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  #1  
Old 06-15-2018, 02:21 AM
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Default Have Any of You....?

Ever felt like you've lost it with being a provider? I mean it in the sense that you need a different job, or to retire early or, as I've mentioned here before, I'm just done??
My current group is the most demanding that I've ever remembered having. In the past, I've had a child here or there that I need to keep in my sight at every single turn. But either I'm way too old for this, too burned out, or this group is doing me in. I cannot keep up. I literally have only 1 dck that I can keep up with at the moment. And my favorite(shhhh, don't tell anybody)2 dcks are the ones that are the most precocious, active, devilish, get into everything to drive me crazy dcks. I feel I cannot handle them or get them to mind. Big sis is turning 5 and little sis is 21 mo. Dcm has tried all kinds of things with the 5 yo and asn't found anything that works yet. And big sis, being the leader here, has definitely affected the group dynamics.
Next week will be the last week I have the twin 4 yos so hopefully that will bring some kind of a change. But honestly, lately my feelings towards dc and myself are not good anymore.
Please, if anyone can help me to deal with this dcg or has any suggestions, offer them up? It seems like everything has turned into dishing out consequences to this child. She's getting things taken away from her left and right, here and at home. I feel there has GOT to be something for her to look forward to. I told her yesterday, if she could be quiet during nap time, we'd have popsicles as treats later on. That didn't happen, to the point of keeping her sister awake too. I certainly don't expect kids to be perfect but it feels like every 10 minutes I have to talk with her about climbing up in windows, jumping off the couch, standing in chairs or good grief, jumping off the kitchen table! But it's other things too, like getting angry and hitting others, or being too rough with her sister or listening or ugh.......this girl is a full time job by herself. Add to that her sister who is following in her footsteps. Plus the rest of the group who are very easily swayed into misbehavior.
Do you ever just give back the hand you have and get a whole new group??

I'm Just Done!!!!
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Old 06-15-2018, 05:41 AM
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Why not? Seriously if a child is too challenging there's no shame in saying so.

Interview, do trial runs, and then pick and chose your kids.

Out of our group of 16 (part timers share spaces) I can really only say this about 1-2 kids. SOMETIMES the 2nd is fine, depends on the day.

The other is getting booted for formal prek as 'he has outgrown my program'.
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Old 06-15-2018, 05:47 AM
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A new start is never a bad thing. You have the power to replace one or two at a time.

As far as just being done. Yep. I feel done with this planet this morning.
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Old 06-15-2018, 05:55 AM
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Absolutely! I completely hear ya! Two nights ago I realized I am wasting too many years not following my dreams. I decided that I give it one more year...Iíve been doing it 26. In one year I am closing down, buying a food truck and finally going to travel to craft shows and small town festivals selling my French pastries and seeing the USA. I canít spend many more days drinking pretend tea, changing diapers or coddling parents.
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Old 06-15-2018, 05:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daycarediva View Post
Why not? Seriously if a child is too challenging there's no shame in saying so.

Interview, do trial runs, and then pick and chose your kids.

Out of our group of 16 (part timers share spaces) I can really only say this about 1-2 kids. SOMETIMES the 2nd is fine, depends on the day.

The other is getting booted for formal prek as 'he has outgrown my program'.

This^ every time I have dreaded my job it is usually because of a child or parent. I have learned that you cannot work with every child that comes through your door.
I lost an extremely difficult family this week. Their children were a handful in terms of what a normal daycare provided.Another one was just too rough. Now that they are gone it is like another world. Even though it is summer and have older kids life is better. Replace the kids that are stressing you out.
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Old 06-15-2018, 06:12 AM
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I feel your pain.When one child dominates the group into bad behavior it is hell. My last group was really challenging,the babies were fussy which turned the toddlers giving the preschool kids power to wreck the day.I started walking them as much as possible.I also did more structure -table activities ,preschool curriculum timed activities.It was hard here in Ma. that winter was a snowy one so when the snow started and we were in from Christmas to Feb I lost it.Looking back I truly think the stress caused the heart attack.When it happened and after I was home and over the shock I was kind of relieved.Sure I missed the good times and the children themselves,but not the stressed chaos my life had become.My suggestion would be to give that child(5yr old)probation.Set o ut the rules ahead of time .If she refuses to obey then she no longer fits your program.Maybe the parent will pull both but your life is worth it.I think it is hard for us to stop .We do usually have a stake in this,its hard to make that leap to retirement.The money is missed of course but I felt like I lost my identity .I was the "daycare lady"when I abruptly stopped I did not know who I was.(still trying to figure it out).Maybe you need to retire or cut way back we should not dread each morning that's no way to live.
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Old 06-15-2018, 06:35 AM
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Do you find you dread Monday mornings? Do you see a night and day difference with your group when this child isnít there? Honestly, one of the best gifts you can give yourself is saying, ok, this isnít working. Itís ok to hit the reset button. Not every kid is the right fit. Itís incredibly draining to have a super challenging kid. Sometimes for mental health, you have to term, otherwise you burn out.
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Old 06-15-2018, 07:51 AM
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I have found there are some kids that just donít fit with my program or personality. I really love the 3 & unders. 4.5yrs and up and my patience level just isnít the same. I stopped taking kids over the age of 4 and it has really helped. The only 4ís I have are kids who turned 4 after September 30th each year.
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Old 06-15-2018, 08:23 PM
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Honestly, some children can't do group care. Be it home based, a center, or school. They need a babysitter/nanny.
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Old 06-16-2018, 02:22 AM
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Absolutely! I completely hear ya! Two nights ago I realized I am wasting too many years not following my dreams. I decided that I give it one more year...Iíve been doing it 26. In one year I am closing down, buying a food truck and finally going to travel to craft shows and small town festivals selling my French pastries and seeing the USA. I canít spend many more days drinking pretend tea, changing diapers or coddling parents.
I love this! I'm glad you have a plan; it lets you see the light at the end of the tunnel sort of thing! Almost makes it easier to hang in there.

Quote:
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Do you find you dread Monday mornings? Do you see a night and day difference with your group when this child isnít there? Honestly, one of the best gifts you can give yourself is saying, ok, this isnít working. Itís ok to hit the reset button. Not every kid is the right fit. Itís incredibly draining to have a super challenging kid. Sometimes for mental health, you have to term, otherwise you burn out.
YES I dread every morning. But it isn't as easy as saying let this dck go and fill the spot with someone else(There are no other dcks except infants and I have no openings at the moment in that age group). Before I do that, I'll have to set up a meeting with dcm. This is the best dcm I've ever had, knows her dds are both challenges, is giving and thoughtful, and just so many wonderful qualities you cannot imagine. I adore little sister and it would break my heart to not have her in my life anymore. I also adore big sister and just need to find that currency to keep her on the right track. Believe it or not, she's also a bright and sharing child....at times. It's just that I let my frustration and feelings of helplessness get in the way of everything else. And we all knows kids sense those feelings!!
As I've said, my group will be losing 2 dcgs, who can be quite the challenge also, the end of this next week. I'm going to see how that plays out. I'm also going to look at my space and see where the biggest problems lay, maybe figure out something to do in that area. It would help if I could slow these kids down inside; they're very active and feel the need to run around inside rather than outside. I've considered placing gates in certain areas but the oldest 2 would just climb them all the time.

I've thought of making a poster of clearly stated rules that need to be followed. Immediate consequences if they cannot be followed. Talking, reminding, threatening, none of it is heard or processed by them. I consider this my responsibility just as much as on them, because I feel I'm just not doing things right.
My other issue is little sister who wants to be a big girl and do every single thing the big kids do. She wants to use markers yet colors all over everything or sucks them dry. She wants to climb, run, jump off everything like big sis. She wants to still put everything in her mouth so can't do the small parts play that bigger kids can but wants to. Kids can't even do puzzles without her stealing pieces and running off with them. Just seems to be a constant chasing, redirecting, than actually guiding and interacting.

I'm sorry this is so long but a lot of it is thinking out loud, and/or venting. And simply wondering if I just cannot handle this anymore. It's all I know but I don't seem to know much anymore. These kids of today have me feeling less than adequate at my job.
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  #11  
Old 06-16-2018, 07:21 AM
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So sorry your feeling this way .Wish I could come and help you. I think your idea of chart about what is allowed and not allowed is a great idea.Make a short one of the weekend.No running or jumping should be first.Time out ,sit down immediate for doing it.Maybe pick their most challenging activities to work on.This is the perfect time to change things up.Summer means more outside time.What about putting some of the usual toys away for awhile.Rearrange the room for them to have more trouble running.Climbing is unexceptable . I really walked their little legs off.A walk around the neighborhood 3 times a day worked wonders.Of course I was tired to at the end of the day.They took great naps. Another thing is I only let them do art at the table and the littles had their own crayons.We did not share everyone had a art box and it was theirs for the year. It is a tough job enjoy your weekend.
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Old 06-16-2018, 08:02 AM
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Here are some ideas I thought of real quick!

Art/puzzle time: Do at the kitchen table and put the 21 month old in a high chair. This way she can do what the big kids are doing and not run away with their supplies.

Lots of walks or playtime outside: Growing muscles needs lots of large motor time. Have them play outside running, playing, just whatever they want to do. Let them be kiddo's and get the energy out. We go outside at least for three hours a day and I believe that is why I have such awesome nappers.

Five year old be the helper: Have her be your helper during the day. Set the table, gather art supplies, be in charge of water plants, etc.

Keep a calm atmosphere: Play meditation music, burn scensy, diffuser, incense, with calming scents for the kiddo's.

If I think of anything else I will let you know!
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Old 06-16-2018, 08:59 AM
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What really helped me for my older few was one of those players with the extra pieces. I orginaaĺly got it for my own infant to give him a safe space to learn how to move in and dont really get calls for any kid under 1. Now the big kids do floor puzzles or tracks or even legos inside the gate. As well I do art with the under 3.5 crowd at my small table of in high chairs depending I age. The older ones get the finn g table. I take out a few of the big chairs so the littles dont have an option of climbing up to steal puzzle pieces or what not.

I found my current group was running all the time I'm lucky cause my space is the playroom/ daycare room so I turned few shelves and the toy kitchen around so they would stop running as much. Once we even made a wall out of boxes for the kids. Then used cutouts in boxes for doll beds, or figured or what not to play on. We even made a door for hs kids to go through. The kids loved it for crafts as well. Stickers or coloured tape worked for all ages to decorate it.
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Old 06-16-2018, 03:45 PM
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Thanks so much for all the ideas!
I am going to change my playroom around, reduce the amount of toys, create or find more table type activities for the older kiddos, and make separate art boxes for the kids. That way they'll be more responsible for their own things instead of me chasing down marker tops, and everything else.
We are outside at least 2.5 hours a day but why is it, they'll run through the house and as soon as we go outside, they sit??? One dcg was giving 'pedicures' to the other 2 dcgs in the sandbox yesterday. Lol I've had to force them up and moving; their favorite game is having me chase them. And I do. I have to search for more movement games to keep them running outside. It's getting warmer too, so more water play.

Thanks again everybody!
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Old 06-17-2018, 01:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I feel done with this planet this morning.
there was a character in Russian literature who said, "Stop the Earth, I'll get off"
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Old 06-17-2018, 06:28 PM
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Absolutely! I completely hear ya! Two nights ago I realized I am wasting too many years not following my dreams. I decided that I give it one more year...Iíve been doing it 26. In one year I am closing down, buying a food truck and finally going to travel to craft shows and small town festivals selling my French pastries and seeing the USA. I canít spend many more days drinking pretend tea, changing diapers or coddling parents.


Amazing!!!
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Old 06-17-2018, 09:24 PM
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I'm a little late to the game, but I had a similar situation. My first ever daycare child - had him from 11 months on. Loved him to pieces, but he was a hard head. By the time he was 4, I also had his 2 year old stepbrother and his baby half brother.

His behavior got terrible - he was screaming bloody murder in timeouts and getting them every day. I rearranged, changed the schedule, used positive reinforcement, included the parents in reinforcing his good days or bad days at home, etc. I finally had enough, nothing was working, I dreaded his arrival, the other kids were being affected by the screaming and behavior. I would have gone on forever this way had Mom not mentioned the possibility of sending him to preschool. I was counting down the days, and then she started dragging her feet because her and the Dad couldn't agree on the same school. I finally realized that he needed to move on, and that it was okay to say that. So, I gave them a deadline and told them that he had "outgrown my program". I will not be afraid to use that in the future. I have had DCKs stay on until Kindergarten and it went fine, so I know that it's not about me, some just need more and that's okay. Just depends on the child. Good luck!
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Old 06-17-2018, 09:57 PM
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Restart and unwind. There is nothing wrong on saying no sometime. This would be best for you. Good luck!
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Old 06-18-2018, 05:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio View Post
there was a character in Russian literature who said, "Stop the Earth, I'll get off"
I googled that because I was curious.

I instantly regretted it. Clearly, that trashy video game get's many more hits. That was awkward. I have safe search on, too.
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Old 06-18-2018, 06:12 AM
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I googled that because I was curious.

I instantly regretted it. Clearly, that trashy video game get's many more hits. That was awkward. I have safe search on, too.
video game? never heard of it.
that was a book written by 2 authors in 1927, featuring a sly, but fairly harmless guy who tried to get rich quickly (although spends so much time, it's enough for a novel). he had his down moments, and he said this in one of those moments.
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Old 06-18-2018, 06:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knoxmomof2 View Post
I'm a little late to the game, but I had a similar situation. My first ever daycare child - had him from 11 months on. Loved him to pieces, but he was a hard head. By the time he was 4, I also had his 2 year old stepbrother and his baby half brother.

His behavior got terrible - he was screaming bloody murder in timeouts and getting them every day. I rearranged, changed the schedule, used positive reinforcement, included the parents in reinforcing his good days or bad days at home, etc. I finally had enough, nothing was working, I dreaded his arrival, the other kids were being affected by the screaming and behavior. I would have gone on forever this way had Mom not mentioned the possibility of sending him to preschool. I was counting down the days, and then she started dragging her feet because her and the Dad couldn't agree on the same school. I finally realized that he needed to move on, and that it was okay to say that. So, I gave them a deadline and told them that he had "outgrown my program". I will not be afraid to use that in the future. I have had DCKs stay on until Kindergarten and it went fine, so I know that it's not about me, some just need more and that's okay. Just depends on the child. Good luck!


A wise provider friend once told me that we don't have the key to every child, and that's okay. It does become an issue, IMO, when the provider keeps the child even knowing they are not a good fit. It does both a grave disservice.
I recently had to let go of a PT family. While initially I felt bad, the days without the kids have been great! I realized they had more issues than I could handle on my own with my other (younger) crew. I'm now looking forward to the summer with my regular kiddos.

That said, I am still trying to get out of in home. Haven't found that fit yet, but I am planning.
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Old 06-18-2018, 07:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio View Post
video game? never heard of it.
that was a book written by 2 authors in 1927, featuring a sly, but fairly harmless guy who tried to get rich quickly (although spends so much time, it's enough for a novel). he had his down moments, and he said this in one of those moments.
I had never heard of it, either. No worries. Google has been less than reliable for quite a while now.
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