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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Rude Parents :( What'd I do?
logged out on purpose 08:26 PM 12-02-2011
This has really been bothering me, so I wanted to see what you all think about it, and if there's anything you think I can do to change the situation.

I work at a home daycare, and pretty much have the same responsibilities a teacher would have at a daycare center. Well, there's this mom, maybe a year older than me, who has began to be down right rude to me (she didn't start out this way. She was nice enough in the beginning). But now, I greet her when she walks in, she barely acknowledges (sp?) it, and sometimes I have to say hi a couple times before she even looks at me. And even when she does say anything, it's a really quick "hi" (said as if it was a real burden to have to say anything) and immediately looks away. When she's leaving, she will not say anything to me until I've said bye a couple times. At first I thought maybe she didn't hear me, because of the noise in the room or something, so I'd repeat it just in case she hadn't heard so she didn't think I was being unfriendly to her. Last week the owner reminded her at drop off that payment was due that day (she's been paying late a lot lately), and when she came to pick up that afternoon she immediately said, "I forgot her payment. I'll have to pay her Monday" (payment is due every Fri). She said it really rudely, like she didn't care at all that she "forgot", and just dared me to say anything. Well, since the owner wasn't there, I'm responsible for following the polices, so I very politely (and professionally, I thought) told her that she needed it today. But let her know it was okay to bring it back by because we'd be open for at least 2 more hours. Her whole expression turned mad, and she very rudely told me, "well I can't help it that she needs it today. I'm busy and can't bring it by. She'll just have to wait until Monday." And then turned around and refused to look or even talk to me after that. So when she was getting ready to leave I was as friendly as ever and told her to have a good weekend. She ignored me, and turned her head and told her son it was time to go. One of the children said bye to her, and she was nice and responded to them. I thought maybe she didn't hear me, so I repeated it. Again I was ignored. Anyway, by the time she was actaully going out the door, I had said it for the 3rd or 4th time. FINALLY she said "bye" really quick and dry, like she didn't want to say it, still not looking at me. This is how she always is, but she just seems to get ruder to me all the time. However, when the owner is around, she turns into the funniest, most friendly person you'd meet. It's SO obvious she's sucking up to her. She trips all over herself to make over the owner's dog, teases the owner as if they're best friends, compliments her, etc. And gives her a really friendly greeting, and says bye to her and all that. But anytime I mention to the owner how she acts toward me, she's surprised and doesn't see that side of her. She told me "she's so much fun to be around!" (it's not like the owner even sees her that much! Maybe 10 min in the morning, 3 days/week when dropping off; and 10 min in the afternoon 1-2 days/week). The owner doesn't like to enforce policies with her because "she's easily offended, and I wouldn't want to upset her". If she does remind her of a policy, it's in a teasing way, as if it doesn't matter that much to her.

I've tried and tried and tried to think of when I could have offended this mom, and I just cannot think of anything I could have said or done. I'm always professional and friendly to the parents. And her son seems to really like me. He always runs back and gives me a hug before he leaves, and tells me bye. So it's not that her son doesn't like it here, or doesn't take well to me. The other parents are always friendly to me, and only have positive things to say to me. I'm not the personality type that easily offends people. I'm quiet spoken, can get along with just about anyone...I'm not extremely outgoing, just more reserved, but friendly, etc. But I know I must not be doing something right, if this mom seems to dislike me so much. Any ideas what it could be? In all my years of working with children, I've never run across a parent that seems to dislike even the sight of me, and acts like it's such a huge burden to so much as say hi. It's to the point that I dread the days her son comes just because I know I'll see the mom at drop off and pick-up and never know how she's going to act toward me. I'm so mentally exhausted from trying to be friendly to her, only to have her act like she does, that I just want to give up trying. I would just shower my greetings on her son and not bother saying anything to her, but I know that would be rude of me, and unprofessional. By the way, when she drops off her payment (3 days late every time), she comes on a day her son isn't even attending, and it's always during nap time (even though the owner reminded her that it's best to bring payment either before or after nap so it didn't wake up the kids). It's like she wants to make things as hard on me as she can (such as waking the kids up from nap to "get back at me", although I don't know what I did). I do NOT want to talk to her and ask her if I've offended her in any way. There's no telling what kind of smart alec remark I would get. And plus I know she'd act all innocent like she has no idea what I'm talking about. Besides that, there's no good time to talk to her. She brings her son late, after we've already started the day's activities, and I'm really busy with the kids. And when she picks up, it's right after nap, so I'm really busy putting nap stuff up, directing kids to go potty, getting their shoes on, preparing snack, getting schoolage off the bus, etc. Even if there was a calm moment, I'd hate to talk to her in front of the kids. They hear and understand everything that's said.

Sorry this is so long. I'm just so upset and so worn out with it. I wish I knew what I could have done to make her dislike me so much, but yet be SO nice to the owner.
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Michael 01:11 AM 12-03-2011
I'm pushing this back up.
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Kaddidle Care 05:58 AM 12-03-2011
Stop trying so hard to get her to acknowledge you. You can't please everyone and if her son loves you, perhaps she is a bit jealous.

The Director needs to talk to her about dropping off payment at naptime. If it's already late, she might as well wait until he comes again. Why waste another trip.

When she comes, say "Good Morning or Good Afternoon" and if she chooses not to answer - oh well. We persist with children to make them realize that this is what expected of them. We can't do this with adults. They are what they are.

Move on McDuff...
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Unregistered 06:05 AM 12-03-2011
Originally Posted by logged out on purpose:
This has really been bothering me, so I wanted to see what you all think about it, and if there's anything you think I can do to change the situation.

I work at a home daycare, and pretty much have the same responsibilities a teacher would have at a daycare center. Well, there's this mom, maybe a year older than me, who has began to be down right rude to me (she didn't start out this way. She was nice enough in the beginning). But now, I greet her when she walks in, she barely acknowledges (sp?) it, and sometimes I have to say hi a couple times before she even looks at me. And even when she does say anything, it's a really quick "hi" (said as if it was a real burden to have to say anything) and immediately looks away. When she's leaving, she will not say anything to me until I've said bye a couple times. At first I thought maybe she didn't hear me, because of the noise in the room or something, so I'd repeat it just in case she hadn't heard so she didn't think I was being unfriendly to her. Last week the owner reminded her at drop off that payment was due that day (she's been paying late a lot lately), and when she came to pick up that afternoon she immediately said, "I forgot her payment. I'll have to pay her Monday" (payment is due every Fri). She said it really rudely, like she didn't care at all that she "forgot", and just dared me to say anything. Well, since the owner wasn't there, I'm responsible for following the polices, so I very politely (and professionally, I thought) told her that she needed it today. But let her know it was okay to bring it back by because we'd be open for at least 2 more hours. Her whole expression turned mad, and she very rudely told me, "well I can't help it that she needs it today. I'm busy and can't bring it by. She'll just have to wait until Monday." And then turned around and refused to look or even talk to me after that. So when she was getting ready to leave I was as friendly as ever and told her to have a good weekend. She ignored me, and turned her head and told her son it was time to go. One of the children said bye to her, and she was nice and responded to them. I thought maybe she didn't hear me, so I repeated it. Again I was ignored. Anyway, by the time she was actaully going out the door, I had said it for the 3rd or 4th time. FINALLY she said "bye" really quick and dry, like she didn't want to say it, still not looking at me. This is how she always is, but she just seems to get ruder to me all the time. However, when the owner is around, she turns into the funniest, most friendly person you'd meet. It's SO obvious she's sucking up to her. She trips all over herself to make over the owner's dog, teases the owner as if they're best friends, compliments her, etc. And gives her a really friendly greeting, and says bye to her and all that. But anytime I mention to the owner how she acts toward me, she's surprised and doesn't see that side of her. She told me "she's so much fun to be around!" (it's not like the owner even sees her that much! Maybe 10 min in the morning, 3 days/week when dropping off; and 10 min in the afternoon 1-2 days/week). The owner doesn't like to enforce policies with her because "she's easily offended, and I wouldn't want to upset her". If she does remind her of a policy, it's in a teasing way, as if it doesn't matter that much to her.

I've tried and tried and tried to think of when I could have offended this mom, and I just cannot think of anything I could have said or done. I'm always professional and friendly to the parents. And her son seems to really like me. He always runs back and gives me a hug before he leaves, and tells me bye. So it's not that her son doesn't like it here, or doesn't take well to me. The other parents are always friendly to me, and only have positive things to say to me. I'm not the personality type that easily offends people. I'm quiet spoken, can get along with just about anyone...I'm not extremely outgoing, just more reserved, but friendly, etc. But I know I must not be doing something right, if this mom seems to dislike me so much. Any ideas what it could be? In all my years of working with children, I've never run across a parent that seems to dislike even the sight of me, and acts like it's such a huge burden to so much as say hi. It's to the point that I dread the days her son comes just because I know I'll see the mom at drop off and pick-up and never know how she's going to act toward me. I'm so mentally exhausted from trying to be friendly to her, only to have her act like she does, that I just want to give up trying. I would just shower my greetings on her son and not bother saying anything to her, but I know that would be rude of me, and unprofessional. By the way, when she drops off her payment (3 days late every time), she comes on a day her son isn't even attending, and it's always during nap time (even though the owner reminded her that it's best to bring payment either before or after nap so it didn't wake up the kids). It's like she wants to make things as hard on me as she can (such as waking the kids up from nap to "get back at me", although I don't know what I did). I do NOT want to talk to her and ask her if I've offended her in any way. There's no telling what kind of smart alec remark I would get. And plus I know she'd act all innocent like she has no idea what I'm talking about. Besides that, there's no good time to talk to her. She brings her son late, after we've already started the day's activities, and I'm really busy with the kids. And when she picks up, it's right after nap, so I'm really busy putting nap stuff up, directing kids to go potty, getting their shoes on, preparing snack, getting schoolage off the bus, etc. Even if there was a calm moment, I'd hate to talk to her in front of the kids. They hear and understand everything that's said.

Sorry this is so long. I'm just so upset and so worn out with it. I wish I knew what I could have done to make her dislike me so much, but yet be SO nice to the owner.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. If I didn't have this same lady, I'd swear they were the same person! I've been dealing with this for the past almost 3 years. It is bizarre behavior. The lady is super sweet and responds to the other parents who come and go while she is here dropping or picking up but if I talk to her she just tunes me right out. I kept the family because I needed the money. Lucky for me, next week is their last week with me! They are changing to a new daycare. I hope that she isn't as rude to the next daycare lady!

I guess I have no good advice for you. You are totally right, it is emotionally exhausting to put up with someone who acts like this. Just chalk it up to crazy and just be kind to the children. Good luck!
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Zoe 07:40 AM 12-03-2011
Maybe you're seeing the true side of her and she is, as you say, sucking up to the owner solely to keep on paying late with no consequences. Honestly, I'd just do what kaddidle said; say hello to her then move on. If she wants to be a poop, let her. No sweat off your back. Just focus on the kids. And hey, if she pays late, then that's the owner's problem. You can't force someone to like you, as much as I hate to say that. I can't stand it when people don't like me either. I'm sorry you're going through this.
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sharlan 08:18 AM 12-03-2011
Please don't take this wrong, but it looks like you are annoying the daylights out of her.

It appears from what you've said, that you are setting up a passive/agressive situation. When she comes in, say good morning ONCE. If she doesn't respond, let it go and move on. Stop badgering her to get a response. Do the same in the afternoon.

Your job is to care for the children, not engage the parents.
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Sunshine44 08:24 AM 12-03-2011
Sounds like you are pushing a little bit. If she doesn't like you..too bad...move on and let the director deal with her.

When she walks in in the afternoon I'd yell "Hey everyone, say hi to Mrs. so and so!!!" And smile.
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Christian Mother 01:50 PM 12-03-2011
Honey, I agree. Don't try and get this mother to keep responding to your hellos and good byes. Just focus on her child who your paid to watch. Your not being paid to make nice with the parents. The owner can do that for you. You may feel it's your responsibility to discuss rules when the owner is not there but it's from what you wrote she is allowing these rules to slide each and every time. Don't waste your time trying to enforce them. Your not the owner. That's the owners responsibility so let her deal with it. Sleep easy tonight in knowing that you shouldn't have to worry any longer in trying to get this parent to acknowledgment your presence...her child should be the only one you should be engaging.
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Heidi 04:47 PM 12-03-2011
I agree with the other ladies...

As a reformed Goody-two-shoes, I know where you're comming from.

In my "advanced age" of 47, I have learned that some people just don't like me, and there are actually people I don't like, either. It's okay! I am polite, but I cannot control how they treat me. If they want to be poop-heads, let 'em!

Definately passive-aggressive schtuff going on...don't feed it!
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logged out on purpose 06:17 PM 12-03-2011
Thank you everyone! I wanted to mention, the reason I continue to greet her is because I'm more quiet spoken than some, so my voice doesn't always carry very far. With all the other children talking and oher things going on, I'm always afraid that she didn't hear me, and will think I didn't say anything to her. One mom terminated her children's care with us and her excuse was that no one acknowledged her when she came in. Her children had only been enrolled for about a month, and only actually attended half that time (they'd miss for the least little things). I always made sure to greet her, but I couldn't sit around and entertain her when she'd be picking them up. She always picked up right during or right after lunch, so that's a busy time for us. No time to entertain a parent, beyond greeting them, and helping her children get out the door. So I wouldn't want a 2nd parent saying the same thing, all because my voice isn't really loud.

I feel like enforcing policies affect me a lot of the time because if she drops off money during nap and wakes up the children, it's me, not this mom or the owner, dealing with a group of tired grumpy kids in the afternoon. And if mom is late dropping child off, it's me trying to get the children's attention back, and trying to keep them focused on the activity while the mom's sucking up to the owner. If mom decides to bring soda for her child in sippy cup, it's me dealing with a hyper, sugar high child (and as you all know, one hyper child affects the whole group, too). The list could go on. So when policies are enforced it makes my job a LOT easier. I'm the one who has to deal with most of the consequences when policies are not followed.
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C'est la vie. 06:30 PM 12-03-2011
Sometimes people don't like you. Theres no rhyme or reason for it. Keep calm and carry on. Block her out, maybe she'll give it up if you kill her with kindness but keep your distance. She's showing you who she really is, believe her and leave her alone. Good luck and don't let it get you down.
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Nellie 09:47 PM 12-03-2011
Does the daycare have a policy for coming at nap time? If they do start enforcing the consiquence.
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Mandy_Jane 11:40 PM 12-03-2011
I feel for you. I really do. The others commenting seem to be missing your main point, which I totally understand. Mom sounds like a snob who sucks up to the owner to get by with paying late. Owner sounds like she doesn't have a backbone at all. If this mom is really disrupting your day as you say, then I think it's time you had a talk with the owner and let her know each and every detail of what's going on. How can she expect the daycare to run smoothly if she won't even enforce the rules? And why should you be expected to uphold some rules and not others? It makes no sense. I would possibly even go so far as to put it all in writing and hand it over to the owner. She needs to know that what this mom is doing is affecting YOU and YOU can not do your job properly when this mom breaks rules and policies and interferes with your day and the children in your care. If the owner does nothing at all after hearing all of your complaints, then it may be time to consider looking for a new job where you won't be expected to be walked all over and disrespected. I wish you the best of luck!
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Zoe 08:40 AM 12-04-2011
I don't think we were missing her main point. The title is "what did I do". She focuses on why this parent doesn't like her.

I do agree with you Mandy Jane on the issue of dealing with the nap time payment, but I didn't take that as a main point in this post.
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Crazy8 11:59 AM 12-04-2011
I have to agree with some of the others.... you are saying "good moring" 3 or 4 times to get her to acknowledge you??? That would be annoying. If she wants to ignore you just let it go. Cut your greetings short - don't even engage her in conversation. Don't worry about WHY she doesn't like you, just carry on with your work.
If she is breaking policies all you can do is inform the owner of the policies broken and let her deal with it. Sounds like your owner is a pushover and that's her choice - not something you really need to worry about - just do what you were hired to do and don't worry about the rest.
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Unregistered 01:44 PM 12-04-2011
It would be annoying to have someone badger you for awknowlegement (saying hello 3 or 4 times, ect) however, what kind of a b*tch doesn't say hello to the person caring for her child? She's rude and inconsiderate. Is there a clause in the contract about 'respecting' the dayhome and people who run it? I have a clause like that in my contract.

I definitely think that you should leave this woman alone now, save a polite hello *once* when she arrives. And I definitely think you need to talk to the owner about this. That's the best advice.
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logged out on purpose 04:49 PM 12-04-2011
Thanks everyone for the replies and suggestions. I wanted to clarify, the only time I tried 3-4 times to say something to her, it was that one day when she'd been extremely rude about the payment. I didn't want her saying I was rude to HER, or hadn't acknowledged her presence. Anytime before or after that I'd only try up to two times to say hi to her. Since she comes in late so much of the time, it's usually pretty busy and loud when she comes in, so if I think maybe she didn't hear me say it from across the room due to the noise, I'll repeat it just in case. Since she doesn't like to respond to me, I never know if she did or didn't hear the first time. I also don't even try to engage her in conversation. I've got too much to do, to stand around visiting with the parents.

Unregistered: we do have a place in the policy that mentions disrespect, but the owner doesn't seem to see it. The mom is a lot nicer to me when the owner is nearby.

I've tried talking to the owner about it, but she just mentioned that maybe I had offended the mom sometime without realizing it. Then she mentioned that the mom has such a fun personality (she was serious, because she does have one toward the owner). So I guess I'll do what everyone suggested and just say hi once (even if I'm not sure she heard me). If only she didn't have to stay so long talking and sucking up to the owner. It's so disruptive when she comes in late. A parent walking in is a lot more interesting to them than whatever they were just doing. So they all have to jump up and run and show off for her The owner also doesn't seem to notice how disruptive it is. She's busy talking to the mom while the mom sucks up and makes over her dog and compliments everything she does :/

I would be glad to just sit back and let the owner handle the policies, if it didn't affect me so much when she doesn't. The only policy that doesn't affect me in one way or another is when she doesn't pay on time. All the others will end up affecting me and making my job harder. And with adults or kids either way, if you let someone by with one thing, you can forget about all the other rules too.

Okay, I'm off to have a one "hi" a day week LOL. Good thing she only comes 2-3 days a week Thanks again!
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Tags:enforcing policies - consistency, rude parents
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