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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>7 yr old w/ Aspergers Very Violent
Lefse&Kids 11:44 AM 07-15-2013
Just for the summer I have a boy who gets very violent when he is corrected. He was originally diagnosed with opposition defiance disorder and now its aspergers. I am trying to learn as much about this as I can by meanwhile the other dck's are in danger whenever I need to correct him.
For example, no child is allowed to play with the computer keyboard (its wireless so it can be carried around easily). All kids obey this rule very well. However, this boy grabbed it, I walked up to him and said "Remember the rule that only an adult can grab the keyboard, please give it to me" He refused. I put my hand on the keyboard. He then screamed and began hitting me, kicking me, throwing the table bench, anything on the counter, and the garbage can.
I attempted to guide him upstairs where he could be alone and away from the kids. I did NOT grab him to try and do this. I guided his back. He still was punching and kicking me and screaming. After upstairs, he tried to throw the furniture upstairs and went at me again where I almost fell down the stairs.
This whole time I am calmly telling him "I'm bringing you upstairs because you are hurting me and throwing things, you can be mad and calm down up here."
After about 10 minutes, he is absolutely fine. Its just during these times that its a danger and I end up with bruises.
I tell the parents about this and asked what they do to calm him down that may help here because otherwise I call them and have him picked up.
I physically start to shake when he does this because my adrenaline gets going so bad.
Does anyone have experience with this? Am I doing something seriously wrong with him?
Note: I do talk to him about his reaction afterwards and guide him to telling me what was done wrong on his end and what he should do next time he gets mad and wants to hurt someone or throw things. Don't know if it help ANY but I do it.
For example, no child is allowed to play with the computer keyboard (its wireless so it can be carried around easily). All kids obey this rule very well. However, this boy grabbed it, I walked up to him and said "Remember the rule that only an adult can grab the keyboard, please give it to me" He refused. I put my hand on the keyboard. He then screamed and began hitting me, kicking me, throwing the table bench, anything on the counter, and the garbage can.
I attempted to guide him upstairs where he could be alone and away from the kids. I did NOT grab him to try and do this. I guided his back. He still was punching and kicking me and screaming. After upstairs, he tried to throw the furniture upstairs and went at me again where I almost fell down the stairs.
This whole time I am calmly telling him "I'm bringing you upstairs because you are hurting me and throwing things, you can be mad and calm down up here."
After about 10 minutes, he is absolutely fine. Its just during these times that its a danger and I end up with bruises.
I tell the parents about this and asked what they do to calm him down that may help here because otherwise I call them and have him picked up.
I physically start to shake when he does this because my adrenaline gets going so bad.
Does anyone have experience with this? Am I doing something seriously wrong with him?
Note: I do talk to him about his reaction afterwards and guide him to telling me what was done wrong on his end and what he should do next time he gets mad and wants to hurt someone or throw things. Don't know if it help ANY but I do it.
MNMommy2 11:53 AM 07-15-2013
If he is a danger to me or the other kids in my care, he would be gone. No amount of money is worth that.
Been there, done that. They didn't last long.
Been there, done that. They didn't last long.
littlemissmuffet 12:03 PM 07-15-2013
I would never keep a violent child in my care, regardless of diagnoses. I don't get paid enough to be battered 
What if you had ended up falling down the stairs and became unconscious? What are you going to do if he kicks or punches another daycare child and severely injures them?
I'd term, not worth the liability. He needs a caregiver that is trained to deal with him specifically and individually.
What if you had ended up falling down the stairs and became unconscious? What are you going to do if he kicks or punches another daycare child and severely injures them?
I'd term, not worth the liability. He needs a caregiver that is trained to deal with him specifically and individually.
Lefse&Kids 12:12 PM 07-15-2013
Originally Posted by MNMommy2:
If he is a danger to me or the other kids in my care, he would be gone. No amount of money is worth that.
Been there, done that. They didn't last long.
I am about to term him if it doesn't improve or the parents don't give me an effective tool to use that will calm him down. If he is a danger to me or the other kids in my care, he would be gone. No amount of money is worth that.
Been there, done that. They didn't last long.
He is an only child and doesn't have to share at home which is also when this happens. I'm friends with the mom, but I feel a little tricked because they didn't tell me about the aspergers diagnosis until his first day here.
I'm going on vacation at the end of this week for 1 week. I don't know what to do.
He had two episodes of this on Friday and, so far, 1 today.
Blackcat31 12:18 PM 07-15-2013
Hun, that is a tough situation for you to be in.
I'd be SUPER concerned about the danger this puts the other kids in, not only physically but mentally as well.
Watching another child have a fit of anger or rage can be detrimental to the their own self awareness and sense of security at your house.
I'd term him immediately. My DS has Asperger's and violence is usually NOT a trait or common characteristic.
My guess is your friend wasn't 100% truthful to you because she KNOWS exactly how bad he is and knows you would never have agreed to caring for him if you knew the whole truth.
He needs one on one care and he needs some serious counseling/therapy
I'd term immediately and use the fact that the parent wasn't truthful. I know you said the parent was a friend of yours but seriously, what kind of friend puts YOU in this kind of situation where you could lose your whole business due to not have ALL the info.....kwim?
I'd be madder than a hornet in a bonnet at your friend, if I were you
((((hugs)))) for even being willing to try and make this work.
I'd be SUPER concerned about the danger this puts the other kids in, not only physically but mentally as well.
Watching another child have a fit of anger or rage can be detrimental to the their own self awareness and sense of security at your house.
I'd term him immediately. My DS has Asperger's and violence is usually NOT a trait or common characteristic.
My guess is your friend wasn't 100% truthful to you because she KNOWS exactly how bad he is and knows you would never have agreed to caring for him if you knew the whole truth.
He needs one on one care and he needs some serious counseling/therapy
I'd term immediately and use the fact that the parent wasn't truthful. I know you said the parent was a friend of yours but seriously, what kind of friend puts YOU in this kind of situation where you could lose your whole business due to not have ALL the info.....kwim?
I'd be madder than a hornet in a bonnet at your friend, if I were you
((((hugs)))) for even being willing to try and make this work.
NeedaVaca 12:29 PM 07-15-2013
I would term at pick up, one of your DCK's could be seriously hurt or you could be hurt by this DCB. No amount of $ would be worth that to me. I don't think this mom is really your friend, friends don't withhold this kind of information...term asap
EntropyControlSpecialist 12:33 PM 07-15-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Hun, that is a tough situation for you to be in.
I'd be SUPER concerned about the danger this puts the other kids in, not only physically but mentally as well.
Watching another child have a fit of anger or rage can be detrimental to the their own self awareness and sense of security at your house.
I'd term him immediately. My DS has Asperger's and violence is usually NOT a trait or common characteristic.
My guess is your friend wasn't 100% truthful to you because she KNOWS exactly how bad he is and knows you would never have agreed to caring for him if you knew the whole truth.
He needs one on one care and he needs some serious counseling/therapy
I'd term immediately and use the fact that the parent wasn't truthful. I know you said the parent was a friend of yours but seriously, what kind of friend puts YOU in this kind of situation where you could lose your whole business due to not have ALL the info.....kwim?
I'd be madder than a hornet in a bonnet at your friend, if I were you
((((hugs)))) for even being willing to try and make this work.
I have Asperger's (that was, funnily enough, misdiagnosed as ODD as well when I was younger!) and I am not violent nor have I ever been! That isn't a common trait at all!Hun, that is a tough situation for you to be in.
I'd be SUPER concerned about the danger this puts the other kids in, not only physically but mentally as well.
Watching another child have a fit of anger or rage can be detrimental to the their own self awareness and sense of security at your house.
I'd term him immediately. My DS has Asperger's and violence is usually NOT a trait or common characteristic.
My guess is your friend wasn't 100% truthful to you because she KNOWS exactly how bad he is and knows you would never have agreed to caring for him if you knew the whole truth.
He needs one on one care and he needs some serious counseling/therapy
I'd term immediately and use the fact that the parent wasn't truthful. I know you said the parent was a friend of yours but seriously, what kind of friend puts YOU in this kind of situation where you could lose your whole business due to not have ALL the info.....kwim?
I'd be madder than a hornet in a bonnet at your friend, if I were you
((((hugs)))) for even being willing to try and make this work.
I would also term immediately. I currently have 3 children on the spectrum enrolled here (1 part-timer with Autism, 1 full-timer with Asperger's, and 1 full-timer PDD-NOS) and do well. In the past, I accepted 1 child with Autism that was horrendously violent towards both me and the other children and I termed him after 1 day. I will not provide care to a child who is violent.
Knowing about his diagnosis is important. ESPECIALLY considering his outrageous behavior! That should have been brought up as well!!!
CedarCreek 12:43 PM 07-15-2013
I had a child here that had undiagnosed Autism (has since been diagnosed)
He was very violent and hurt me on several occasions and the other children. I had to term. DCD was really upset with me but I couldn't have him here. I was just not equipped or properly trained to care for him. No shame in that.
Goodluck
He was very violent and hurt me on several occasions and the other children. I had to term. DCD was really upset with me but I couldn't have him here. I was just not equipped or properly trained to care for him. No shame in that.
Goodluck
Lefse&Kids 12:48 PM 07-15-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I have Asperger's (that was, funnily enough, misdiagnosed as ODD as well when I was younger!) and I am not violent nor have I ever been! That isn't a common trait at all!
I would also term immediately. I currently have 3 children on the spectrum enrolled here (1 part-timer with Autism, 1 full-timer with Asperger's, and 1 full-timer PDD-NOS) and do well. In the past, I accepted 1 child with Autism that was horrendously violent towards both me and the other children and I termed him after 1 day. I will not provide care to a child who is violent.
Knowing about his diagnosis is important. ESPECIALLY considering his outrageous behavior! That should have been brought up as well!!!
Thanks, I think I will term.....Also, is how I reacted to his outbursts a good way to handle it? I didn't want to make it worse by forcing him upstairs (although I did have to carry him (my arms were under his armpits). I don't use force but I will gently guide or hold their hand.I have Asperger's (that was, funnily enough, misdiagnosed as ODD as well when I was younger!) and I am not violent nor have I ever been! That isn't a common trait at all!
I would also term immediately. I currently have 3 children on the spectrum enrolled here (1 part-timer with Autism, 1 full-timer with Asperger's, and 1 full-timer PDD-NOS) and do well. In the past, I accepted 1 child with Autism that was horrendously violent towards both me and the other children and I termed him after 1 day. I will not provide care to a child who is violent.
Knowing about his diagnosis is important. ESPECIALLY considering his outrageous behavior! That should have been brought up as well!!!
I will have to talk to them today. I was wondering if it was normal behavior or not. Glad to hear its not. I new about the ODD before, but I thought it was mainly not listening and getting mad and screaming at being corrected or told what to do (this is what he did when I visited their house the year before). I was prepared for the screaming but not the physical aspect of his behavior.
He is great when he's alone and doing a craft project but I can't seclude him from the group all day.
CedarCreek 01:04 PM 07-15-2013
Originally Posted by Lefse&Kids:
Thanks, I think I will term.....Also, is how I reacted to his outbursts a good way to handle it? I didn't want to make it worse by forcing him upstairs (although I did have to carry him (my arms were under his armpits). I don't use force but I will gently guide or hold their hand.
I will have to talk to them today. I was wondering if it was normal behavior or not. Glad to hear its not. I new about the ODD before, but I thought it was mainly not listening and getting mad and screaming at being corrected or told what to do (this is what he did when I visited their house the year before). I was prepared for the screaming but not the physical aspect of his behavior.
He is great when he's alone and doing a craft project but I can't seclude him from the group all day.
I think that for the most part you handled it in the best way that you could. Thanks, I think I will term.....Also, is how I reacted to his outbursts a good way to handle it? I didn't want to make it worse by forcing him upstairs (although I did have to carry him (my arms were under his armpits). I don't use force but I will gently guide or hold their hand.
I will have to talk to them today. I was wondering if it was normal behavior or not. Glad to hear its not. I new about the ODD before, but I thought it was mainly not listening and getting mad and screaming at being corrected or told what to do (this is what he did when I visited their house the year before). I was prepared for the screaming but not the physical aspect of his behavior.
He is great when he's alone and doing a craft project but I can't seclude him from the group all day.
However, did you take him upstairs and leave him up there alone and go back downstairs? That's the only issue I see with how it was handled. If you have no one to help you, there needs to be an area around where you are where he can go and cool off.
EntropyControlSpecialist 01:58 PM 07-15-2013
Originally Posted by Lefse&Kids:
Thanks, I think I will term.....Also, is how I reacted to his outbursts a good way to handle it? I didn't want to make it worse by forcing him upstairs (although I did have to carry him (my arms were under his armpits). I don't use force but I will gently guide or hold their hand.
I will have to talk to them today. I was wondering if it was normal behavior or not. Glad to hear its not. I new about the ODD before, but I thought it was mainly not listening and getting mad and screaming at being corrected or told what to do (this is what he did when I visited their house the year before). I was prepared for the screaming but not the physical aspect of his behavior.
He is great when he's alone and doing a craft project but I can't seclude him from the group all day.
The way you handled it was fine with guiding him to a different area. I would tell him, "You are not following the rules/No hitting/No kicking/etc. You need a time out." and place him somewhere YOU can still see him. The rules are the rules whether you are on the spectrum or not. I would keep all statements to him very direct and short. For example, if he was running you wouldn't use one of those positive statements like "Walking feet only, please!" You would directly state, "No running. Walk."Thanks, I think I will term.....Also, is how I reacted to his outbursts a good way to handle it? I didn't want to make it worse by forcing him upstairs (although I did have to carry him (my arms were under his armpits). I don't use force but I will gently guide or hold their hand.
I will have to talk to them today. I was wondering if it was normal behavior or not. Glad to hear its not. I new about the ODD before, but I thought it was mainly not listening and getting mad and screaming at being corrected or told what to do (this is what he did when I visited their house the year before). I was prepared for the screaming but not the physical aspect of his behavior.
He is great when he's alone and doing a craft project but I can't seclude him from the group all day.
harperluu 02:11 PM 07-15-2013
The laws under the ADA specifically state a program does not have to accept a child that poses a direct threat to others. Prior to termination, be sure to document in objective terms any incidents that have occurred and anything from this point forward that resulted in potential danger and how you intervened. Be careful to be unbiased and state what happened, keeping any emotion out of your narrative.
I would also contact your licensor and let them know your course of action, so they have your point of view on record.
Does this child have an IEP at school? The school district and special ed administration would be an excellent source of programs that would cater to their child while keeping everyone involved safe.
I would also contact your licensor and let them know your course of action, so they have your point of view on record.
Does this child have an IEP at school? The school district and special ed administration would be an excellent source of programs that would cater to their child while keeping everyone involved safe.
daycarediva 03:04 PM 07-15-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I have Asperger's (that was, funnily enough, misdiagnosed as ODD as well when I was younger!) and I am not violent nor have I ever been! That isn't a common trait at all!
I would also term immediately. I currently have 3 children on the spectrum enrolled here (1 part-timer with Autism, 1 full-timer with Asperger's, and 1 full-timer PDD-NOS) and do well. In the past, I accepted 1 child with Autism that was horrendously violent towards both me and the other children and I termed him after 1 day. I will not provide care to a child who is violent.
Knowing about his diagnosis is important. ESPECIALLY considering his outrageous behavior! That should have been brought up as well!!!
I have a son with high functioning autism. He is NEVER violent and in fact, finds violence the most terrible thing. I have Asperger's (that was, funnily enough, misdiagnosed as ODD as well when I was younger!) and I am not violent nor have I ever been! That isn't a common trait at all!
I would also term immediately. I currently have 3 children on the spectrum enrolled here (1 part-timer with Autism, 1 full-timer with Asperger's, and 1 full-timer PDD-NOS) and do well. In the past, I accepted 1 child with Autism that was horrendously violent towards both me and the other children and I termed him after 1 day. I will not provide care to a child who is violent.
Knowing about his diagnosis is important. ESPECIALLY considering his outrageous behavior! That should have been brought up as well!!!
I would term, effective IMMEDIATELY. Even refund money for unused days, but term.
Laurel 05:24 PM 07-15-2013
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I have a son with high functioning autism. He is NEVER violent and in fact, finds violence the most terrible thing.
I would term, effective IMMEDIATELY. Even refund money for unused days, but term.
I have a son with high functioning autism. He is NEVER violent and in fact, finds violence the most terrible thing.
I would term, effective IMMEDIATELY. Even refund money for unused days, but term.
The child would not be in my house again, ever.....not even tomorrow.
It is not right to subject the other children to possible serious injuries....or worse.
I would call the mom tonight and tell her not to bring him tomorrow.
This is a case for a trained person to handle.
Laurel
Angelsj 05:38 PM 07-15-2013
While violence may not be a common trait of Asperger's, this can be co-morbid with a ton of other diagnoses. I have two that were on the spectrum and both could become violent up to about age 8.
However, that being said, you cannot afford to put all the other children AND yourself in danger this way. I would have NEVER left either of my boys with anyone not trained and certified to handle them effectively without hurting them. This training not only includes how to keep them under control without hurting you or them, but also how to recognize what is going on before it happens, so you can correct their behavior without having all hell break loose.
Please let this one go, immediately, for the safety of the other kiddos. This child needs someone who can help him learn to channel his anger correctly and not harm others.
However, that being said, you cannot afford to put all the other children AND yourself in danger this way. I would have NEVER left either of my boys with anyone not trained and certified to handle them effectively without hurting them. This training not only includes how to keep them under control without hurting you or them, but also how to recognize what is going on before it happens, so you can correct their behavior without having all hell break loose.
Please let this one go, immediately, for the safety of the other kiddos. This child needs someone who can help him learn to channel his anger correctly and not harm others.
e.j. 07:30 PM 07-15-2013
Originally Posted by Angelsj:
While violence may not be a common trait of Asperger's, this can be co-morbid with a ton of other diagnoses. I have two that were on the spectrum and both could become violent up to about age 8.
However, that being said, you cannot afford to put all the other children AND yourself in danger this way. I would have NEVER left either of my boys with anyone not trained and certified to handle them effectively without hurting them. This training not only includes how to keep them under control without hurting you or them, but also how to recognize what is going on before it happens, so you can correct their behavior without having all hell break loose.
Please let this one go, immediately, for the safety of the other kiddos. This child needs someone who can help him learn to channel his anger correctly and not harm others.
While violence may not be a common trait of Asperger's, this can be co-morbid with a ton of other diagnoses. I have two that were on the spectrum and both could become violent up to about age 8.
However, that being said, you cannot afford to put all the other children AND yourself in danger this way. I would have NEVER left either of my boys with anyone not trained and certified to handle them effectively without hurting them. This training not only includes how to keep them under control without hurting you or them, but also how to recognize what is going on before it happens, so you can correct their behavior without having all hell break loose.
Please let this one go, immediately, for the safety of the other kiddos. This child needs someone who can help him learn to channel his anger correctly and not harm others.
As the mother of an adult son with Asperger's, I would totally agree with the above response. I think you handled the situation as best you could under the circumstances. I'd be very concerned about future episodes of violence and the risk his behavior poses to you and the other kids in your care.
Familycare71 09:41 PM 07-15-2013
Originally Posted by Lefse&Kids:
Thanks, I think I will term.....Also, is how I reacted to his outbursts a good way to handle it? I didn't want to make it worse by forcing him upstairs (although I did have to carry him (my arms were under his armpits). I don't use force but I will gently guide or hold their hand.
I will have to talk to them today. I was wondering if it was normal behavior or not. Glad to hear its not. I new about the ODD before, but I thought it was mainly not listening and getting mad and screaming at being corrected or told what to do (this is what he did when I visited their house the year before). I was prepared for the screaming but not the physical aspect of his behavior.
He is great when he's alone and doing a craft project but I can't seclude him from the group all day.
It is not ABNORMAL for a child with either diagnosis to be violent. I have had experience with both. Thanks, I think I will term.....Also, is how I reacted to his outbursts a good way to handle it? I didn't want to make it worse by forcing him upstairs (although I did have to carry him (my arms were under his armpits). I don't use force but I will gently guide or hold their hand.
I will have to talk to them today. I was wondering if it was normal behavior or not. Glad to hear its not. I new about the ODD before, but I thought it was mainly not listening and getting mad and screaming at being corrected or told what to do (this is what he did when I visited their house the year before). I was prepared for the screaming but not the physical aspect of his behavior.
He is great when he's alone and doing a craft project but I can't seclude him from the group all day.
As far as your reaction- it really depends on the child. I have had children that respond really well to bear holds- they needed that pressure and control so they could calm their mind. Others that would be a trigger. I don't think your reaction made anything worse and was def a great and caring effort!
I agree w others to term. There are some kids that can not be safe in general group care.
I think it is awesome that you tried and you want to help him and his family. I hope his mother didnt try to with hold info from you- did you know about the ODD diagnosis earlier? That would have been the one to scare me...
It's like they say: you have met one special needs child... You have let ONE special needs child! They all vary so much in their needs
countrymom 04:34 AM 07-16-2013
you know what, I bet you that this kid is allowed to do this at home because he knows he can get away with it. He knows he has aspergers and (kids are smart) is playing it good. You need to make it moms problem. if he goes crazy again today, call the mother to come and get him. She needs to get a reality check that violence is not ok. I can just imagine his teachers.
I've had 1 kids with aspergers here. 1 was undiagnosed (but I suspect the school said something because he goes to special appointments, I don't have him anymore but I was watching the sister) this kid got away with alot. But parents just didn't want to deal with it, now that sister is around they have no choice but to deal with it.
second kid, played the adhd to a whole new level. he would be violent, break things, tried to hitch hike home, broke windows, stole, broke moms camera and he kept telling me that he has adhd (mom did too) and it makes him do these things. But we started to see a pattern (his after school latch key teacher and I are good friends) he was angry at his mother and father for always leaving him at daycare for 12 hours a day and then dumping him off at latch key from the time they open to the time they closed. All he wanted was someone to pay attention to him. But once I got on his case, man was he pissed, he didn't like the fact that I wouldn't let him get away. It did get better but my kids hated him so I had to term him. He lied too much and my kids couldn't stand it. He was 8 yrs old when I watched him, so he knew what he was doing.
I've had 1 kids with aspergers here. 1 was undiagnosed (but I suspect the school said something because he goes to special appointments, I don't have him anymore but I was watching the sister) this kid got away with alot. But parents just didn't want to deal with it, now that sister is around they have no choice but to deal with it.
second kid, played the adhd to a whole new level. he would be violent, break things, tried to hitch hike home, broke windows, stole, broke moms camera and he kept telling me that he has adhd (mom did too) and it makes him do these things. But we started to see a pattern (his after school latch key teacher and I are good friends) he was angry at his mother and father for always leaving him at daycare for 12 hours a day and then dumping him off at latch key from the time they open to the time they closed. All he wanted was someone to pay attention to him. But once I got on his case, man was he pissed, he didn't like the fact that I wouldn't let him get away. It did get better but my kids hated him so I had to term him. He lied too much and my kids couldn't stand it. He was 8 yrs old when I watched him, so he knew what he was doing.
Lefse&Kids 07:19 AM 07-16-2013
Thank you so much for everyone's input. We had no other episodes of violence (although a few times were close) today. I talked with the mom and told her about what happened and let her know that while I care about him its becoming a danger to the other children. dcm said she understood. He's home today and has a appt Wednesday to increase his meds so won't be back until thursday. I guess he's been on meds to control his aggression for the past two years and they think its not working anymore....I've never heard of meds to treat any spectrum of autism....But then again, I'm a fan of behavioral therapy before any meds are given (which I personally know the parents do not do).
Because I do know the mom a little better than most, I'm pretty sure that she lets him get away with things as far as becoming violent even though she doesn't like it (its her personality that gives it away to me and her responses to his actions).
When dcb is told to do or not to do something he trys cards like "I don't know how....I'm stuck here....Mickey doesn't want me to.....etc" Works on his mom, but not here and he gets mad at that.
They have no alternative behaviors they've taught him to do when he gets upset, I've asked.
I haven't termed as of yet, but I will be writing them a letter that if a violent episode begins to happen my husband (who's my back-up person) will restrain dcb's attempts of destruction and will not be allowed back here.(they know this already, but I just want it in writing)
I'm probably jumping the gun, but after talking at length with the mom about the issue, it sounds like i'm more educated about his problem than they are, unless they just don't want to talk to me about what they know. Its frustrating all around, I MUST keep the kids safe, the parents don't communicate with me, but I also love teaching the "difficult" children to thrive socially/educationally.
First, I must ensure the children's safety.
Because I do know the mom a little better than most, I'm pretty sure that she lets him get away with things as far as becoming violent even though she doesn't like it (its her personality that gives it away to me and her responses to his actions).
When dcb is told to do or not to do something he trys cards like "I don't know how....I'm stuck here....Mickey doesn't want me to.....etc" Works on his mom, but not here and he gets mad at that.
They have no alternative behaviors they've taught him to do when he gets upset, I've asked.
I haven't termed as of yet, but I will be writing them a letter that if a violent episode begins to happen my husband (who's my back-up person) will restrain dcb's attempts of destruction and will not be allowed back here.(they know this already, but I just want it in writing)
I'm probably jumping the gun, but after talking at length with the mom about the issue, it sounds like i'm more educated about his problem than they are, unless they just don't want to talk to me about what they know. Its frustrating all around, I MUST keep the kids safe, the parents don't communicate with me, but I also love teaching the "difficult" children to thrive socially/educationally.
First, I must ensure the children's safety.
Willow 07:29 AM 07-16-2013
Unless your spouse is trained to restrain I absolutely would caution against him even laying a hand on him.
It is very easy to hurt a child (or a child hurt themself) while being improperly restrained, there is far more to just a bear hug than you think.
I would not include anything like it in the letter either. If you can't handle discipline for a child that age completely hands off then he needs to go, if nothing else than for YOUR liabilities sake. Saying you will restrain him and/or doing so you're so much as asking to get sued and lose your license.
It is very easy to hurt a child (or a child hurt themself) while being improperly restrained, there is far more to just a bear hug than you think.
I would not include anything like it in the letter either. If you can't handle discipline for a child that age completely hands off then he needs to go, if nothing else than for YOUR liabilities sake. Saying you will restrain him and/or doing so you're so much as asking to get sued and lose your license.
Lefse&Kids 08:04 AM 07-16-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
Unless your spouse is trained to restrain I absolutely would caution against him even laying a hand on him.
It is very easy to hurt a child (or a child hurt themself) while being improperly restrained, there is far more to just a bear hug than you think.
I would not include anything like it in the letter either. If you can't handle discipline for a child that age completely hands off then he needs to go, if nothing else than for YOUR liabilities sake. Saying you will restrain him and/or doing so you're so much as asking to get sued and lose your license.
just looked back, yes it was worded wrong (my mind was going way to fast :-) )....He wouldn't be restraining him just making sure he doesn't throw furniture or hit other children or himself (basically supervising dcb in a separate room). I won't put part that in a letter, it would just state that if another violent episode occurs dcb will be separated from the group and will have to picked up immediately and not allowed back.Unless your spouse is trained to restrain I absolutely would caution against him even laying a hand on him.
It is very easy to hurt a child (or a child hurt themself) while being improperly restrained, there is far more to just a bear hug than you think.
I would not include anything like it in the letter either. If you can't handle discipline for a child that age completely hands off then he needs to go, if nothing else than for YOUR liabilities sake. Saying you will restrain him and/or doing so you're so much as asking to get sued and lose your license.
Lefse&Kids 08:13 AM 07-16-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
It is very easy to hurt a child (or a child hurt themself) while being improperly restrained, there is far more to just a bear hug than you think.
Yesterday, he was flailing and upset soo much he actually gave himself a bloody nose! That made him even more upset (mom knows all this too). he gets to a point that I don't think he has control of himself anymore...I really think some therapy will work for him, but nothing I can supply unfortunatelyIt is very easy to hurt a child (or a child hurt themself) while being improperly restrained, there is far more to just a bear hug than you think.