Hello, Would it work to offer my Daycare Provider more money in order to continue having us as clients? She termed my family last week because she said our parenting styles don't match, she didn't like my 4 y.o. son wearing fingernail polish (I let him put it on last week because his sister wanted some on), and she doesn't like that I let my son speak rudely to me.

She kind of has a hoity-toity mentality, and I guess I'm a bit of a backpack, crunchy granola type of mom, but I have a track record of paying on time, picking up and dropping off on time. I also paid her for 3 spots instead of just 2 so that life would be easier (she has fibromyalgia). I think I annoyed her recently as I was debating whether to let my son go on to Kindergarten or keep him back for Pre-K (he has a late August birthday) and I didn't get my contract to her in time (however, she did not specify a date she needed them back). She evidently replaced us with a newborn last week.

Thing is, there is precious little for daycare around where I live, and my husband has now expressed he is adamant that our son attend Pre-K, so we will definitely need daycare next year.

Will daycare providers take us back if we offered more money? I don't think we are that bad to deal with, but I know she was annoyed with me over the Kindergarten/Pre-K issue. Is it worth it to grovel? I will grovel with her for my kids...I don't want my son to start Pre-K and a new daycare and learn new expectations in two different settings. This lady could gouge me for my whole paycheck, that is how emotionally troubling this situation is. Please help me make her an offer she can't refuse.

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Parenting styles not matching doesn't have anything to do with money, but you can always try. She may be more willing to work around it if it's worth it to her. If she already filled the space though, she won't be able to take him back anyway.

It all depends on whether or not she wants your son back and the 2 of you can work something out. Only way to know is to ask.

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While I agree it never hurts to ask, sometimes issues are not solved with money. If she's already termed and enrolled a new child, I think I'd cut ties and move forward. Is she in the habit of terming families because I know for me, terming is the absolute final step, something I've tried to fix but can't, and no amount of money(well everybody does have their price Lol)would make me rethink keeping that particular child. Maybe she's afraid of losing him anyways since you've mentioned prek, and is simply taking steps to protect her own income. From her POV, that's smart. From your side, it sucks.

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If you think she's 'hoity-toity', and she has already expressed that she doesn't agree with some things you do as a parent, then you have no business trying to force your way into her daycare. Her daycare is not a good fit for your family. If, for some reason, she did take you back, there would always be issues and the child will suffer because of it.

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(^^bolded^^ by me)
~I highly doubt it seeing as that you were already paying her for 3 spots when you apparently only needed two, it's not likely that offering even more money will do the trick. Honestly, even as hard as it is, I'd just cut ties and move on. Be diligent and you will find someone else to provide care for your children . ...Best of luck!

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I had let her know we wanted to drop payments down to only two kids. Is there nothing I can say? I would have thought if my kids were that terrible under her care she would have told me long ago. I would love dropping payments down to two kids, but would rather stay as her client, so I wanted to at least offer to pay for 3 spots and maybe more. A kind of a raise. I know she is far from filled up. In my state daycare providers can take 10 kids, and she has told me with her fibromyalgia she won't take that many.

To sweeten this deal, my kid will be in Pre-K at least 3 mornings per week and could be as many as 5 mornings if picked to be a "peer model."

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(^^bolded^^ by me)
~Well, I don't think so, but I guess it really depends. Do you think that had anything to do with why she termed you...you dropping the payments down to 2; I know she claimed it was for "difference of parenting style", but could the $$ thing have been a last straw)? How long after you told her you wanted to drop to paying for just 2 spots did she term? The whole paying for 3 spots while only using two thing is kinda strange to me- How did this arrangement come about if you don't mind my asking? I mean, I'm sorta surprised she accepted it...I'm sorta surprised you agreed to pay it, but I guess that's because quality child care is hard to find in your area as you said earlier.

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I am thinking that the line of "parenting styles don't match" was a way of being nicer than what she really was having issues with. Do your children have any behavior issues? Were you breaking policies in some way? Have you asked for "special" treatment such as no naps or making special foods for your children? If I used that as a reason to term, it is likely I wouldn't take you back for all the money in the world. I could also be as a PP stated that you not being sure about kindy and such she is trying to protect her income. We have to do that sometimes, even though it sucks for both parties really. Starting a new family is never easy, but we have to pay our bills also.

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I did ask for naps to be shortened back in March. We were having difficulty getting my kids to sleep before 9:30 p.m. and it was getting a bit draining. Another "issue" that came up was one day a couple of months ago my son had a tantrum of some kind. She had him cover his mouth with his hand and apparently he didn't so she put her hand on his hand and covered his mouth. He wound up with a big scratch and I told her I didn't think it was appropriate to handle things like that.

The reason I pay for 3 spots is because she is so conveniently located to my house; she complained of fibromyalgia when I first met her, and seemed reluctant to take us. She wanted to know how I found out about her, and of course she comes up when I type daycare and my town's name into google.

I can see she doesn't need us; her husband has a very good job and I think she still does the daycare to get her college age children extra stuff. I just wanted to know if there is anything else I could put together to offer her to keep us on from a daycare provider's perspective. Look I realize that job sucks and there is no way to ever pay her what I would really like to pay her for everything she has to do.

I'll tell her to keep the naps however long she can as well. We can deal with it another year. The daycare carousel is wearing me down, but it's only one more year. Maybe I should offer to pay 2 additional spots? It will be the pits but it's only one more year.

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Your husband would leave you if you enrolled your child in kindergarten?

The whole "if I offer enough money, I can get what I want" really bothers me. If your provider gave you a term notice, she really does want you to move on. Sorry to be so blunt, but most of us providers don't term without good reason.

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Exactly. Tell her about this site. We'd like to hear her side.

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Yes OP what kind of arrangement do you think this is?

You've been termed, time to move on.

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As a teacher I *wish* I could term a family..... it is one aspect I look forward to when I am done with my teaching contract this year and open my own program.

No amount of money would sway me if I felt it had risen to the level that I needed to formally term a family.

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If I were u I'd just move on. I think as parents we tend to over think situations which ends up stressing us out for no reason. Just because your family wasn't a good fit for your current daycare provider doesn't mean you will not find a provider that will meet your family needs. Atleast your son has time to adjust to a new program before the new school year begins. Learn from whatever mistakes you made and move on. What ever provider you chose make sure you read over their policies and are willing to abide by them. You will be fine. Good luck to you!

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You mentioned you let your child speak rudely to you. You've taught your child how to speak to adults like this. She's probably tired of it.

"Not a good fit " is code for being done with the parents too. Most of us can tolerate most children and their behavior, it's the adults that burn me out!

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To be 100% honest, I would just let it go. It sounds like she has moved on? I disagree with a lot of parent styles but I care for these kids. Money is not always the answer.
Deb

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As a provider, after a term, I would be truly offended by an offer of more money just to keep a family on. It shows to me that they don't respect me or my decisions. I'm sorry you had some bad experiences with this one. As a mother, I would never let it fly for someone showing their frustrations at my child in that manner, much less would I do that to my charges!

I have always been against throwing money at a problem so it goes my way. That's not the way the world works!

Good luck to you.

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You stated that you allow your child to speak rudely to you - I suspect that there is a great deal more to it and this is what she is reacting to. She might not want to parent your child- but certainly has every right not to be around a child who speaks rudely to her.

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Hello, I wanted to share the rest of the story, as they say.

I took the high road by letting my former daycare provider know that we appreciated her efforts this year and liked being her clients, and should her circumstances ever change to let us know as we would love to return. I didn't bring up the fact of her mistreating my son, nor did I share how backwards her views are (when she made the comment about my son wearing nail polish she had indicated it was because of what's "been in the news," being too controversial, as if any of that matters to little kids!). Her transphobia is a bit dated, and the stick up her rear is not something we want our kids influenced by.

I found new arrangements with a lady who actually sounded excited to have my kids in her care! Who actually didn't seem to need to be coaxed with more pay to take us!! Who I think is actually a nice person, and not someone who only wants the "easy" kids. On top of that, her house is actually slightly closer to mine and is on my drive home!!! At any rate, this will be our last year of this carousel and I'm thrilled!!!!

I appreciate daycare providers everywhere and I don't regret paying extra this past year. My kids have been attending a summer camp this month and the teacher told me, "You have some great kids." It meant so much I almost cried. My parenting can't be that bad if a teacher is telling me that.

Looking back, I think that my former daycare provider was a depressed person. It was the first thing that entered my mind when I first met her, and in hindsight I can see I was spot on in that assessment.

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I wouldn't say you took the high road. You did what you needed to do, she termed you and you found a new provider. Hopefully the new provider is a better fit for your family. As far as the depression, of course she was. She has fibromyalgia. My doctors told me there was no way for me to have that and not have depression, they are linked. You can't really go through bouts of severe pain and not feel some depression. As far as the "carousel" you are on, I find it a bit offensive you keep referring to it as that. Many of us work our backsides off to provide quality, loving care to our families. We are not part of a circus! And why would you have been looking to pay the person you are speaking so badly of more to keep your kids on?

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The high road is saying thank you with a smile on your face and not making snide remarks about other people's parenting, and directing it at a defensless little kid. That is what I did, and that is what is meant by saying the high road. There is certainly more I could have brought up about her own parenting (this is a small town), but I'll not bother. I'll keep taking the high road

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I took her comment about the carousel to be in reference to what the OP has just gone through... the thread is about her situation. I didn't take it as a dig at child care provider/us

Her ex-provider doesn't really fall into the category of "working her backside off to provide quality care"; she put her hand over the child's mouth.

In regards to the provider having fibromyalgia/depression, that's really not the parent's problem. No more than the personal lives of our clients are our concern.

Given everything OP has shared thus far, I think she took the high road. Could the whole thing have been handled better from the beginning by both parties? Probably but should've, could've, would've doesn't help now.

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(OP quote)"I didn't bring up the fact of her mistreating my son, nor did I share how backwards her views are..."(end quote)

~I imagine not. ^^After all, that would've been kinda hard to do^^ while at the same time practically begging her to take you back.

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As I say, I only said that to take the high road and to say something that sounded nice. We're she to offer, I would find a nice way to politely decline. I had to deal with her (and entrust my children with her) for another 3 weeks after she dropped us as I had already paid her, and clearly we weren't that bad for her to have to deal with that she needed to refund my money and drop us immediately.

No, I definitely said that to find something nice to end things on; I try hard not to burn bridges.

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