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Old 03-03-2011, 06:58 AM
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Sunny Day Sunny Day is offline
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Default DCB Constantly Pestering My Daughter

I have a full time DCB who is CONSTANTLY bugging my daughter. They have both just turned three. He will pick up toys that he know she will react to and wiggle them in her face, continuously argue with anything she says by saying the opposite, repeat me and shake his finger at her if I am reprimanding her for something, refuse to participate in something until she is doing it and the butt in there and try to take over on her, and on and on. She eventually freaks out and pushes him away from her--I do not condone her pushing him and then she gets into trouble for it. He then cries and whines around here like he is the most hard done by child in the whole world. This is driving me CRAZY! I have tried to explain to my daughter to just walk away from him and play something else and ignore him when he's like that, but she's three and doesn't understand. I have watched them when they don't know I am and he just bugged her and bugged her until she got mad and shoved him, then he started screaming and crying that "DD" pushed me! I'm hurt! I never let her push him in retaliation and she gets a time out when she does, but honestly, omg, I don't blame her! Any suggestions as to how to deal with both of them would be helpful! Thanks!
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Old 03-03-2011, 07:06 AM
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Is there any way you can keep them separated in different areas? Section off a room? I just took in 2 new girls and my daughter's don't get along with them so I have to separate them, but they are a couple years older, yet sometimes it is hard to keep them separated.
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Old 03-03-2011, 07:06 AM
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SilverSabre25 SilverSabre25 is offline
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In your case, I would intervene on your daughter's behalf BEFORE she gets mad enough to push. He is probably seeing you punish her for what HE does, and he wants to see that happen again and again. In this case, your daughter is being tormented and getting punished for finally coping with it in the only way she can. She's barely three; she's limited in what coping mechanisms she has at her disposal and she needs YOUR help to protect her from the torment.

Separate them as soon as you see DCB starting to torment her. Give her the words she needs to tell him to stop, to move away from her space, to get your help. Asking HER to move away isn't exactly fair; she's three and does NOT understand that concept. It's also not fair because then he will start doing it any time he wants to be where she is. HE needs to be the one who moves. Asking your daughter to ignore it is not okay either; she's too young, first of all, to be capable of such and thing, and the bottom line is that the boy's behavior is inappropriate and THAT'S what needs stopped.

If you don't get to them in time and she pushes him in retaliation, they BOTH need to be in time out. That's not the best way to handle it though. She's reacting in self-defense.

If you put this in terms of older children, he's bullying her--you, as the adult, need to stop HIM.
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Old 03-03-2011, 08:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
In your case, I would intervene on your daughter's behalf BEFORE she gets mad enough to push. He is probably seeing you punish her for what HE does, and he wants to see that happen again and again. In this case, your daughter is being tormented and getting punished for finally coping with it in the only way she can. She's barely three; she's limited in what coping mechanisms she has at her disposal and she needs YOUR help to protect her from the torment.

Separate them as soon as you see DCB starting to torment her. Give her the words she needs to tell him to stop, to move away from her space, to get your help. Asking HER to move away isn't exactly fair; she's three and does NOT understand that concept. It's also not fair because then he will start doing it any time he wants to be where she is. HE needs to be the one who moves. Asking your daughter to ignore it is not okay either; she's too young, first of all, to be capable of such and thing, and the bottom line is that the boy's behavior is inappropriate and THAT'S what needs stopped.

If you don't get to them in time and she pushes him in retaliation, they BOTH need to be in time out. That's not the best way to handle it though. She's reacting in self-defense.

If you put this in terms of older children, he's bullying her--you, as the adult, need to stop HIM.
I agree with all this. Maybe I wasn't too clear, he always gets put on a time out as well, I don't just punish her. I sort of feel like it looks like I'm just letting him be mean to my daughter--that's not the case. The few times I have watched when they think I'm not, I did it to really see what is going on, because it always seems to happen when my back is turned I told her to ignore him because he is an attention FIEND and I know he is doing it for attention. I like the idea of moving him away from her--I'm going to do that EVERY time I see him pester her from now on! Thanks!
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