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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Would You Handle This?
adnilwis 08:02 AM 11-28-2018
So I have a dkg who is 2.5 and never wants to go home. She runs away from mom or dad, climbs on the table, disobeys her parents and me, won't put her coat on, etc. Yesterday Dad fought her to put her coat on. He had to put it on while she was rolling around on the floor. She hit him and kicked him. They are always so patient with her and never raise their voice at her. He threatened a timeout at home and ended up carrying her out. Then the other 2.5 year old dkg I watch, basically gave a repeat performance when her dad came last night (right at closing time I might add). She kicked dad, and hit him and threw her coat and hat on the ground and screamed no at him. He never raised his voice at her. I ended up putting her coat and hat on and told her it's not okay to hit dad. It made her sad. Then dad gave her the option to walk up the stairs or not. She did and he told her if we can't listen we don't get to put our own coat on. How would you all handle those situations? I was tempted to carry them up the stairs on my own without their coat and say, "Bye see you tomorrow". This second dad, a few weeks ago demanded my daughter (who is 4) apologize to him after she lightly hit him. He would not leave my house until she did. He never once asked his own daughter to say sorry for hitting and kicking him. I just think parents these days want to be more of a friend to their kids and not a parent. They need to show their children who is in charge and not let their child be in control of everything. Just curious how others would handle this.
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KiwiKids 09:11 AM 11-28-2018
I have the difficult ones ready to go and tell parents there needs to be a quick hand off and they need to leave immediately and Iím available until 6pm via text if they have any questions. It keeps the drama to a minimum for everyone.

DCD refusing to leave your house without an apology is a bit ridiculous though, it is your child and you will handle it. Donít let parents have control like that. She shouldnít have hit him and thereís no excuse, but him refusing to leave without an apology from a 4yr old is a bit over the top. An apology from you and being told youíll handle the situation is more than enough.
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Cat Herder 09:21 AM 11-28-2018
I do buh-bye outside to end the opportunity.

I'd recommend reading Nan's "Changing of the guard".

https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-...in-daycare.htm
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rosieteddy 09:27 AM 11-28-2018
I agree with previous poster.The parent not leaving until apology was over the top.I would have sent my child to their room and told him you would handle it.I started getting everyone ready 15 min before parents were due to arrive.After awhile we actually sat in foyer reading waiting for pick up.I put infants in carseats (I could not stand the drama of parents putting coats on and infants into seats.)I evan bribed the kids with stickers.They each got a small notebook for their car if they greeted their parent and said goodbye nicely they got a sticker on the way out.It worked.I would send a notice Friday telling parents new policy .Say hello ,goodbye and go.
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CountryRoads 09:51 AM 11-28-2018
I also try to make sure that the difficult ones are all dressed and ready to go. I also have a 2.5 yo who runs away from his mom and dad. He's sweet all day, but as soon as one of them gets here, he throws whatever is in his hand, kicks things, and refuses to put on his shoes, coat, etc.
Having him ready to go makes things so much easier! I also try to make sure he doesn't have any toys in his hand or he's a pain when it's time to put it away. He also hits his mom sometimes and she laughs like it's funny Like I said, he doesn't act like this during the day, just when his mom or dad comes, so making sure he's ready to just go out the door makes things SO much easier!
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Unregistered 10:15 AM 11-28-2018
It's bye bye outside time.
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adnilwis 10:51 AM 11-28-2018
Originally Posted by KiwiKids:
I have the difficult ones ready to go and tell parents there needs to be a quick hand off and they need to leave immediately and Iím available until 6pm via text if they have any questions. It keeps the drama to a minimum for everyone.

DCD refusing to leave your house without an apology is a bit ridiculous though, it is your child and you will handle it. Donít let parents have control like that. She shouldnít have hit him and thereís no excuse, but him refusing to leave without an apology from a 4yr old is a bit over the top. An apology from you and being told youíll handle the situation is more than enough.
I did not see my daughter hit him. I was downstairs and they were all upstairs when it happened. I dont know how hard it was or why she did it. I made her say it only because I wanted them to leave and didn't want to cause drama between me and this family. But I felt it was a bit out of line. My husband disagrees with me. He says it was good he made her say it.
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adnilwis 10:55 AM 11-28-2018
Originally Posted by CountryRoads:
I also try to make sure that the difficult ones are all dressed and ready to go. I also have a 2.5 yo who runs away from his mom and dad. He's sweet all day, but as soon as one of them gets here, he throws whatever is in his hand, kicks things, and refuses to put on his shoes, coat, etc.
Having him ready to go makes things so much easier! I also try to make sure he doesn't have any toys in his hand or he's a pain when it's time to put it away. He also hits his mom sometimes and she laughs like it's funny Like I said, he doesn't act like this during the day, just when his mom or dad comes, so making sure he's ready to just go out the door makes things SO much easier!
These parents don't laugh when they get hit but they don't scold either. My kids have always been excited to see me and never threw fits like this. I may just have to have them dressed and ready. This is a great idea.
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Annalee 11:01 AM 11-28-2018
Times have changed for sure when it comes to parenting....and I think we've all had this situation happen. I now have a gate separating the daycare room from the foyer where parents sign in/out. I do not allow the child to run back in the daycare space....they stand beside their parent and I have a sign that says "hold your child's hand" all the way to the car. and the path across the porch they take to the care..Yep, sounds silly and so elementary but I rinse and repeat....no so much now but in the beginning this was a struggle......I got some looks like this from parents but they finally got it!
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LostMyMarbles 01:42 PM 12-17-2018
I have one that acts terrible when his mom comes. I get him ready before mom comes. I escort him to the door and "BODY BLOCK" him. That means, if he tries to go anywhere but out, I quickly block his path.

I got tired if him needing one more drink, climbing on the preschool table, getting into others things, needing to say good bye to each child individually, etc.

Body blocking makes my life easier.
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knoxmomof2 08:15 AM 12-22-2018
Have the child ready. Talk to them before pick up and remind them that they're going to be calm / walk to the door, etc whatever you need them to do. When it's time, maybe hold their hand and walk them wherever. If they start acting up, pick them up, say "okay, time to go. See you tomorrow", hand to parent and say "have a good night!" as you walk away.

I know it feels weird to be an authority figure in front of the parent, but it's your house and you have to control the situation or you'll be miserable. I've had the ones that fuss when a parent comes. The best answer is always to control the situation first. One child had split parents and was mostly with Mom. She would be so happy to see Daddy until he pulled up and then it was like a switch flipped! I started having her ready, saying "okay, Daddys here. Time to go", handing her over and saying goodbye. The fits stopped pretty quickly.

As far as him telling your child what to do... No! I'm sure it caught you off guard, but I would limit where your child is at parent arrival times. A simple "I'll be sure to talk with her. Thank you for letting me know. Have a good night" should suffice. No one is going to refuse to leave my house, and I wouldn't feel safe working with someone who thinks that's acceptable behavior. Think about the implications of that.... I learned a long time ago that limiting my children's interactions with dcp's was best for everyone. They might say or do something that the dcp will take wrong and then you're out of a job for a misunderstanding. In this situation, sounds like your child is better off away from the dcp's. Yeesh!
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Tags:buh-bye outside, changing of the guard
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