could get a large check one month, then go a few months without one. She never made this my problem, and actually helped me out several times when she got a big check by paying me a few weeks in advance. She asked (no obligation or guilt) if she could wait a week or so until her check came in. She wrote a check and asked if I could hold it. At the time I was able to do so and LOVED this family and knew she wouldn't pull anything. She was able to get her check the following week and things turned out great.
2- Parent was on an internship the first two weeks, then would get a pay check after that. Had payment plans in place, dotted every i, crossed every t. She made payments after the first wo weeks to start to include the unpaid time. Then her and her husband separated, she got kicked out, etc. Things fell more and more behind. I felt sympathy for the kids so I let it happen. Ended up having to terminate and take the issue to court. Won and got my first "payment" from her last month.. $25. This happened 2 years go..
1- Parent has a very unsteady paycheck. She could get a large check one month, then go a few months without one. She never made this my problem, and actually helped me out several times when she got a big check by paying me a few weeks in advance. She asked (no obligation or guilt) if she could wait a week or so until her check came in. She wrote a check and asked if I could hold it. At the time I was able to do so and LOVED this family and knew she wouldn't pull anything. She was able to get her check the following week and things turned out great.
2- Parent was on an internship the first two weeks, then would get a pay check after that. Had payment plans in place, dotted every i, crossed every t. She made payments after the first wo weeks to start to include the unpaid time. Then her and her husband separated, she got kicked out, etc. Things fell more and more behind. I felt sympathy for the kids so I let it happen. Ended up having to terminate and take the issue to court. Won and got my first "payment" from her last month.. $25. This happened 2 years go..