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My Lil' Monkeys 11:09 AM 01-06-2011
One of my dck's parents are recently divorced. Today, when dcm dropped dcg off she asked if I kept records of dcks drop off times and pick up times. I told her yes because the state's licensing makes me keep records for all kids. Since the child custody agreement is that one parent has the kids one week and the other parents has them another week, she asked me if she could have a copy of Dad's drop off and pick up times next week. Am I allowed to give Mom a copy of them? I don't want to break any laws but when it's his week to have them and not hers, I don't feel like she has a right to them. Please help. Thanks!
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Blackcat31 11:12 AM 01-06-2011
I'd say you will give them to her WITH dad's permission. Warning: If you get in the middle, you will regret it later. This is their mess NOT yours so it sounds as though mom may be looking to start something. I personally would tell mom I do not feel comfortable doing so and tell her you will not be in the middle. If she has a question about dad and drop off she needs to ask dad. They have a child, theyneed to communicate with each other. Been there....will never allow that to be my problem again. Good luck.
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My Lil' Monkeys 11:22 AM 01-06-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I'd say you will give them to her WITH dad's permission. Warning: If you get in the middle, you will regret it later. This is their mess NOT yours so it sounds as though mom may be looking to start something. I personally would tell mom I do not feel comfortable doing so and tell her you will not be in the middle. If she has a question about dad and drop off she needs to ask dad. They have a child, theyneed to communicate with each other. Been there....will never allow that to be my problem again. Good luck.
I told mom and dad at the beginning that I didn't want to get involved and it seems like mom doesn't get it! I figured I would talk to dad about it, but I feel really uncomfortable with this whole situation. I made both parents fill out 2 different handbook contacts and financial agreements, plus both had to supply information cards and dad's bringing me a schedule for the year for the custody weeks. This is my first divorced family and I really do not want to get involved. Like I put it to the parents... I'm here to take care of your child.
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Blackcat31 11:26 AM 01-06-2011
Sounds like you have it under total control. Stand your ground and just tell mom over and over when she asks things, "I will not get involved." I don't think she has any right to that info unless it is court ordered...I may be way off base but I would check with your licensor to be safe.
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Cat Herder 11:35 AM 01-06-2011
I personally only deal with the parent who has primary physical custody. Only one contract, one schedule and one person pays as well. They can hash out their own details, makes no difference to me.

Example:
If Mom signed the contract, she gives Dad permission to pick-up and drop-off BUT it is her responsibility to ensure he is doing what he is supposed to, not mine. If they start bring their drama to my house, they find another one to go to. I do not do adult care, here.

Same policy as the public school system.

Do not let their problems become yours.
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Lilbutterflie 11:41 AM 01-06-2011
I would tell her that the records of pick up/drop off times are for your daycare business and for state licensing; not for parental use. I would suggest she talk to the dad if she wants to know what his pick up and drop off times are.

Sounds like this may be the first of many requests from her that may lead to big huge messes. Don't let her manipulate you into getting in the middle of anything!
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My Lil' Monkeys 12:55 PM 01-06-2011
I called the licensing office and they weren't sure as the licensing rules state that the parents have rights to their child at all times. The lady was going to check and call me tomorrow.

At pick up dcm asked what where dcd drop-off and pick-up times. I told her and she said ok. Then asked if she could call next week and check on her. As we are still in our 2 - week trial and I can terminate at anytime during this period...it may come down to just letting her go because I don't want the hassle of the divorce and dcm bugging me for information!

I think she just wants information to take to the court and I don't want to get brought into it.
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MarinaVanessa 01:22 PM 01-06-2011
Originally Posted by katiez01:
I made both parents fill out 2 different handbook contacts and financial agreements, plus both had to supply information cards and dad's bringing me a schedule for the year for the custody weeks.
You mention a schedule for "custody weeks" and so I am going to assume that this means that one parent gets the child one week and the other another week. Is that right? If this is the case because you have each of them sign their own contract with you I would explain about confidentiality laws. They each have their own contract and so because they are no longer married she is not allowed to have copies or to even look at dads sign-in sheets on the weeks that dad drops and picks up DCK. I would have seperate sign-in sheets for each of them so that neither of them can look at each other's times.

If this isn't the case I would still not give her or show her the sign-in sheets and would again talk to her about how you do not want to get involved and how asking for sign-in sheets is, in essence, involving you. Sign-in sheets are for your use and your licensing office, not for a parent. At no time are you required to give copies of these, or any other paperwork required by licensing, to a parent. If she gets upset just mention to her that should she ever take him back to court that she can subpoena the paperwork.

**Added
Originally Posted by katiez01:
I called the licensing office and they weren't sure as the licensing rules state that the parents have rights to their child at all times.
I don't see how refusing to show mom the sign-in sheets can be viewed as you denying the parent's right to their child. You are not denying them access to their child, just to YOUR paperwork. As for the part about her calling to check on DCK, I would agree with that. Have her call while her child is in care and talk to her. Most states have a part in the custody paperwork about how each parent has a reasonable amount of contact time (phone calls) during the other parents custodial time. I would look at their paperwork to make sure. I know my custody agreement for my daughter has this in there.

Again, I wouldn't have told her what his pick-up and drop-off times were. I would have asked her to contact DCD and ask him and again explain that asking for information about DCD is her involving you in their issues. If she gets all uppity she may just do you a favor and choose to leave, saving you a lot of trouble. Beleive me, I've gone through this from my personal experience and from daycare parents and lets just say that I was not happy when my provider gave my information to her dad. Of course I was the only one on the contract but still. When this was asked of me for another DCK that I watched she at first asked for the sign-in sheets, then would ask me things about who DCD would show up with, how he looked like, and would ask me to ask him about his personal life. I wasnot happy about it and it created a big mess. Lesson learned. Have her ask him directly. If she wouldn't ask him herself then she shouldn't be asking you.
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My Lil' Monkeys 02:33 PM 01-06-2011
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
You mention a schedule for "custody weeks" and so I am going to assume that this means that one parent gets the child one week and the other another week. Is that right? If this is the case because you have each of them sign their own contract with you I would explain about confidentiality laws. They each have their own contract and so because they are no longer married she is not allowed to have copies or to even look at dads sign-in sheets on the weeks that dad drops and picks up DCK. I would have seperate sign-in sheets for each of them so that neither of them can look at each other's times.

If this isn't the case I would still not give her or show her the sign-in sheets and would again talk to her about how you do not want to get involved and how asking for sign-in sheets is, in essence, involving you. Sign-in sheets are for your use and your licensing office, not for a parent. At no time are you required to give copies of these, or any other paperwork required by licensing, to a parent. If she gets upset just mention to her that should she ever take him back to court that she can subpoena the paperwork.

**Added

I don't see how refusing to show mom the sign-in sheets can be viewed as you denying the parent's right to their child. You are not denying them access to their child, just to YOUR paperwork. As for the part about her calling to check on DCK, I would agree with that. Have her call while her child is in care and talk to her. Most states have a part in the custody paperwork about how each parent has a reasonable amount of contact time (phone calls) during the other parents custodial time. I would look at their paperwork to make sure. I know my custody agreement for my daughter has this in there.

Again, I wouldn't have told her what his pick-up and drop-off times were. I would have asked her to contact DCD and ask him and again explain that asking for information about DCD is her involving you in their issues. If she gets all uppity she may just do you a favor and choose to leave, saving you a lot of trouble. Beleive me, I've gone through this from my personal experience and from daycare parents and lets just say that I was not happy when my provider gave my information to her dad. Of course I was the only one on the contract but still. When this was asked of me for another DCK that I watched she at first asked for the sign-in sheets, then would ask me things about who DCD would show up with, how he looked like, and would ask me to ask him about his personal life. I wasnot happy about it and it created a big mess. Lesson learned. Have her ask him directly. If she wouldn't ask him herself then she shouldn't be asking you.
Thank You so much!! I am so new at this and of course I get a family who is newly divorced as one of my first kids. So, I'm learning.. I'm thinking about e-mailing her and just stating that I don't want to be brought in to her divorce and asking for his drop in and off times are for my records and if she would like to know about them she needs to ask dad. I have a feeling this is the first of many "askings" coming and I want to stop it now! Because I have a feeling she'll be asking about him and who's picking up the kids and stuff and I don't want to get involved and if she doesn't like it I would like it if she did find another place to deal with it all.

Yes, Mom has then one week (this week) and Dad is next... that is why I had each one sign different copies of my contract and financial agreement.

I didn't ask to see their divorce papers, I didn't think I needed too. I just told Mom she could call but if it's excessive I might have a problem. I don't mind once in a while but it seems like she's using me to get to him...
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Cat Herder 04:20 PM 01-06-2011
This is why I would not give her his times.

http://wsbtv.com/news/26370539/detail.html
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My Lil' Monkeys 06:00 AM 01-07-2011
The State called and she informed me that they didn't have any rules stating that I had to give her the information. She suggested that I have a sit down conference with the parents and let them know that I will not be involved and if either of them want information about the dcg that they need to talk to each other. She also said that I could tell mom (if I wanted) that if the court wants his times that they will contact me for the information. Also, once I have the sit down conference I might want to e-mail both of them to have physical proof of the conference.
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