I can already tell which people on this site are old school, because the majority of the time I agree with them
Its funny, because I'm in my middle thirties, but I grew up so differently than todays parents. so do you implement your old school ways in your daycare too or do you follow todays standard of parenting skills.
If you don't know what todays parenting skills are, look at the posts about parents and kids.

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Am I old school or new? i honestly have no idea.

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I am definitely old school.
I have seen the changes in parenting styles through the years and I can't believe the difference from 20 years ago.
Kids today get to make way too many choices and they think they are in charge of their parents.
I do let my kids choose things like what color cup they want or which type of fruit etc. but I have seen a parent ask a child if he feels like bringing his jacket to dc and I just couldn't believe it!!

My favorite all time comedian routine about this subject is Bill Cosby, Himself.
We watch it very often and it's so hilarious.

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omgosh, you are so right. I too can't believe that parents would rather reason with a 2 yr old rather than tell them "no" i also can't believe that parents are giving their children way too much choices and freedom. I also can't believe that many many children can't even dress themselves, I just can't get over that. I think thats why I do everything the way I was brought up, you didn't hit your parents, you used your manners and if you did something bad, you were disciplined, not rewarded with a new game. Also, we had to pick our own clothes and know how to do zippers and tie shoes. Not a parent doing those things.

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Yep, I agree. I'm definitely old-school too.

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Ok, I'm totally old school.

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Old School....

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30 years old, been a mother for almost 12 years. I am old school all the way!

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old school babysitter and PROUD of it

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So true! Definitely old school here.

My dh and I were just having this conversation last night. After 22 years of doing this that I might be 'too old'. It seems every family I interview lately is looking for pre-school at 2 and not potty training till 3.5 - 4.

The other thing that really bugs me it the amount of time that kids spend in daycare ~ 50+ hours a week. When do parents have time to parent, much less have and such opinions about it?

Case in point: last week I had an interview; she called me yesterday to tell me that she loved me, loved my daycare, loved my program but she couldn't get past the number of days I take off (not excessive, normal holidays, some paid, some unpaid) because they prefer to use their vacation days for themselves, not for the daycare. Translation: When I take a vacation day, my kid is going to be at daycare.


Honestly, why did you have them if they are such an inconvenience?

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I am just under thrity, and I would say for the most part - I am old school.

I am always shocked and horrified when I see parents reasoning with a naughty child - in my house, no means no and what I say goes - END OF STORY. There is no room for negotiation.
I agree on the comments about giving choices as well... what color sippy cup you want for the day and what kind of veggie you prefer for snack (of the options *I* give, of course) is totally fine but choosing if they are going to wear a jacket or not - NO WAY!
I watch kids walk all over their parents all the time, and then listen to those same parents complain that their kids are out of contol...
wonder why?

I have another question, that probably has already been discussed here... what are feelings on spankings here (obviously with own kids, not DC kids)?

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I am so Old School , I can remember when you told your child to do something and never ask them if they would do it

I can remember Johnson's Diapers

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This is me too! (32 and a mother for 14 years) Defintely old school!!

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I agree - I NEVER ASK... I tell!

I watched my best friend with her 3 year odl the other day...
MOM: "Are you going to start listening?"
CHILD: *ignores*
MOM: "Do you want a time out?"
CHILD: *ignores*
MOM: "Go to the corner for a time out and let me know when you are ready to listen."
CHILD: "I'm ready to listen!"
MOM: "Okay, no time out then"
Unbelievable!

As if! The children in my home do not ignore me. Nor do THEY tell ME when they're ready - I DECIDE!

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Same here!!! The new fad of calling a Child Care Provider/ Babysitter a "Teacher" is right up there with calling a Stripper a "Dancer" to me....

Now, I know there are actual Teachers that teach pre-school to "underserved" kids... I am NOT one of those.

I take care of children's emotional, nutritional and physical needs, for pay, while their parents work = Babysitter.

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Proud to be old school.

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Old School all the way. I started out in this business thinking I would be caring for children but find a majority of my time is spend in direct relation to the parents.....

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I am guessing the majority of providers are going to be old school... and if parents actually had to spend as much time and deal with their own children as we do... then maybe they'd change their ways a little.

I cannot believe the control these children have over their parents! One parent just last week thanked me for giving her child a time out at go home time because he hit her. I was honest and simply said "Hitting isn't allowed in my house, one of us needed to do something" She then said she was embarrased by the childs behavior... yeah she should be and admitted that it is just easier to give in to the child as it ends conflicts and embarrasement in public quicker... WOW!!!!!!

Wouldn't it be nice if the parents also had to enforce our rules when they are with their kids too?? Wouldn't that make Mondays so much easier for everyone??

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Old School!

Here's a funny...

Last week when the weather was horrible 3 or my 6 families came in and let me know that they were working at home. When they left my 16 year old said, "geesh, don't these people like their kids very much! You worked when I was a kid and I never was at daycare as much as these kids are!"

It NEVER crossed my mind to bring my kid to daycare when I had the day off. I cherished the time I got to spend with my kids.

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Boy, I TOTALLY agree with everything you have said! I am in my 50's and totally am old school and proud of it!! I think parents of today, not all, but most of them, want their kids to be their friend and not get mad at them, so they don't discipline like we did years ago, which is We, as your parent is the boss and you do what I say, where as today the parent will just let the kids get away with something instead of being the boss and the child then is ruling the roost, if you get what I mean. I had a DCG once who came in the middle of winter,( here is is cold ) with no socks on & no shoes on when Mom brought her in, she was carrying her in. I said where are your shoes & socks, and Mom said, Oh, she wouldn't let me get them on her today! She then handed me her shoes and socks for me to put on her. Now, if I were that parent, I would be totally embarrassed with that, but she was not.
How hard is it to say to the child" You will put your shoes & socks on now" and if she didn't do it, then you just put them on her yourself. Now is that so hard to do for a parent to do? NO! But she wimped out and let the child tell her what to do. Who is the parent here, not that parent! So, ya, parents need to take more time with their kids and discipline them and we need to go back to the old school way of doing things. Anyway you hit it right on the head! Thank you so many of you for saying your old school!

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I guess I'm old school. I'm not a babysitter though. I'm a child care provider. I consider myself an early childhood educator. I stopped babysitting when I started depending on my income to pay bills and get serious about my career. I do teach the children everything from manners to buttons, math to science. We involve early literacy skills with even the youngest kids. How???? We read books, bake cookies, spend our days enjoying our childhood. As far as I'm concerned a " babysitter" is someone who simply observes a child and keeps them from harming themselves. What most of us do is so much more.

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ME TOO!!! I didn't "preschool" my own kids, I'm sure not getting paid enough to preschool yours!

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I make more than most public school teachers in my area so I can't say this. I do think you are all selling yourselves short though. You do so much more than you credit yourselves with.

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I'm old school for sure. I raised my own child that way and it was how I was raised. As childcare provider, I keep it as old school as I can because it works.

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I agree - I'm old school

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I think we're all teachers. Doesn't mean we have to have a specific curriculum, but in the time they spend with us, they're learning the most important skills in life. In my opinion.

This thread just makes me sad. Do these kids seriously have the option of wearing appropriate outdoor clothing? Seriously? How is a choice between frostbite and no frostbite a valid choice in an adult's mind?

I guess that means I'm old school, except I won't use corporal punishment, ever. The only options that are okay to offer a kid are like what littlemissmuffet said--which veggie do you want for snack?!!! Otherwise, it's too confusing for little kids. Don't parents know that? It's confusing for me to even order off a giant menu at a diner or someplace like the cheesecake factory. Too many options is not usually a good thing, for kids OR adults!

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Don't get me wrong, with the one over two that I have (the rest are babies). I've worked on numbers, letters, colors and shapes. We color, play doh etc. I've had the dck dressing herself for awhile. But I DON"T spend my hard earned money on "pre-packed preschool" programs.

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I am in my mid thirties and I am definitely old school. To be honest, I have tried some of the new school parenting techniques with my own kids. Some things work and some don't. Whatever works, I continue to use. Whatever doesn't work I have to take it back to the old school And by old school I pretty much mean do what I say or else!

I have to admit though, it's really hard to practice old school techniques with the way the licensing rules are written. Luckily I have found ways to get around most of the nonsense rules though though.

littlemissmuffet, I am a supporter of spanking. We use it as a last line of defense but I have/will swat my own kids on the bottom if the situation warrants it.

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its amazing how many of us believe that the old way works. I truely believe that if more parents parent the way they were that there would be less kids that have problems. I also find, I'm not sure why, but its like the "me generation" I have never seen so many parents who do everything for themselves, but omgoodness if their child needs a coat or new shoes.
I have a dcb who last week has been hitting the kids (he's almost 3) not only that he's been braking alot of the stuff too. So I mention it to dad, and dad tells me that he's like this at home. I'm like, "well what do you do" so dad says that dcb screams so loud and so much they let him get away with it. I'm like, "um, he goes in time out for hitting right away" So apparently this weekend dcb was hitting them so bad that they didn't know what to do, not only that, because me and mom were talking he started kicking my screen door. I piped up right away and wouldn't let him do that. But mom just brushed it off.
I'm also finding that kids are hitting more and using anything as weapons more too. What ever happened to nice play.

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I agree with you on this one,if more parents would discipline,there would be less children getting in trouble because they have been allowed to do whatever they want without consequences. And yes, it is the "ME" generation. I find that parents spend more time doing what they want for themselves then spending time with their children. Even when they have a day off, they will bring their child to daycare so they don't have to bother with them. An example for instance, I had a Mom have the day off, needed to run some errands that day and said it was too much of a hassle to take her daughter with her, so I got her that day. As it turned out, I had to run a few errands that day also with my own 2 boys and her daughter. We had to run to Target and as we were entering the store, here my daycare Mom comes out of Target at the same time I was going in, with her daughter. Wow, If I could handle 3 kids, one who was her daughter, why couldn't she handle her own child. As far as nice play theses days, kids don't know how to nice play.... especially when they get by with hitting at home and getting away with it. Then they think it is okay to do that because their parents have not told them that it is not a nice thing to do. I could go on and on with what parents are not doing these days, but that won't do any good.

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Old School!

I am in my early 30s and my friends probably think I'm a mean mom. My children are not allowed to hit/hurt/talk back to me or to other kids. They have to dress themselves and eat what I make for dinner without getting other choices. I decide where we are going and when, and they have no choice but to come with me.

That being said, I have tried some "new school" parenting techniques as well. If they work, great, if not, back to the "old" way. Some have worked and I have enjoyed them. However, the "new" ways will not come with unlimited choices, ability to reason with the parents, and being able to walk all over me...those things are old school all the way.

In my daycare, the old way just works better. My dcks do walk all over their parents sometimes. They are constantly being "bargained" with and bribed. They are so totally in charge that it makes me sick sometimes. Also, what is wrong with kids playing at home? I have one family that is here 5 minutes before I open every day because "they were up early and I didn't know what to do with them, so we drove around and then came here." On the weekends, these same kids will go out to breakfast, to the zoo, out to lunch, to a movie, to the mall, and out to dinner...all in one day. Or once the went to a museum in the morning, the zoo in the afternoon, then to the park, then to a play. What the heck? I feel like I tote my kids around a lot just to run errands that don't get done during the week and we try to do one "fun" thing per week...sometimes it's a museum or the zoo...sometimes it's as simple as getting an ice cream cone or hanging out at the library. I don't get it.

I do run a complete preschool program, though. It makes it easier to structure my day. We sing the songs I sang as a kid, do art projects (pre-prepared or creative), play outside, have play time, and do some organized "center" activities. I teach numbers, letters, and how to zip your own jacket...just the basics. I love teaching and I love to do this. I want my kids to be proud of themselves and their accomplishments. I do not think there is anything wrong at all with a child led curriculum, but it's not for me. I like to be able to plan my month in advance and prepare activities that go along with a pre-planned theme. I totally "get" the other way, it's just not how my brain works.

When I first started working in a child care center, I worked in an infant room with a 60ish year old woman. Talk about old school! She wouldn't even let you hold a baby if they cried ("They have to learn that they will get attention from you when they are NOT crying.") She was too extreme for my taste, but she did teach me a lot. In fact, it's probably why I'm still old school today.

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I never understood why I can take 5 children under the age of 5 to various activities and errands but these parents can't take 1 child to the store.

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Because we make their "little darlings" MIND....and they don't!

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I am thinking of starting our own "For Profit" Certification Body. We can come up with our own list of requirements, materials and offer others the privilege of paying for our Gold Heart ratings....


We can call it P.O.O.P.... Professional Organization of Providers.

IMHO, It is all a bunch of BS, anyway.....

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I am old school 100% down to the core. In my home/daycare what I say goes. This is not a democracy or a debate. All my daycare kids come from "feel good, be my friend families". They get an eye opener when they are hear with me. One kid had enough nerve to ask me why I don't clean up during clean up time. Hello who do you think does everything else. Oh I went off. Parents bring kids in laced shoes and they & the kids expect me to lace up all kids shoes each time we go outside. Yea right! You will be going bare footed or the very last kid I had another child question why we have to nap all the time when at home she doesn't have to. Because I said! I didn't believe in spanking until recently. My daughter was acting out to the extreme. I told her if she didn't stop I would spank her...never had before. She looked at me dead in the eye and said I will laugh. I was shocked. I told her then I will right now she then said I will laugh louder. I don't believe in empty threats so I took her upstairs and she got it. Let's just say she didn't laugh and I haven't had to do it again.

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LOL Im not going to tell you how old I am...but based on how my mother raised me, I would say Im old school. (Now, I have been working in a center for the past four years and I worked for the school system for three years prior to that. I am lead teacher, I designed my classrooms, plan my curriculum, manage my assistants, etc...so I'm not some kid )

What I can't get past is the smart mouths on these itty bitty kids. At three!! I wouldn't have known how to talk to my mother that way, and if I did know, I wouldn't have dared. I told a three-year-old boy today that if he ran on the steps he would have to get a time out. He said "I don't care. Im still gonna run anyway and I'm NOT sittin in no time-out". If I still have to wipe your nose and your butt, you definitely are not talking to me that way! And its how he talks to his mother, he feels like he's on the same level with adults, and they think its cute...

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I am new school. JUST KIDDING FOLKS. I'm older school than a Byzantine era classroom.

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I'm 40 years old and certainly old school. This fluffy approach to raising OR caring for kids drives me batty. I wish parents/educators and whoever else would quit praising mediocrity or worse! Expect something of kids!

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yesterday morning i watched a mother put on and take off her childs shoes 4 times, because HE didnt like the way she was doing it.

....and she is a licensed therapist with a masters degree.


when it comes to behavior and respect, i am old school.

yes, i run a child centered program. but that doesnt mean i let them rule the roost. some people think child-led means the kids can do whatever they want, whenever. thats not what it means, to me anyway.

they choose the topic or "theme" for the week/month based on their interest, and they do choose what they want to play with throughout the day, but they are still expected to follow rules, and be respectful.

yes, they can choose to paint when they want. but they know, the minute they step away from the easel, they'd better put that brush down.

sure, i have a huge table full of sand in the middle of my house. but they know, they'd better keep it in the table.

if they rip apart the playroom and mix up the centers, thats fine. but when they are done, they know just where everything goes.

so maybe i'm wrong. maybe i'm really not so child centered, seeing that i dont allow little jonny to creatively express himself by painting my couch, or stuff my cat in the toy oven, IDK.

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This sounds quite a bit like the way I run things.

I was going to say that I am of whatever school I need to be to best get through to each individual child. Some kids get yelled at more than others...simply because gentle reminders don't work. Some kids burst into tears when you say gently, "Hey, dcg, scoot on out of the kitchen, okay?"

Letting kids do what they want, when they want, where they want, does NOT extend to things that are dangerous, destructive, overly messy, not socially acceptable, or down-right disrespectful to themselves, others, or the environment (meaning space around them). It does not mean that there are NO LIMITS.

People take "child-centered" and "child-led" to means things that it TOTALLY doesn't mean. Just like attachment parenting doesn't necessarily mean that you are literally attached all the time, or that you don't discipline at all, or that you need to be your kid' friend, or whatever. I'm not my kid's friend, I'm her parent...but I do practice attachment parenting. She's well-behaved, knows darn well where the limits are because I'm not afraid to enforce them with an iron fist if need be, she's kind and generous and helpful...and if I parented her any differently we'd have a lot more problems because it wouldn't be what SHE needs. My next kid is bound to need different things.

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I would be interested to see if any childcare provider really IS new school and how on earth that would even work?!? I'm almost 30 and am definitely old school! Even with my own kids. Attitude doesn't fly here. I have no problem putting kids responsible for their actions and they know it immediately. Here we respect others, ourselves, and objects. There is no discussion!

Little Miss Muffett. I was against spanking until my daughter turned 2. It came to the point where it was the only thing that broke through to her. We don't have to do it anymore, but I believe that if your own child needs it, it isn't a bad thing.

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I am old school.

One thing that drives me nuts is my niece buys her son something everytime they go to Target. If your good you get candy, or a toy. If he throws a fit for a toy she buys it for him so he won't throw a fit. Let him throw his fit take him out of the store and home.
I told her you are creating a monster. Then she wonders why he acts like he does around her?

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This drives me NUTS when I hear kids doing this in the store. My child did it once. I left my cart, picked her up and walked out of the store. Although we didnt go home because I had to shop so she stopped her fit went back in the store and behaved. I dont spank or anything like but my kids know what I say goes, there is no disrespecting mom.

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My own kids are SA but when they were lil I taught them if they asked for a toy or treat at the store they absolutely would NOT get it. PERIOD!

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you should call up my 8 year old and ask him what would happen if he pitched a fit in the store.

I'm from the old school...like waaaay old back in the day when grandma would straight tear my butt up in the middle of EW James grocery shop for looking at her the wrong way LOL

my kids get spanked, the 14 month old no, he doesn't get spanked but he gets firm no's and a hand swat every now and then, it won't kill him

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I always promised myself that I wouldn't start off a conversation that way, but now I understand why the conversations have to start that way.

Kids today are given way too many choices and way too much freedom. I've seen kids totally control their parents and I can't imagine even attempting any of the stunts that they pull with my own parents! I would have been sent outside to pick out a switch for my mom all the time. Kids today also behave as though they should be given everything that they want. They are entitled and that's no good. It's a "Me, Me, Me" generation for sure.

I have a hard time with the fluctuating expectations that are set by parents. They want their kids to be geniuses and do everything early, but they will make excuses for the child if the expectations aren't met. It's sad to see children get set up for failure this way. It seems to me that this generation of children has a much harder time with social settings and school settings. They aren't willing to listen to rules, much less obey them. It can be an exercise in futility to be responsible for children who have no regard for rules. It's also frustrating to see children just not even try to do things for themselves. Parents do everything for the child and as a result the child doesn't trust their own ability to do things for themselves. When these children become adults and are being expected to be responsible for themselves, what will happen?

Yeah, I'm old school. I have high standards for my daughter and I expect her to rise to the challenge. If she doesn't meet a goal, then we figure out why and we move on. I hold her responsible for her mistakes, and I make her accountable for fixing them. She's a bright girl who is well adjusted and doesn't fear failing at anything that she tries. She's not perfect and I don't expect her to be, but that was never my intention for her. I have the same mindset with the children in my care. I know that they are capable of so much more than they show their parents. Because I know that they can, I expect that they will.

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I've been thinking about this all day and I want to say something...but hope it's not taken the wrong way.

There are definitely problems with "kids today" and "parents today"--but they are NOT starting with the current generation of kids and parents--I think that the problems started a couple generations back. Many of today's parents (between 20 and 35 years old, probably) didn't get much parenting, or good parenting, or parenting that was useful at all--these are some of the first digitally-raised kids, the ones who first had cable and VCRs and computers and internet and were left to their own devices much of the time. They had no good example of HOW to parent, HOW to problem-solve, HOW to stick by their guns and let a consequence stand. They were influenced heavily by the Hollywood notion of family and kids and parents--where kids got away with murder and talking back and everything was backed by a laugh track.

Without those good examples from their own parents, and as the notion of having mom/grandma/aunts around all the time to help a new mama falls by the wayside, no one knows how to parents, and no one knows how to LEARN to parent. It used to be that people learned by watching extended family--that's how I learned. But that doesn't happen so much anymore in our compartmentalized, highly individualistic society. Other cultures still have that matriarchal component in play much more than ours does, and it shows in their parenting practices, I think. Some things are better learned from those who have already learned it the hard way and I think parenting is one of them.

i'm not blaming everything on TV, mind you--but it is one of the things I can point to that's changed in the past couple of generations, along with the "death of the extended family". It's not that today's kids are a "me" generation--it's that today's parents, and to some extent the parents before them--are also "me" generations. Our society has become SO individualistic that nothing else exists for some people--many people.

It's a multi-generational problem, for sure, and it's getting worse. Parents today don't know how to parent because they didn't experience parenting, and kids today won't know how to parent either, and neither will their kids, except for the ones who step up and figure it out.

Unfortunately, it's only going to KEEP getting worse the more the government steps in to mandate how things "should" be done--sometimes I feel like we're only one short step from having government-installed Big Brother style cameras in all our homes waiting for us to slip up and spank a child or give our 18-month old a PBJ or not cut grapes up into 16 pieces for our 4 year old.

When you ask a community like this--child care providers, people who choose to work with children all day every day voluntarily--I don't think you're likely to find any completely "new school" people--because those are the people who look horrified when you tell them what you do for a living and say that they could never do it. Those are the people we have as clients...not the people that are doing the job.

I can't say I'm completely old school 'cause I'm not and I could never be because I believe too much in the value of understanding child development. But let me tell you--some of my favorite "parenting books" come from the old school (written in the fifties and the seventies) and they are JUST as accurate today as they were when they were written. And they fit just fine into my parenting philosophy.

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I think this was well said and I've been thinking this way for quite a while. Being a parent of boys, I don't even know if my knowledge will help them parent since the responsibility of parenting often falls on the ladies over the men.

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I agree with a lot of what you've said. I think another thing that has hurt the family is the lack of stay at home Moms. My kids were in that first generation with alll the electronics (29 &27). We were one of the last to buy an ninetdo for them, and then it was only b/c we had just moved to the country and they knew no one and it was summer time, not much chance to meet a lot of kids until school started.

I think a lot of things started going down hill as more and more Moms went to work and left the raising of their kids to others. yep, I know that gave us all jobs, but I would still rather see them raised by their own parents.



JMHO

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This is a really good post Silver.

I think it goes even deeper.

I was watching a youtube video of this little 5 month old whose mom posted five videos of her. One of them is entitled "Smart Super Baby Crawling at 4 months old!!! Genius World Record maybe??" and then this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-S1k..._order&list=UL

I was really saddend when I watched this on SO many levels. It really struck me how VERY VERY young we start the high stimulation and instant gratification.

This baby has a wide screen TV on in front of her and a REALLY loud infant toy that plays continually with lights and music. The only thing the baby does is touch the toy and the whole environment is taken over with the noise and lights of the toys.

That's not enough... the wide screen TV is on too!!!!!!

She's a five month old baby

Her parents believe she is gifted and amazing. Maybe even a world record holder.

Ugh

Nearly everything we have for even small babies is little effort HUGE response. For kids, teens, young adults... they have had an ENTIRE lifetime of this.

Just point and touch and you get a HUGE reward.

Then along comes a baby. A baby can't be cared for with a point and touch and they don't entertain YOU constantly. So what do we do? We do point and touch... FOR THE BABY so they don't cry... so THEY are entertained...

One generation passing it down to the next... but at some point it all falls apart. I believe that is happening NOW. I think we have made a HUGE cultural shift just in the last few years. The generation of kids raised on point and click now are raising the point and click kids.

constant happiness NOW
easy solution requiring no effort NOW
say yes NOW


Now as providers we have BOTH generations to accomodate.

It's not working... and you can see it in everything...
in education
in food
in sleep
in health
in MONEY

The baby video doesn't say it all but it says A LOT about where we are today.

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At first I asked myself this question and was unsure what to say....then i started reading what ya'll were saying and I have to agree that I'm definitly old school.

I too am amazed with some parents and their lack of parenting skills, the crazy thing is when the kids are in my presence they behave pretty well, its departure time and the end of the day when its a parent & me standing there is when my jaw usually drops! I can't believe what parents let thier kids get away with now days....reasoning with a child? seriously....yes its good for them to make SOME choices... But theres a fine line.

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It is soo refreshing to hear there are people like me. So many constant pleas with kids to get things done.."Johnny...do you want to go home?" The reply is "no". So the parents bribe. "Do you wanna go home to see dad? Get your bear? etc." After the first "no," I walk right over to what the kid is playing with, take it forcibly from their hands if needed and walk them to the door and wave good-bye. It is not a choice.

The same with screen time. Kids get to choose what they watch even. We specifically keep 1 television in our home in a common room. If our kids want to watch TV with dad after supper for a bit...they watch what dad chooses. He is the oldest and the boss. So, needless to say, my kids will and can sit through any documentary about anything and they do it with a happy heart cuz they got to watch with dad.

If I turn on the telelvision while I make lunch...if I don't choose a cartoon that has jingles or music etc. (or that takes more than a 30sec attention span) there is not one kid I care for that will sit for the story/show.

I remind the kids that if they would like to request something..they have to bring their manners to my house with them. Occassionally I get glimpses of the older kids I care for, as they morph into the kids they are "allowed" to be at home. Whining, no manners and demanding what they want and when. Recently, my 4 yr old explained to me how he told his mom that he doesn't like granola bars with chocolate chips any more..only the chocolate chunks. He told her that he gets a headache with the choc. chips. (Dare I report that she now only buys him the choc. chunk bars cuz he refuses to eat the others and throws a fit?) UGH

We only repeat things twice in our home. 3rd time and the kid gets a "break/time out/sit" until they are ready to listen. The option to get out of it only is given when the fits have stopped and their manners have returned.

Would love to have coffee with all of you on this one. Lots of stories to share..but would love to pick your brains to see how you handle some of the modern-day parenting situations that you encounter.

(We are also the type of family that eats every meal together sitting down at a table! It is the priority and the expectation. Most kids that come here are used to eating in front of a tv or while sitting on the counter. We have got to be culture shock to the core.)

I am also of the mind that I will be transitioning my child care to a non-electronic toy environment. Kids have more fun with a box than a silly loud plastic telephone. Enough said!

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My favorite saying. I say this to myself all day.
"No means no. It doesn't mean cry and whine until I say yes." Or "Do I look like your mother?"
Lol

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I totally agree! I think I'm a little of both. I have become less lenient with my rules over time because I know what works...and it's a matter of self preservation Unless I want to spend every waking moment cleaning up after my dck's, they will clean up after themselves. It really amazed me when I had my 3-5 yr olds clean up the play dough. They did a great job! And the same thing with shoes/jackets, etc. They need to get them on and be ready, unless they want to stay inside with my 18yr old daughter. I will help with laces...but they need to try! One day I had a dcb who refused to put on his jacket...He stayed inside with my daughter. He NEVER did that again. When I first started, I (and their parents) were selling them short. You get what you expect.

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I am not really sure it is so much "old school" as it is an abdication of the role of parenting. We seemed to have entered a realm where it is not the parent's job to parent.
We are the first "experts." At 6-8 weeks, the infant is handed over to us and we are expected to handle things. We teach, we train, we raise. I find this often in how many questions the parents ask. Most of my parents rely on me for advice in so many things, from medical advice to school advice to advice on toilet training.

At age 5, or earlier, the child is handed over to the school, and the "experts" there are supposed to do the rest of the work. It seems the more the school handles, the more the parents don't...in a vicious circle. Schools now feed kids breakfast, teach ethical behavior, sex ed.... All things that were once the parent's job.

I don't disagree with you btw, that kids are running the show. Parents have NO IDEA what to do, and precious little time or interest in learning. It is sad, and is going to one day have far reaching consequences.

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I currently nanny, but I am in the process of opening my daycare this year. There has been so many times that I have shaken my head at the lack of parenting. A few off the top of my head... Nanny for two highly professional people (both parents are scientists) 6 year old- eggs parents on to hit her and see what would happen, said she would tell the school. Same girl screamed "MOM- GET IN HERE NOW"!!! over and over... while mom was talking to a maintenance man at their house. Umm.... My single mother would have said excuse me to the man and I would have had it coming. This mother, "Ohh, what's the matter honey"?? She just wanted her mothers attention.
Another family- the 9 year old boy would not use the bathroom in his own house unless you stood outside the door. His sister took a bottle until age 6. Again- two highly educated parents. Kids would scream and boss their parents around. Same town- two older kids. I met with their therapist to be on the same page as kids/parents. It was the 1st week of my job. The boy had swim lessons, the girl and I had to watch. As a prepared nanny, I packed snacks and activities. Well, she wanted a snack out of the vending machine. I didn't have $ so I said no, let's find something in the bag. She proceeded to hit and kick me. When the therapist asked how the first week went, I told her the story. The therapist responded... I should have prepared her by telling her (in advance) that we would not be buying a snack today. Umm... It was my first time there, I didn't know this was going to happen. So, we have to appease the child every time? For what? For them to never to have to experience disappointment? Hope do they cope with life? Ahh yes... They have piano lessons, take every sport available, travel, but... They don't have their parents. Yes... Like you, I see the "me me me" generation on a daily basis. So many more stories. I can't wait to see what parents request when I open my day care doors... Now I have my own child. He is by no means, the most perfect 2 year old, but... I am raising him to be polite and courteous. He does NOT get everything he wants and he gets lots of compliments on his behaviour. Why do you want to have a child that no one cares to be around? To end on a positive note, I do childcare for some great families also. The kids are a joy to be around, but their parents parent!

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I'm not sure if it's old school but:

We didn't do "binkies" past 1.
We didn't do bottles past 1.
We potty trained when the kids were closer to 18 months -24 months
We had the kids in regular underwear when training, none of these pullups things.
We EXPECTED the children changed in the morning before drop-off
We expected the children fed before drop-off if they were going to be here after the scheduled breakfast time.
We had the kids learn manners
We did field trips and learning activities
On those field trips (say to the grocery store) the children exhibited exemplary behaviors.
We used a holding rope and ALL kids were expected to hold onto it at all times
We didn't do video games/tv/etc.
We had WOODEN blocks (do you know how hard the old-style was to find?)
Lots of books
Lots of writing/#'s/etc.
If the children were rude at MY home *I* addressed the children. Then I addressed the parents.
If the children cried at my house because they didn't want to leave? I didn't allow the parent to extend their visit. Once you're there and then suddenly baby's throwing a fit, time for you to GO. (My dcp friend had a parent every day stay an extra hour after close trying to get her dck to calm down. Um, no).

Truthfully, I didn't have many problems with the children. The PARENTS and the business aspect of the child care gave me the biggest headaches.

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Not sure if it is midwest values, not being from the city or what but I do not see many of the wacka doodles around here. Parents for the most part parent like I did, my Mother and even my grandmother. So I guess I am old school or maybe just a middle of the road Missourian You have to Show Me

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I don't want to hijack the thread bit how and what do you do to potty train kids so young?

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I had a parent tell me that they tried to take daughter for a hair cut over the weekend over 5 times but she would not let them. Hair is passed the eyes. Hello!

I mentioned, just doing it. Parent was afraid the child would get cut with the scissors from making such a fuss.

Child was taught if I put up enough of a fuss I can get my own way and manipulate my parents for everything. This child does a complete turn around when the parent is present.
Ugh!

I am old school, but if a new school way works- I run with it. I do what works. I do consider myself a "teacher" and do a lot with the kids, because I want to and it keeps my day interesting and I enjoy doing it. I try to keep open to all ways of doing things. I do feel children should be taught to respect elders and not run them.

Seems like most are old school. Any new school out there? member logged out for privacy

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Honestly I think I'm a little bit of both.

I totally agree! People take the terms to heart without really learning about the process itself. The same with CIO and baby led weaning.

I also agree with this! It's not something that's just starting. At almost thirty () I feel like I was raised right at the beginning of generation "me me me" so I got bits and pieces of it. My mom was a no nonsense, spanking mom when I was little but around the time my brother was born 7 years later, things changed. I can see the difference between how I was raised and how my brother (now 23) was raised. I don't think it's about favoritism or whatever else older siblings say about thier younger siblings being "spoiled," it was just the ideas about child raising changed during this time. My brother (and his friends) think everything should be handed to him, he deserves it all for little to no effort, and it drives me crazy because I work my butt off! I also feel like as I got older my mom was less involved, like I raised myself. i did what I wanted and no one was there to question, I'm surprised I turned out the way I did! Thank goodness for my Nana I guess!

Being kinda in the middle of these generations I can see both sides, but some of the "new school" stuff drives me crazy! I had a DCM show up one morning looking so tired and stressed. She said they got 3 hours of sleep because DCB (1.5yrs) wanted to watch Dora and color instead of sleeping and she "just can't bear to tell him no." So instead mom and dad had to suffer through a night of Dora (which is bad enough in my opinion) and a day of work with only 3 hours of sleep because they didn't want to say "no." Now I try to limit my use of "no" but in the middle of the night when DD wants to watch tv or play, she's gonna hear it! I need sleep! lol!

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My daughters have watched me doing dc for their whole lives and they do things basically the same way I do. On Sat my 20 yo dd was bbsitting a 6 yo girl and put her hair up in a "sock bun".
When the mom came home she thought her dd's hair was so cute.
Mom "How did you get her to let you put her hair up?"
dd "I told her we were going to do her hair, and then I just did it."
Mom "She always tells me no!"
dd "Well...she told me no too but I did it anyhow!

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