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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Really Need Advice Here...
SunflowerMama 07:06 AM 10-06-2010
Ok so I'm in a neighborhood where houses are packed right on top of each other. My next door neighbors are a father and his adult age son. They are home all day every day.
When we first moved in 2 years ago the father told us that the son was schizophrenic but "would never hurt anyone". The son is very inappropriate and cusses and is extrememly derogatory.
We really think they may have been the reason our previous home owners moved.
The son honestly creeps me out and comes right up to our car when we get home and talks to us and my girls and I'm half scared to death most of the time but we're just nice and get inside as fast as we can.
So we have been minding our own business but now he's started talking to my dcks' families. He even asked one of the fathers, about me, "is she all there in the head?". I was so embarrassed and couldn't believe he would say things like that b/c we've only ever been nice to them.
So he cornered another one of my dcds today at drop-off. I don't know what he said to him but when I opened the door there was my neighbor in front of dcd's truck smoking a cigarette and I'm sure he said something to him.
What should I do??
My husband and I don't want to say anything to them because they seem so unstable and when we first moved in the father and son both were saying horrible things about the previous owners that we know are not true. We just don't want to confront and then deal with a horrible situation where they could do almost anything in retaliation.
My only saving grace is that they mentioned to one dcd that they could possibly be losing their house. Now not that I'm wishing anyone lose their house but I would feel so much safer for myself, my children and the dcks if they weren't next door.
I'm just worried they are going to scare off current or potential families. I just don't know what to do.
When we first moved in 2 years ago the father told us that the son was schizophrenic but "would never hurt anyone". The son is very inappropriate and cusses and is extrememly derogatory.
We really think they may have been the reason our previous home owners moved.
The son honestly creeps me out and comes right up to our car when we get home and talks to us and my girls and I'm half scared to death most of the time but we're just nice and get inside as fast as we can.
So we have been minding our own business but now he's started talking to my dcks' families. He even asked one of the fathers, about me, "is she all there in the head?". I was so embarrassed and couldn't believe he would say things like that b/c we've only ever been nice to them.
So he cornered another one of my dcds today at drop-off. I don't know what he said to him but when I opened the door there was my neighbor in front of dcd's truck smoking a cigarette and I'm sure he said something to him.
What should I do??
My husband and I don't want to say anything to them because they seem so unstable and when we first moved in the father and son both were saying horrible things about the previous owners that we know are not true. We just don't want to confront and then deal with a horrible situation where they could do almost anything in retaliation.
My only saving grace is that they mentioned to one dcd that they could possibly be losing their house. Now not that I'm wishing anyone lose their house but I would feel so much safer for myself, my children and the dcks if they weren't next door.
I'm just worried they are going to scare off current or potential families. I just don't know what to do.
kendallina 10:10 AM 10-06-2010
Oh wow--I have no advice, I wish I did. Just wanted to offer hugs.
MarinaVanessa 10:32 AM 10-06-2010
Wow, that sucks. Sadly there's not much you can really do or say. If you think they are that unstable do you really think that you would want to say anything at all to them and risk turning an akward and uncomfortable situation worse or even unsafe?
Why not talk to the parents instead and discuss any concerns that they may have. Put them at ease by showing them that you know there is a problem and are wary of it and vigilant. I would recommend that they just ignore them. If they get worse and you have no option but to talk to them I would just talk to the dad and tell him that you would appreciate if they not talk to your clients because they feel uncomfortable and you do not want to lose any of them. If things get ugly and they start saying bad things about you at least you have already talked to the parents and they know what to expect.
Is your home like a condo where the area in front is communal property or has an HOA? If it is then you can always make complaints to the HOA. I had to do this with a neighbor of mine that was a busy-body and peeking over my fence all of the time. If you do not have an HOA and if necessary you can file a report for harassment to keep them on their property and off of yours.
Why not talk to the parents instead and discuss any concerns that they may have. Put them at ease by showing them that you know there is a problem and are wary of it and vigilant. I would recommend that they just ignore them. If they get worse and you have no option but to talk to them I would just talk to the dad and tell him that you would appreciate if they not talk to your clients because they feel uncomfortable and you do not want to lose any of them. If things get ugly and they start saying bad things about you at least you have already talked to the parents and they know what to expect.
Is your home like a condo where the area in front is communal property or has an HOA? If it is then you can always make complaints to the HOA. I had to do this with a neighbor of mine that was a busy-body and peeking over my fence all of the time. If you do not have an HOA and if necessary you can file a report for harassment to keep them on their property and off of yours.
SunflowerMama 11:00 AM 10-06-2010
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
Is your home like a condo where the area in front is communal property or has an HOA? If it is then you can always make complaints to the HOA. I had to do this with a neighbor of mine that was a busy-body and peeking over my fence all of the time. If you do not have an HOA and if necessary you can file a report for harassment to keep them on their property and off of yours.
Is your home like a condo where the area in front is communal property or has an HOA? If it is then you can always make complaints to the HOA. I had to do this with a neighbor of mine that was a busy-body and peeking over my fence all of the time. If you do not have an HOA and if necessary you can file a report for harassment to keep them on their property and off of yours.
We do have an HOA so as a last resort I could make a complaint but we're just so afraid what they would do if we did anything. I've spoken with 2 of the parents so I think I may just need to address it with the rest so they can just ignore our neighbors and know what they can possibly expect. Ugg this is so frustrating.
Childminder 11:08 AM 10-06-2010
Can you put up a privacy fence between the lots?
momofsix 11:19 AM 10-06-2010
Would they be receptive to something like "Due to licensing regulations, I can't have any adults on my property during daycare hours that aren't cleared by the state. I could get into BIG trouble if licensing found out I had neighbors over during hours the kids are here!" .....even if it's stretching things a bit, I think it is technically true, and that way the blame is not on you, it's on the state.
SunflowerMama 11:27 AM 10-06-2010
Originally Posted by Childminder:
Can you put up a privacy fence between the lots?
My backyard is fenced and so is his but he'll walk out of his garage through the alley behind our driveways and talk through the fence to us sometimes. I usually take the kids right inside if I know he's out. And then our front doors are just a little walkway each from the road. So if they are walking out to their mailbox they are just a few feet from our yard/porch so they can talk to my dc families right from their mailbox. I just wish these houses weren't so close together!!Can you put up a privacy fence between the lots?
SilverSabre25 12:28 PM 10-06-2010
Yuck, what a nasty situation. Personally I would explain the situation to all your DCparents and let them know what's going on, the steps you are taking to prevent the kids being exposed to these people (I use that term loosely, lol), and to let you know if anything is getting out of hand or uncomfortable. Tell them also that it's probably best to handle it by more or less ignoring the neighbors when they try to talk, in the hopes that the neighbors will get the message and start leaving you alone.
I'm not sure, but I think you could also call the police non-emergency line and let them know about the situation and that you're worried they could get violent or something if you tell them to back off and leave your DCP's alone. At least then you'll have some kind of official trail if something ever does happen.
I'm not sure, but I think you could also call the police non-emergency line and let them know about the situation and that you're worried they could get violent or something if you tell them to back off and leave your DCP's alone. At least then you'll have some kind of official trail if something ever does happen.
MommyMuffin 01:12 PM 10-06-2010
Would you feel comfortable talking to the father about it?