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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Worst Mommy Of The Year Award!!
kayla 01:31 PM 04-10-2012
Ok so I have a mom she is 19. I get that she is young, but some people should not be aloud to have children. So about 3 weeks ago she started dating this guy, mind you there have been about 6 different guys shes dated since I started watching her son at 4 mos old. Well 2 weeks ago she moved him into her house. Well around that time she told me they were going to take a trip to the cities, It was supposed to only be a week, mind you her child is only 1... Well supposedly her car broke down so it ended up being longer,she did not see her child for 10 days. Today her dad tells me she will be picking up her kid today, come to find out she got to town today around 12 and tells me shes coming at 430!!! Wow to me that is f*****g pathetic. If I had not seen my chid in that long I would have picked him up the moment I got to town. Obviously she doesnt give 2 s***s about her son.... Anyone else think this is wrong..

It's not the only reason I say she should not be a mother... The other reasons include her son not coming bathed him coming in clothes that are dirty, never cutting his fingernails, not bringing proper supplies, feeding him squeezable food because she is too lazy to have him eat real food.... I just do not understand ppl and there parenting...

Like I said if I had not seen my child in that long that would be my first priority... Not my bf, who is probably using her!!!! I am just disgusted.... I hope her son doesnt even recognize her when she comes to pick him up.... This saddens me!!! If you couldnt take care of him properly maybe you should let your parents raise him...
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daycare 01:38 PM 04-10-2012
Originally Posted by kayla:
Ok so I have a mom she is 19. I get that she is young, but some people should not be aloud to have children. So about 3 weeks ago she started dating this guy, mind you there have been about 6 different guys shes dated since I started watching her son at 4 mos old. Well 2 weeks ago she moved him into her house. Well around that time she told me they were going to take a trip to the cities, It was supposed to only be a week, mind you her child is only 1... Well supposedly her car broke down so it ended up being longer,she did not see her child for 10 days. Today her dad tells me she will be picking up her kid today, come to find out she got to town today around 12 and tells me shes coming at 430!!! Wow to me that is f*****g pathetic. If I had not seen my chid in that long I would have picked him up the moment I got to town. Obviously she doesnt give 2 s***s about her son.... Anyone else think this is wrong..

It's not the only reason I say she should not be a mother... The other reasons include her son not coming bathed him coming in clothes that are dirty, never cutting his fingernails, not bringing proper supplies, feeding him squeezable food because she is too lazy to have him eat real food.... I just do not understand ppl and there parenting...

Like I said if I had not seen my child in that long that would be my first priority... Not my bf, who is probably using her!!!! I am just disgusted.... I hope her son doesnt even recognize her when she comes to pick him up.... This saddens me!!! If you couldnt take care of him properly maybe you should let your parents raise him...
In this case, I would be blaming the grandparents....seems like they are enabling their daughter and not making her step up to her responsibility. Yes she is still a child herself, but no one is forcing her to take care of her responsibility, then she won't do it when someone else will. Especially at no cost to her.....
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MissK 01:44 PM 04-10-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
In this case, I would be blaming the grandparents....seems like they are enabling their daughter and not making her step up to her responsibility. Yes she is still a child herself, but no one is forcing her to take care of her responsibility, then she won't do it when someone else will. Especially at no cost to her.....
There could be someone to this...though of course there are probably many things that play into this girl's behavior.
I was 18 when I had my daughter and while I was young it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was headed down a bad path with an even badder (yep...I just went there ) guy and having my daughter really straightened me out and opened my eyes.
I didn't have somebody babying me and telling me I deserved to act like a teenager and they'd watch my baby (or anything else silly like that...) - no - I deserved to act like a mom no matter how old I was.
I won't lie - it does amaze me that some people don't feel this way when they have a child - what can ya do...?
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cheerfuldom 02:03 PM 04-10-2012
thats very sad but for the baby's sake, as long as I was getting paid, I would go the extra mile and just cut his nails and such myself. I dont normally ever do that but clearly this mom is in way over her head with motherhood.
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wdmmom 02:16 PM 04-10-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
In this case, I would be blaming the grandparents....seems like they are enabling their daughter and not making her step up to her responsibility. Yes she is still a child herself, but no one is forcing her to take care of her responsibility, then she won't do it when someone else will. Especially at no cost to her.....
Yep!!!! I couldn't agree more!

I understand that it is not a grandparents responsibility to raise their grandchildren but when you have children having children, either the parent needs to step up or the grandparents should step in!
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MissK 02:27 PM 04-10-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
thats very sad but for the baby's sake, as long as I was getting paid, I would go the extra mile and just cut his nails and such myself. I dont normally ever do that but clearly this mom is in way over her head with motherhood.

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kayla 02:28 PM 04-10-2012
well she just picked him up and he didnt even want to go with her. he kept clinging to me, shes all that doesnt make me feel good. everytime i put him down he came back to me and didnt want to go with her
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cheerfuldom 03:12 PM 04-10-2012
how awful....next time, meet them at the door, hand off the baby or set him down outside the door and then say goodbye and close the door. Letting the pick up drag on is only going to make things worse. Its so sad that she has been away for 10 days.
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Kaddidle Care 03:29 PM 04-10-2012
Originally Posted by kayla:
well she just picked him up and he didnt even want to go with her. he kept clinging to me, shes all that doesnt make me feel good. everytime i put him down he came back to me and didnt want to go with her
Unfortunately that's because You are the Mommy in this case. Poor kid.
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kayla 08:15 AM 04-11-2012
I do cut his nails for him.. But that is only because I get sick of being scratched... I am having a hard time finding good families... I only have one good family that I know never asks about the rules, because she already knows them....
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SunshineMama 08:23 AM 04-11-2012
Originally Posted by kayla:
Ok so I have a mom she is 19. I get that she is young, but some people should not be aloud to have children. So about 3 weeks ago she started dating this guy, mind you there have been about 6 different guys shes dated since I started watching her son at 4 mos old. Well 2 weeks ago she moved him into her house. Well around that time she told me they were going to take a trip to the cities, It was supposed to only be a week, mind you her child is only 1... Well supposedly her car broke down so it ended up being longer,she did not see her child for 10 days. Today her dad tells me she will be picking up her kid today, come to find out she got to town today around 12 and tells me shes coming at 430!!! Wow to me that is f*****g pathetic. If I had not seen my chid in that long I would have picked him up the moment I got to town. Obviously she doesnt give 2 s***s about her son.... Anyone else think this is wrong..

It's not the only reason I say she should not be a mother... The other reasons include her son not coming bathed him coming in clothes that are dirty, never cutting his fingernails, not bringing proper supplies, feeding him squeezable food because she is too lazy to have him eat real food.... I just do not understand ppl and there parenting...

Like I said if I had not seen my child in that long that would be my first priority... Not my bf, who is probably using her!!!! I am just disgusted.... I hope her son doesnt even recognize her when she comes to pick him up.... This saddens me!!! If you couldnt take care of him properly maybe you should let your parents raise him...
Sad but I have grown, reponsible adult dcp' who are like that too- vacations for over a week, not bathing regularly, always long fingernails and toenails. And these dcp's work in corporate america, wear Tiffany' jewelry everyday, drive a 40k car...

The poor girl is only 19 years old, she can't even begin to comprehend the world outside of herself right now. Yes, she needs to be a better mother and she needs to grow up fast. No judgment to you, (I totally understand you being frustrated- I would be too), but can you help her? Can you tell her to cut the baby's fingernails, etc? I know it isnt your place, but I think this may be one of those, "It takes a village to raise a child" situations. Clearly she needs guidance. Maybe you can sit down and talk to her? Tell her you know how hard life must be for her and you want to help- in the best interest of the baby.

As for the boyfriend- he could be a great guy or a loser, she is probably looking for prince charming and selling herself short in the process.

Good luck- tough situation you are in! I hope it improves
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SunshineMama 08:23 AM 04-11-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
thats very sad but for the baby's sake, as long as I was getting paid, I would go the extra mile and just cut his nails and such myself. I dont normally ever do that but clearly this mom is in way over her head with motherhood.
Me too.
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kayla 08:35 AM 04-11-2012
In my opinion it does not matter if the guy is great or a loser, she should have taken time to get to know him before even introducing the child let alone moving him in. And I have approached the other stuff in a gentle way she just gets very defensive... One time she even had the ordasity to tell me to give him a bath, not ask, and when I looked at her she said thats what the county was paying me for (she is on subsidy), I stopped her and said no they are not paying me to give your child a bath, that is not my responsibility. I have other kids here, I cant just leave and go bathe your child because you do not have time... To me she is one of those people that thinks everyone owes her something.
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My3cents 09:41 AM 04-11-2012
Originally Posted by kayla:
Ok so I have a mom she is 19. I get that she is young, but some people should not be aloud to have children. So about 3 weeks ago she started dating this guy, mind you there have been about 6 different guys shes dated since I started watching her son at 4 mos old. Well 2 weeks ago she moved him into her house. Well around that time she told me they were going to take a trip to the cities, It was supposed to only be a week, mind you her child is only 1... Well supposedly her car broke down so it ended up being longer,she did not see her child for 10 days. Today her dad tells me she will be picking up her kid today, come to find out she got to town today around 12 and tells me shes coming at 430!!! Wow to me that is f*****g pathetic. If I had not seen my chid in that long I would have picked him up the moment I got to town. Obviously she doesnt give 2 s***s about her son.... Anyone else think this is wrong..

It's not the only reason I say she should not be a mother... The other reasons include her son not coming bathed him coming in clothes that are dirty, never cutting his fingernails, not bringing proper supplies, feeding him squeezable food because she is too lazy to have him eat real food.... I just do not understand ppl and there parenting...

Like I said if I had not seen my child in that long that would be my first priority... Not my bf, who is probably using her!!!! I am just disgusted.... I hope her son doesnt even recognize her when she comes to pick him up.... This saddens me!!! If you couldnt take care of him properly maybe you should let your parents raise him...

your a mandated reporter. If this child is not being taken care of properly it is your duty to report her. Call Child Protective Services. Get this on record. Remind her the next time she runs her mouth at you that you are a mandated reporter for the State and not bathing a child is considered neglect. You might be the one person that can influence this young selfish mom and turn her life around for the sake of that little guy. Don't even think twice about doing it either. You will open a can of worms that will make a better life for that little.

I can go into this subject with so much...been there, am there, and it stinks and its a powerless feeling that can really depress anyone that has a right mind and cares.

Sending you a hug. Remember it is one thing to help someone but it is another thing to enable them. She will never step up to her responsibility if you don't demand that she does. Your a caregiver, not the parent. It sounds like this little guy is a paycheck to her.
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Unregistered 10:03 AM 04-11-2012
I logged out to make this comment as I'm sure I will get some slack for it along way. I was 18 years old when I had my son and I did step up to the plate to be a good mommy but there are a few things that even some grown adults have a tough time with. One of those things is cutting a child's nails. I have had new mothers in their late 30's that refused to cut their babies nails because they were afraid to cut the child. It's no joke, a babies skin is much thinner than ours and it is much easier to nick them with the clippers at that age. I was so, so nervous to cut my son's nails when he was a baby and I understand why some people do not cut them as often as they should be cut.

Also when I had my son the nurse told me not to bathe him everyday as young don't need to be bathed daily.

Did You Know?

A baby's skin is five times thinner than an adult's.
You should bathe your baby no more than three times per week.
You should not use antiseptic wipes on your child's hands.
You should not use soap when bathing a baby.

With that begin said, I don't think it's right to get mad at this mom if she doesn't bathe her child everyday especially before coming to daycare.

Also as far as the dirty clothes, are the clothes dirty because of food begin spilt on them or for other reasons? I do not change my son every time he spills something on his clothes and sometimes I send the children home from daycare with dirty clothes due to spills, playing outside, painting, whatever...

Have you been enforcing that this mom bring proper supplies? Not letting the child attend for the day until you have the supplies you need?

How do you know dcm is too lazy to feed him real food and that's why she uses squeezable food? Does she have to supply the food for daycare? I do not think there is anything wrong giving a child puried food from time to time.

As far as the bf's go. You need to understand that dcm is young. She is 19 years old, she doesn't have a husband to help her and likely really wants someone to be there for her and to support her through her life. At the age of 1 a child isn't going to remember any of the men that dcm dates. I also feel it's mom's business who she moves in and not yours.

As far as the 10 days away goes. What about families who have their children one week on and one week off? Do you frown down on these families too? My son visited his dad's side and still does to this day and when he goes he usually goes for a week or two, sometimes longer in the summer. Does that make me a bad mom because I am not beside my child 24/7? I would think not!

Every parent has their own downfalls, even you are not the best parent in certain areas, just like I am not the best parent in certain areas. We all try the best we can to be the best parent we can be but different personalities and situations lead to different child rearing and that is something that should be accepted not judged, granted there is no abuse or neglect going on.
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kayla 01:30 PM 04-11-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I logged out to make this comment as I'm sure I will get some slack for it along way. I was 18 years old when I had my son and I did step up to the plate to be a good mommy but there are a few things that even some grown adults have a tough time with. One of those things is cutting a child's nails. I have had new mothers in their late 30's that refused to cut their babies nails because they were afraid to cut the child. It's no joke, a babies skin is much thinner than ours and it is much easier to nick them with the clippers at that age. I was so, so nervous to cut my son's nails when he was a baby and I understand why some people do not cut them as often as they should be cut.

Also when I had my son the nurse told me not to bathe him everyday as young don't need to be bathed daily.

Did You Know?

A baby's skin is five times thinner than an adult's.
You should bathe your baby no more than three times per week.
You should not use antiseptic wipes on your child's hands.
You should not use soap when bathing a baby.

With that begin said, I don't think it's right to get mad at this mom if she doesn't bathe her child everyday especially before coming to daycare.

Also as far as the dirty clothes, are the clothes dirty because of food begin spilt on them or for other reasons? I do not change my son every time he spills something on his clothes and sometimes I send the children home from daycare with dirty clothes due to spills, playing outside, painting, whatever...

Have you been enforcing that this mom bring proper supplies? Not letting the child attend for the day until you have the supplies you need?

How do you know dcm is too lazy to feed him real food and that's why she uses squeezable food? Does she have to supply the food for daycare? I do not think there is anything wrong giving a child puried food from time to time.

As far as the bf's go. You need to understand that dcm is young. She is 19 years old, she doesn't have a husband to help her and likely really wants someone to be there for her and to support her through her life. At the age of 1 a child isn't going to remember any of the men that dcm dates. I also feel it's mom's business who she moves in and not yours.

As far as the 10 days away goes. What about families who have their children one week on and one week off? Do you frown down on these families too? My son visited his dad's side and still does to this day and when he goes he usually goes for a week or two, sometimes longer in the summer. Does that make me a bad mom because I am not beside my child 24/7? I would think not!

Every parent has their own downfalls, even you are not the best parent in certain areas, just like I am not the best parent in certain areas. We all try the best we can to be the best parent we can be but different personalities and situations lead to different child rearing and that is something that should be accepted not judged, granted there is no abuse or neglect going on.
wow is all i have to say.... you act like i am going after this mother... i only have a problem with him being dirty when he has come 3 days straight in the same clothing... and yes i will complain when his fingers are not cut because i and other children in my care are being scratched by this child. i get that its the mothers business who she moves in but maybe i should turn her in for welfare fraud???? since she doesnt pay for her housing... i think it is extremely pathetic you dont move any joe smoe into your home, i would never... and im just saying her own son didnt want anything to do with her because he had no clue who she was when she came back....i have never cut his skin when cutting his nails.... this mom is lazy and maybe if you met her you would see...!!!!
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Unregistered 02:10 PM 04-11-2012
Originally Posted by kayla:
wow is all i have to say.... you act like i am going after this mother... i only have a problem with him being dirty when he has come 3 days straight in the same clothing... and yes i will complain when his fingers are not cut because i and other children in my care are being scratched by this child. i get that its the mothers business who she moves in but maybe i should turn her in for welfare fraud???? since she doesnt pay for her housing... i think it is extremely pathetic you dont move any joe smoe into your home, i would never... and im just saying her own son didnt want anything to do with her because he had no clue who she was when she came back....i have never cut his skin when cutting his nails.... this mom is lazy and maybe if you met her you would see...!!!!
I more or less think it's the words you use such as PATHETIC that shows that you are going after this mom. This is why I took the time out of my day to address your post because I was personally disgusted as to how you would talk about one of your dcm's, one that you haven't even considered terming yet to say the least. How would you feel if one of your dcp's spoke this way, said that the way you did things was PATHETIC behind your back? Your comment, "maybe I should turn her in for welfare fraud" clearing shows the relationship you have with this parent. As a provider you have a responsibility to have a open and clear communicated relationship with the parent's that enrol their children in your care...you are not showing your part of your responsibilities here. You have done a great job at bashing this mom behind her back, but a terrible job of trying to address these issues in a professional manner.

With that being said, my own mother moved her bf in on the second date lol no joke! I do NOT consider my mom pathetic. They have been together for 2 years now and are as happy as can be! I moved in with my son's dad 2 weeks into our relationship and stayed with him for 3.5 years and yes I was happy until the very end. I guess I just don't see how you can judge this lady for moving a bf in when you don't know anything about the situation and it's none of your business to begin with.

Do you change your clothes everyday? I don't. Maybe the mom doesn't think that her child's clothes are really that dirty. Washing clothes is expensive, especially when they can be worn more than once. What do you consider dirty?

If the nails really bother you that bad then term. She doesn't have to cut her son's nails, that doesn't make her a bad mom anymore that it makes you a good provider to cut his nails. But good for you for never cutting his skin, it is not always that easy, especially when a child doesn't want to sit long enough to get it done. The way her child is with you is likely not the same as he is with his own mother.

You need to remember YOUR JOB is not to decide how a parent runs their life. Granted there is no abuse or neglect. This is a situation that would not be considered abuse or neglect. Mom's are allowed to leave their children in the attendance of a trusted adult if they need to leave town to get something done. Mom's are allowed to have vacations. YOUR JOB is to be the best provider to this child that you can be and to be open and communicate any concerns you have with the child's parent. If after all of this you are still finding yourself unhappy then it is time to term. Nothing more.
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My3cents 03:13 PM 04-11-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I more or less think it's the words you use such as PATHETIC that shows that you are going after this mom. This is why I took the time out of my day to address your post because I was personally disgusted as to how you would talk about one of your dcm's, one that you haven't even considered terming yet to say the least. How would you feel if one of your dcp's spoke this way, said that the way you did things was PATHETIC behind your back? Your comment, "maybe I should turn her in for welfare fraud" clearing shows the relationship you have with this parent. As a provider you have a responsibility to have a open and clear communicated relationship with the parent's that enrol their children in your care...you are not showing your part of your responsibilities here. You have done a great job at bashing this mom behind her back, but a terrible job of trying to address these issues in a professional manner.

With that being said, my own mother moved her bf in on the second date lol no joke! I do NOT consider my mom pathetic. They have been together for 2 years now and are as happy as can be! I moved in with my son's dad 2 weeks into our relationship and stayed with him for 3.5 years and yes I was happy until the very end. I guess I just don't see how you can judge this lady for moving a bf in when you don't know anything about the situation and it's none of your business to begin with.

Do you change your clothes everyday? I don't. Maybe the mom doesn't think that her child's clothes are really that dirty. Washing clothes is expensive, especially when they can be worn more than once. What do you consider dirty?

If the nails really bother you that bad then term. She doesn't have to cut her son's nails, that doesn't make her a bad mom anymore that it makes you a good provider to cut his nails. But good for you for never cutting his skin, it is not always that easy, especially when a child doesn't want to sit long enough to get it done. The way her child is with you is likely not the same as he is with his own mother.

You need to remember YOUR JOB is not to decide how a parent runs their life. Granted there is no abuse or neglect. This is a situation that would not be considered abuse or neglect. Mom's are allowed to leave their children in the attendance of a trusted adult if they need to leave town to get something done. Mom's are allowed to have vacations. YOUR JOB is to be the best provider to this child that you can be and to be open and communicate any concerns you have with the child's parent. If after all of this you are still finding yourself unhappy then it is time to term. Nothing more.
I get where the OP is coming from. This mom doesn't care and its breaking the providers heart, because she does care- As I said before, don't hesitate to call this mom in and report her, I am reading that you clearly see signs that this mom needs more help, and help to get off her lazy butt and care for her child. I got that the kid is dirty above and beyond the normal. Suggest parenting classes, they will teach the young Mom that just doesn't have it in her to care for this little guy. Red Flags went up everywhere for me. I don't feel the provider is just picking to pick, a concern is there. Everyone lives there life different. This sounded to me above and beyond different. Neglect. To me it sounded like the provider has and is continuing to help this young mom out and is doing her job well as a provider. I also got that she is communicating with the parent but the parent is not listening, or doing anything about the problems at hand. The Op is venting here.............let her! Again your mandated OP if you feel this child needs more help then what the parent is giving, your best interest is to make that call for the child. They will look into it and decide-
Best-
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Unregistered 07:33 PM 04-11-2012
A good parent provides holistic care, in which, physical care means proper hygiene! A child with extremely long nails is a sign that the parent does not want to take the time to ensure proper hygiene. My dog does not want his nails cut, and his resistance only means that the task will take longer than anticipated....cuz I love him and care about his hygiene! A child is like a flower, who with proper or unproper care, will florish...or not. It's so sad to see a parent act the way she does...that's what happens when unexpected pregnancy happens. Put your foot down and report her if you feel it's for the best interest of the child. Parent like this will only continue this behavior unless someone stands up for this child! I wonder what happens when this child is in her care...maybe someone needs to investigate...
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Unregistered 06:49 AM 04-12-2012
Like I said if I had not seen my child in that long that would be my first priority... Not my bf, who is probably using her!!!! I am just disgusted.... I hope her son doesnt even recognize her when she comes to pick him up.... This saddens me!!! If you couldnt take care of him properly maybe you should let your parents raise him...[/quote]

I think this is just rude. Well the child didn't want to go home with his mom so I hope you feel good about yourself. Out of 5 DCK's only 2 go running to their parents and don't cling to me and cry when they go home. I know for a fact that the 3 DCK's have excellent parents. As parents we all make mistakes. I was a young parent with my daughter. I made some mistakes. We moved into my finace's place when she was little and it didn't work out. The next time around I made sure I was married before we lived with another man. I did some childish things, here and there, but I'm sure that if you asked he then and now she would have always chose me over my supportive parents that helped me care for her. I was her mother. I'm 15 years older now. Have two new little ones. Consider myself to be an excellent mother. Not perfect, but good.

Life is busy. I do not bath my children every day. My 3 year old has marker all over his feet from yesterday, I took a wet wipe the 2 year olds feet to try to clean the up today. Hopefully tonight I can get the in the tub, but yesterday we were at the doctor and walmart to pick up the perscription and it was time for bed within 20 minutes. My daughter was bathed every night. Clothes changed all the time. Now I'm more relaxed with the boys. We at home all the time. Jammies stay on all Sunday if they stay clean and we don't go any where. I would rather snuggle and read a story with the boys for 20 mins before bed than fight over a bath. My mother is a teacher at the school district. She washes kids clothes and coats because they smell like cat pee. CPS really doesn't want to get involved for "dirty" kids. If they otherwise are healthy, being fed, and not a abused being dirty isn't a priority for them.

I personally get frustrated with single moms quickly moving in with men, but truthfully it isn't my buisness. Personally I think two people should be married before living together, but if I started judging people with my beliefs I would be a hated woman. I'll keep my beliefs to my family. Pass them down to my children and leave the judging to someone a whole lot bigger than me.
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MrsB 07:12 AM 04-12-2012
It makes me really sad to see kids like this not be a parents priority, but I dont always think long nails and dirty clothes is a sign of neglect to be reported. I think it can be a sign of neglect but not neglect in and of itself. I have had plenty of kids come here that are in foster care with long nails and already worn clothes.
As for the mother being gone so much. Good thing the mom has the sense enough to leave him with Gma and Gpa! We have all seen what happens to a child when a mom decides to trapse (sp?) around town partying with their child! KWIM?
I have to remind myself everyday to try not to judge. It is my job to provide a safe and loving environment and alot of times I end up providing more nurturing than they get at home. I can't control what goes on at home and as I hate being judged by others I try not to judge other parents for their decisions. If you see something that is reportable, report it and try and be objective about the situation. We can't all grow up with a wonderful mother as you!

I have another question to those talking about kids with long nails. Do you really have that much scratching going on? I have never checked a childs fingernails and never had a problem with a kid getting scratched that much. My DCKS hardly ever have enough physical contact to worry about that. As for my own children, I am one of those parents that never used clippers and have accidently cut down to far or clipped the end of their finger. I have always bit them if I felt one was too long. Anyone else done this? Or am I just the crazy one?

Oh just for the record I will admit I lost the mother of the month award! I didnt notice until I picked up my 6yr old DD from school that she had worn the same clothes that she had worn the day before which included the grass stained knees from the previous days recess! Yikes!
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AmyLeigh 03:30 PM 04-12-2012
I read this yesterday and the same thought keeps coming to my mind....

If you think this is the worst mother.. You have been blessed by seeing only good ones.
I think I have posted that I used to work for CPS. It was there that I understood what is really happening out there. Mothers leaving their children home alone for days on end because they are so high they can't find their way home. No food in the house whatsoever. Homes so filthy, the social workers threw away her clothes after doing a walk through. Children so thankful to have sheets on the beds at their foster homes. Babies who are born high on meth and scream during the 2 hour visitation with mom.
In comparison, an overwhelmed 19 yo who takes off for a few days and may not be the best at keeping the child immaculate is nothing. She may not get mother of the year award, and I understand your frustration. I would ask for a change of clothing for the child, and throw his dirty clothes in the laundry. Choose one day a week to trim his nails so he doesn't scratch himself or others. Those little things will help mom and the child. Maybe she doesn't get it, maybe she never will. But, you are in a good position to help teach her by example. Focus on the child while he is in your care and let mom reap the results of her actions. We all know it catches up to us at one point or another.
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Sugar Magnolia 04:38 PM 04-12-2012
I an with Anyleigh on this. The women who throw their newborns in trash cans are probably more qualified to win worst mother award. OP, it is a little over the top to title your post "worst mother of the year" That is mean spirited. I would have worded it "concerned young mother is making poor choices." Also, if you don't agree with state assistance, please stop accepting it. I agree that her behavior is concerning, but please try not to pass judgement, and please do report her if you are convinced she is neglecting the child.
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AllDeezBabies 05:06 PM 04-12-2012
OP have you tried talking to her? Like on a personal level regarding her child? I know that as providers we are mandated reporters but I would hate for you to take that drastic step without first speaking to her about it.

Just have a talk with her out of naturral concern and care for her child. You are with him for 1/3 or more of his day and I think it is only fair that you speak to her. You never know what she knows or doesn't know. Maybe her parents aren't really "parents" to her. Maybe she is going through some things. Not an excuse but you may never know.
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Sugar Magnolia 05:20 PM 04-12-2012
Originally Posted by JayChanel:
OP have you tried talking to her? Like on a personal level regarding her child? I know that as providers we are mandated reporters but I would hate for you to take that drastic step without first speaking to her about it.

Just have a talk with her out of naturral concern and care for her child. You are with him for 1/3 or more of his day and I think it is only fair that you speak to her. You never know what she knows or doesn't know. Maybe her parents aren't really "parents" to her. Maybe she is going through some things. Not an excuse but you may never know.
I agree with this totally.
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Country Kids 06:27 PM 04-12-2012
I reread this several times before writing my response. It seems everyone is very concerned about the long fingernails, dirty clothes, etc. These were all in the second paragraph, did no one read the first one?

I think this is where the op is very concerned and probably has a right. The child is one and she has watched him for 8 months. In that time the mom has had 6 boyfriends and she must have mentioned them for the op to know this. That seems quite a bit for someone that has a child-even a 19 year old.

Also, the mom left for a week and it turned into 10 days. I'm not sure if the week was 5 days/7 days but it turned out longer then expected. How far are the big cities-I'm not sure but I would be doing what I could to even have my baby brought to me.

The mom came into town 4 1/2 hours before she came to get her baby she hadn't seen in 10 days! Wow-I bet if it was any of us that would have been our first priority. I personally would have been making arrangements as a mom to pick my child up and be there as soon as I came into town.

Saying "Worst Mother of the Year" may have been extreme but I see the frustration from the op. Your heart should be breaking for a child who is 1 and living this way. Remember she's venting and she has the right to do that without being judged. It does get old taking care of dirty children every day I'm sure. Kids don't have to be bathed every day but taking a washcloth, soap and water and giving them a sponge bath doesn't take long. I'm not sure what she means by dirty but if there is food and what ever from the day before or longer yes, that is an issue. I have perfectly clean children in my care but guess what once in awhile someone gets scratched and its not fun and mine get there nails trimmed. The mom even told the op to give the child a bath because thats what the county was paying her for! I'm sure any veteran provider here would have given her an earful or termed on the spot.

Yes, there are children at there who have it much, much worse but this little one could be on the way there. Obviously the mom has been talked to on this stuff and doesn't care. So why let it go any further if it can be stopped now. Maybe this mom needs a real, real wake up call!
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My3cents 10:29 AM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I reread this several times before writing my response. It seems everyone is very concerned about the long fingernails, dirty clothes, etc. These were all in the second paragraph, did no one read the first one?

I think this is where the op is very concerned and probably has a right. The child is one and she has watched him for 8 months. In that time the mom has had 6 boyfriends and she must have mentioned them for the op to know this. That seems quite a bit for someone that has a child-even a 19 year old.

Also, the mom left for a week and it turned into 10 days. I'm not sure if the week was 5 days/7 days but it turned out longer then expected. How far are the big cities-I'm not sure but I would be doing what I could to even have my baby brought to me.

The mom came into town 4 1/2 hours before she came to get her baby she hadn't seen in 10 days! Wow-I bet if it was any of us that would have been our first priority. I personally would have been making arrangements as a mom to pick my child up and be there as soon as I came into town.

Saying "Worst Mother of the Year" may have been extreme but I see the frustration from the op. Your heart should be breaking for a child who is 1 and living this way. Remember she's venting and she has the right to do that without being judged. It does get old taking care of dirty children every day I'm sure. Kids don't have to be bathed every day but taking a washcloth, soap and water and giving them a sponge bath doesn't take long. I'm not sure what she means by dirty but if there is food and what ever from the day before or longer yes, that is an issue. I have perfectly clean children in my care but guess what once in awhile someone gets scratched and its not fun and mine get there nails trimmed. The mom even told the op to give the child a bath because thats what the county was paying her for! I'm sure any veteran provider here would have given her an earful or termed on the spot.

Yes, there are children at there who have it much, much worse but this little one could be on the way there. Obviously the mom has been talked to on this stuff and doesn't care. So why let it go any further if it can be stopped now. Maybe this mom needs a real, real wake up call!
Bingo! As I said before, RED FLAGS all over the place for me on this.

I am also taken back that being a half bleep parent is excepted. Why? When have we become so laxed in it being ok? The worse cases out there don't make it ok. Shouldn't we have some standard as to how we care for our children and shouldn't it start at home?

ex CPS worker my heart goes out to you, I know the things you have seen and dealt with and its gutt wrenching, but don't forget the bad ones that are not horrific cases. That is how they end up being horrific-- too much overlook and mental thinking that their are worse cases. If the goverment is involved, helping then there should be a higher standard for parents that are using welfare. Parenting classes, giving back to the community,work. $ given out should not be able to be used for anything but the basic needs for the child/parent. Basic. It has become a way of life and a form of entitlement, and one generation after another. People on welfare, long lifers, have it better made then the average working American. Struggle to make a cell phone payment, but if your on assistance you qualify for a free one, free dental, free daycare, free doctors visits and medical, heck if your a porka you can even have the surgery done free to get thin, schooling- you can play around in college not have a goal of what your going to do with your life with that college education, housing, food, heat assistance. It doesn't end. If you have more kids, you get more money, if your kids have anything wrong with them you can get more money. Then your kids can go to summer camp, get free lunches, free free free...... America is lazy- because it is all free. I am not talking about welfare as a hand up. I am talking about the over abundance of lazyness, the life longers on it that we are allowing and the ok attitude of it all. Ever watched your local walmart the first of the month- sad. We see people carts filled with junk food and things we can't afford as a two working family. Anyway I went off on this..... it is irritating to me.

I am just glad Countrykids that I was not the only one seeing this in this light. I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me for a sec

OP let us know how this turns out. BEST- God Bless you for caring about this child-
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AmyLeigh 11:35 AM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I reread this several times before writing my response. It seems everyone is very concerned about the long fingernails, dirty clothes, etc. These were all in the second paragraph, did no one read the first one?

I think this is where the op is very concerned and probably has a right. The child is one and she has watched him for 8 months. In that time the mom has had 6 boyfriends and she must have mentioned them for the op to know this. That seems quite a bit for someone that has a child-even a 19 year old.

Also, the mom left for a week and it turned into 10 days. I'm not sure if the week was 5 days/7 days but it turned out longer then expected. How far are the big cities-I'm not sure but I would be doing what I could to even have my baby brought to me.

The mom came into town 4 1/2 hours before she came to get her baby she hadn't seen in 10 days! Wow-I bet if it was any of us that would have been our first priority. I personally would have been making arrangements as a mom to pick my child up and be there as soon as I came into town.

Saying "Worst Mother of the Year" may have been extreme but I see the frustration from the op. Your heart should be breaking for a child who is 1 and living this way. Remember she's venting and she has the right to do that without being judged. It does get old taking care of dirty children every day I'm sure. Kids don't have to be bathed every day but taking a washcloth, soap and water and giving them a sponge bath doesn't take long. I'm not sure what she means by dirty but if there is food and what ever from the day before or longer yes, that is an issue. I have perfectly clean children in my care but guess what once in awhile someone gets scratched and its not fun and mine get there nails trimmed. The mom even told the op to give the child a bath because thats what the county was paying her for! I'm sure any veteran provider here would have given her an earful or termed on the spot.

Yes, there are children at there who have it much, much worse but this little one could be on the way there. Obviously the mom has been talked to on this stuff and doesn't care. So why let it go any further if it can be stopped now. Maybe this mom needs a real, real wake up call!
Oh I totally understand the frustration. I would be frustrated too, honestly. But we have to realize that we are doing this because we love children and want the best for them. Not everybody can show love the same way. We who have high standards have to be careful not to impose our values on others. I have to remind myself of that almost daily. Dcm's love life is really none of Op's business, no matter how disheartening it is, even if dcm tells op about each and every man. If dcm made arrangements with her parents for the child while she was gone, then she didn't abandon him. Not the best parent, no. But not the worst, either. Dcm probably tells herself that everyday. I feel sorry for dcm. She is probably overwhelmed, scared, doesn't know how to be a good parent, looking for prince charming/daddy for her son. She is shutting down. She doesn't know where to start. It's so much easier to leave and let someone who knows what to do take over. Judging her and calling her names (even in frustration) isn't going to help.
Parenting classes would do her some good. Are there parenting classes available in your community? Maybe find a flyer for them and post it on your parents' board. Or you can help her become a better parent yourself. But she is not going to take advice from anyone who is not respectful of her. Kindly saying things like dcb loves *** food to eat when he is here, in case she is looking for something different to feed him; oh I love this outfit on him, you must too, since he wears it so much, by the way I saw WalMart was having a sale on baby clothes, in case you need some new ones; oh, mom, please trim his nails tonight after his bath so he doesn't scratch his precious face. When said nicely, advice is much easier to take. If said in a condenscending, self righteous way, there is no way in HE$$ that she is going to listen. She may even pull the child and who knows who will be looking out for him after that.
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kayla 12:01 PM 04-13-2012
Today I gave my two week notice because this morning this mom showed up with the baby and he had snot crusted over his entire face (it was a thick covering over his entire face and in his hair), he was in his pajamas still and and extremely full diaper. Leading me to believe she picked him out of bed and brought him without taking any time to clean him up. I also called the cps office and made a complaint. I am glad everyone on here thinks I was in the wrong for saying worst mommy of the year award. I am sry if everyone feels like I was wrong for putting that. Yes I know there are way worse parents out there, I was venting. I am extremely sad to see this little boy go, I love him so much. Also I might have forgot to ad that she rarely buckles him into his carseat because she is lazy, This also leads me to believe she could care less. I also voiced all my opinions to the county social worker. I have also called cps on this mother before and nothing was done. I really hope his grandparents step in and take over, because they take very good care of him. This will be the last time I post on this issue as apparently I was in the wrong for even saying anything.
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daycare 12:07 PM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by kayla:
Today I gave my two week notice because this morning this mom showed up with the baby and he had snot crusted over his entire face (it was a thick covering over his entire face and in his hair), he was in his pajamas still and and extremely full diaper. Leading me to believe she picked him out of bed and brought him without taking any time to clean him up. I also called the cps office and made a complaint. I am glad everyone on here thinks I was in the wrong for saying worst mommy of the year award. I am sry if everyone feels like I was wrong for putting that. Yes I know there are way worse parents out there, I was venting. I am extremely sad to see this little boy go, I love him so much. Also I might have forgot to ad that she rarely buckles him into his carseat because she is lazy, This also leads me to believe she could care less. I also voiced all my opinions to the county social worker. I have also called cps on this mother before and nothing was done. I really hope his grandparents step in and take over, because they take very good care of him. This will be the last time I post on this issue as apparently I was in the wrong for even saying anything.
I am so sorry that you were attacked..NOt nice. Yes this person does not sound like she is a good mom and sadly, you are the one who has to deal with it first hand.

Iknow that for myself, I can't always expalin the issue in full detail from start to tend, so no one on here truly does understand all of it. I believe you that this mom could win this award.

You did not do anything wrong, everyone has different views and opinions, which are also not right or wrong, just are what they are.

Just like you, I hope that something turns around for this mom. Perhaps a wake up call from CPS might work. Or maybe the GP will help out. Lets just hope that she does not have another one. You know what they say. Most teen moms will have a second child within 2 years of their first.

Good luck with all of this and big hugs to you
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countrymom 12:07 PM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by kayla:
Today I gave my two week notice because this morning this mom showed up with the baby and he had snot crusted over his entire face (it was a thick covering over his entire face and in his hair), he was in his pajamas still and and extremely full diaper. Leading me to believe she picked him out of bed and brought him without taking any time to clean him up. I also called the cps office and made a complaint. I am glad everyone on here thinks I was in the wrong for saying worst mommy of the year award. I am sry if everyone feels like I was wrong for putting that. Yes I know there are way worse parents out there, I was venting. I am extremely sad to see this little boy go, I love him so much. Also I might have forgot to ad that she rarely buckles him into his carseat because she is lazy, This also leads me to believe she could care less. I also voiced all my opinions to the county social worker. I have also called cps on this mother before and nothing was done. I really hope his grandparents step in and take over, because they take very good care of him. This will be the last time I post on this issue as apparently I was in the wrong for even saying anything.
I agree with you, except I would have called her some more nasty names. I can't believe some of you are so obsessed about the dirty finger nails, that you missed the part where she left him with a dcp. Who does this, who treats their child like trash. Yes she is a poor mother. I bet you that next year she'll be nocked up with another kid.
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Blackcat31 12:09 PM 04-13-2012
......another perfect example of a thread that required support but instead got nothing but criticism.
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Country Kids 12:17 PM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
......another perfect example of a thread that required support but instead got nothing but criticism.
I agree 100% with this.

I think before responding to any thread please read what the op is writing! It seems in this case most everyone skipped the ENTIRE first paragraph.
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MrsB 12:32 PM 04-13-2012
Okay after I reread my post and all of Kayla's comments, First I would like to apologize to Kayla if you felt attacked by my comments. To be honest, I was trying to remain more neutral and was addressing some of the others comments about reporting this mother for child abuse/neglect.

In hindsight I could have been more supportive of you. I am sorry! To be honest, sometime in these forums, I am not truely sure what the OP's is wanting to get out of the post. An opinion? or support? In the future I will try and be more mindful of the OP's intent of the post. I have done plenty of venting on here myself and will continue to do so! I hope this post doesnt detour you from continuing either!
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daycare 12:36 PM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by MrsB:
Okay after I reread my post and all of Kayla's comments, First I would like to apologize to Kayla if you felt attacked by my comments. To be honest, I was trying to remain more neutral and was addressing some of the others comments about reporting this mother for child abuse/neglect.

In hindsight I could have been more supportive of you. I am sorry! To be honest, sometime in these forums, I am not truely sure what the OP's is wanting to get out of the post. An opinion? or support? In the future I will try and be more mindful of the OP's intent of the post. I have done plenty of venting on here myself and will continue to do so! I hope this post doesnt detour you from continuing either!
very sweet of you to make her feel better. I have to agree that it is hard to really know and understand what the OP is trying to accomplish by their post. I think about this all the time when I post stuff. I don't want to have to write a book and explain it all, so it sometimes comes out wrong or I don't get the answers I hoped for.

Kayla, Please keep trying to post. I had a hard time at first too. As you can see by the number of post I have, I didn't give up.
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AmyLeigh 12:45 PM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by kayla:
Today I gave my two week notice because this morning this mom showed up with the baby and he had snot crusted over his entire face (it was a thick covering over his entire face and in his hair), he was in his pajamas still and and extremely full diaper. Leading me to believe she picked him out of bed and brought him without taking any time to clean him up. I also called the cps office and made a complaint. I am glad everyone on here thinks I was in the wrong for saying worst mommy of the year award. I am sry if everyone feels like I was wrong for putting that. Yes I know there are way worse parents out there, I was venting. I am extremely sad to see this little boy go, I love him so much. Also I might have forgot to ad that she rarely buckles him into his carseat because she is lazy, This also leads me to believe she could care less. I also voiced all my opinions to the county social worker. I have also called cps on this mother before and nothing was done. I really hope his grandparents step in and take over, because they take very good care of him. This will be the last time I post on this issue as apparently I was in the wrong for even saying anything.
1.) Too bad you felt you had to term. You obviously care about the child. But your reasons are understood.

2.) Not buckling the car seat! That is reportable to the police immediately!!! I was told to call 911 if I saw a child not properly restrained in a moving vehicle. I don't care who you are or what your excuses are....children need to be properly restrained.

3.) Reporting to CPS. I believe we all had this discussion before. Things that aren't great parenting isn't bad enough for the state to step in. There has to be obvious abuse or neglect in order for action to be taken. But they have your report on record in case the situation gets worse.

4.) When we vent, we are emotional. We don't necessarily want to see the situation from a different POV, but that is what we get when we post our vents. You are frustrated with the situation, we all get that. You care about the child, we get that too. Maybe you will see that when you are able to look at this more objectively.

((((Hugs)))) This has been a really trying situation for you. I hope you are able to get a good family to fill the space.
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Blackcat31 12:56 PM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I agree 100% with this.

I think before responding to any thread please read what the op is writing! It seems in this case most everyone skipped the ENTIRE first paragraph.
I think it is important to not only get a feel for what an poster is saying but what they are like in general. Most of us are not fly by night members but women (and men) who have been conversing back and forth for a a while now and we kind of "know" what someone is like just from the way they speak and the things they speak of. And of course there is always the general rule that if we are unsure what exactly a person meant of how they meant it, to simply ask.

I mean no question is a dumb question and asking for further explanation or some clarity is far more supportive and proactive than immediately criticizing someone.

I think it is always important to remember that how we all see things varys from not only person to person but from area to are as well. We are all different, we all use different words and actions and no one way should be considered the only way to say or do anything.

I often answer a post and then when I go back and re-read it, feel differently or sometimes even take the post in a completely different way than I originally did. There were a few on here who even said they took a step back and thought about things before posting, which IMHO, is not a bad thing to do at all.
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AllDeezBabies 08:33 PM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by kayla:
Today I gave my two week notice because this morning this mom showed up with the baby and he had snot crusted over his entire face (it was a thick covering over his entire face and in his hair), he was in his pajamas still and and extremely full diaper. Leading me to believe she picked him out of bed and brought him without taking any time to clean him up. I also called the cps office and made a complaint. I am glad everyone on here thinks I was in the wrong for saying worst mommy of the year award. I am sry if everyone feels like I was wrong for putting that. Yes I know there are way worse parents out there, I was venting. I am extremely sad to see this little boy go, I love him so much. Also I might have forgot to ad that she rarely buckles him into his carseat because she is lazy, This also leads me to believe she could care less. I also voiced all my opinions to the county social worker. I have also called cps on this mother before and nothing was done. I really hope his grandparents step in and take over, because they take very good care of him. This will be the last time I post on this issue as apparently I was in the wrong for even saying anything.

I wasn't attacking you. I just think motherhood is getting to her and she may need a real nurturer to have a heart to heart with her.
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