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Old 06-01-2016, 08:43 PM
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Question How to Deal with Demanding Parents

Okay, I have an 8 month old dcb, and the dcm is driving us crazy. She is a first-time mom. She wants a written report of everything that goes on (when and where for diaper changes and naps, time and amount of feedings) to the point that she brought in her own form for us to fill out.

Any deviation from what they do at home is met with a text complaining about it and telling us what we need to do instead. For example, we fed the kid 6 oz of formula (8 months old and only allowed to give 6 oz bottles) in the morning, and she texted to complain that it was only 2 hours since she fed him, and what he really wanted was a nap. The kid does not nap here because there is too much activity. He wants to watch the other kids play. He fights a nap until he is exhausted.

She only wants him to eat 4 oz of Gerber fruit at lunch, with no cereal and no formula. Today, he ate the 4 oz she sent and he started screaming when it was gone. We fed him another 4 oz of fruit we had. Again, he was unhappy when it was gone. So we gave him a 6 oz bottle, hoping that he would relax enough to nap. She was livid that we fed him more than they feed him at home.

She wants him to spend the entire day on tummy time because the last provider "held him too much." He doesn't WANT to do tummy time, he cries after 5 minutes. He wants to be in the jumper, or the swing, or watching the other kids, but most of the time he won't stop crying unless he is held and moved from room to room. He starts crying and he starts flailing his arms and getting hysterical every second he is not picked up. It sometimes takes 5 minutes of bouncing and soothing words before he calms down.

I guess my question is, should we be adhering to the mom's demands, or should we be doing what keeps the baby happy and lie on the form we fill out? The mom's schedule doesn't really mesh with our timetable, and I basically have to spend the entire day catering to this one child while my wife takes care of all the other kids.
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Old 06-01-2016, 08:58 PM
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I wouldn't lie but I would have a meeting to see if she can get on the same page and if not... terminate care. There's too many differences for things to work out sometimes. Infants are fed on demand at my house. They usually work into a natural schedule but I would never deny a hungry baby a bottle or food!
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Old 06-01-2016, 09:19 PM
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Well I wouldn't lie on the form, but I would tell her she gets what she gets. Tell her you feed on demand and from now on you'll hand her your own daily sheet.

Sounds like a classic mom who is feeling like "mommy knows best" and is probably feeling insecure she sent her baby to daycare.
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Old 06-01-2016, 09:27 PM
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I wouldn't lie either. I feed infants on demand and food at mealtimes only. I wouldn't be feeding an 8 month old jarred fruit for lunch either. Veggies only, I would demand it.

An infant doesn't necessarily need cereal but I always like to serve it with breakfast. Baby should be playing on the floor that is how they develop, with supervision of course. And, personally, I would never cater to one child or one family. Period. It is group care, their child is not the only one with needs.
Also, I think 8 months is a little old for tummy time, that should be the norm and they should be trying to scoot and rolling over and such. Sounds like this infant is behind in some milestones. Tummy time is for younger infants. Should be working on sitting up and all that fun stuff!

I also would set up my own schedule, not follow one that mom is enforcing. If she wants that much control, she should stay at home or get a nanny. I also don't fill out forms after a certain amount of time because once children get on a schedule with me it barely wavers and those things I'll bring up at pick up. Otherwise, I expect parents to trust that I am caring for their child needs and doing a great job at it because this is what I do day in and day out. If I had that much mistrust or someone trying to micromanage my day(I had this issue before and it won't happen again) I would be saying "hit the road Jack!!!"
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Old 06-01-2016, 10:08 PM
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Yeah, you are all echoing what I was feeling. The thing is that this 8 month old cannot sit up on his own. He does roll around and creep around when we put him on the floor. He is inquisitive about what is going on around him, and he likes the tactile toys that we have for infants. Sometimes he is quiet for long stretches as long as he has something that is holding his interest.

I was very concerned about the fruit-only diet too. She provides all food and formula. We didn't register him with our food program since she brings all the food, and we weren't sure how long he would be in our care. We are just a "back-up" daycare until her "first choice" finishes getting licensed and can take in more than 5 kids. We are closing on Friday for a vacation, and she will be deciding during vacation if he will be returning to us. Part of me hopes that she chooses the other daycare.
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Old 06-01-2016, 10:48 PM
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The best way to handle demanding parents is with a solid handbook and policies that you adhere to and enforce.

We love having little dcb in our program however for the best interest of all the children in our care we will need to adhere to our own infant policies which are outlined on page X in the parent handbook. For your quick reference...
  • Infants are fed on demand and only fed meals at mealtimes. (p.X)
  • Children will be given naps according to their own individual schedule. (p. X)
  • Diapers are changed at X, Y, & Z times as well as any addition time we observe a child is wet. We will not have child sit in soiled diapers and do check several times a day. (p. Y)
  • Per state licensing children will not be in swings, jumpers, etc. adequate tummy time and free exploration is built into the daily infant schedule. (p. Z)

I am not saying the above are or should be your policies but an example of how solid policies work to your advantage when dealing with demanding parents. Also if you do not yet have these policies it is not too late to create them.

Lastly as one who is and was a demanding parent know not every family is ideal for group care - I certainly was not before my dd was preschool age which is why I opted to make significantly less when she was young to stay home with her, it is also a reason some hire a nanny. This family many not be in a position to do either of those but you can train them to what your group care offers and you should not hold yourself or feel obligated to perform nanny like services IMHO.
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Old 06-02-2016, 07:13 AM
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Sounds to me like mom needs a nanny. And I would term and tell her that.
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Old 06-02-2016, 08:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thriftylady View Post
Sounds to me like mom needs a nanny. And I would term and tell her that.

I wouldn't jump through hoops for someone who has already told me I'm not their preferred choice.

Actually, I'm not a hoop jumper anyway, so I would tell her how I do things and that's the way it's going to be or go to your greener pastures now.
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Old 06-02-2016, 09:57 AM
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Yes to the belly time, no to the confinement equipment, no to the excessive paperwork and micro-managing.

Sounds like Mom's personal/professional life is out of her control and she is grasping for the only source of power she has.

I'd give her a copy of the schedule, post menus and tell her I will let her know of anything outside of normal developmental milestones immediately. If she needs more services, she will have to find a provider/therapist who offers them.
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Old 06-02-2016, 10:19 AM
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If it were me, she would be out. I can't tolerate parents like this! I also never take families who let me know I am only a place holder. You either want to be here or not.

But if you want to work with this family, I would ask to schedule a quick sit down by the end of the week, and remind her that group care is not individualized care. If she would like to move forward, she has to agree to how you run your business. I would give her the weekend to get on board or to give her notice. Plain and simple. Parents do not dictate your day, you are not a nanny!!
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Old 06-02-2016, 11:42 AM
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This might be a classic case of "not a good fit". It can be hard to turn away business, especially when we work so hard to get clients, but it can be equally hard catering to a child who is used to an environment that we can't really replicate in our child care setting. Sometimes parents get confused about our role and that we are not nannies.

Over the years I have adopted a practice of informing parents that as a child care provider I have mandated regulations that I must adhere to and that some of those practices might be at odds with what they do at home. I provide them with our daily schedule so they can see what a typical day is like here. If that doesn't work for them, then they probably won't work for us either.

If you would like me to share a note that I send out to parents who are having difficulty following our rules, just send me a PM with your email. I would be happy to share.
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Old 06-02-2016, 12:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler View Post
I wouldn't lie either. I feed infants on demand and food at mealtimes only. I wouldn't be feeding an 8 month old jarred fruit for lunch either. Veggies only, I would demand it.

An infant doesn't necessarily need cereal but I always like to serve it with breakfast. Baby should be playing on the floor that is how they develop, with supervision of course. And, personally, I would never cater to one child or one family. Period. It is group care, their child is not the only one with needs.
Also, I think 8 months is a little old for tummy time, that should be the norm and they should be trying to scoot and rolling over and such. Sounds like this infant is behind in some milestones. Tummy time is for younger infants. Should be working on sitting up and all that fun stuff!

I also would set up my own schedule, not follow one that mom is enforcing. If she wants that much control, she should stay at home or get a nanny. I also don't fill out forms after a certain amount of time because once children get on a schedule with me it barely wavers and those things I'll bring up at pick up. Otherwise, I expect parents to trust that I am caring for their child needs and doing a great job at it because this is what I do day in and day out. If I had that much mistrust or someone trying to micromanage my day(I had this issue before and it won't happen again) I would be saying "hit the road Jack!!!"
Bingo.

Witholding food from an infant who is hungry is against licensing standards and I would not partake in that, either.
"I understand that you do things this way at home, but we have to meet licensing obligations and the needs of multiple children here so we put the child care children on our schedule."
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Old 06-02-2016, 12:16 PM
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I think you pretty much answered your own question. It sounds like this family is not a good fit. I have had a few demanding parents and they never seem to last very long here. (for one reason or another)
One child can really drain the dc of energy. (not good)
Deb
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Old 06-02-2016, 12:43 PM
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http://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-my-child-parent.htm
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Old 06-02-2016, 12:47 PM
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"How to deal with demanding parents?"


Just don't.

I am with my kids all the time and even I don't get to set all the terms. My husband, circumstace, finances, ect all play a role. You cannot be away from your kid 10 hours a day and expect to call all the shots.
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