(sorry lots of questions)
I run a preschool program from my home. Going on my second year. Most of my kids are 2.5-4.5 yrs old.
All of my kids have been with me for at least 1 year or longer.


I have a 4.5 yr old DCB who will be going to school this coming fall and I am very concerned for him. He attends 3 days a week. I know you are not supposed to compare kids; however, I am beginning to wonder if he may need to attend a head start or a school that can provide him more help than he is getting here.


All of my kids except this one DCB can recognize every letter capital and lower case, along with the sounds. There are several other things that they can do they he cannot. Even simple things like show me where your elbows are or your knees and etc… He is still not potty trained and has limited speech.


He is very, very far behind the rest of the group, even way behind the two year olds. I feel that I need to tell the parents so that he can be ready to go to school this fall. I just don’t know how to tell them. They think that he is extremely intelligent and they always boast about how smart he is… I just dont want the child to feel unwanted, as this is not the case at all. I really want what is best for him and hope that he builds a strong foundation for learning. I am just not sure I can help him.


What would you do? Would you recommend another learning center in hopes that it will better him and prepare him for school and if so how and what do you tell the parents???

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omg, I was just going to post about dcb that is the same age. He goes to school in september. He doesn't know how to sing abc song, and I mean he doesn't even know how it starts, he too doesn't know body parts, his speech is so bad its not even funny that other parents are asking me about it and he has no imagination except that everything is a gun. Dad says he's got energy, NO DAD its called teaching your child the quality of life. BUT WAIT====he can swear like a trucker, that you should have heard him today, I'm so glad my crowd doesn't repeat because the f word is so wrong

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OMG!! get out of town the F bomb...... now thats just the parents fault..

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First thoughts... does your area require preschool screening? Many red flags come up at screening and that is one way to allow the parents to hear it from another party.

Second of all... do you do any developmental assessments? Do you share them with parents? Most of the time if you have concerns they are best brought up with evidence and alongside positives. Do you ever ask parents if they have any ? or things they would like you to support them on? Sometimes they are more willing to share if they know you are asking so that you can support them. I would avoid comparing between kids but rather talk to parents about the skills (have evidence based on your districts expectations) he should have BEFORE entering K. They may not know what he need to know before he gets there.

I have tons of experience with special ed (licensed in my state) and currently have a few in my daycare (adhd, and speech delay, and autism). I think anything that pops out at you as non typical or concerning is worth following up on. If he goes to K and truely needs services he will get what he needs but many things can be delt with better if determined earlier.

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when I mean the f word, today the one kid was playing with his car and the boy said f**** you. funny how he knows nothing that is age appropriate but has a truckers mouth.

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Wow- I agree with pp that there are several red flags here. What is it that he does that causes his parents to think how smart he is (I'm not being snarky, I'm just trying to get a better picture...)?


I don't think a different preschool program is necessarily what he needs. What he needs is an evaluation of his development. very limited speech, not potty trained, doesn't know body parts, etc... I would absolutely talk to the parents and yes, it would be best if you have an assessment that you do on the kids. If not, maybe you could look up the 4-yr old Ages and Stages Questionnaire...I have to run now, but I can try to find it later...

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So it is kind of hard to explain in full detail his assessments. The assessments that I conduct are through our pre planned curriculum. It is an extra fee to me to use the tracking of their progress and assessments. The fee that I am charged is passed on to the parents, if they wish to have their child’s progress tracked then they need to pay the extra fee. This family was not interested in having a tracking progress on their child, so the parents have never been given one. The thing is, is that I know that he is very very far behind. Just like you said, a lot of red flags.
Because I have no tracking to show the parents, I am not sure where to start. I know that mom and dad do not promote any type of learning at home. He watches a ton of TV and is bounced around between g-mas, aunties, and uncles houses on a weekly basis.
Do you think that if he starts getting the help early that it will help him set a better foundation for his future? Or do you think that it's too late for me to worry about it and let it wait until he gets to school?? I have no experience in working with special Ed children and don't even know if he is special Ed....

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also I forgot to add, that I am not considered a preschool, I am in the process of getting that established still... However I am qualified to teach...

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I think you have to look at it from the area of what would you want if it was your child behind and you didn't know anything was "off".

Personally, if I had my daughter in daycare and I thought she was so smart for her age, but really she was behind what she should be able to do, I would want my provider to tell me her concerns. Sure, it may sting a bit, but in the end, I would rather get my child evaluated sooner than later.

Remember, you are not the enemy here and you also aren't diagnosing anything, so I don't think you should feel bad about addressing this with the parents. You are just this child's provider of care and you are caring about his development.

I would just approach it by telling parents you have some concerns about DCB and would they be able to discuss it over the phone or in person with you? I don't think you need to talk about what he can/can't do in relation to the other kids in your care. But you can just talk about what you know from experience and what kids should be able to do at certain ages. Generalizing milestones at certain ages feels less demeaning than comparing him to a specific child in your care, kwim?

Also, something to think about. If you say nothing, and the child goes to Kindergarten in the fall, surely his delays will get noticed by the teacher. You could then get questioned by the parents about why you never mentioned to them that he was behind for his age. Then, you'd probably feel pretty bad for not saying anything.

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Thank you for taking the time to write all of that.... it makes A LOT of sense. I would be upset if no one told me.... guess I just have to relax and think about it..
This guy is so sweet and charming.... I feel like crying because I don’t know how to help him progress... This is why I feel he needs to be with a teacher that has the experience....

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omg yes to the first question!! Without a doubt, the earlier any issue is caught, the better this child will do in the long run. An example for you..

I have 2 step sons (technically my bf's kids...we just don't have the money for my dream wedding yet

Anyways, the boys are now 7 and 9 and I have been with their dad since they were almost 2 and almost 5. Not to be on some high horse, but before I came into the picture, they were RARELY read to. Equally my boyfriend's fault as well as their mom's. One night, shortly after I started dating their dad, I was reading them a bedtime story and the almost 5 year old goes, "Wow, this is so fun! Mom never reads us books!" Just about broke my heart.

Well, the oldest started Kindergarten not being able to recognize a single letter in the alphabet. He has had problems with reading since he started school and now gets help from special ed. He's in 4th grade reading at a 2nd grade level.. we spend time reading every day, we do hooked on phonics, and he is slowly catching up, but I can tell you it has been a HUGE struggle. He hates reading because he is behind his peers. Without a doubt, had he had a better start when he was little, I know this wouldn't be an issue.

Case in point: His 7 year old brother got those 3 years of reading to that his brother didn't get from 1.5-4.5. He also went to head start and is doing fantastic for his age in reading.

This goes to show you 2 things: just how important reading to kids is AND how important getting kids help if they are behind as soon as you notice an issue!

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I can understand the feeling. Just express that to the parents. Maybe start by calling your school district and ask them to refer you to someone who evaluates children before starting school. Just tell them you have a child who you know is behind and you want to recommend something to the parents. If that doesn't work, have the parents bring the child to his Pediatrician and they will be able to refer them to somewhere for testing.

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In my heart of hearts I know the right thing to do. I guess I just dont want to have to be the one to tell the DCP.... I feel like crying.....

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I'm sorry - I would be sad to have to tell parents that too. But you have an opportunity to make a difference for him. Just keep telling yourself that.

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lol Im quick to pass the ball with bad news....
I love this idea of asking them to have him evaluated by someone else. I think that I can do that for sure... I am going to call the school dist. today
thanks a million.....I think that I am just freaking out a little knowing that school will be here before we know it..

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In California, you can contact your R&R and THEY should come do an evaluation for you. They will conduct observations and use the DRDP to assess the child's skill level.You can then provide that info to the parents, and the R&R will also provide referrals for the parent. This is the tool the California Dept. Of Ed uses for preschool assessments.

Also, California has a set of Preschool Learning Foundations that give you the information that preschoolers are expected to learn/know. You can use the lists to provide to the parents so that they will see what their child should know at this age.

Your local First Five Commission should also have free handouts available for you to give to parents. These are very detailed for parents so they know EXACTLY what will be expected when their child starts kindy.

If you need links, let me know. And, please refresh my memory as to which county you are in so I can give you the appropriate links.

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Here is a link to the Preschool Learning Foundations:

http://www.cde.ca.gov/sp/cd/re/docum...reschoollf.pdf

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you rock thank you... santa clara county.....

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Your local First Five Commission:

http://www.first5kids.org/node/276

Your local R&R:


http://www.4c.org/provider/participa.../overview.html

I didn't browse around on them too much, but there seems to be alot of info and resources. Also, if you PM me your address I will gladly send you some resources and info for yourself, as well as for your families.

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Just an additional resource that I thought you might find useful:

http://www.cde.ca.gov/sp/cd/re/docum...elineshome.pdf

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I would start with this.

I would have them come for a meeting and tell them that you don't provide diapering to children this age. He's too old to have that intimate contact. If he is going to remain in diapers then they need to work out a system where they come and diaper him daily.

Tell them that you only provide diapering to this age child if they qualify under the disability act. This means they must have a diagnosis from a physician that qualifies them to receive this level of service so the child can remain and participate in your program.

They need to either provide someone to do this service or remove him for as long as it takes to get him fully and completely trained.

I would tell them that your experience and education tell you that he is not meeting the developmental milestones for a child his age. You understand from your conversations with them that they feel that he IS developing great and that in fact, he is really advanced. You believe that they know him best so this issue MUST be addressed immediately.

A child that is really smart will train by age four. It's time to put his giftedness into something CONCRETE that they have to deal with.

See with parents who feel their child is gifted when you have very clear indications that they are severely and profoundly delayed ... the parent just has to SAY that the child is advanced or "really smart". Saying those words takes seconds. Potty training the delayed child takes WEEKS or even MONTHS.

It's time for them to DO... not say.

You can't avoid telling them that he is, in your opinion, significantly delayed. You can try to be nice and do a "compliment sandwhich" approach of good... not good... good approach but in the end they will take what you say that's good and deny your opinion on what is not.

It's time for them to HAVE to do something. Pick whatever delay you think is a good starter for them (which for me would definitely be toileting) and INSIST that he must do what really smart kids do... When he doesn't then go to the next... and the next... until you GET them to understand that he needs a professional to completely evaluate him.

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this is what you need to use for an assessment - these are the standards teachers use in the schools. if you scroll to the very bottom of the document the standards are there. you can just print out those pages and use that paper to assess - check off what he can do right on the paper (or however you want to do it). either way, it doesn't cost anything.

i don't know about where you live, but here we have to get the parent's consent to have someone come in and assess their child. if you're worried about approaching them, i'd assess on my own first and present them with that - then if they're receptive, see if they'd like someone to come in.

actually, i'd use this link:

http://www.cde.ca.gov/sp/cd/re/docum...reschoollf.pdf

it is the same standards, but this one gives specific examples of things the child "should" be able to say/do so it's easier to assess.

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I just want to thank everyone for taking their time to respond to all of my questions. Without a doubt, something needs to be done.

I am thinking of how to approach this and at this time feel that as someone said, conduct the assessment first myself and if I feel it needs to go further, then let the parents take it from there. I am going to push this on the parents. It is my responsibility as a teacher and care giver to make sure he is getting the tools that he needs to be successful in building a foundation for learning. It is up to the parents to support and follow through with it.

As for the potty training, Nannyde, I think you are very on point about this issue. I am going to give it a few more weeks after the assessment is done and then throw that idea to mom and dad. I think a lot of that has to do with them anyways.... in the nicest way possible, let’s just say the parents are LAZY!!!

I will keep everyone posted on how this turns out and I just might need somemore help...until then thanks a million again to all of you.....
hugs

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