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Old 12-30-2014, 11:10 AM
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Default My Toddler Acting Out In My Home Daycare

I need some help. I recently opened a family childcare which is located in my basement. I have one part time child who come three days a week for 3 hours. I figured it would be the perfect, slow transition for my SAH toddler who is 26 months. When we are down there alone, she will play and have a blast. She loves seeing the little girl that comes (they are the same age.) And she seems happy and excited. But my toddler does not listen very well at all when we're in the daycare. She runs and smacks into walls and crawls under the table, uder the easel, etc. She protests for diaper changes and will throw a fit! The other child looks in horror but has also started to do the same behaviors. (Running and hitting my wall/door)

I pretty much know why my little one is doing this- she's not used to sharing me, she's not used to a playmate, not used to being in a smaller space (she usually has the run of the house and land outside.) But I dont know HOW to help. I've talked to her about the behavior before going into the daycare. I've been consistent about telling her I dont like the behaviors when she's doing it. I've started with "time out" as well but yesterday she had like 3 time outs in an hour

This was my dream- to have my own toddler and open my own daycare/preschool. But my little one is making me second guessing my dream. Help
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Old 12-30-2014, 11:35 AM
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I find this to be a normal reaction to change. You're in a tough situation- my kids have grown up with other kids in their house from almost day one, so there wasn't much acting up- they think this is normal I think all you can do is be firm with both kids with your rules. This might seem too easy of an answer, but make sure your daughter gets lots of hugs, kisses, reassurance that she is still your #1. When my boys start acting up, I find it stops when I am extra loving. Adding more kids eventually should help, but our own kids are usually the hardest!
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Old 12-30-2014, 11:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I need some help. I recently opened a family childcare which is located in my basement. I have one part time child who come three days a week for 3 hours. I figured it would be the perfect, slow transition for my SAH toddler who is 26 months. When we are down there alone, she will play and have a blast. She loves seeing the little girl that comes (they are the same age.) And she seems happy and excited. But my toddler does not listen very well at all when we're in the daycare. She runs and smacks into walls and crawls under the table, uder the easel, etc. She protests for diaper changes and will throw a fit! The other child looks in horror but has also started to do the same behaviors. (Running and hitting my wall/door)

I pretty much know why my little one is doing this- she's not used to sharing me, she's not used to a playmate, not used to being in a smaller space (she usually has the run of the house and land outside.) But I dont know HOW to help. I've talked to her about the behavior before going into the daycare. I've been consistent about telling her I dont like the behaviors when she's doing it. I've started with "time out" as well but yesterday she had like 3 time outs in an hour

This was my dream- to have my own toddler and open my own daycare/preschool. But my little one is making me second guessing my dream. Help
Relax. It's normal for there to be an adjustment period. Of course our kids don't want to share us!!! And your kiddo is at a tough age anyway.

Saying that, you need to be consistent and firm related to the behavior. But reward the good and sneak in lots of extra snuggles.
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Old 12-30-2014, 12:33 PM
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I have also felt guilty about having a home daycare at times. I have a son who is 2.5 years old--so very close in age to your daughter. It's hard to have to share Mom especially if your child has been used to having you all to herself!!

But, that being said, I want to write the following in a respectful and considerate way without causing any offense--if possible. I think that having one child (who is the same age) come over for 3 hours a day, 3 days per week is more like a play date and less like doing daycare. If your daughter is having a hard time with such a short amount of time and with just one other child, it will be a big change when/if you have a bigger group and go full time, which is often 10 hours per day for many providers.

Has she spent much time around other kids her age? You said she's not used to having a playmate. How does she do when you get her together to play with friends? Is it similar behavior you are seeing? Does she follow directions typically outside of daycare time?

One thing that helped me was to enforce all of the daycare rules with my son all of the time. He still is expected to stay in his chair during meals even when he's the only kid here. And so on.

Another thing that might help for awhile is if you structure your time with your daughter and the other child... I'm not sure how much you are structuring activities already, but if you're not, I would start right away with a routine/daily schedule and stick with it. I'd do an art experience or a sensory table with the daycare child was over to give the kids something to do besides run around. I'd get outside during that time too. And I would try to follow that schedule every day without fail so the kids know what to expect.

I don't like time outs, and I don't think they work well. I would just redirect her every time she broke a rule. If she runs and bangs the wall, I'd lead her back to where she started running (holding her hand) and walk with her to where she was going, telling her "we use walking feet" or something like that. If she bangs the wall, I would sit her down on a quiet spot with pillows and give her books or puzzles and say "We don't bang the wall. You can read books or do puzzles." And if she gets up, I'd put her back in the spot. Not a time-out, per say, but an alternative. OR you can get a toy hammer and tell her she can bang that (tool bench? hammer toy?).

I'd move anything she's hiding under. Take it out for a few weeks. Once she's over that behavior, you can move it back into the room.

Good luck!!
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Old 12-30-2014, 12:40 PM
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When I have kids who I'm needing to 'clamp down on' some behaviors, I try to give them simple choices in other areas so that they feel like they have some power.
Do you want the red cup or the blue? Would you like a little broccoli or a lot?
You can sit on the floor or on the little chair. Etc.
Then you have lots of things you can say, "Good choice!" about and keep some focus on positives.
Hopefully she'll be busy not wanting to miss out on her choices that some of the other stuff will fade. We can sometimes put too much attention on the negatives and we need to find a balance.

For diaper changes, she's at an age where it needs to happen quickly so she can get back to what she's doing. Let go of the conversational piece, or any kind of verbal corrections. Just do it If she happens to have cooperated, say, "Nice cooperation! I like it!" at the end. It takes the emphasis and time off of the negatives.

Another strategy for the active behaviors can be to offer an alternative. "Ooops, we can't run into the door, but we can jump into the pillows in the corner." "Oh oh! Don't jump on the couch - jump on the floor!" etc. I find that kids this age sometimes like the 'warning' of the "Oops" or "Oh oh!" too.

Also, there may be some ways to facilitate doing the things she's wanting to do - maybe an indoor obstacle course with a tunnel, pillows, boxes or whatever you have. (Crawl through the tunnel, then knock down the soft blocks and jump onto the pillows.) These activities often need a definite start and end to them, so set it up that way

Maybe some part of this will fit for you
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Old 12-30-2014, 03:53 PM
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Totally a normal reaction. I have 3 under 5 of my own and they have all dealt with sharing me differently. What helps is consistency. They can expect consequences just like dcks and they. Can expect fun activities and snuggles just like dcks. I also save something special like getting to watch a show while I cook dinner, reading a special book, painting our nails etc for when the last dck goes home. Hang in there. It's an adjustment.
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Old 01-07-2015, 01:55 PM
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I have struggled with the same issue with both of my boys at different times. they are 8 and 4. they have both had other kids around their entire lives. for us, consistency helps.
I made a schedule and we stick to it as much as possible. sometimes lunch is late because we are engrossed in something, and sometimes its early because everybody thinks they are starving. in the summer we a lot more time for outside play and messy play (outside) I also find structured activities to be very helpful. especially when we bring in new kids who need to get used to us, and us to them. One of the best things I have found is a bean table/sensory table. i bought a 25 pound bag of beans and dumped it into a shallow tote and put various things in it, cups, spoons, cars, people, anything really. the kids have to share since all the beans are mixed in one place. it is also soothing and relaxing like sand. even with my younger kids we do this. I have also done it with sand and rice, and many things, but the beans seem to be the best. its a great distraction technique as well for rough drop off times. its inexpensive and has been an invaluable resource in my home child care
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Old 01-07-2015, 02:31 PM
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I'm currently going through something similar with my own son who is 2.5. What's made the biggest difference is having a space where he can be alone, that is not open to the dck. They used to be allowed in his room but now that is where we keep his special toys he doesn't have to share. I have seen a big improvement since I stopped allowing dck in his room. It has also been good when he gets too physical with the other kids or tries to be the alpha of the house. I can remind him of the rules, then say "I'm sorry you're having a hard time, please head to your room to calm down, you may return to the group when you are ready to follow the rules" or somethig similar. Not sure if that will work for you, but it has realy worked for us.
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