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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Managing choices
mamamanda 05:24 AM 01-12-2018
I have a sweet 2 yo dcb who is one of the most strong willed little fellows I've met. He throws fits often. He has an idea about how everything should be done & if it's not done his way & in his time it ends in a fit. He tried to pull down another child's pants while in the play tent so I told him to come out of the tent & he refused. I repeated myself more firmly & he again refused. So I gently picked him up & moved him out of the tent. He threw himself in the floor screaming "I do it myself!" & flailing around wildly. When the fit stopped I allowed him to return to free play, but not in the tent. A few minutes later again screaming & flailing on the floor b/c I didn't let him get out of the tent by himself. I explained that he "chose" not to come out when told so he needs to"choose" another toy now. He goes to play. Few minutes later same bit. This goes on for like 20 min. I turn around to help another child & notice he gets back in the tent & right back out. Then looks at me & says, "I did it myself." And goes to play.
This happens all day long over portion sizes at meal time, using the potty, playing with toys, not receiving the cup he wanted, etc. I'm big on giving him choices that I'm ok with b/c I understand that he's looking for a sense of control, but he never wants either choice I've offered. It's always something else. If I offer 2 cups he wants a third one that's in the cabinet. I ask if he wants to potty or play it's a definite want to play until I shut the bathroom door & then it's a fit b/c he wants to potty. ,(Early 2 not really training just goes when he wants to.) I ask him to choose a book at story time & he says no. Soon as story time ends he's in tears because "my turn. I pick."
What can I do to maintain clear boundaries that I'm in charge (b/c obviously he's wanting to be) while still allowing him freedom over some of his choices. Am I right in thinking that not choosing in the appropriate time frame is still choice in itself & he deals with the consequence fit or not? He's a sweet heart...very loving. But boy does he feel a need for control.
This happens all day long over portion sizes at meal time, using the potty, playing with toys, not receiving the cup he wanted, etc. I'm big on giving him choices that I'm ok with b/c I understand that he's looking for a sense of control, but he never wants either choice I've offered. It's always something else. If I offer 2 cups he wants a third one that's in the cabinet. I ask if he wants to potty or play it's a definite want to play until I shut the bathroom door & then it's a fit b/c he wants to potty. ,(Early 2 not really training just goes when he wants to.) I ask him to choose a book at story time & he says no. Soon as story time ends he's in tears because "my turn. I pick."
What can I do to maintain clear boundaries that I'm in charge (b/c obviously he's wanting to be) while still allowing him freedom over some of his choices. Am I right in thinking that not choosing in the appropriate time frame is still choice in itself & he deals with the consequence fit or not? He's a sweet heart...very loving. But boy does he feel a need for control.
Blackcat31 05:52 AM 01-12-2018
Originally Posted by mamamanda:
I have a sweet 2 yo dcb who is one of the most strong willed little fellows I've met. He throws fits often. He has an idea about how everything should be done & if it's not done his way & in his time it ends in a fit. He tried to pull down another child's pants while in the play tent so I told him to come out of the tent & he refused. I repeated myself more firmly & he again refused. So I gently picked him up & moved him out of the tent. He threw himself in the floor screaming "I do it myself!" & flailing around wildly. When the fit stopped I allowed him to return to free play, but not in the tent. A few minutes later again screaming & flailing on the floor b/c I didn't let him get out of the tent by himself. I explained that he "chose" not to come out when told so he needs to"choose" another toy now. He goes to play. Few minutes later same bit. This goes on for like 20 min. I turn around to help another child & notice he gets back in the tent & right back out. Then looks at me & says, "I did it myself." And goes to play.
This happens all day long over portion sizes at meal time, using the potty, playing with toys, not receiving the cup he wanted, etc. I'm big on giving him choices that I'm ok with b/c I understand that he's looking for a sense of control, but he never wants either choice I've offered. It's always something else. If I offer 2 cups he wants a third one that's in the cabinet. I ask if he wants to potty or play it's a definite want to play until I shut the bathroom door & then it's a fit b/c he wants to potty. ,(Early 2 not really training just goes when he wants to.) I ask him to choose a book at story time & he says no. Soon as story time ends he's in tears because "my turn. I pick."
What can I do to maintain clear boundaries that I'm in charge (b/c obviously he's wanting to be) while still allowing him freedom over some of his choices. Am I right in thinking that not choosing in the appropriate time frame is still choice in itself & he deals with the consequence fit or not? He's a sweet heart...very loving. But boy does he feel a need for control.
I have a sweet 2 yo dcb who is one of the most strong willed little fellows I've met. He throws fits often. He has an idea about how everything should be done & if it's not done his way & in his time it ends in a fit. He tried to pull down another child's pants while in the play tent so I told him to come out of the tent & he refused. I repeated myself more firmly & he again refused. So I gently picked him up & moved him out of the tent. He threw himself in the floor screaming "I do it myself!" & flailing around wildly. When the fit stopped I allowed him to return to free play, but not in the tent. A few minutes later again screaming & flailing on the floor b/c I didn't let him get out of the tent by himself. I explained that he "chose" not to come out when told so he needs to"choose" another toy now. He goes to play. Few minutes later same bit. This goes on for like 20 min. I turn around to help another child & notice he gets back in the tent & right back out. Then looks at me & says, "I did it myself." And goes to play.
This happens all day long over portion sizes at meal time, using the potty, playing with toys, not receiving the cup he wanted, etc. I'm big on giving him choices that I'm ok with b/c I understand that he's looking for a sense of control, but he never wants either choice I've offered. It's always something else. If I offer 2 cups he wants a third one that's in the cabinet. I ask if he wants to potty or play it's a definite want to play until I shut the bathroom door & then it's a fit b/c he wants to potty. ,(Early 2 not really training just goes when he wants to.) I ask him to choose a book at story time & he says no. Soon as story time ends he's in tears because "my turn. I pick."
What can I do to maintain clear boundaries that I'm in charge (b/c obviously he's wanting to be) while still allowing him freedom over some of his choices. Am I right in thinking that not choosing in the appropriate time frame is still choice in itself & he deals with the consequence fit or not? He's a sweet heart...very loving. But boy does he feel a need for control.
Stop the cycle.
When it escalates to the point that he is "TAKING" the option he wants (choice #3 that was NOT offered) he needs to go lay down.
His tantrum says he is tired.
From what you have written above there does not appear to be any real consequences so he is continuing on and on.
Remember consequences are suppose to be something that detours them from making the same negative choices (not listening etc) again.
mamamanda 06:02 AM 01-12-2018
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Stop the cycle.
When it escalates to the point that he is "TAKING" the option he wants (choice #3 that was NOT offered) he needs to go lay down.
His tantrum says he is tired.
From what you have written above there does not appear to be any real consequences so he is continuing on and on.
Remember consequences are suppose to be something that detours them from making the same negative choices (not listening etc) again.
That makes sense. I was viewing the loss of whatever the fit is over (loss of tent privileges, no third cup, no extending story time) as a consequence, but it's not. That's just real life. Consequence is something separate that makes him change the behavior. Why on Earth didn't I see that? Thank you.Stop the cycle.
When it escalates to the point that he is "TAKING" the option he wants (choice #3 that was NOT offered) he needs to go lay down.
His tantrum says he is tired.
From what you have written above there does not appear to be any real consequences so he is continuing on and on.
Remember consequences are suppose to be something that detours them from making the same negative choices (not listening etc) again.
Blackcat31 06:13 AM 01-12-2018
Originally Posted by mamamanda:
That makes sense. I was viewing the loss of whatever the fit is over (loss of tent privileges, no third cup, no extending story time) as a consequence, but it's not. That's just real life. Consequence is something separate that makes him change the behavior. Why on Earth didn't I see that? Thank you.
When we are balancing (problem) trying to understand the root of behaviors, the behaviors themselves and how to manage behaviors ALL while taking into consideration the child and his/her individual aspects it's hard to see what we are looking for (solution)That makes sense. I was viewing the loss of whatever the fit is over (loss of tent privileges, no third cup, no extending story time) as a consequence, but it's not. That's just real life. Consequence is something separate that makes him change the behavior. Why on Earth didn't I see that? Thank you.
That's what "co-workers" are for
