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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Trying to Avoid Letting a Parent Stay for a B’day Party...Am I Wrong?
TBird 03:55 AM 10-20-2016
We have "one of those parents" that we deal with sparingly because she brings down our mood in 2.2 seconds. She's a single mom with one child & she's very condescending, distrustful & snarky. She watches my house & family like a hawk. She admitted to being lonely & miserable with no friends & taking it out on us. She tries to get information about our other DCKs, I believe in an effort to start trouble.

I've mostly put her in "check" & she knows she has one foot on a banana peel. Drop-offs & pick-ups have become much faster. YES, I'm one of those who will terminate the daycare contract in a heartbeat! We work hard & we are good at what we do. Our day will NOT be ruined because of a parent's personal issues.

So my issue now is that the DCK's birthday is coming up. We usually do a very nice party with pizza, cupcakes & fruit. I believe she'll try to stick around for the party & I think I'll either lose my mind or lose my ASSISTANT!

Should we.....
- Just avoid any birthday talk altogether?
- Tell her somehow that she can't stay because of the other kids?
- Buckle down, let her stay & run the risk of straining relations even further?

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this DCK but I feel like any extended time with mom & it's a WRAP!!!
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Josiegirl 04:07 AM 10-20-2016
She needs a life. What she is doing is NOT okay. Borders on harassment, IMO. Watching you/your family/other families?? Not cool.
Do other dcps hang around at their kids' birthdays? If not, explain that it's not allowed. If so, then I think I'd keep a lid on it for sanity's sake.
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DaveA 04:38 AM 10-20-2016
If you can avoid it entirely, great. If you have to talk to her approach it is along the lines of most DCPs can't make these parties. So they are for DCKs only so that the children don't feel "left out" when it is their turn and DCP can't attend. Not sure it will work, but it least it's better than "Stay the #$^@ out!"
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laundrymom 04:45 AM 10-20-2016
"sorry mom, it's a kids only party. See you at pickup"
"But I thought I'd stay?"
"Nope. Sorry. I can't be my unrestrained , crazy party entertainment if there's a parent here. See you at pickup"
Originally Posted by TBird:
We have "one of those parents" that we deal with sparingly because she brings down our mood in 2.2 seconds. She's a single mom with one child & she's very condescending, distrustful & snarky. She watches my house & family like a hawk. She admitted to being lonely & miserable with no friends & taking it out on us. She tries to get information about our other DCKs, I believe in an effort to start trouble.

I've mostly put her in "check" & she knows she has one foot on a banana peel. Drop-offs & pick-ups have become much faster. YES, I'm one of those who will terminate the daycare contract in a heartbeat! We work hard & we are good at what we do. Our day will NOT be ruined because of a parent's personal issues.

So my issue now is that the DCK's birthday is coming up. We usually do a very nice party with pizza, cupcakes & fruit. I believe she'll try to stick around for the party & I think I'll either lose my mind or lose my ASSISTANT!

Should we.....
- Just avoid any birthday talk altogether?
- Tell her somehow that she can't stay because of the other kids?
- Buckle down, let her stay & run the risk of straining relations even further?

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this DCK but I feel like any extended time with mom & it's a WRAP!!!

Reply
daycarediva 04:52 AM 10-20-2016
Kids only, I'll send you pictures!


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TBird 06:05 AM 10-20-2016
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
She needs a life. What she is doing is NOT okay. Borders on harassment, IMO. Watching you/your family/other families?? Not cool.
Do other dcps hang around at their kids' birthdays? If not, explain that it's not allowed. If so, then I think I'd keep a lid on it for sanity's sake.
YES...she watches my house during the week & on the weekends & comments on my kids & husband being home or not (hubby works FT & kids are teenagers & couldn't be bothered w/these kids for pay). Wants NO ONE around her kid but wants DETAILED info on everyone else's. I've already let her know that it's creepy & rude. She toned it WAY down but she still works an occasional nerve here & there.

Thank you for the advice everyone! I think I'll do what's best & avoid any problems.
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Blackcat31 06:26 AM 10-20-2016
Why would you continue to keep this family?

I understand liking the child but this mom's behavior is extreme and not something I'd be comfortable with.

If I were a parent that attended your care, I'd have MAJOR concerns about this situation.

Are the other parents aware of the shady behaviors this mom has towards you, your family and your program?
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Play Care 06:27 AM 10-20-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Why would you continue to keep this family?

I understand liking the child but this mom's behavior is extreme and not something I'd be comfortable with.

If I were a parent that attended your care, I'd have MAJOR concerns about this situation.

Are the other parents aware of the shady behaviors this mom has towards you, your family and your program?
This.

A birthday party is the LEAST of your issues here.
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midaycare 06:29 AM 10-20-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Why would you continue to keep this family?

I?
Yes, this. Term for inappropriate behavior from dcm before you lose clients.
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cassiesue 06:37 AM 10-20-2016
I especially like the above suggestion "kids only I'll send you pictures". And leave it at that.
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TBird 06:43 AM 10-20-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Why would you continue to keep this family?

I understand liking the child but this mom's behavior is extreme and not something I'd be comfortable with.

If I were a parent that attended your care, I'd have MAJOR concerns about this situation.

Are the other parents aware of the shady behaviors this mom has towards you, your family and your program?
Thank God, NO! All of my parents are FT, drop & go workers...they pay each other no mind. They trust us implicitly & we've raised most of their children from 6 weeks old. Once we realized her behavior, we answer NO QUESTIONS & I told her to limit her conversations to HER child. Most days she comes in talking to herself about who's here or whose name is on the wall & we grab beautiful at the gate & totally ignore her. I feel like we're the only "normal" people in that kids' life. Will is last??? Probably not.
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Blackcat31 06:53 AM 10-20-2016
Originally Posted by TBird:
Thank God, NO! All of my parents are FT, drop & go workers...they pay each other no mind. They trust us implicitly & we've raised most of their children from 6 weeks old. Once we realized her behavior, we answer NO QUESTIONS & I told her to limit her conversations to HER child. Most days she comes in talking to herself about who's here or whose name is on the wall & we grab beautiful at the gate & totally ignore her. I feel like we're the only "normal" people in that kids' life. Will is last??? Probably not.
Like I said, I totally understand...I've been in a similar situation and I think because of my personal experience I'm leary of these kinds of people.

They come across as annoying but harmless but they arent.

I am not in any way doubting your abilities or your care/policies etc.....I am doubting her.

Eventually, she may grow weary of being brushed off or annoyed that her concerns (fake or genuine) are not being taken seriously or given enough attention and that is when those types of people come unglued.

I am praying you have the staff, the foresight and the ability to ward off any potential outburst she "may" have when denied access to this party or whatever else she isn't getting.

You know your situation best and know more details than any of us, so I am confident you will do what you can but please don't let your guard down..... if at any time your instincts tell you something is a little "off"...please don't ignore them.

Like I said, BTDT and my family was golden for almost 3 yrs before all out h377 broke loose and that was that.
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TBird 08:04 AM 10-20-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Like I said, I totally understand...I've been in a similar situation and I think because of my personal experience I'm leary of these kinds of people.

They come across as annoying but harmless but they arent.

I am not in any way doubting your abilities or your care/policies etc.....I am doubting her.

Eventually, she may grow weary of being brushed off or annoyed that her concerns (fake or genuine) are not being taken seriously or given enough attention and that is when those types of people come unglued.

I am praying you have the staff, the foresight and the ability to ward off any potential outburst she "may" have when denied access to this party or whatever else she isn't getting.

You know your situation best and know more details than any of us, so I am confident you will do what you can but please don't let your guard down..... if at any time your instincts tell you something is a little "off"...please don't ignore them.

Like I said, BTDT and my family was golden for almost 3 yrs before all out h377 broke loose and that was that.
WOOOOOOW....can you say all that again please??? You are SO on point about her being "harmless but not" & that people like her FLIP OUT when they think their psychosis isn't being catered to. You're absolutely right. We both "feel" something about her & we feel at risk. Stand by...I don't think this will be the last time I'll need you to weigh in on this.
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daycare 08:44 AM 10-20-2016
I thought your post was a good bye party...

After reading all the way through, WOW this lady sounds very interesting. I had one similar to this, not quite this bad, I had to push them out of the program and let them term me because I was worried about the mother's stability and what she would do if I did it.

Only difference is, we did not really enjoy her child. In this situation the apple didn't fall far from the tree...
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Ariana 08:51 AM 10-20-2016
"Sorry I only allow parents around the other dck during pickup and dropoff".

She sounds like a piece of work!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 12:17 PM 10-20-2016
Originally Posted by Ariana:
"Sorry I only allow parents around the other dck during pickup and dropoff".

She sounds like a piece of work!
I say this and I always add, "and at preschool events where every child's parent is present. It's for safety reasons. I'm sure you understand. "
BYEBYE!
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Daycare Insurance 01:57 PM 10-20-2016
Be careful keeping parents who are already giving you this kind of trouble. The fact that she is watching your house is definitely a red flag. We see a lot of claims come from these types of parents. Be sure you document every conversation you have with her, especially if something she says seems off.
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Mike 05:56 PM 10-20-2016
Originally Posted by Daycare Insurance:
Be careful keeping parents who are already giving you this kind of trouble. The fact that she is watching your house is definitely a red flag. We see a lot of claims come from these types of parents. Be sure you document every conversation you have with her, especially if something she says seems off.
As soon as I read the part about her watching your house, I thought, NO WAY. I wouldn't care if it were my favorite kid. I would term for safety reasons. Not worth the risk.
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AmyKidsCo 06:09 PM 10-20-2016
I get your feelings and agree that you should seriously consider terming if you're not comfortable with her behavior.

However, in WI parents have the right to visit their child whenever they want, with or without notice, with or without prior approval. If it's the same in your state I'd be careful what you say to her so she doesn't file a complaint.
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TBird 09:38 PM 10-20-2016
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo:
I get your feelings and agree that you should seriously consider terming if you're not comfortable with her behavior.

However, in WI parents have the right to visit their child whenever they want, with or without notice, with or without prior approval. If it's the same in your state I'd be careful what you say to her so she doesn't file a complaint.
Oooo good point! I would never keep anyone from having access to their child, which is why I think I'll just be avoiding the subject all together. She's the type that would DIE if anyone was in the daycare around her child but would stand in the daycare & quiz us on each child & make snarky, rude comments disguised as compliments.

I am seriously considering terming again. My assistant saw her drive by my house the other day & almost run into my bushes looking at my house (it wasn't her child's care day). Thank you all for the great advice! Sometimes it's just not a fit & it's really too bad for the kids.
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Meeko 01:05 PM 10-21-2016
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo:
I get your feelings and agree that you should seriously consider terming if you're not comfortable with her behavior.

However, in WI parents have the right to visit their child whenever they want, with or without notice, with or without prior approval. If it's the same in your state I'd be careful what you say to her so she doesn't file a complaint.
The law is the same here. HOWEVER.....parents have a right to THEIR child. they do not have a right to be around other people's children. I make this very, clear to my clients. No hanging out at daycare. they can have their child the second the get there. They can demand to see the areas their child plays in....but they must wait until I clear every other child out of the room first. I really, really mean it when I say no access to other people's kids. So hanging out at a birthday party is a big no.
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TBird 07:34 AM 10-25-2016
Originally Posted by Meeko:
The law is the same here. HOWEVER.....parents have a right to THEIR child. they do not have a right to be around other people's children. I make this very, clear to my clients. No hanging out at daycare. they can have their child the second the get there. They can demand to see the areas their child plays in....but they must wait until I clear every other child out of the room first. I really, really mean it when I say no access to other people's kids. So hanging out at a birthday party is a big no.
Thank you for pointing this out Meeko! This particular mom gives funny looks & makes comments about my OWN child when she sees her passing through. She wants NO ONE around her child but expects me to give her names, dates & personal info of all the other kids. We obviously give her NOTHING & encourage her to be in & out. If not, she needs to have access to HER CHILD right on out the door with her!
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Tags:birthday invitation, birthday party, lingering parents
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