...and apparently it's a huge problem. My director is constantly yelling at me because I don't talk to the parents enough. I always say hi, and tell them anything they need to know, but that isn't good enough.

And to make matters worse, the other teacher on the room is great at it, which makes me look even worse. DCGma complained today that "no one ever talks to her" except one person, so I'm in trouble again.

I just don't know what to do.

Reply

So now caregivers are expected supply social interaction and conversation for parents?

I'm sorry....I am sure you aren't in the position to change anything if you are working in a center but this kid of thing really irks me.

If you do work in a center and parents have an concerns, I would expect they take those concerns to the director and other than daily greetings, I wouldn't expect the caregivers/teachers to do anything more than say hello upon arrival and good bye when it's time to go home.

Maybe you could have a meeting with your director and ask her specifically what it is you are suppose to be saying to parents.

Reply

I find that irritating. Pick-ups are by far my busiest time of day. So in addition to giving parents all pertinent information and managing the kids still in care, you need to chat with the parents and keep two extra bodies in the room for a few extra minutes ?

As a parent, I wouldn't want to walk in on my provider chatting with parents and paying less attention to the children.

Reply

One of our QRIS scoring items is if we allow daycare parents to walk into our facility after signing in.....I mean walking ALL THE WAY IN.....we are scored on how much interaction/what we discuss upon arrival and departure.....

Reply

RIGHT!!!

INSANE. What about the safety, cleanliness and security of the other children in care? I have a DCG with an EXTREME aversion to men. It took her a YEAR to warm up to my dh. Other dcds walking by her would cause extreme anxiety.

Reply

OMG! i had this same problem when I worked in a center. I was in a room with 24 2 yr olds and one other teacher. I would always greet the kids and the other teacher would greet the parents.
One parents complained that I never would greet them!
Sorry, im busy making your child feel welcomed and doing 20 billion other things.

ugh!!

Sorry, no advice...I ended up walking out on that job. worst experience ever!

Reply

I agree....insane....but reality for providers here.

Reply

Maybe try one compliment for each parent a day.Here's a weeks worth for one parent- Hi Susie (DCM)- Johnny's jacket is so cute/warm, where did you get it? I'd like to tell some of the other parents because it is perfect for this weather? Next day- Hi Susie- Johnny was a super sharer today! He was our star sharer for the day, it's so great having him here- he's becoming such a good teacher to other kids!. Hi- Susie- your purse is so cute! Love it! Hi Susie- Hope you and Johnny have a great weekend! Of course just telling the parents a simple- I really enjoy having Johnny here everyday, he's such a sweet/fun/energetic, etc kid!

I don't know, those are some that I thought of for small talk. I have the complete opposite problem. I'm a total chatterbox, I have to watch myself not to talk the parents ears off because I've been locked up with the kids all day, but I'm solo, not in a center.

Just think of a bunch of things you could say, keep it short and sweet, but try to say one to each parent everyday. Gotta keep the boss happy and maybe she is giving you some valuable feedback.

Reply

As long as one of the teachers is giving the parents the info about the child's day that should work in a center. I would just make sure you greet each parent when they walk in.

As for home provider - I think it would be death to your business if you were not good at small talk. It really is all about making the parents happy.

Reply

I'm terrible at small talk too. I'm a little bit socially impaired...partly because I don't see the point of a lot of the social niceties and I just don't *get* small talk or chit chat.


What exactly is your direction/the parents hoping for? If I were you, I would figure out what that is and then develop of a couple of "scripts" to use and vary between them.

Reply

This is me. I honestly think it's a waste of time. I don't want to get to know any of my DCP's on a personal level so I truly don't want to chit chat. I used to feel envious of people who can talk and talk about nothing (my dh for example), but I realize now that it's just that... talk about nothing. I have social anxiety and it used to be very extreme. It helps me to limit the unnecessary interactions I have with people.

That doesn't mean I'm cut and dry "hi, here's your kid. Get out.". I do smile and am very friendly, but I don't want to stand here and talk about your purse or Johnny's jacket (no offense).

Reply

A lot of times I small talk out of nervousness, then kick myself because I feel like I've small talked too much. But when my dd was in care I never expected nor wanted to stay & chit-chat with the provider/teacher because I/we were both ready to go. It's a double-edged sword; you don't want to appear cold because it may be perceived as if you don't care, but if you talk too much...I don't know.

Reply

I'm a home provider(so I do know this is different), I'll small talk with the dcps when I can but often times the kids start running amok as soon as somebody comes to the door. Now how does *that* look to the dcparent if I'm not in somewhat of a state of control? Do they prefer chitchat over controlled chaos? Also, it seems like all my dcps know each other and lots of times show up at the same time so *they* chitchat together while I just stand there looking dumb. I send home daily reports and offer my email/phone constantly for communication. While I'm responsible for keeping a crowd of kids safe, happy, with no broken limbs honestly there usually isn't a lot of time to make small talk. I think that's expecting quite a bit. I mean, if there were definite issues that needed to be addressed directly, that's different. JMO

Reply

I respectfully disagree. My career path as a FCC Provider has nothing to do with making parents happy. My career is about providing a safe, stimulating & enriching environment to children. Some parents aren’t interested in small talk. 9 out of 10 times my conversations have to do with their children or my program.

I think it is truly a misallocation to reprimand you for not participating in small talk with parents. When I worked in a center small talk was not a requirement. A cordial greeting, ensuring sign in/out was properly completed and any information pertaining to child communicated was the only requirement when dealing with parents.

Reply

I agree, I think that it is silly that this is required of you.

I have 6 families, and only chit chat with one of them. They are my age, they have a similar lifestyle as me, and they are the only ones who ask me about me. I could honestly see myself having drinks with them, though I never would.

The rest of the families, it is all about their kids day. I'm not saying I wouldn't small talk with them, I just don't initiate it, and neither do they.

Reply

I don't agree with the above. My job is not about making the parents happy but about providing a safe, loving, fun place for the child while the parent can not be there due to working or going to school. I am not there to create the happiness of the parents lives but to offer care for the child. If I make the parents happy that is a bonus but it is not my set drive.

During my interviews I tell the parents. I am here for the children and please don't ever think I am being rude, but I am upfront that the kids come first and their needs. If I stood talking to the parents at pick up or drop off who is watching the kids. I do a quick greeting and at pick up I try to make it as quick as possible. I also tell them that if there is anything important to discuss with them I will call them and or schedule a time after hours to meet with them. I am not good at small chat either, I am a thinker and need time to think things through before verbally reacting. I often come across as very shy and I suppose I am until I get to know someone well......then forget it.

If my kids are playing well and I can chat for a second at the door and let the parent know the child had a good day great, but if I am busy and I can't I just try to be friendly and make sure to tell my parents to have a good night and bye to the child. I try to make these times quick so that it doesn't invite long conversations.

In a center if fostering that parent-provider communication is important to the QRIS I can see how it can be carried out with having more then one provider but as a sole provider my eyes are on the kids. It's in those moments that the kids like to act up at best, and try stuff they know I don't let them get away with at any other time. Button pushing moments. I like keeping it real and not being held to a rating system that is great on paper but not reality.

I too let the parent take over when they pick up, but if they don't step in and do something about off behaviors then I do step in and will not hesitate to put a child in time out in front of the parent. Kids are testing the boundaries of who is in charge and when they figure out that provider and parents are on the same page it doesn't become an issue as much. I also talk about this at interviews so the parents know what to expect.

Most of my parents are great about picking up and going home- again I talk about this in interviews explaining that come the end of the day I want to go home too and have stuff to finish up the day, and get done before I can be done. I have a family life outside of daycare and I want to be done my work day just as much as they do.

All of this has been learned through experiences and knowing what I want for my business and how I want it to work.

Reply

yelling at you? not cool

someone did mention that maybe your director is trying to give you valuable feedback and that could be correct- Maybe your coming across as not happy, cold, not caring, disengaged. Maybe. I don't think so. I think your up against someone that is total opposite of your character. I would just make more effort to smile, be polite, and give a quick compliment about the child. Your director is most likely trying to make the vibe of your center up beat. Work on it and also ask her not to yell at you and talk to you in a professional manner. oh and Grams are often lonely and love chit chat- compliments are nice to hear. They also have the guilt as much as the parent that they are not able to be caring for the grandchild- Good luck

Reply

i swear you either dont talk or you talk to much. ive worked at 3 different centers and finally found one where i can do what i want. the parents act like we have nothing to do but talk to them and i actually made one mad the other day cause i was changing yucky undies when they came in and i couldnt stand and chat! our director reminded them i have other kids which is why i kind of like this center!

Reply

I am no good at small talk either- my personality type is hermit/introvert

But I consider good parent/caregiver relationship as part of good customer service. I had to teach myself to do that. No matter where I'm at- reading to children, on the playground, etc, I try to come up to greet the parent- ask how child is, ask how parent is, etc. Every monday I ask how their weekend was.

At pick up, I let parent know what type of day DCK had- stuff we did on the lesson plan or if they did anything extra cute or cool.

It's come to the point where parents are excited to tell us about their kids and hear what the their child did.

All this communication is usually about 2-3 minutes at most but it makes a huge difference to the relationship. After a while it comes second nature and it amazes me how I can remember a little something from each of our 14 children!

Start off small and build from there. As you get more comfortable with your families, it gets easier to do talk to them

Reply

I think I'm the odd man out. I talk to all 12 sets of my parents. Some more than others. My personal philosophy is "You are leaving your child with a stranger so there is no way I will not have a relationship with you". For me, talking with my parents builds trust in both sides. It also helps me understand certain behaviors and how the parents handle it.

Reply

Yes, I get that and that is what I do also. However if you don't make the parents happy first and foremost there won't be any children to care for.

I agree! Most of my talk with the parents is small talk about their children but I always wish everyone a good day, good night, how are you, have a good weekend.

Reply

That is exactly how I feel. If something needs to be discussed, by all means, I will go do that. But sometimes it is just not necessary. I do always say hello, answer any questions they may have. But I am also not the only person in the room, and like I said before, my co-teacher is so much more comfortable with talking to the parents. Why not play to your strengths?

That is basically what happens in my room. Though not as many kids, 24 two year olds, oh my! We can't even have that many 2 year olds in a room legally.

See that is what I have a problem with. I usually can't think of something to say/feel like it is just a line (how many times can you compliment someone's purse). I do say thing like you are suggesting, but just not to every parent, every day.

As far as what the director wants- I have no idea. I get reprimanded for not talking enough- my co-worker does because she talks too much and "we don't need the parents hanging around all day". I think my director has a screw loose.

Sometimes I feel like it should be that cut and dry... well not, "Here's your kid, get out" but, "Hi, Johnny had a good day" respond to what the parent says, and then it's time for them to go, and "Have a good night/day"

Exactly. I feel at this point I am being told that every teacher has to talk to every parent, every day. Then who is watching the kids?

This is exactly what I do. I always smile and say hi. I am not always the person who talks about the child, but someone always does. No parent is ever ignored.

Part of the problem with the director is that I have known her my whole life. My parents own half the business with her, so she feels like she can talk to me however she wants.

The thing with this Gma is that I did talk to her the day in question. Both of us who were working in the room did (and neither of us was the one that she says is the only person who talks to her). I could relay the entire conversation for you, because that is how my brain is wired. So I have no idea what she was complaining about- especially on that particular day.

I've really been trying because it's been an ongoing issue. It is very hard for me, and I feel like when I push for the interaction, it is just awkward. I think that if someone interacts with the parents it doesn't necessarily have to be me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I said most of what I needed to say. Thanks everyone for listening to my vent and supporting me. I know that I the talking this is an issue, believe me, I know. It isn't just a problem at work, but everywhere. I just don't know how to talk to people I don't really know. If I could change it, I would- it's no fun being so socially awkward. Even posting on here is hard for me. There are times when I have deleted entire posts/threads before I post them because I am not confident with how they come across. I have written this post in my head for two days now, and at this point I feel like I have said way too much. The other issue is that I don't forget much- I can remember random conversations for years- even back to when I was in school. Things no one would remember. Especially if something was off about it.

I have been putting forth more effort with the parents, and the constant negative feedback just makes me want to stop. Why would I do something that is so hard, and so uncomfortable for me if it doesn't seem to make a difference?

I've discussed the issue at length with my co-worker, and she said that even though I feel like the interactions are awkward, they don't come off that way. So I guess that's something.

Reply

After reading your reply Sunshine, I feel like you do just fine. Your boss sounds flippy. I had a boss like this and it was horrible working for this lady. It diminishes your own self confidence.

Don't take it all to heart. Do what you normally do, be friendly, cheerful, polite and just keep trying to be better socially. One day it will just click. Be comfortable in your own skin. Don't shy away from talking to clients use it as a learning tool to be a better communicator in all your life situations. Don't be afraid to speak and make mistakes, how else will you learn if you don't try. Remember your personality doesn't have to be the same as everyone else.

Next time your called out on it, stand up for yourself a little bit. Say it is just me and how I work, but I will work on that, smile and move on to the next subject.

I agree with you day in and day out of seeing these people I don't always have something much to say, but I greet and always say have a nice evening and try to push compliments when I can or talk about weather or the little one. In your situation it sounds like your eyes have to be fully on the other kids at care and you can tell a client that too.

Best-

Reply