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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Is This Customary For Daycare Teachers?
King&Prince 01:34 PM 01-29-2019
In a daycare, is it customary (protocol) for teachers to ask the child if they have bruises in front of their parents without any apparent signs?

My son is 5. His teacher asked him that this morning right in front of me and she said that they do that. I not only volunteer up there at my son's daycare, but have dropped him off and picked him up (between me and his mom) 1000 times at least and that has never been something I've heard the teachers ask, especially not in front of the parents.

I talked to the principle and she said that there would be some kind of sensitivity training for the teachers in regards to why they would do that, but the principle also said that the questions are something they should do more often or consistently. What do you think?
Cat Herder 01:36 PM 01-29-2019
It may be from the normal head-to-toe intake quick assessment (self report). It is recommended in centers to prevent false accusations of injuries during daycare, not accuse parents of wrongdoing. It was in our QRIS training.

It is just documentation to protect his teacher.
King&Prince 01:51 PM 01-29-2019
Oh I see. The principle did bring that up. I still find that question to be placed awkwardly as I've never heard it used there ever.
springv 02:28 PM 01-29-2019
I've never heard of this until I started working at a daycare here in Alabama and took classes.
Cat Herder 02:55 PM 01-29-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
Oh I see. The principle did bring that up. I still find that question to be placed awkwardly as I've never heard it used there ever.
When they are younger we tend to ask them if they have any new boo-boos. By 5 most know the word bruise or it could be a vocabulary word they are "pushing in".

If it is not documented by the morning teacher, the afternoon teacher may think it happened on her/his watch unnoticed and report to admin. If another parent picks up they may not have been aware and assume it happened on the afternoon teachers watch.

To be very honest, we get very complacent about doing this because it slows the morning routine. Then someone has an issue in another classroom and we start again. Like most jobs, I'd presume.
King&Prince 02:56 PM 01-29-2019
Thanks for the input. Is it customary or important to do that in front of parents, does it not matter, or is it better to ask children away from the parent in the room?
Cat Herder 02:59 PM 01-29-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
Thanks for the input. Is it customary or important to do that in front of parents, does it not matter, or is it better to ask children away from the parent in the room?
I don't know how we could do it in private. It is a classroom that has to be supervised, we cannot leave the room. We do it in front of parents in case we need to send the child home for illness. We are checking for that, too.
Cat Herder 03:12 PM 01-29-2019
It is also invaluable when a 3-year-old child tells us he was bitten by a Tyrannosaurus and the parent can tell us he got his finger stuck in the carseat latch.
King&Prince 03:21 PM 01-29-2019
To be very honest, we get very complacent about doing this because it slows the morning routine. Then someone has an issue in another classroom and we start again. Like most jobs, I'd presume. [/quote]


So basically, a daycare will ramp up their morning bruise protocol for about a few days in a week or two and stop until another incident with a child's parent happens. Got it. lol
King&Prince 03:26 PM 01-29-2019
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I don't know how we could do it in private. It is a classroom that has to be supervised, we cannot leave the room. We do it in front of parents in case we need to send the child home for illness. We are checking for that, too.

I didn't say the classroom needed to be unsupervised. It sounds like it would make more sense if the context of the question was better relayed to the parent.
Cat Herder 04:23 PM 01-29-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
I didn't say the classroom needed to be unsupervised. It sounds like it would make more sense if the context of the question was better relayed to the parent.
I agree with you. When I need it documented I just let the parent make the notation, themselves. But I own my own program. I get to make the rules.
King&Prince 04:24 PM 01-29-2019
Originally Posted by springvalley112:
I've never heard of this until I started working at a daycare here in Alabama and took classes.
Thanks for the input. Is it customary or important to do that in front of parents, does it not matter, or is it better to ask children away from the parent in the room?
Leigh 04:46 PM 01-29-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
Thanks for the input. Is it customary or important to do that in front of parents, does it not matter, or is it better to ask children away from the parent in the room?
As a parent, I think I would appreciate being there when my child was asked this. It would give me the chance to explain any new "boo-boos". Kids nearly always have trouble explaining exactly how an injury occurs, and some just downright tell an exciting (and untrue) story.

I have a little boy at my childcare right now who says "xxx hit me" whenever he doesn't get his way. He isn't malicious-he just lacks the ability to explain hurt feelings, accidents, bumps, etc. He has told me that his grandma has hit him, told grandpa that I have hit him (when I wouldn't let him leave with one of the daycare's toys), and tells me several times a day that another child hit him, even though I have observed that the other child did NOT hit him, but actually refused to let him "steal" a toy away. If he bumps into furniture, then the chair hit him.
Blackcat31 04:50 PM 01-29-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
Thanks for the input. Is it customary or important to do that in front of parents, does it not matter, or is it better to ask children away from the parent in the room?
I ask in presence of parent because I want to be on same page as parent.

Explaining something a child said in context (is Cat Herders example of being bitten by Tyrannosarus) to someone else is tough sometimes.

Having staff and parent present offers transparency for both parties.
King&Prince 10:55 AM 01-30-2019
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I ask in presence of parent because I want to be on same page as parent.

Explaining something a child said in context (is Cat Herders example of being bitten by Tyrannosarus) to someone else is tough sometimes.

Having staff and parent present offers transparency for both parties.


Yeah, there was no contextualizing why she said that to my son after I asked why.
hwichlaz 01:07 PM 01-30-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
Thanks for the input. Is it customary or important to do that in front of parents, does it not matter, or is it better to ask children away from the parent in the room?
There is no custom one way or the other. If I suspected abuse I'd ask the child privately. But the morning health child needs to be done in front of the parent. ....otherwise how'd I send a sick child back out the door with the parent? Would you rather get a call when you're halfway to work and then have to turn around?
hwichlaz 01:10 PM 01-30-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
Yeah, there was no contextualizing why she said that to my son after I asked why.
She's probably doing as she's told, but doesn't know why herself.
Ariana 01:43 PM 01-30-2019
I had a child come into care last week with a large goose egg on her forehead. Her hair is always in her face and luckily I got down to her level to ask her how she was (my routine inspection) and noticed the bruise. Mom was shocked and had no idea how she got this bruise on her face.

I was so glad I noticed because it could have easily been assumed by both me and mom that it happened while in my care. I think this might be why they question the child in front of the parent.
Blackcat31 01:53 PM 01-30-2019
Lots of questions asked and great explanations given but can I ask; why did/does this seem odd to you? Why is it bothering or upsetting you?

Apologies in advance if I used the wrong wording in reference to your thoughts and/or feelings about this but you havenít really said why itís an event that caused you to post about it to ask about normalcy.

Iím not trying to be rude, Iím simply curious as to why it seems to make you uncomfortable.
King&Prince 01:28 AM 01-31-2019
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
There is no custom one way or the other. If I suspected abuse I'd ask the child privately. But the morning health child needs to be done in front of the parent. ....otherwise how'd I send a sick child back out the door with the parent? Would you rather get a call when you're halfway to work and then have to turn around?


Being sick, and having bruises are 2 very different things.
King&Prince 01:43 AM 01-31-2019
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Lots of questions asked and great explanations given but can I ask; why did/does this seem odd to you? Why is it bothering or upsetting you?

Apologies in advance if I used the wrong wording in reference to your thoughts and/or feelings about this but you havenít really said why itís an event that caused you to post about it to ask about normalcy.

Iím not trying to be rude, Iím simply curious as to why it seems to make you uncomfortable.



Out of the 1000 days between taking my child to daycare since age 1 to 5 and literally volunteering there, I'm now hearing a teacher ask my son if he has bruises. I WANT TO KNOW. That sounds extremely unusual if you are not consistently doing your job in the first place because I know their standard protocol, and if that is what they are suppose to be doing, then they weren't effectively doing their job consistently in the first place. If you lack the empathy and reason to understand why I would feel such a way, I cannot help you, and the conversation between should end.
King&Prince 01:46 AM 01-31-2019
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
She's probably doing as she's told, but doesn't know why herself.

That's possible. Or maybe she couldn't articulate it.
Cat Herder 04:59 AM 01-31-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
That's possible. Or maybe she couldn't articulate it.
Or maybe they have just started participating in the NEW QRIS program and simply have not completed all the training. It can take a few years to complete the process. Fewer than 20% of programs in my State are currently participating. It is above and beyond, not the average.

https://qrisguide.acf.hhs.gov/

Are you always this aggressive?
Cat Herder 05:11 AM 01-31-2019
Data collection guide: https://qrisguide.acf.hhs.gov/resour...and-evaluation

You are more than welcome to read it for yourself.
Blackcat31 06:15 AM 01-31-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
Out of the 1000 days between taking my child to daycare since age 1 to 5 and literally volunteering there, I'm now hearing a teacher ask my son if he has bruises. I WANT TO KNOW. That sounds extremely unusual if you are not consistently doing your job in the first place because I know their standard protocol, and if that is what they are suppose to be doing, then they weren't effectively doing their job consistently in the first place. If you lack the empathy and reason to understand why I would feel such a way, I cannot help you, and the conversation between should end.

Excuse me?
I am not the one looking for "help" here.

I simply asked why a teacher asking your child if they have any bruises in front of you seems to be so odd that it warrants such a conversation about it but based on your reaction to my question, its beginning to make sense to me.

It's not wise to seek help and assistance from people only to accuse them of lacking empathy when trying to see the big picture.

Hoping you find the answers you are looking for.

Have a good day!
King&Prince 02:30 PM 01-31-2019
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Fewer than 20% of programs in my State are currently participating. It is above and beyond, not the average.

https://qrisguide.acf.hhs.gov/

Are you always this aggressive?

Only on the last week of Januarys with an extensive yet digressive daycare thread.
King&Prince 02:37 PM 01-31-2019
With all due respect, she is not an articulate woman at all. She can be loud and boisterous. There's nothing aggressive about me stating truth. And no, it has not been recently implemented. It's just something the Principle said that they did not do consistently, which is not at all above and beyond.
Ariana 02:37 PM 01-31-2019
I think I would also feel a bit odd if suddenly they started asking my kid if they had bruises out of the blue. I would feel like I am being accused of something all of a sudden. I think the OP simply came to get clarification as to why they might ask this outside of being accused of something. I also think the person not being able to give an explanation would also concern me.

In todays day and age it doesnít take much to wrongfully accuse someone with abuse (parent or provider) so it is wise to inquire I think, rather than jump to conclusions.
King&Prince 05:05 PM 01-31-2019
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I think I would also feel a bit odd if suddenly they started asking my kid if they had bruises out of the blue. I would feel like I am being accused of something all of a sudden. I think the OP simply came to get clarification as to why they might ask this outside of being accused of something. I also think the person not being able to give an explanation would also concern me.

In todays day and age it doesnít take much to wrongfully accuse someone with abuse (parent or provider) so it is wise to inquire I think, rather than jump to conclusions.


Thank you. You seem very smart and wonderful. Let me worship the ground you walk on.
hwichlaz 05:28 PM 01-31-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
Being sick, and having bruises are 2 very different things.
no, both are "health"

I'm certain that while she was asking your child those questions she was also looking at your child's eyes, skin tone, looking for signs of illness etc. It's all part of a "health" check.
flying_babyb 06:57 PM 01-31-2019
We do it daily in front of the parents. There not allowed to leave till its done.
King&Prince 03:46 AM 02-01-2019
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
no, both are "health"

I'm certain that while she was asking your child those questions she was also looking at your child's eyes, skin tone, looking for signs of illness etc. It's all part of a "health" check.


She didn't do any of that. You can't be certain of things when you weren't there.
King&Prince 03:48 AM 02-01-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
She didn't do any of that. You can't be certain of things when you weren't there.



That sounds nearly very different from what happend.
boy_mom 05:34 AM 02-01-2019
My sons nursery school asks my son at every drop off if he ate dinner the night before and breakfast this morning, if he feels ready to play (aka not feeling sick) and if he has any "boo boos" they need to help him with that day. They always ask him, not me, while I sign him in. I've never thought twice, but then again it is done consistently, every single drop off. It's also done very gently, on a child's level, giving him the ability to answer. They also give me a chance to jump in at the end to explain any cuts, scrapes, bruises, coughs etc.

As a parent I appreciate the time they take and the care with which it's done. I would be a little thrown off too if out of the blue they just said "Hey M, do you have bruises today". The teachers tact could definitely have been better, but if it eases your mind, I think her intentions were in the right place!


I should also add that when I was a daycare provider I checked kids for cuts/bruises every morning and asked parent directly about them, so that there was no chance that I would be blamed for something that didnt happen on my watch! I also informed parents of any "injuries" that happened at day care when they pick up. Open communication is so important in child care!
King&Prince 07:27 AM 02-01-2019
Originally Posted by flying_babyb:
We do it daily in front of the parents. There not allowed to leave till its done.

This was not done daily for my son, she didn't have a check list, and she didn't tell me I shouldn't leave before she was done.
Rockgirl 07:48 AM 02-01-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
This was not done daily for my son, she didn't have a check list, and she didn't tell me I shouldn't leave before she was done.
Looks like youíve gotten answers from the daycare director, as well as multiple replies here, stating it was likely a wellness check. Is there something else youíre seeking? Iíll admit the teacher couldíve worded it much better....Iíd find that strange too. But Iím not sure what more anyone here can say to give you the answer youíre looking for. Maybe go back and discuss it further with the director?
hwichlaz 07:51 AM 02-01-2019
Originally Posted by King&Prince:
She didn't do any of that. You can't be certain of things when you weren't there.
So she was speaking to him without looking at him? Was her back turned to him? I call BS. You likely just didn't notice.

I think you're looking for a fight at this point. m
King&Prince 08:19 AM 02-01-2019
Originally Posted by boy_mom:
My sons nursery school asks my son at every drop off if he ate dinner the night before and breakfast this morning, if he feels ready to play (aka not feeling sick) and if he has any "boo boos" they need to help him with that day. They always ask him, not me, while I sign him in. I've never thought twice, but then again it is done consistently, every single drop off. It's also done very gently, on a child's level, giving him the ability to answer. They also give me a chance to jump in at the end to explain any cuts, scrapes, bruises, coughs etc.

As a parent I appreciate the time they take and the care with which it's done. I would be a little thrown off too if out of the blue they just said "Hey M, do you have bruises today". The teachers tact could definitely have been better, but if it eases your mind, I think her intentions were in the right place!


I should also add that when I was a daycare provider I checked kids for cuts/bruises every morning and asked parent directly about them, so that there was no chance that I would be blamed for something that didnt happen on my watch! I also informed parents of any "injuries" that happened at day care when they pick up. Open communication is so important in child care!
Virtually none of that stuff is asked to any of the children when they are dropped off. The toys have stopped changing and don't seem to get swapped out for new ones. They're the same ones all year round. 2 of the teachers have left at the same time 2 months ago for work somewhere else so the secondary teacher is acting as his primary teacher (the one mentioned in the original post). The principle is sometimes helping out in the kitchen instead of "Principl-ing." The front door used to always be locked and now is being left unlocked with no one at the front to guide the "Parent sign in." To top it off, they're now letting parents park up the narrow hill, making it a dangerous condition as people who park correctly have to walk around sometimes multiple cars that are back up going down the hill. I feel like someone might get ran over. This is one of my greatest concerns. He's been there since age 2 and doesn't seem to know his alphabet the way he needs to (definitely not phonics) . I am now realizing that he can learn much better with one on one from me. I think I've covered most of my concerns, and I think there's a culmination of low standards and un-thoughtful discourse that is making me rethink him staying at this daycare before he goes on to kindergarten.
King&Prince 09:23 AM 02-01-2019
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
So she was speaking to him without looking at him? Was her back turned to him? I call BS. You likely just didn't notice.

I think you're looking for a fight at this point. m


"I'm certain that while she was asking your child those questions she was also looking at your child's eyes, skin tone, looking for signs of illness"



Listen, she was about 5 feet away from him as he was washing his hands with his back turned on his 4 o-clock (angle). That is NOT the same thing as inspecting for illness. That is NOT the same thing as looking into his eyes. That is NOT the same thing as checking his skin (not thoroughly that's for sure).

You are coming up with the facts in your mind when you didn't even ask the person who was there. That shows a bias.

I ask why she asked about bruises, and then she tells me that she can do that because she has a piece of paper that has a list. I saw absolutely no one signed in on that list and she didn't even let me see what it said above the chart. That didn't answer my question so I told her that it sounded kind of weird to be asking about bruises. She points her hand at me tells me it sounds weird to me but not her. That happened almost exactly one more time I believe. Because of her defensiveness and terse language, I didn't rephrase the question. She was a teachers aid recently and because of her personality, she has always made me uneasy. Either way, I pay for him to be there, I help pay her salary (and often volunteer for free), and I need customer service, an explanation, and some thoughtfulness about how to approach a parent with a concerning question.
King&Prince 09:30 AM 02-01-2019
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
Looks like youíve gotten answers from the daycare director, as well as multiple replies here, stating it was likely a wellness check. Is there something else youíre seeking? Iíll admit the teacher couldíve worded it much better....Iíd find that strange too. But Iím not sure what more anyone here can say to give you the answer youíre looking for. Maybe go back and discuss it further with the director?

Since people are asking questions and contesting what I'm saying as truth, I'm still here on my original post. Sorry if that offends you. There is more information I gave that contextualizes my concerns with the teacher in the original post as well as my grief from the daycare a few posts above.
Blackcat31 09:40 AM 02-01-2019
I think this thread has reached it's end.

OP~ You've asked your question, insulted those trying to help and seem to still be searching for something.

Clearly, you aren't going to get the answers you are wanting.

I suggest you take the time you've devoted here and schedule an appointment to sit down with the owner and/or director of your child's program and get the explanation you are seeking.

None of us were present when this happened and none of us seem to be saying the words you are wanting so I see no further reason to continue with this discussion.

If you would like to discuss, ask or participate in other threads on this forum, please feel free to do so but this one has run it's course.

It is no longer productive and is beginning to border on rude and insulting.

I sincerely hope you are able to find a satisfactory explanation from your child's teacher/director.

Have a nice day!
Tags:askhole, bullying, high conflict parent, narcissistic, physical assessment, working with difficult parents
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