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Old 11-08-2018, 12:22 PM
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Default Extremely Emotional 3 year old

I have a 3 year old who I've had in care since she was 16 months old. She has always been very emotional. She cries many days saying she misses mom and dad, some days longer than others. She also gets upset quite easily over things that most kids don't get upset about.
Today she started crying during our circle time while we were singing. She continued and got louder as we tried to continue. I asked her why she was crying, but when she starts crying, she usually will not answer any questions. I finally removed her from the group (in a location where I could still see her) so we could continue without her distraction in the group. She cried even louder when she realized we were continuing without her. I told her when she was finished crying, she could rejoin the group. She continued for 1 1/2 hours! Throughout this time, I tried asking questions and telling her I couldn't help her if she wouldn't tell me what the problem was. I texted mom telling her the problem. Mom asked if she could call and try and talk to her. I agreed to this so mom called. DCG just continued crying for the first 5 minutes. Then she calmed down and nodded her head yes and no, so I told mom I would put her on speaker phone because DCG was only responding to her with head movements. Mom asked her if she was upset with her friends. DCG nodded yes. Then mom asked if she was upset with a particular child (mom named the child) and DCG nodded yes. At that point, I told mom that the child DCG said she was upset with had done and said nothing to her to make her upset. Mom told me that at home DCG tells her that she gets upset with the other child when they choose a song to sing that she wanted to choose. (Some days I let each older child choose a song they want to sing during circle time) So DCG spent 1 1/2 hours crying because she was upset that another child chose a song to sing that she wanted to choose? That seems very excessive and is concerning to me that she will carry on that long about something so small. Most days she doesn't continue for that amount of time, but most days she has multiple small crying fits that last 10-15 minutes and there is nothing I can say to pull her out of it.
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Old 11-08-2018, 01:23 PM
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Uff that's rough! I really don't know what I would do in your situation. I added pick-up for excessive crying to my policy last year because I feel the group and myself should not have to deal with it for an extended amount of time. I have it at 45 min. But that was in place more for infants and 2 year olds.
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Old 11-08-2018, 01:46 PM
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If this is what she does (crying for everything) I would not have called mom, cause she's getting the attention, why would she ever stop...I also don't agree with grownups (mom) feeding words to children, even more so when it is to blame another person

I dismiss for excessive crying, I would call for pick up.
Sorry you had to go through that
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Old 11-08-2018, 03:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Gemma View Post
If this is what she does (crying for everything) I would not have called mom, cause she's getting the attention, why would she ever stop...I also don't agree with grownups (mom) feeding words to children, even more so when it is to blame another person

I dismiss for excessive crying, I would call for pick up.
Sorry you had to go through that
I don't think I mentioned that as she is crying and when I have walked away or am ignoring the ceying, she will say several times that she wants to go home.
This is where I struggle with whether or not to send home because that is exactly what she wants to happen. This is only the second time I have involved mom/Dad because of how long it was going on. The first time was about a year ago when she had just turned 2 and didn't really have the verbal to communicate the problem. Now she is old enough to tell me what is wrong, but just won't.
I did tell mom that I don't like to put ideas in their heads as to what the problem could be, because most of the time, kids will just agree with the suggestion.
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Old 11-08-2018, 08:09 PM
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I have a 2.5 year old DCB that is this way. He has a blankie that calms him. His parents need it with him at home at times, too. He's been here for 4 months now and I've started taking it away from him when it's time for breakfast. When he did have it, my rule was that he was only allowed to keep it on a certain rug, so if he wanted to snuggle it he had to go and sit on that rug with it. If he started fussing (usually about missing Mom and Dad), I told him to go and snuggle his blanket.

I've had others go through crying phases and I created the "crying corner". If you want to cry and not give me a chance to help you work out the issue, you can go and cry in the corner by yourself. When you're ready to talk or rejoin the group, you are welcome. It took a couple of times before they figured out that they weren't going to get attention or disrupt plans by throwing a fit.

I could definitely see your struggle with what to do. I would have to be in the moment and know the child as well as read them to decide how to proceed. Good luck!!
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Old 11-09-2018, 11:59 AM
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This is similar to my daughter. She is a highly sensitive child and gets her feelings hurt very easily. I am reading a book about it now. I do know that a healthy diet and lots of sleep helps and basically just allowing her to cry. For us whenever we remove her it makes things worse because then she feels rejected. They have a quiet corner at school where kids go if they need to cry or get a break. Maybe you could make one? Cuddly blankets and toys maybe? Over the summer when my daughter was home with me I made one and it seemed to help. Her little calm down area. Let her know that you are here if she needs a hug but that she is not going home. I do not give in to my daughter when she is like this either.
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