Daycare.com Forum
Parents and Guardians Forum>Making A Parent Pay For "Damage"
MaryM 12:38 PM 05-22-2013
Sorry-didn't mean to hit "quote" button! 
lisawatsonis 08:29 PM 07-30-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
1st: My 3yo (newly 3) has been increasing her defiance recently. She is currently in a stage where if she says 'No' to something, she becomes an immovable object. We are working at finding her currency, but it's really hard right now. We're struggling with her and I sympathize with the DCP about that. I really do. Right now we're getting the best results with clearly stating our expectation and then consequence of not listening and then following through every time. DD is very calculating and it's really hard when she seems to weigh her options and then chose the consequence. We are basically following Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child.
2nd: I do not agree with time-outs. I am trained as a teacher and believe strongly that reinforcement works far better than punishment. All the research I have read confirms this and so do the guidelines at most daycares. It is absolutely appropriate, for example, to have a child who is making bad choices stick close to the provider rather than get to go play. But I don't think that making a child sit somewhere as a punishment is appropriate or effective.
3rd: That's actually not my problem. If a time-out had worked (on her stairs) I probably wouldn't object too much. I don't like it, but I realize that she needed to try something. It was the closing my kid in a room unsupervised that bothers me.
4: I know my kid has issues. She has been approved for a SN preschool program in the fall. She doesn't have delays (in fact she's a really smart little girl) but she has challenging behaviors that are getting harder and harder to deal with. But, the basic facts are that she does not hit, bite or hurt other children or the DCP. She simply becomes absurdly defiant at times and we don't have any way to diffuse the situation right now.
She's not going back. The DCP is done with her. I think it's too much. She recently had another 2 kids start and she doesn't have the ability/resources/energy right now to deal with my DD. I get that and I will find someone else until the end of the school year. I don't have any interest in causing her trouble. She reached the end of her rope with my kid and made a bad choice. I live with this kid and I get it. I would never have thought that a 3yo could be so difficult.
My thing is that we have paid for next week since we pre-pay 2 weeks at a time (I'm not asking for a refund) and now she wants us to also buy a new mattress.
If you have another week paid and it's both the provider and you that have come to the consensus that this isn't working.....try reasoning with her saying that you are still prepaid one week. Provider keeps that in exchange for the ruined bed.1st: My 3yo (newly 3) has been increasing her defiance recently. She is currently in a stage where if she says 'No' to something, she becomes an immovable object. We are working at finding her currency, but it's really hard right now. We're struggling with her and I sympathize with the DCP about that. I really do. Right now we're getting the best results with clearly stating our expectation and then consequence of not listening and then following through every time. DD is very calculating and it's really hard when she seems to weigh her options and then chose the consequence. We are basically following Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child.
2nd: I do not agree with time-outs. I am trained as a teacher and believe strongly that reinforcement works far better than punishment. All the research I have read confirms this and so do the guidelines at most daycares. It is absolutely appropriate, for example, to have a child who is making bad choices stick close to the provider rather than get to go play. But I don't think that making a child sit somewhere as a punishment is appropriate or effective.
3rd: That's actually not my problem. If a time-out had worked (on her stairs) I probably wouldn't object too much. I don't like it, but I realize that she needed to try something. It was the closing my kid in a room unsupervised that bothers me.
4: I know my kid has issues. She has been approved for a SN preschool program in the fall. She doesn't have delays (in fact she's a really smart little girl) but she has challenging behaviors that are getting harder and harder to deal with. But, the basic facts are that she does not hit, bite or hurt other children or the DCP. She simply becomes absurdly defiant at times and we don't have any way to diffuse the situation right now.
She's not going back. The DCP is done with her. I think it's too much. She recently had another 2 kids start and she doesn't have the ability/resources/energy right now to deal with my DD. I get that and I will find someone else until the end of the school year. I don't have any interest in causing her trouble. She reached the end of her rope with my kid and made a bad choice. I live with this kid and I get it. I would never have thought that a 3yo could be so difficult.
My thing is that we have paid for next week since we pre-pay 2 weeks at a time (I'm not asking for a refund) and now she wants us to also buy a new mattress.
I have had difficult children like this. And I have learned that sometimes it's a personality thing. It's the right thing to do to ask kindly for the parent to find another daycare.
But I will say this, you never mentioned the chance of your 3 yo NOT understanding what she was doing. You kinda admitted that she did indeed pee the bed in defiance and on purpose. So in that case, I feel you ARE responsible for the mattress. Your child did it out of anger and defiance not out of not knowing, fear or being mistreated.
Unregistered 04:37 AM 07-31-2013
Originally Posted by countrymom:
and here I thought it was just me who started to notice this too. How come when I grew up we didn't have kids like this. Maybe because we had discipline, I don't know. I'm glad others are starting to see this too.
I'm the mom of a child with ADHD but I will never, ever use her diagnosis as a way to explain away poor behavior. and here I thought it was just me who started to notice this too. How come when I grew up we didn't have kids like this. Maybe because we had discipline, I don't know. I'm glad others are starting to see this too.
I've also noticed the difference between when I was a kid and kids these days and I really do believe that the lack of discipline has played a part in the behavior of this generation of kids.
Liliyachka 03:17 PM 02-18-2014
You owe the provider nothing in regards to the matress. She did not follow her own policy about the time out and she should not have left your child in the room. In my state New Yrok, providers are required to provide direct visual supervision at all times. Children cannot be left without direct visual competent supervision at any time, except for nap time. With written permission of the parent, children may nap or sleep in a room where an awake adult is not present. When children are sleeping or during nap times, the doors to all rooms must be open; the caregiver must remain on the same floor as the children; and a functioning electronic monitor must be used in any room where children are napping or sleeping and an awake adult is not present.
Izzyjenni 01:14 PM 03-04-2015
As an educator in public schools for 10 years up until last year, most districts in my state use "responsive Classroom" which use "take a break chairs" aka "time-outs." Although in this instance you don't give one in a closed room. Believe me, I've been there when a child is on your last nerve but putting them in a closed room is a no, no. However, that being said, your child should not have peed intentionally on anything but in the toilet. As a parent, I would just pay for the mattress and be done with this provider.
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