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happymom 10:02 AM 07-07-2017
Please tell me if I'm just making a big deal when it's not a big deal at all.

My son is recently potty trained (2 months ago) and his teacher and I have daily conversations about how he's doing. He is doing great, hasn't had an accident in weeks, we recently took away his nap diaper as well. She told me at daycare they do potty treats. I told her that we don't do them at home, but they are welcome to use whatever they'd like at daycare.

BUT, his daily report shows a very obvious pattern of my son abusing the potty treats after his main teacher goes home for the day. 4:00, 4:10, 4:20, 4:30, 4:40....until I pick up. Potty every 10 minutes. Why? Potty treats.

Then they talk to me about it. I'm not sure that they expect me to somehow do something about it? Or if they find it to be a problem? Or if they just think it's cute/funny and want to share it with me...but I don't find it cute and funny at all (and I certainly wouldn't stand for it at home).

I don't want to isolate him and make him the only kid that doesn't get potty treats, but he's clearly taking advantage.
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Blackcat31 10:31 AM 07-07-2017
Originally Posted by happymom:
Please tell me if I'm just making a big deal when it's not a big deal at all.

My son is recently potty trained (2 months ago) and his teacher and I have daily conversations about how he's doing. He is doing great, hasn't had an accident in weeks, we recently took away his nap diaper as well. She told me at daycare they do potty treats. I told her that we don't do them at home, but they are welcome to use whatever they'd like at daycare.

BUT, his daily report shows a very obvious pattern of my son abusing the potty treats after his main teacher goes home for the day. 4:00, 4:10, 4:20, 4:30, 4:40....until I pick up. Potty every 10 minutes. Why? Potty treats.

Then they talk to me about it. I'm not sure that they expect me to somehow do something about it? Or if they find it to be a problem? Or if they just think it's cute/funny and want to share it with me...but I don't find it cute and funny at all (and I certainly wouldn't stand for it at home).

I don't want to isolate him and make him the only kid that doesn't get potty treats, but he's clearly taking advantage.
I'd request that they stop giving him treats.

It will compromise his success and current progress in my opinion since he wasn't "trained" in that fashion (rewards).

I will sometimes use potty treats to get a child interested in using the toilet but use of rewards decrease rapidly for the above reasons.

I'll start with 1 or 2 M&M's or Gummy Bears the first day, then only when the child actually goes and then only after a full day of being dry and then only after a week so ultimately by the end of a full week there is no more "rewarding" happening.

I wouldn't worry about your child being the only one not getting treats.... every kid is different and I never worried about my kid feeling left out...I just explained that everyone is different. Just because one does X doesn't mean its okay for all.
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Cat Herder 10:57 AM 07-07-2017
Have you asked them if it is a problem? Have you told them you don't like potty treats? Is this method covered in your parent handbook? You have the power, here.

*I, too, use occasional potty treats to solve problems. The main use, for me, is distraction when kids are struggling to have a BM due to lack of fiber and too much milk in their diets. Laffy taffy is awesome for this.
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happymom 11:02 AM 07-07-2017
Ok perfect!

I think I will do that. He definitely doesn't need to be getting treats for going to the toilet. It's inhibiting everyone (I would hate to be the teacher left in the classroom with all the kids while the other teacher was taking him to the toilet six times per hour, as much as I would hate to be the person taking him to the toilet six times per hour).

It'd drive me freakin' nuts. Even for me, and I'm his mom and absolutely adore him.
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happymom 11:23 AM 07-07-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Have you asked them if it is a problem? Have you told them you don't like potty treats? Is this method covered in your parent handbook? You have the power, here.

*I, too, use occasional potty treats to solve problems. The main use, for me, is distraction when kids are struggling to have a BM due to lack of fiber and too much milk in their diets. Laffy taffy is awesome for this.
There is nothing in the handbook covering potty training (at least I was never given anything, he was 5 weeks old when I enrolled him so potty training wasn't really on the radar and my older child was already enrolled). I know they also do a sticker chart -- not sure why they do both?

I'm not completely against potty treats. I understand how they can be useful which is why I initially left the door open for daycare to decide.
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e.j. 12:29 PM 07-07-2017
I use potty treats when I think somebody really could use the motivation. Once a kid is savvy enough to figure out how to take advantage of the system, I figure he's savvy enough to be told that he's already been given a treat and that's it for the day. I usually get a sheepish grin and a shrug that says, "Hey! I had to at least give it a shot!" It always amazes me how kids at such a young age can figure how to work the system!
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Mom2Two 12:58 PM 07-07-2017
I am wondering if your son is actually producing something every 10 minutes or are they giving treats for a "dry run." If it's a dry run, I'd ask them to change it to when he actually goes.

I give potty treats when a child is beginning potty training to keep up their interest, but they have to "go" to get one (like smartie/m n m size treat). I wean kids off treats when they're really good at recognizing when they need to go and taking responsibility for it. I tell them they're big now and that potty treats are just for little kids who need help knowing when to go potty.

The one time I've had a parent of a two year old flat out ask me to stop potty treats, their kid lost interest almost immediately and potty training stopped at my place, because I don't take responsibility for that.

I'll take kids regularly, but if they don't go or are wetting in between trips, I don't consider that to be my problem, and I stop taking the kids and tell parents that I'll put effort in again when the child is actually on track well at home.
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happymom 01:13 PM 07-07-2017
He is producing something. When he pees in the potty it says "TW" for toilet wet or "TD" for toilet dry. He is a master of peeing when he wants, I am certain it is just a few drops. I've seen him do this at bedtime when he's stalling before.

They just do an M&M for a potty treat, and I THINK they just do potty treats in the 2 year old room from what I understand...normally when they merge classes due to ratios, he is one of the first to get moved into the 2s.

He's only 20 months, but smart as can be, and he's learning to push his limits right now as well. In the 1s room with his normal teacher it's not much a problem 1) because I think he's the only potty trained child and 2) because they don't keep the potty treats in that room. Someone would actually have to walk to the 2s room to get him a treat (and they are not that close to each other)

I honestly didn't put it together until just now. I was thinking that it was a certain teacher that he was abusing the potty treats with, but I think it's more to do with him being with the 2 year olds and in the other classroom.
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CalCare 02:32 PM 07-07-2017
Yeah, I would just tell them not to use potty treats. I don't use treats and it works out fine. You don't use treats, so why do it at school? If son complains, I would just tell him everyone does things differently and we don't do candy for going to the bathroom.
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CalCare 02:36 PM 07-07-2017
I forgot I was going to also say, they probably feel like they should take him everytime he asks (it would be wrong not to), but then they feel they must give the treat once he goes. So, the teachers maybe feel forced to go along with the whole thing since it seems to be the policy. My point is, I don't blame the teachers in this scenario. I think they just follow the policy (even if it's unwritten).
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happymom 02:43 PM 07-07-2017
Originally Posted by CalCare:
Yeah, I would just tell them not to use potty treats. I don't use treats and it works out fine. You don't use treats, so why do it at school? If son complains, I would just tell him everyone does things differently and we don't do candy for going to the bathroom.
He doesn't really talk yet. He is only just starting to string words together and communicates with one word sentences and pointing *or yelling.

About a week into potty training him, my husband found out that he wasn't getting treats and wanted to give him treats for going potty....I tried it...it backfired really quickly, and I took the treats away...and he was pretty mad about it for like a day, and then he got over it and stopped looking for treats.
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Pestle 03:38 PM 07-07-2017
Team No Treats. Children enjoy being able to use the potty, including controlling their own elimination, removing their clothes and diaper, sitting on the cool potty, wiping, dressing again, and washing and drying their hands. It's about learning to master the process, not perform for a treat.
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happymom 04:04 PM 07-07-2017
I'm going to talk to the afternoon teacher today about stopping treats and I'll talk to his main teacher on Monday.

I just didn't want people to think I was a mean mom for saying he couldn't have treats.

Seemed like everyone thought I was mean when I wouldn't give permission to feed my infant pudding/cookies/juice, too, a teacher once told me my 10 month old felt "left out"
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Ariana 06:09 PM 07-07-2017
Manipulating potty treats means no more treats! Treats are reinforcement so once that is no longer needed they get phased out. It could backfire which would be my concern because if he stops getting treats he might regress? Maybe a treat limit for the day or only with the main teacher? I would try to phase it out rather than cut it out cold turkey.
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Pandaluver21 04:29 PM 07-09-2017
I assume he is able to answer yes/no questions?

Have the say "you won't get a treat this time, do you still need to go?" Have them only do one treat per hour or so, and if he goes more than that he won't get one. I'm sure he'll catch on!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 06:48 AM 07-10-2017
Originally Posted by happymom:
I'm going to talk to the afternoon teacher today about stopping treats and I'll talk to his main teacher on Monday.

I just didn't want people to think I was a mean mom for saying he couldn't have treats.

Seemed like everyone thought I was mean when I wouldn't give permission to feed my infant pudding/cookies/juice, too, a teacher once told me my 10 month old felt "left out"
You are not mean. I think it's wise to discontinue treat use since he clearly doesn't NEED them to use the restroom in other situations.

We don't give pudding/cookies/juice to our child and she's nearly 4. We figure the sugar isn't necessary. She's never had those things and she doesn't know what she is missing. She's content with fruit for now. People will always have an opinion about other people's parenting decisions. Don't worry about what they think if you can help it. We just say, "We don't do that in our family." when people voice strong, negative opinions after being politely told no to giving her something.
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happymom 08:50 AM 07-10-2017
Thanks you guys.

The morning teachers were not doing potty treats regularly, but I found out 2 of the afternoon teachers were. Guess which teachers were taking him to the potty 4-6 times per hour?

I talked to both of those teachers individually and also to his main teacher (who they report to), so it won't be a problem anymore at least until he moves up a level to the 2s class (where I guess they regularly do potty treats).

At home I don't take him to the toilet on a schedule or just for the hell of it. I DO take him first thing in the morning and before we leave the house and before bed/nap, but other than that he initiates all his toileting and it's usually every 2 hours or so.

He sleeps through the night dry, so unless he's eating an entire watermelon he shouldn't need to potty every 10-20 minutes
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