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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCD, potty training - VENT!
KSDC 07:51 AM 01-06-2015
GRRRRRRRRR

I have a newly turned 3 year old DCB. Parents have been "potty training" for at least 6 months. He was not ready when they started. But, during the past month has come along. He stays dry most days. Potties when prompted. And has even asked to go 1-2 times per week. Has NEVER pooped in my toilet.

Dad dropped him off this morning, in underwear, with a bag of clothes. Says that he has been dry at home for two weeks with just a few messes. And a couple of piddles when he wasn't fast enough to the toilet.

During this two weeks he has not been in my care. Teacher's kid. He was back yesterday. He stayed dry, but did poop in his pullup.

I reminded DCD that it is my policy that they are accident free for two weeks before I move them to underwear. He raises he voice. Tells me that "I know you are the babysitter, but I am his parent." Complains about paying for diapers. Loudly complains about not paying for pullups for 6 more months and not "going backwards".

During the exchange I kept my voice calm and professional. Tried to explain that children often take longer in group care than at home. The distractions of other children to play with, extra stimulus. The fact that I can't spend the day cleaning my carpets and floors while providing group care.

He wasn't hearing anything I said. I then told him that this is my policy and that if he doesn't like it, he is more than welcome to find another provider.

He left after that, still upset.

So, I am debating on DCB. Do I leave him in the underwear, knowing full well that he is going to have an accident, to prove the point? Or do I follow my written policies and change him into his pullups?
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Blackcat31 07:55 AM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by KSDC:
GRRRRRRRRR

I have a newly turned 3 year old DCB. Parents have been "potty training" for at least 6 months. He was not ready when they started. But, during the past month has come along. He stays dry most days. Potties when prompted. And has even asked to go 1-2 times per week. Has NEVER pooped in my toilet.

Dad dropped him off this morning, in underwear, with a bag of clothes. Says that he has been dry at home for two weeks with just a few messes. And a couple of piddles when he wasn't fast enough to the toilet.

During this two weeks he has not been in my care. Teacher's kid. He was back yesterday. He stayed dry, but did poop in his pullup.

I reminded DCD that it is my policy that they are accident free for two weeks before I move them to underwear. He raises he voice. Tells me that "I know you are the babysitter, but I am his parent." Complains about paying for diapers. Loudly complains about not paying for pullups for 6 more months and not "going backwards".

During the exchange I kept my voice calm and professional. Tried to explain that children often take longer in group care than at home. The distractions of other children to play with, extra stimulus. The fact that I can't spend the day cleaning my carpets and floors while providing group care.

He wasn't hearing anything I said. I then told him that this is my policy and that if he doesn't like it, he is more than welcome to find another provider.

He left after that, still upset.

So, I am debating on DCB. Do I leave him in the underwear, knowing full well that he is going to have an accident, to prove the point? Or do I follow my written policies and change him into his pullups?
Follow your policies. If you waiver, you'll find yourself having to "prove a point" with every single thing you and he disagree about in the future.

No naps, special foods, etc etc... NOT saying they do this now but if you open the door to being willing to "try" what they are asking when it goes against your written policies, he will expect that every time with each new phase.

Follow your policies. You have them for a reason.
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hope 08:18 AM 01-06-2015
Follow your policy. You do not have yo prove anything to dcd. I would however send a note home stating any accidents today.
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KSDC 08:22 AM 01-06-2015
I am planning on sending a note about the disrespectful behavior. Giving notice that I will not allow him to raise his voice to me again. If it ever happens again, it will be grounds for immediate termination.

The reason I didn't terminate today is because I have had this family for three years and this is the first time they have given me any troubles over my policies.

Honestly, this is the first time I have ever had a DCP raise their voice to me. I was totally blindsided.
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mountainside13 10:33 AM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by KSDC:
I am planning on sending a note about the disrespectful behavior. Giving notice that I will not allow him to raise his voice to me again. If it ever happens again, it will be grounds for immediate termination.

The reason I didn't terminate today is because I have had this family for three years and this is the first time they have given me any troubles over my policies.

Honestly, this is the first time I have ever had a DCP raise their voice to me. I was totally blindsided.
Why do parents do this? I'm sorry he yelled at you! That would completely out of line! Why do the long term good parents turn?!

My evil side says to keep him in the underwear to prove a point.
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Shell 10:49 AM 01-06-2015
What an a@@! You should be furious! How dare he challenge your policies and raise his voice to you! I just don't understand how parents think it's ok to let a child that has accidents go free on our property- how gross would he think it is if it was another child. With parents like this, I do either the pull up or diaper over underwear, so when they have an accident, it is "caught" by the extra layer. I tell them if it stays dry, it can be worn again over the underwear and this will save them money. Hth.
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Crazy8 11:22 AM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by Shell:
What an a@@! You should be furious! How dare he challenge your policies and raise his voice to you! I just don't understand how parents think it's ok to let a child that has accidents go free on our property- how gross would he think it is if it was another child. With parents like this, I do either the pull up or diaper over underwear, so when they have an accident, it is "caught" by the extra layer. I tell them if it stays dry, it can be worn again over the underwear and this will save them money. Hth.
I like this idea - then you are still sending home the wet undies to show the child wasn't ready but you are not cleaning up messes where other children play!
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KIDZRMYBIZ 11:41 AM 01-06-2015
Times, they are a-changin'.

I have had major "quarrels" with 2 different DCFs in the past 2 years over this. It used to be so rare for a kiddo to have any trouble with accidents during potty training (only very few and very temporary), or have a total relapse unless something hugely traumatic happened to them. There would just be the occasional leak from waiting too long. Happens to everyone at some point. It was never a big deal, so never an issue.

Fast forward a decade, and holy cow! IME, it's been because of parental laziness for the most part. A combination of not really making an effort to ACTUALLY potty train at home (expect daycare to do it all), not being able to limit vast amounts of juice and/or chocolate milk before they arrive, sometimes not even bothering to take them potty after they peel off the soaked pull-up at home before leaving the house!

It seems like more and more people are not able to see if from the provider's perspective, even when it spelled out in detail. I think it's a general lack of respect for others and their property. I've given out pointers to them on how they can help their child at home (natural consequences, follow our potty break schedule, limit fluid amounts to FDA suggestions, go the second before you leave your home, blah, blah, blah) to have success with this at daycare, and they still get mad and try to refuse the pull-ups.

I used to have some sanity maintained by having the child having accidents playing only in a "pee zone" (I call it that only in my head!). I use a square plastic table cloth under the child at all times, and play is directed all the live long day: "Time to play restaurant. Johnny Pee Pants, you be the cook! Now go make a cool track at the train table. Johnny Pee Pants, you work on this side by DCG." Never do I utter a word about the mat, and just keep moving it as necessary. Of course, this got real old, real quick when potty training woes were frequent and long lived.

As a provider, the only choice is to do something like this and keep cleaning up until the child matures a little more -OR- enforce a logical potty policy like yours and risk losing them as clients.

What did you decide to do today?
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KIDZRMYBIZ 11:48 AM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by Shell:
What an a@@! You should be furious! How dare he challenge your policies and raise his voice to you! I just don't understand how parents think it's ok to let a child that has accidents go free on our property- how gross would he think it is if it was another child. With parents like this, I do either the pull up or diaper over underwear, so when they have an accident, it is "caught" by the extra layer. I tell them if it stays dry, it can be worn again over the underwear and this will save them money. Hth.
I like this idea, too. I would make sure I made the parent aware of it first, though, before their 3yo told them I was putting a pull-up or diaper on them! More than likely, this wouldn't be acceptable to them either, but at least it LOOKS LIKE I'm trying to meet them half-way.
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Blackcat31 12:32 PM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
I like this idea - then you are still sending home the wet undies to show the child wasn't ready but you are not cleaning up messes where other children play!
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
I like this idea, too. I would make sure I made the parent aware of it first, though, before their 3yo told them I was putting a pull-up or diaper on them! More than likely, this wouldn't be acceptable to them either, but at least it LOOKS LIKE I'm trying to meet them half-way.
This "used" to be my go-to method too. But now all I ever get is, "But if they are wearing a pull up or diaper (under or over their underwear) they will just pee in their pants."

My reply is usually "Well then they aren't ready"

But just this morning a DCM says to me "But at home, C is dry all day and will use the potty all by themselves without prompting"

Home is not the same as here....

But C does well at home....

Home is not the same as here.....

But C does....

Home is not the same as here...

But C...

Home is not the same as here....

But....

Home is not the same as here....

Oh, okay.



Of course after this repeat conversation (we've had it a time or two before) I notice C is wearing overalls.
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