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  #1  
Old 01-15-2013, 07:46 PM
Nikkisomething
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Unhappy Need Advice

Hi there! I'm new to posting here, but I have come on to "lurk" several times. I hope my "incognito-ness" does not keep anyone from responding to me.

I'm finding myself in a bind. I have done home childcare for 7 years now, and have never encountered an issue like this and I don't know how to go about it. I live in a small community so it's hard for me to seek advice from other DCP's in my area.

I have a 4 yo child who has been in my daycare for almost a year now. He has always been a "problem" child so to speak. It started out with hitting other children, when that was fixed another problem would come up. What we have tackled in the last year has been hitting, throwing toys, jumping off furniture, running in the house, etc. Those are normal child issues, that are easily corrected with any other child.

My normal proceedure for, lets say, running in the house - is to have the child sit down and take a few minute "break". The kids will sit down, relax and then we will redirect them. However, with the child I'm speaking of, I catch him running and tell him to sit down and he throws a tantrum and will run himself into a wall and proceed to bang his head on the wall, or if there is no wall near him, he will punch himself in the face. I have brought this to the parents attention several times. They yell at him and take his video games away... I have told them that something needs to happen, that his behavior has to change and they need to work with me. I have pointed out that I'm his DCP, not his parent.

I've had other parents express their concern to me about this child and not wanting their own child around this behavior. I've had 1 family tell me they are thinking about pulling their children out of my daycare due to this child.. I really can't blame them. It seems like I've tried every technique in the book with him and we are getting no where, it actually feels like we are going backwards with him. This is why I have decided to let them go. I don't know how to do it.

I can honestly say that I'm at my wits end with this situation. In my years of doing daycare, I have never felt this way.

How do I tell the parents that I don't want to take their child anymore? I'm not going to lose one great family because of a behavior issue with another!

Sorry, if this got wordy and rambly.. I'm frustrated to tears tonight. Today was the all time worst day with him... The kid literally spit in my face today! I've had ENOUGH!!
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Old 01-15-2013, 07:52 PM
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Suggest you register. You can always stay incognito.
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Old 01-15-2013, 07:58 PM
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Thank you! I registered!
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:01 PM
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Thanks, I've upgraded your status. You can post freely now.
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:03 PM
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Anytime a child's behavior is causing another family to consider pulling their child, the "problem" is the child that must go. I take special needs kids, but unless you can afford to have someone going one on one with him to stop these behaviors, I would just term.
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikkisomething View Post
Thank you! I registered!
first of all welcome!!! AND kudos to you for sticking in there for sooooo long.

You tired...know we cant save them all..

This child sounds like they need a good old fashion pat on the bottom from parents.....DON"T FLAME ME FOR THAT...

I would look up term letters on here.

Blackcat one of our form vets is a fantastic person to go to for letters. She has posted several here on how to term a family.

Let me see if I can find one for you....
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelsj View Post
Anytime a child's behavior is causing another family to consider pulling their child, the "problem" is the child that must go. I take special needs kids, but unless you can afford to have someone going one on one with him to stop these behaviors, I would just term.
My plan is to go ahead and term, however, I don't know how to go about it.

I have no balls.

I'll admit, I've put this off because I'm too nice.. I hate hurting someone's feelings.
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:08 PM
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I cut this from one of blackcats post from another thread. I did not know how to do it any other way....So here is a letter written by BC.......I feel that it is a great letter to use for your situation....


Dear DCP,

After much thought and observation, I do not feel that Janey is ready to be a part of our preschool program at this time.


The supervision, redirection and attention she requires is much more than I feel I am able to provide at this time without jeopardizing the care and attention of the other children.

If you would like to further discuss this matter, I would be happy to talk with you in depth about my reasoning for this decision.

The last day I am able to provide care for her is Dec. xx, 2012. I have included the number to the local CCR&R to aid you in your search for care. I wish you the best.

Sincerely,

Provider
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
first of all welcome!!! AND kudos to you for sticking in there for sooooo long.

You tired...know we cant save them all..

This child sounds like they need a good old fashion pat on the bottom from parents.....DON"T FLAME ME FOR THAT...

I would look up term letters on here.

Blackcat one of our form vets is a fantastic person to go to for letters. She has posted several here on how to term a family.

Let me see if I can find one for you....
I won't flame you for anything! I'd say they need MORE than a pat on the bottom!!

And thank you if you can find a letter for me!
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:20 PM
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You should fine several termination letters here: http://daycare.com/forum/tags.php?ta...ination+letter
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikkisomething View Post
I won't flame you for anything! I'd say they need MORE than a pat on the bottom!!

And thank you if you can find a letter for me!
I have had very difficult children...could not help them all, Im only a daycare provder not god....lol

I also had to term my problem child. she was a little devil........... in this case it was the opposite where the mother was over parenting and spanked for every little thing. then when she came here, NOTHING was a consequence for her, and she knew it....she would even say, I can do whatever I want and there is nothing you can do about it........after she struck a child, I showed her would I could do....called her mommy and said come pick her up she is done......



one other thing...do you think that if you talked to the other families to let them know that you are doing something about it that they would be willing to stay?
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:26 PM
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another piece of advice that I got once again from blackcat is this...

since the parents are not doing anything to help you.....you call them every time little johnny is acting up and say. your sons behavior is out of controll, you need to come and pick him up. Every time it happens put their problem back in their hands......they will get tired of having to do it and eventually do one of two things....start correcting his behavior or leave...
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:58 PM
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Here is my version of a term letter Blackcat suggested to me (thank you!). Sometimes it helps to kinda blame it on you not being able to accommodate the child's needs than to point the finger at the family. It keeps the peace that way even though you know the truth!

This is from one when I had to term immediately because of the child actually being a danger to others. Which sounds like this is happening in your case as well.

I always handle this over email and only discuss this over email to create a paper trail. Hope this helps!


Dear DCP,

Thank you for the opportunity to work with DCB. It is with much consideration that I have determined I am no longer able to meet your child care needs. This is a business decision and is non-negotiable.

This letter is written termination of our child care agreement as per our contract that states "We (I) understand that either party has the option to terminate this agreement at anytime." This is effective immediately and I regret that the decision is short notice.

I appreciate that my decision be respected and since I work from home I appreciate that mine and my family's privacy be respected and ask that you do not contact me in person for further discussion. If there needs to be any further contact I ask that you please contact me by email only.

Sincerely,

Your Provider
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