Dcb is almost 3....he's been here since he was 16 months. He is a VERY bright and articulate boy, and says hilarious things daily. His behavior lately, though....wow. If I tell him to do something, he stares me down. If I tell him to stop doing something, he does it one more time, while smiling at me. If I tell someone else to stop doing something, he immediately starts doing it. I can't let him stay in the playroom while I take another child to the restroom, because he starts running and screaming. He has become my shadow when I leave the room.

I am NO pushover. I am very consistent--if I say something, I mean it, and follow through. I try to make it a point to notice the positives and point them out....I don't want him to be seeking out attention at all costs, even if it's negative. I just don't know what will make a difference with him anymore. He doesn't care if he sits in time out, if he misses a fun activity, if I talk to his parents, etc. It's gotten to the point that I am spending a big part of my day dealing with his behavior. I will term if I absolutely have to, but I'd rather find something that works! Ideas?

Reply

Sticker chart? Withholding something he likes until he fills it out/gets X number of stickers? Not enough stickers=no reward?

I started a ticket/prize box system here. If a child gets a time out, they aren't able to chose from the prize box. It ELIMINATED my dcg's pushing (also very verbal 3). I give tickets when I catch them being good, following a rule, and after each 'activity' if they behaved. If they earn 10 tickets, they get the 10 bin, etc. Some kids it takes ALL WEEK to earn 10. Some kids get it almost daily. I also take tickets away. They get ONE warning and then they lose a ticket. I use things from Targets dollar spot, Michaels dollar bins, dollar store and 5 below. Most of the prizes are $1-2. I have a few 'big ticket' items like board games with labels on how many tickets they are. A dcb is currently saving like crazy for a little Lego set (50 tickets!) All I have to say is "We do not X, if that happens again you will lose a ticket."

I started it because of a little guy like you described, also 3 at the time, very verbal. It was also a little enlightening to a dcm when she saw the other kids bins with tickets and going home with prizes for good behavior and dcb rarely getting them. I had been addressing issues with her, but she was NOT getting it. He smiled through time outs, said OK and repeated the same behavior until I physically stopped him, etc. NOTHING worked. This has helped more than anything I tried. I figured out after chats with Mom that he is VERY rewarded "good boy" over everything at home. There is NO intrinsic motivation for him to behave or do anything else for that matter. He is still getting treats for pottying a year after the fact.

Reply

Completely ignore him. Do not speak directly to him no matter what he does, unless, of course he does something dangerous or someone gets hurt.

If you take a child to the bathroom and he runs around the playroom screaming the entire time, don't say a word about it. If you tell the group of children to clean up and he keeps playing, don't say anything to him. If, after cleaning up, you tell the kids to go to the table to do art work and he continues playing, let him keep playing. If he decides to join in the art activity in the middle of it, ignore him. Don't start him on a project and have him catch up to the other kids, just ignore him. If he starts getting himself the art supplies he needs on his own, let him. Don't say anything to him.

After a couple of days of being ignored, he might stop acting out. By you correcting his behavior, having him shadow you, telling him the positive things he does, you are giving him constant attention whether it's positive or negative attention and he's LOVING it! So, stop giving him any attention at all.

And don't tell his parents anything he's done wrong or right. If they ask, either tell them you are going to try something new and let them know how it goes in a couple of days or make sure he doesn't hear you and if you trust the parents not to tell him your new tactic, quietly tell them that you are going to ignore everything he does and see if that changes his behavior. But don't let him know that is your plan.

Reply

You know, I think something like this might actually work. I did something similar when I had older kids, but haven't been doing it with my younger group. I think these little ones could understand if I made it easy to read visually, like squares for the tickets, stickers, whatever, and very obvious how many are needed for a prize. Thank you! I think I will work on it, since it is naptime here.

Reply

I do ignore the benign things he does for attention, but many times, he is throwing toys, tearing books, jumping on furniture, etc. And all the other kids want to do what he does, so it would be chaos if I let him do these things! Lol

Reply

Oh, I didn't realize he was destroying your property and the other kids copy him.

Reply

Sometimes he does little things, obviously trying to get a reaction out of me....I don't acknowledge him when he does this, and he eventually stops.

Reply

Here he would play beside me w a book and cuddle toy DAILY until I could trust him. No joke. He'd sit by me w thw two items playing. If I leave room, he's my shadow. On second day Id let him upto play but the second he acted out he would be back beside me w same two items as before. Rinse and repeat.

Reply

Omg do we have the same child??!!
I can't even go pee anymore without him destroying the playroom and telling all the other kids to make naughty choices. He will be 3 next month.
I have tried taking things away-didn't phase him.
I have tried a reward system- just made things ten times worse.
Mom and dad spend time with him and don't let him get away with anything.
I have no suggestions. I have tried everything I could think of. If I wasn't closing next week due to moving, I would have to term. The stress he causes is unbelievable

Reply

I came VERY close to telling dcm that I would be putting him on a 2-week probation. This was around Christmas. When he came back after the holidays, he was better. Now it seems he's cycling back around again. :/

Reply

Seriously we have the same child!!!!
He seeks negative attention but I can't ignore the things he is doing. Not only do the other kids copy him, but he tells the other kids to do the things!!

Reply

Yes! This morning, my guy gave an order to another boy, "GO GET HER!" The other boy immediately started chasing a girl around the playroom. Ugh!!

Reply

if you cant get in under control then I would term. He might do better in a different environment. I think my guy will.

Reply

You can't make a child "care" about a consequence or privilege. You just can't. I had to let go of my emotional investment in their behavior for my sanity a long time ago.

You can control what they are allowed to do/play and where. Like a pp said. Completely reign them in. I had to do this recently with a 4yo. For several days I would give him different activities to do "Now you get to do a puzzle at the table, now you get to play legos on the floor, now you get to paint...oh you made a bad choice paint, so now you get to sit with the stuffed animals until everyone else is done..." After several days I would give him 2 choices. "Would you like to play a board game or do a puzzle now?" It took several weeks of 2 steps forward and one step back, but he got it. It was exhausting for me at first to always be a step ahead, planning his choices, but it worked.

Reply

Yes, I understand. I am really hoping to find something he DOES care about, you know? Something that will either deter him from the negative behavior, or encourage better behavior. Some good suggestions were posted--thanks, everyone!

Reply

If you do decide to go the incentive sticker chart route, they have some cool character ones online. You'd have to do a search(I didn't save the sites I found) But the dcks and I would check out all the ones they had and each child picked their own. Everything from Dora to Batman.

Reply

That's great! Thanks.

Reply

This doesn't work for the child I have.
If I have him two choices of things to do at the table, he would get up and run around the room. If I gave him two options of toys to play with, he would get something else. If I took that away, he would get a different toy. If I put him in a super yard, he would push it around the room. If he has to be my shadow, I literally have to hold him the whole time.

Reply

You could tell mom if he continues that you will call her to pick him up. Let her deal with punishing him. She will either make him mind your rules or miss out on a lot of work.

Reply

I second hitting that ignore button....

I call children like this the slot machine kid.

they put a quarter in and hit the jackpot one time, so they keep putting that quarter back in to see if they can hit that jackpot again....it's like a rush to them just trying to see if they are going to hit that jackpot again..

I would just ignore and move on....I know the child may seem old to redirect, but that's exactly what I would do.

kid kicks a block box- I would pick them up and put them away, say no thank you and give them a car to push on the floor. Move on to something else.

I would also try to tell the child what they could do instead of what they can't do. This might make therm feel empowered.

Reply

Not directing this at just your reply, but I've seen many times where a provider would send a child home for bad misbehavior and want the parent to handle it. How would a parent handle it and would it be successful?

My thought rereading this issue this a.m. was to block off a corner of your daycare room, install a punching bag and let him go at it. Maybe he'll tire himself out from all his aggressiveness and sleep the rest of the day.

Maybe keeping him separated from all his friends, then letting him back in and see how he interacts. As soon as he misbehaves again, back to his own place he goes. Can you keep him separate with a gate or something? Just a thought.

Reply

My playroom has several area rugs...he stays on one pretty well if I tell him to. Sometimes I do have him stay on one with one toy or a few books. I may have to just keep doing that for awhile, while everyone else goes about their day, along with having him follow me to the bathroom every time. Maybe even bring a little rug into my dining room while I prepare meals in the kitchen. Thank you for the ideas!

Reply

how long has this been going on?

Reason that I ask, is that this child just may not be a good fit for your program. You could move mountains and pee gold and the child would still do this.

I had a child that I tried to keep by making all of these special arrangements for them. It was a horrible year. Looking back I now realize that the child just was not a good fit for my environment or program. they needed something that I could not give. It was not my fault or the child's fault. it just simply was not a good fit.

I suffered, the child suffered and the other kids did too. I so regret trying to keep that child......

Reply

He's been like this off and on for the last 4-5 months....has been with me for about a year and a half. He used to do great! The last time things got really bad, around Christmas, I said I would never let things get to that point again. We are not quite there yet, but it's not good, either. You are right....this may not be the place for him. I'm going to try these new changes for awhile, and if there's not a BIG improvement, I will let him go.

Reply