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Old 01-16-2011, 02:15 PM
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Default Concerned For 17 Month Olds Welfare

I am so lost as what to do. I am so scared and concerned for my 17 month old granddaughters safety. Here is a run down as to what is happening. Her father is very abusive to her mother, my daughter. Physical, mental etc. The police were called a week ago and my daughter was taken to the hospital for injuries received. He was not arrested but was told it was being sent to the DA's for charges. He threw my daughter out and kept the baby. They are un-married but when they went for child support etc 10 months ago due to baby having state medical, he made my daughter give him joint custody and placement so the police refused to help her get the baby. He was allowing her to visit her during the day then making her leave, never allowing her to take her out of the house. When he left for work the other night, he allowed my daughter to stay at his house and care for the baby, she grabbed the baby after he left and went to a battered womans shelter. He found out the next day and is very angry and threatening to have my daughter arrested. Out of fear of being arrested for parental kidnapping, my daughter took her to her dads today and is supposed to get her back Wednesday. I am confident he will refuse, saying she can visit her but not take her. They have a court date next month as my daughter filed for primary placement. I am the only one that has ever been trusted to babysit her so have had her quite often since her birth. The last few days I have babysat her often due to daughter trying to get paperwork, apartment etc taken care of. I have noticed drastic changes in my granddaughter. And other things have come to light that have me very concerned.
My granddaughter is throwing fits and tantrums like I have never seen her do. She hits, bites, kicks, throws herself onto the floor, drops to her bottom then leans back then slams her head onto the floor. When you try to change her diaper, she fights/screams. Starts trying to get away, pushes your hands away, kicks at you. The whole time crying. My daughter said she has not been eating well, after she was with me a cpl days I had her back to eating and her sleep back on schedule.
Her father .... abusive to her mother (has criminal record, restraining orders from other women for same), is a chronic marijuana smoker (daily, been arrested for having a pot pipe on him), saw granddaughter often with a sore vaginal/anal area ( daughter stated diaper rash. did not look like diaper rash to me and stated so. daughter got mad that I might be accusing boyfriend of this) when he is around he insists he changes the babies diapers (saw him change her .. used his hand to "spread her open" then very slowly took the wipe and cleaned her ... am very disturbed by this, has started bathing with the baby ( he wears his boxers, she is naked), granddaughter has chronic constipation ( daughter has talked to DR's about it, they just tell her to put Karo in her bottles) has an 8 yr old (diff mother) that is terrified of him. She was sexually abused by his father while living with him (grandfather is now in prison). Most of the time, she doesn't want to see her dad, when she does come for visits she immediately asks if she can go to someone elses house to play/stay all night. She spent the summer with them and was often red and sore in genital area. Daughter took her to DR and they said she might be doing it to herself due to the sexual abuse or someone else is doing it. They never reported it to CPS (the DR's). Daughter has tried to get him to get her into counseling for it but he refuses. I have tried talking with CPS a few days ago, forgot to mention most of this ( the diaper changing, bathing, issues with other daughter). They say they don't think she is in danger even though they know his criminal record. I am lost as what to do. Is the diaper changing/cleaning, bathing normal? Are my concerns justified? I am worried if it's reported but nothing done, she is going to be hurt very bad. Also, if they get mad I won't see her again. He has convinced my daughter she is a horrible mother, that her daughter hates her etc to maintain control. Now that she is away from him, she is lost as what to do as a mother. He has never really allowed her to be one. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 01-16-2011, 04:14 PM
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Welcome to the form Belinda.
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Old 01-16-2011, 04:25 PM
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Welcome. I see so many red flags in your post. I would personally call CPS and tell them your concerns. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I suspected sexual abuse and did nothing about it. You may upset a lot of people but if it's true, I'd think your granddaughter's well being would be worth the fight. That is my two cents.

My prayers go out to her and I hope she is safe.
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Old 01-16-2011, 04:29 PM
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Welcome. I see so many red flags in your post. I would personally call CPS and tell them your concerns. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I suspected sexual abuse and did nothing about it. You may upset a lot of people but if it's true, I'd think your granddaughter's well being would be worth the fight. That is my two cents.

My prayers go out to her and I hope she is safe.
I just realized you said you called CPS. I would try to get that baby into your care as often as possible and really monitor her. The next time you see something concerning I'd take her into the doctor myself that day. Don't wait for someone else to.
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Old 01-16-2011, 04:58 PM
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Thanks for the quick replies. Sexual abuse is what I am concerned about. Also, with his temper, worried he will take that out on her. We live in a small community in central Wisconsin. The man at CPS told me to write a report stating all my concerns, everything I have personally witnessed. No hearsay. So that is what I have spent the day doing. They are closed tomorrow due to a state employee holiday, but after work Tuesday I plan on going to his office with it. I haven't been able to sleep all week being so scared for her. And it's worse tonight because she is now back with him til Wednesday. I so wish I could get guardianship of her, because to be honest, I don't feel my daughter is capable of taking care of her either. Not til she gets counseling to deal with all the abuse she has been through. She got her away from him Wednesday night and I had her from Thursday night til today. With her mother only staying to see her for a few hrs here and there. Was busy off with friends partying and doing paperwork stuff etc.
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Old 01-16-2011, 06:37 PM
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Please make sure you document everything that you see that concerns you. Just keep a little notebook where you write down your observations. Call CPS when a concern comes up. As PP said, take her to the doctor if she ever comes to you and it seems something is not right. I am so sorry she and you are dealing with this.
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Old 01-17-2011, 07:30 AM
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I had a situation last year in my childcare where the parent was a threat to the child's safety and the grand mother took the child, filed a temporary order for protection against the parent on the child's behalf for fear of harm that may have happened to the child had she not done so. The court granted the grandmother the temporary order for protection and the child remained with the grandparent until the situation could be investigated. The courts appointed a guardian ad litem for the child and it got the ball rolling as far as getting help for the child's living situation. Since you have some major issues with the care and treatment your granddaughter is receiving, filing an order for protection may be necessary. Since the child is a minor, you can (or your daughter) can do this ON BEHALF of the minor child. Once a guardian ad litem is assigned to the child they will act on the child's behalf. the guardian ad litem is there for the child ONLY and no one else so I would consider doing this if the facts you have listed are true and you are honestly concerned about her health andd safety. Good luck.
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Old 01-17-2011, 07:38 AM
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Listen to blackcat, she is smart, and was in law school

It bothers me to hear that this is still continueing. I understand your daughters fear for the kidnapping part of it, but honestly, bringing baby back may have made matters worse. She shouldn't have taken her in the first place if she was going to bring her back anyway.

If this guy has a history of abuse, then the courts should rule in the mothers favor (generally young children do go to the mother unless there are reasons the mother should not have the child). In a situation like this, I see no reason that he should have this baby.

Next time you have your granddaughter, take her with you and file that suit. If she is showing any signs of abuse on her then you can use that as proof to why you are filing. I don't think it's right that she should continually be subjected to torture until it is investigated.

I am so disgusted when I hear stories of this. If I was ever in a situation where harm was "possibly" being inflicted to my child, it would be dealt with immediately. There would be no question about it. Personally I believe too much time has been wasted here, and this needs to happen NOW! It's bad enough she will grow up with this being part of her life, and it will scar her severely, ESPECIALLY if this continues. Right now she is an infant, and I'm not saying it is any better, but at least she is young enough, maybe she can live her life like it didn't happen.

Please keep us updated on this post.
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Old 01-17-2011, 07:40 AM
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Listen to blackcat, she is smart, and was in law school
Baybee, you are so funny!!! I don't think this qualifies as a land dispute! LOL!
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Old 01-17-2011, 07:49 AM
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Baybee, you are so funny!!! I don't think this qualifies as a land dispute! LOL!
doesn't matter, you still learned those 3 things in the 2 yrs in law :P

It just bothers me with the crap that goes on with children. I hate it. And I hate when it's not dealt with early enough, before more serious or dangerous stuff happens. IF something is happening to this little girl, daddy will get bored with what he is doing, and start doing something new. That's the truth.
Once again, I'm not saying this IS what is happening, but if it is, then it needs to be addressed right now. If it isn't whats happening, then Daddy can understand that the welfare of his child was at stake, and there should be no issues. Since Daddy is already a *insert vulgar language here*, for abuse to the Mommy, he can go suck an egg regardless of the outcome.
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:11 AM
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I talked to CPS immediately about my concerns and was told to write a report to document everything and take back to them. Honestly, my oppinion of my daughter isn't very high right now. She was told if she was at the shelter she didn't have to give her to him and would not get in trouble for keeping her. She stated to me she didn't want to be kept confined to a room for the next month while waiting for the court hearing. In my opinion, until she gets counseling and parenting classes etc to deal with his abuse, she is not fit to care for her either. From the day after she took her away until she was taken back, I was the one with/caring for her while my daughter was staying out with friends. Even all night. I have been the one to always furnishes her clothes, shoes, just bought new car seat friday because she was still in a carry cradle, etc.. Her father gets mad if he has to purchase anything and take away from himself (drugs). All he purchases is the diapers and very very rarely an outfit on clearance. Otherwise my husband and myself have bought/supplied everything for this child.
Another note, CPS told me that just because he was arrested for having a drug pipe on him, that doesn't prove drug use. Any thoughts about this?
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:11 AM
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Please do what Blackcat suggests. I would do anything I could to protect a child in that situation. I am sick reading this. Please keep calling CPS or the police until someone helps this baby!
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:15 AM
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Also, her father refuses to let me see her now because I am far from scared of him and won't put up with his **. Only time I will get to see her is when my daughter gets her and then I know she will drop her off to me to keep until she has to give her back to him. Thats if he even gives her back since she took off with her last time.
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:21 AM
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http://www.wisbar.org/AM/Template.cf...ontentId=92176

http://wilawlibrary.gov/topics/familylaw/guardian.php

http://wis-law.com/custody.html

Stop wasting time and step up to do what your grandchild needs you to do! Contact a guardiam ad litem representative IMMEDIATELY and get the correct information about the rights of your grandchild (and you)....it doesn't matter how many posts or replies we put on here...the guardian ad litem will stand and support the child FIRST!!!! That is your granddaughter's right to have! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call one NOW so that your granddaughter, daughter and the father can get the help they all need !!!!
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
http://www.wisbar.org/AM/Template.cf...ontentId=92176

http://wilawlibrary.gov/topics/familylaw/guardian.php

http://wis-law.com/custody.html

Stop wasting time and step up to do what your grandchild needs you to do! Contact a guardiam ad litem representative IMMEDIATELY and get the correct information about the rights of your grandchild (and you)....it doesn't matter how many posts or replies we put on here...the guardian ad litem will stand and support the child FIRST!!!! That is your granddaughter's right to have! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call one NOW so that your granddaughter, daughter and the father can get the help they all need !!!!
Exactly.
My only fear is that should she do this and the father still has child, once he hears about it, is it going to create more problems for this little girl? i hope you can get this girl in your hands very soon, but you need to step up and act. I understand your fear, but if this father is more concerned about his drug money and such instead of taking care of his daughter, then I'm sure he won't mind if someone else is feeding/clothing/diapering her. More free time for him, and more money for him.
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:56 AM
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Exactly.
My only fear is that should she do this and the father still has child, once he hears about it, is it going to create more problems for this little girl? i hope you can get this girl in your hands very soon, but you need to step up and act. I understand your fear, but if this father is more concerned about his drug money and such instead of taking care of his daughter, then I'm sure he won't mind if someone else is feeding/clothing/diapering her. More free time for him, and more money for him.
No, if you file an order for protection on granddaughters behalf and father has her physically, the police (with or without you after OFP filing) will remove child immediately so that should not be a deterrent......
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:58 AM
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No, if you file an order for protection on granddaughters behalf and father has her physically, the police (with or without you after OFP filing) will remove child immediately so that should not be a deterrent......
Phew, ok then forget what I wrote. I just get nervous, because I'm not sure how that plays out. Whether they have to have some sort of proof that physically this child is in danger. Or if they remove regardless.
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Old 01-17-2011, 10:10 AM
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I have everything CPS told me I need ready to go first thing in the morn (to file with the courts and CPS). Today is a state employee holiday so the courts are closed today. Our local sheriff dept is no help, they say he has a right to have her. I know my daughter has been scared he would try to take off with her to his moms, she lives in Canada. So not sure if he has threatened that, most likely. Also, I feel he doesn't really want this child, its just a means to get back at her mother. Proven by his other kids. Did same to their mothers til they stood up to him and fought back. But took CPS 3 yrs before they finally took his older daughter away from him.

Thank you very much for links to the papers. I have been searching court site all morn looking for them so I have them all filled out and ready to go.
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Old 01-17-2011, 10:15 AM
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I have everything CPS told me I need ready to go first thing in the morn (to file with the courts and CPS). Today is a state employee holiday so the courts are closed today. Our local sheriff dept is no help, they say he has a right to have her. I know my daughter has been scared he would try to take off with her to his moms, she lives in Canada. So not sure if he has threatened that, most likely. Also, I feel he doesn't really want this child, its just a means to get back at her mother. Proven by his other kids. Did same to their mothers til they stood up to him and fought back. But took CPS 3 yrs before they finally took his older daughter away from him.

Thank you very much for links to the papers. I have been searching court site all morn looking for them so I have them all filled out and ready to go.
Good to hear!
Please keep us posted. We are happy to offer any support we can to you, but first things first is get that ball rolling, so we all know that baby is safe.
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Old 01-18-2011, 10:41 AM
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Well I just got back from CPS. They have been given all the info etc. They are going to be talking to another party today that will confirm all the drug use, as an eye witness. And will be investigating all other accusations.
Was told by the dads neighbor that the dad cleaned the house up spotless yesterday. To make it look good in case was investigated.
They should be calling me back this afternoon.
Does anyone know, if an infant is in the other room from repeated marijuana smoking, will they test possitive on a drug test?
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Old 01-18-2011, 10:50 AM
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Sorry unfortunately I can't answer yes or no to that. I would assume that there may be traces in her system if she has been breathing in the 2nd hand smoke from it. But whether they can test for that, I don't know.
Who has the baby now?
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Old 01-18-2011, 11:18 AM
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Looks like you have received some great advice. Just remember, your GD can't stand up for herself so she needs your help. Do whatever it takes to get her away from that abuser. ((HUGS))
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Old 01-18-2011, 12:35 PM
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Well I just got back from CPS. They have been given all the info etc. They are going to be talking to another party today that will confirm all the drug use, as an eye witness. And will be investigating all other accusations.
Was told by the dads neighbor that the dad cleaned the house up spotless yesterday. To make it look good in case was investigated.
They should be calling me back this afternoon.
Does anyone know, if an infant is in the other room from repeated marijuana smoking, will they test possitive on a drug test?
Does the baby have any hair? It should show positive on a hair strand test (which I think would be more reliable in this situation).

Prayers and hugs for you and your grandbaby! This is a tough situation, but don't give up, don't stop fighting for this baby - YOU are the only one who will! You have to be an advocate for this baby. Do whatever you have to do and do it as often as you have to do until that baby is away from that monster. Call, talk, whatever, daily if that's what it will take.
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Old 01-18-2011, 02:32 PM
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Well I just got a call from CPS and they wanted to know where the baby was now. I stated with her father. They asked if my daughter was still living with him and I said no, with us. She then asked for his address. I gave it to her. Then I told her they have a court date next month for placement. She stated my daughter better not give up on getting placement. So not sure if they are going to go take her from him or what. Hopefully.
Thank you for all the support. This means a great deal, having a place to talk, get info and just moral support.
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Old 01-18-2011, 02:43 PM
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Well I just got a call from CPS and they wanted to know where the baby was now. I stated with her father. They asked if my daughter was still living with him and I said no, with us. She then asked for his address. I gave it to her. Then I told her they have a court date next month for placement. She stated my daughter better not give up on getting placement. So not sure if they are going to go take her from him or what. Hopefully.
Thank you for all the support. This means a great deal, having a place to talk, get info and just moral support.
Just keep making sure you stand up and be a voice for your granddaughter because she obviously needs you in her life since neither of her parents seem to be able to put her needs and safety above their own. Your daughter many not always agree with you or think you are doing the right thing but in the end the only person that matters is your granddaughter and she will thank you for being able to put her welfare above all else...regardless of anything else.. Good job advocating for her...just don't stop EVER!
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Old 01-18-2011, 05:27 PM
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Waiting for an update on this situation.

Yes there is always great support and advice on this site!
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Old 01-20-2011, 10:50 AM
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I am so disgusted when I hear stories of this. If I was ever in a situation where harm was "possibly" being inflicted to my child, it would be dealt with immediately. There would be no question about it. Personally I believe too much time has been wasted here, and this needs to happen NOW! It's bad enough she will grow up with this being part of her life, and it will scar her severely, ESPECIALLY if this continues. Right now she is an infant, and I'm not saying it is any better, but at least she is young enough, maybe she can live her life like it didn't happen. Please keep us updated on this post.

I agree that too much time has been wasted already. When you are not getting the results that you need, you have to take matters into your own hands. Do whatever it is that you need to do by any means necessary when it involves the health and safety of your children (or grandchildren in your case).

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I had a situation last year in my childcare where the parent was a threat to the child's safety and the grand mother took the child, filed a temporary order for protection against the parent on the child's behalf for fear of harm that may have happened to the child had she not done so. The court granted the grandmother the temporary order for protection and the child remained with the grandparent until the situation could be investigated. The courts appointed a guardian ad litem for the child and it got the ball rolling as far as getting help for the child's living situation. Since you have some major issues with the care and treatment your granddaughter is receiving, filing an order for protection may be necessary. Since the child is a minor, you can (or your daughter) can do this ON BEHALF of the minor child. Once a guardian ad litem is assigned to the child they will act on the child's behalf. the guardian ad litem is there for the child ONLY and no one else so I would consider doing this if the facts you have listed are true and you are honestly concerned about her health andd safety. Good luck.
Not sure if this is available in your state but I would totally suggest that you do this if it is an option. Act NOW as time is of the essence for your precious grandaughter. Oh, and get this baby to a doctor! Even if you have to pay for the visit out of your own pocket, the baby should be checked by a doctor for signs of sexual abuse. This should be enough to have the baby removed from the home and placed in your care.

What also concerns me is that I am not convinced that your daughter wants to leave this man, which will make it very difficult for the baby to be removed from the home. You say that she is living with you now but how long has she been living with you? How long has she already been in this abusive relationship? Why was she upset with you when you alluded to the fact that the boyfriend may have been sexually abusing the daughter? How on earth did he find out that your daughter and the baby were at a battered women's shelter? My guess is that she called him and told him. If so, then she put her own life and the lives of others at risk.

I can tell that you are on board 100% but you have to make sure that your daughter is willing to do whatever it takes to get her daughter (and herself)out of this situation. Even if it means risking getting in trouble herself. For example, she may be unwilling to provide full disclosure because she herself may also be a marijuana smoker. If something like this is the case, then she has to be willing to risk exposing herself for the safety of her child. She has to take her child and RUN and be willing to risk getting arrested for parental kidnapping if the situation is as bad as you have described.

Battered women do not have the same thought process as women who are not battered so you might have to do the thinking for her. You have to also explore the possibility that your daughter could be telling you one thing (that she is ready and willing to leave him) but then telling the boyfriend something completely different when she is alone with him. Ask her the tough questions and make absolute certain that you and her are on the same page. This will greatly increase the chances that you will get the outcome that you are hoping for.

Best of luck to you and your family and keep us posted.
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Old 01-22-2011, 07:57 PM
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please keep us posted, Belinda. This is a wonderful site with wonderful and helpful people.
I just saw your post and will keep your granddaughter and you in my prayers.
Hugs.
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Old 01-24-2011, 10:39 AM
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Well tomorrow we meet with the lawyer to get things going officially. She didn't tell him she was at a womens shelter, one of her so-called friends did. We have found out this person has been telling him every move she makes. Thankfully she is staying away from this person now. I have stressed to her she has to come clean on her "smoking" also but assuring them it's in the past.
She picked the baby up from him Wednesday night, filthy and sick. Even though she has been on an antibiotic for a week previous. While holding her getting ready to go out the door, he freaked and started screaming and terrified the baby. Found this out last night. Everything is being documented by the proper authorities. My daughter knows she has to get the restraining orders, but is terrified of doing it. Stating he is going to get so mad if she does. He has same orders on him now from a cpl other women.
Well, regardless of my daughters descisions on this, I am moving forward in obtaining custody of her. Thats why the meeting with the lawyer tomorrow. This past week I have been gathering all the info on him I can get to give her. Seems like CPS is going to do nothing to help get her out of there. Will keep everyone posted on what the lawyer says tomorrow.
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Old 01-24-2011, 11:46 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Good luck Belinda and stay strong because this will be a long road, but a well worth while one in regards to making sure your grand daughter receives the care and safety she needs. I completely understand your daughters fears in filing a restraing order and the resulting anger from the baby's father but nothing worthwhile comes without a price and her daughter needs her to stand up and do what is right. She needs to worry more about how her child will feel if she doesnt fight for her safety versus how angry her ex will feel when he gets an order for protection placed on. We all create our own circumstances and have to live with the results so in my opinion you are doing the right thing. The only thing I can add is no matter how frustrating it may become, please do not give up until you know your granddaughter is being cared for in the manner she deserves.
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Old 01-25-2011, 06:58 AM
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BelindaW BelindaW is offline
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Thank you, I am definately ready for the fight.
Found out some interesting info on the father. He was arrested for drug paraphenelia a 1 1/2 yrs ago and ordered to pay a fine by certain date or "Commitment for 2 yrs". Well he never paid the fine so my understanding is he should be in jail for it. Going to check with the DA's office about it. Also, Wisconsin has a "3 strikes" law and it covers battery. This I believe is his 3 rd battery charge. First 2 was found guilty on. If so, should be a mandatory prison sentance. Will keep posted
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Old 01-25-2011, 01:22 PM
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MommyMuffin MommyMuffin is offline
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Just a thought, not sure if it was mentioned before but as far as I know you need to have as much proof as possible in court. Take pictures when you see the girl not looking so well...or red in the genital area...make sure you have a date on the picture. Document everything like you have been doing and try to stick to facts and not opinions.
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Old 01-25-2011, 02:26 PM
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Michelle Michelle is offline
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be careful with taking pictures of diaper area , you might want to have her pediatrician do that or take her to the police station for that...remember that mom that got arrested for taking cute pictures of her kids at bath time?
But definitely if she is dirty , take pics of that or even video tape her if she's acting weird.
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