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Ariana 07:36 AM 01-23-2012
I have a 20 month old DCG who started in October. She went through my 6 week integration and I decided to keep her. She's part-time 3 days a week and brings in an extra $500 per month which is great. The problem is that she is not getting along with the other children and although developmentally she's fine, she's completely different than the other girls. She has very little language and is still in the "toddler play" stage whereas my 2.5 yr old and 3 yr old are in the co-operative and imaginary play stage. This little girl just kinda wanders around taking toys out and then on to the next thing like a typical toddler and has very little attention span. It appears to me that at home her parents do not interact with her much or encourage any sort of play. This would be fine except I feel bad that she has no one to really play with and is being ignored by the other kids.

Another issue I have is her tantrums and inability to adjust to the routine each week. The first day is always difficult with major tantrums. I know from experience that toddlers don't do well with part-time but she had no issues transitioning in the beginning and I thought she'd get used to the program. This morning I wanted her to sit at circle and she refused so I gave her a 1-2-3 chance and then went to physically bring her to circle. She collapsed in my arms and started flailing and hit her head hard on the floor. she has done this several times since she started and each time I get soooo worried something is going to happen to her....on my watch, in my home

I've been contemplating terming for a while now but I'm not sure if things will get better or if I should continue the risk of her hitting her head again etc. I know that at home she rules the roost. When her parents pick her up it takes them 15 minutes to leave because they're waiting for her to make up her mind about leaving, it's infuriating!! she frequently comes without sock and boots because she decided she didn't want to wear them etc.

WWYD? any thoughts?
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countrymom 07:56 AM 01-23-2012
def. a control issue. First I would have her ready by the door for pick, no ands ifs or buts. I decide when they can go home, not the parents or the kids.
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cheerfuldom 08:37 AM 01-23-2012
If you need the money and her style of play is not disruptive, I would just leave it as is. I don't force kids to join circle time as long as they are not being disruptive with whatever they do decide to do. Are there tantrums around other times of the day or is it just when you want her to get involved with the group?
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Ariana 09:11 AM 01-23-2012
She tantrums like this whenever she has to do something she doesn't want to do. Circle time, getting dropped off, going in her pnp for nap. She just flails and depending on how I am holding her or even if I'm not holding her she bumps her head HARD on the floor. This also varies from week to week. One day she'll have tantrums and then none the next day etc. The first day back from mom and dad is always the worst day. This behavior obviously works at home. She could be sitting on her bum and then slam her head backwards onto my ceramic tile floor...not fun.

I don't need the money it's just nice to have it. I have a rule that all kids have to participate. At first it wasn't an issue and we gradually worked up to her sitting at circle, but it's a requirement I have.

I guess my biggest fear is her getting a cuncussion, or some form of head trauma and then me being accused of some sort of abuse. This is why I feel I should term.
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cheerfuldom 09:14 AM 01-23-2012
If you require group participation, then she clearly does not fit in. It sounds like way too much structure for her (not that you are doing anything wrong, its just not a good fit). dont feel bad to term for a child that just doesnt fit in. sounds like you have more of a preschool setting and that doesnt work for her. you might give the option of her going full time though, if you want, because it sounds like the consistency would solve most of the issues.
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LittleD 09:34 AM 01-23-2012
Have you talked to mom and dad about her hitting her head? I would document every time she does it, and the situation of how it happened. Have the parents sign every time so you have proof that you told them.

It is probably a phase.

Whether you term or not depends on whether you can/want/need to fill her spot, and if you can/want to get through this phase
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Ariana 02:36 PM 01-23-2012
I spoke to mom today and she was a bit shocked but I KNOW this happens at home. She told me that she ignores her when she's tantrumming but couldn't tell me what the husband does.

I'm going to start documenting everything and start filling out "accident reports". After 30 days if there is no improvement she's gone! I hate how she's affecting our calm atmosphere
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daycare 02:57 PM 01-23-2012
I think she is too young to do circle time and sit at this age. I also have one at this age and he is the youngest in my group. During circle time I try to get him involved, or will get him a toy that he can play with that does not distract the other kids.

You have to remember that we can't compare kids to others. Some will stay in the play stages for a lot longer that others. Offer this child something to do and show them how you want them to play. Work on coping skills for the child. I think that this sounds quite normal for a child to behave this way at this age.

Keep your day the same and try to include her as much as you can, but don't push her too hard or you will get the opposite.

When the other kids are playing and won't play with her, maybe you can look at picture books with her or show her how to play with the kids all together.

I think you are expecting a lot out of a little person....Sorry to be harsh, just my personal opinion.
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Ariana 03:57 PM 01-23-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
I think she is too young to do circle time and sit at this age.........


I think you are expecting a lot out of a little person....Sorry to be harsh, just my personal opinion.
I worked in a daycare centre with toddlers for years so it's not a big expectation. All of our toddlers were able to sit for circle time. She has no issues sitting for circle time either, it's just when SHE wants to do it. After her tantrum she sat at circle time just fine! It's always an issue the first day back from mom and dad...tomorrow she'll have no problems coming and sitting for circle. She gets no structure at home so it's obvious to me that it's the adjustment to structure that's causing the issue. She also didn't want to come up or down the stairs....it's all about control and lack of structure.... not my unrealistic expectations.

Originally Posted by :
You have to remember that we can't compare kids to others. Some will stay in the play stages for a lot longer that others. Offer this child something to do and show them how you want them to play. Work on coping skills for the child. I think that this sounds quite normal for a child to behave this way at this age.
I don't compare. I just mentioned the different stages to point out that she doesn't really interact with anyone all day besides me...just giving a general idea of how her day is here. I also mentioned that this is normal toddler behavior. I KNOW she's normal but she's just not fitting in with my other two.
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renodeb 09:23 AM 01-24-2012
This is after a 6 week adjustment? If your gonna keep her then right at pickup time have her coat on so she can leave quicker? I have a 3 1/2 y/o thta takes forever ot leave, he runs all over the mom. I try my best to help him leave. Some kids just never adjust well.
Dont feel to bad if you have to term, we can not be all things to all kids even though we try!
Debbie
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Ariana 09:29 AM 01-24-2012
Thanks everyone!

The dad completely failed to tell me that the previous day the kid had skipped her nap and the grandparents were in town for the weekend. Completely explains all this crazy behavior!! I told him that this is very important information to know and that open communication is paramount for our relationship. He felt pretty bad.
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Heidi 10:13 AM 01-24-2012
the fab 4 family here are all like that. They are 18m-4years old, and between the 4 of them, I don't know how the parents survive at home.

I have started something with the flailing crapola. I will no longer allow it. They can voice their displeasure, no problem. But if the toddlers try the buckling the knees thing, I simply put my hands under their arms and say "no, that is not allowed here..walk....", then verbalize their feelings "you really want that..., but so-and-so is using it now", or redirection.

Some people may feel like I am negating their feelings, but I don't think I am. They are allowed to feel...just not throw themselves around. The oldest boy in my group is 4 1/2 and 60 pounds. He still throws temper tantrums EVERY time he doesn't get his way. Screams, throws thing, etc. His sis is a year younger, and her method is kicking or hitting the adult in charge. I strongly, strongly feel that this should have been nipped in the bud when they were toddlers! I usually have them ready to go at pick up, but even then, some days are complete chaos at pick up. Ridiculous!
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Tags:communication - with parents, tantrums
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