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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Lack of Communication, Let Alone No Compassion
spud912 09:10 AM 11-05-2013
So my grandpa's health has been really declining the past couple of months due to renal failure. He would be 103 this Monday so I can't say it's a surprise...we knew this day would come. I moved mountains a month and a half ago and got a day off so I could go visit with him (at the time we thought he only had a couple of weeks to live, but apparently he kept going). This past weekend my dad calls me from Vegas (he was visiting with him) and tells me that my grandpa has a special gift for my dd and was wondering if I could make it out this upcoming weekend. I told him I would see what I could do but couldn't make any promises.
Yesterday, I get a text from my cousin....apparently my grandpa has declined and is in complete renal failure. He stopped urinating several days ago and was in the process of being taken into hospice. Obviously, I decided to definitely take my daughters this weekend to visit with him. Since I'm driving alone and I'm leaving after the last child leaves on Friday, I wanted to text my families to see if it's possible if anyone can pick up early.
I get one text from a truly wonderful mom that she will keep her daughter home that day and if I need to leave earlier she has no problem keeping her home other days as well. She also sent a heartfelt sorry and a card of condolences. I get an email from another parent (who is also really great) that they are sorry and they will pick up their son asap after nap time.
The other parents from the other two families? NO response from the text. NO "ok we are going to pick up our child at ____ time" or "no problem." No "sorry about your loss." At drop off this morning, the parents wouldn't even make eye contact with me and didn't say a thing. I want to text them and ask if they received my text or something. Maybe a text asking what time they plan on picking up their child on Friday. Something! What would you all do?
On top of it all, I'm so upset because it turns out my grandpa is gargling his language and is no longer able to recognize people. The doctors gave him five days at the most, so he may not even be alive by Friday. It turns out he wanted to give my oldest daughter my grandma's Purple Medal of Honor she received from being a Wasp pilot in World War II. I'm so sad that the girls will not be able to see him again
. I'm not trying to fish for compassion but I would like at least a response to my text! These parents normally try to participate in our activities and do bring in supplies sometimes, so maybe they don't know what to say. Still, a simple response would have been adequate. Am I being unfair?
Yesterday, I get a text from my cousin....apparently my grandpa has declined and is in complete renal failure. He stopped urinating several days ago and was in the process of being taken into hospice. Obviously, I decided to definitely take my daughters this weekend to visit with him. Since I'm driving alone and I'm leaving after the last child leaves on Friday, I wanted to text my families to see if it's possible if anyone can pick up early.
I get one text from a truly wonderful mom that she will keep her daughter home that day and if I need to leave earlier she has no problem keeping her home other days as well. She also sent a heartfelt sorry and a card of condolences. I get an email from another parent (who is also really great) that they are sorry and they will pick up their son asap after nap time.
The other parents from the other two families? NO response from the text. NO "ok we are going to pick up our child at ____ time" or "no problem." No "sorry about your loss." At drop off this morning, the parents wouldn't even make eye contact with me and didn't say a thing. I want to text them and ask if they received my text or something. Maybe a text asking what time they plan on picking up their child on Friday. Something! What would you all do?
On top of it all, I'm so upset because it turns out my grandpa is gargling his language and is no longer able to recognize people. The doctors gave him five days at the most, so he may not even be alive by Friday. It turns out he wanted to give my oldest daughter my grandma's Purple Medal of Honor she received from being a Wasp pilot in World War II. I'm so sad that the girls will not be able to see him again
. I'm not trying to fish for compassion but I would like at least a response to my text! These parents normally try to participate in our activities and do bring in supplies sometimes, so maybe they don't know what to say. Still, a simple response would have been adequate. Am I being unfair?
KSDC 09:13 AM 11-05-2013
I am sorry for your loss. ((((HUGS))))
LaLa1923 09:18 AM 11-05-2013
Originally Posted by spud912:
So my grandpa's health has been really declining the past couple of months due to renal failure. He would be 103 this Monday so I can't say it's a surprise...we knew this day would come. I moved mountains a month and a half ago and got a day off so I could go visit with him (at the time we thought he only had a couple of weeks to live, but apparently he kept going). This past weekend my dad calls me from Vegas (he was visiting with him) and tells me that my grandpa has a special gift for my dd and was wondering if I could make it out this upcoming weekend. I told him I would see what I could do but couldn't make any promises.
Yesterday, I get a text from my cousin....apparently my grandpa has declined and is in complete renal failure. He stopped urinating several days ago and was in the process of being taken into hospice. Obviously, I decided to definitely take my daughters this weekend to visit with him. Since I'm driving alone and I'm leaving after the last child leaves on Friday, I wanted to text my families to see if it's possible if anyone can pick up early.
I get one text from a truly wonderful mom that she will keep her daughter home that day and if I need to leave earlier she has no problem keeping her home other days as well. She also sent a heartfelt sorry and a card of condolences. I get an email from another parent (who is also really great) that they are sorry and they will pick up their son asap after nap time.
The other parents from the other two families? NO response from the text. NO "ok we are going to pick up our child at ____ time" or "no problem." No "sorry about your loss." At drop off this morning, the parents wouldn't even make eye contact with me and didn't say a thing. I want to text them and ask if they received my text or something. Maybe a text asking what time they plan on picking up their child on Friday. Something! What would you all do?
On top of it all, I'm so upset because it turns out my grandpa is gargling his language and is no longer able to recognize people. The doctors gave him five days at the most, so he may not even be alive by Friday. It turns out he wanted to give my oldest daughter my grandma's Purple Medal of Honor she received from being a Wasp pilot in World War II. I'm so sad that the girls will not be able to see him again. I'm not trying to fish for compassion but I would like at least a response to my text! These parents normally try to participate in our activities and do bring in supplies sometimes, so maybe they don't know what to say. Still, a simple response would have been adequate. Am I being unfair?
So my grandpa's health has been really declining the past couple of months due to renal failure. He would be 103 this Monday so I can't say it's a surprise...we knew this day would come. I moved mountains a month and a half ago and got a day off so I could go visit with him (at the time we thought he only had a couple of weeks to live, but apparently he kept going). This past weekend my dad calls me from Vegas (he was visiting with him) and tells me that my grandpa has a special gift for my dd and was wondering if I could make it out this upcoming weekend. I told him I would see what I could do but couldn't make any promises.
Yesterday, I get a text from my cousin....apparently my grandpa has declined and is in complete renal failure. He stopped urinating several days ago and was in the process of being taken into hospice. Obviously, I decided to definitely take my daughters this weekend to visit with him. Since I'm driving alone and I'm leaving after the last child leaves on Friday, I wanted to text my families to see if it's possible if anyone can pick up early.
I get one text from a truly wonderful mom that she will keep her daughter home that day and if I need to leave earlier she has no problem keeping her home other days as well. She also sent a heartfelt sorry and a card of condolences. I get an email from another parent (who is also really great) that they are sorry and they will pick up their son asap after nap time.
The other parents from the other two families? NO response from the text. NO "ok we are going to pick up our child at ____ time" or "no problem." No "sorry about your loss." At drop off this morning, the parents wouldn't even make eye contact with me and didn't say a thing. I want to text them and ask if they received my text or something. Maybe a text asking what time they plan on picking up their child on Friday. Something! What would you all do?
On top of it all, I'm so upset because it turns out my grandpa is gargling his language and is no longer able to recognize people. The doctors gave him five days at the most, so he may not even be alive by Friday. It turns out he wanted to give my oldest daughter my grandma's Purple Medal of Honor she received from being a Wasp pilot in World War II. I'm so sad that the girls will not be able to see him again
. I'm not trying to fish for compassion but I would like at least a response to my text! These parents normally try to participate in our activities and do bring in supplies sometimes, so maybe they don't know what to say. Still, a simple response would have been adequate. Am I being unfair?Honestly, you gotta do whats right for you and your family. I would close now and leave. These are moments you won't ever get back.
I lost my brother a week ago in a very sudden and tragic way. I'd give anything to be able to tell him goodbye. Even if he can't recognize you he will know it's you and hear everything you say.
I had to close immediately and decided to let the chips fall as they will. Every parent was very nice and empathetic. I did not loose any kids, but if I had...oh well. I wouldn't want them in my dc.
I am so sorry you're going through this right now.
Do what you need to do. Take care of you!
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Blackcat31 09:19 AM 11-05-2013
Originally Posted by spud912:
So my grandpa's health has been really declining the past couple of months due to renal failure. He would be 103 this Monday so I can't say it's a surprise...we knew this day would come. I moved mountains a month and a half ago and got a day off so I could go visit with him (at the time we thought he only had a couple of weeks to live, but apparently he kept going). This past weekend my dad calls me from Vegas (he was visiting with him) and tells me that my grandpa has a special gift for my dd and was wondering if I could make it out this upcoming weekend. I told him I would see what I could do but couldn't make any promises.
Yesterday, I get a text from my cousin....apparently my grandpa has declined and is in complete renal failure. He stopped urinating several days ago and was in the process of being taken into hospice. Obviously, I decided to definitely take my daughters this weekend to visit with him. Since I'm driving alone and I'm leaving after the last child leaves on Friday, I wanted to text my families to see if it's possible if anyone can pick up early.
I get one text from a truly wonderful mom that she will keep her daughter home that day and if I need to leave earlier she has no problem keeping her home other days as well. She also sent a heartfelt sorry and a card of condolences. I get an email from another parent (who is also really great) that they are sorry and they will pick up their son asap after nap time.
The other parents from the other two families? NO response from the text. NO "ok we are going to pick up our child at ____ time" or "no problem." No "sorry about your loss." At drop off this morning, the parents wouldn't even make eye contact with me and didn't say a thing. I want to text them and ask if they received my text or something. Maybe a text asking what time they plan on picking up their child on Friday. Something! What would you all do?
On top of it all, I'm so upset because it turns out my grandpa is gargling his language and is no longer able to recognize people. The doctors gave him five days at the most, so he may not even be alive by Friday. It turns out he wanted to give my oldest daughter my grandma's Purple Medal of Honor she received from being a Wasp pilot in World War II. I'm so sad that the girls will not be able to see him again. I'm not trying to fish for compassion but I would like at least a response to my text! These parents normally try to participate in our activities and do bring in supplies sometimes, so maybe they don't know what to say. Still, a simple response would have been adequate. Am I being unfair?
Since two families already said something about picking up early, I would send a note home stating that since no one else said anything, you will now be closing early so ALL children need to be picked up at (whatever time the family who did reply is coming) and don't give any options now. So my grandpa's health has been really declining the past couple of months due to renal failure. He would be 103 this Monday so I can't say it's a surprise...we knew this day would come. I moved mountains a month and a half ago and got a day off so I could go visit with him (at the time we thought he only had a couple of weeks to live, but apparently he kept going). This past weekend my dad calls me from Vegas (he was visiting with him) and tells me that my grandpa has a special gift for my dd and was wondering if I could make it out this upcoming weekend. I told him I would see what I could do but couldn't make any promises.
Yesterday, I get a text from my cousin....apparently my grandpa has declined and is in complete renal failure. He stopped urinating several days ago and was in the process of being taken into hospice. Obviously, I decided to definitely take my daughters this weekend to visit with him. Since I'm driving alone and I'm leaving after the last child leaves on Friday, I wanted to text my families to see if it's possible if anyone can pick up early.
I get one text from a truly wonderful mom that she will keep her daughter home that day and if I need to leave earlier she has no problem keeping her home other days as well. She also sent a heartfelt sorry and a card of condolences. I get an email from another parent (who is also really great) that they are sorry and they will pick up their son asap after nap time.
The other parents from the other two families? NO response from the text. NO "ok we are going to pick up our child at ____ time" or "no problem." No "sorry about your loss." At drop off this morning, the parents wouldn't even make eye contact with me and didn't say a thing. I want to text them and ask if they received my text or something. Maybe a text asking what time they plan on picking up their child on Friday. Something! What would you all do?
On top of it all, I'm so upset because it turns out my grandpa is gargling his language and is no longer able to recognize people. The doctors gave him five days at the most, so he may not even be alive by Friday. It turns out he wanted to give my oldest daughter my grandma's Purple Medal of Honor she received from being a Wasp pilot in World War II. I'm so sad that the girls will not be able to see him again
. I'm not trying to fish for compassion but I would like at least a response to my text! These parents normally try to participate in our activities and do bring in supplies sometimes, so maybe they don't know what to say. Still, a simple response would have been adequate. Am I being unfair?They had their opportunity to reply and didn't so now the ball is in your court. Close when YOU need to and too bad for them if it doesn't work.....that'll teach them to be better at communicating.
If you don't get to see your grandfather again due to a parent's inability to talk to you, then you will never get over that....resentment will creep in and it usually ends badly when that happens so as of right now, I'd do what I needed to personally do and if anyone complains tell them, that if they had issue with it they should have said something when they had an opportunity to.
Thoughts and prayers for you and your family....situations like this can be soooo hard.
spud912 01:45 PM 11-05-2013
Thanks for the replies everyone. One of the parents who didn't respond last night texted me today to let me know she is bringing in a whole bunch of items off my supplies list so maybe she just didn't know what to say. To be honest, I'm emotional about his imminent death and unfortunately I sometimes become overly sensitive about things that are not a big deal (like the lack of responses from the parents). I know for the most part they all mean well.
This right here is one of the reasons I eventually want to leave this field....most other jobs and I could just up and leave without putting several other families in a bind. I know I could call out in this instance too but at this point it would be kind of fruitless. My grandpa was fairly incoherent last night and considering the fact that he did not even recognize a picture of the love of his life, my grandma (whom he was married to for 51 years before she passed away), I highly doubt he would be able to commiserate with his great granddaughters. My aunt told me last night that if we do go this weekend that it should not be to visit with my grandpa but to visit with the rest of the family.
This right here is one of the reasons I eventually want to leave this field....most other jobs and I could just up and leave without putting several other families in a bind. I know I could call out in this instance too but at this point it would be kind of fruitless. My grandpa was fairly incoherent last night and considering the fact that he did not even recognize a picture of the love of his life, my grandma (whom he was married to for 51 years before she passed away), I highly doubt he would be able to commiserate with his great granddaughters. My aunt told me last night that if we do go this weekend that it should not be to visit with my grandpa but to visit with the rest of the family
.
spud912 01:46 PM 11-05-2013
But on a second note, I probably will close early on Friday. I'm not the best distance driver and considering it is a 4-5 hour drive, it would be better if I could leave as soon as possible.
coolconfidentme 02:00 PM 11-05-2013
((hugs))
sharlan 02:31 PM 11-05-2013
I would text all parents and let them know that you will be leaving at noon on Friday and all children need to be picked up prior to that time. Send a note home with all parents today. That way you are covered.
Thoughts and prayers to your family.
Thoughts and prayers to your family.
MotherNature 01:44 PM 11-08-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Since two families already said something about picking up early, I would send a note home stating that since no one else said anything, you will now be closing early so ALL children need to be picked up at (whatever time the family who did reply is coming) and don't give any options now.
They had their opportunity to reply and didn't so now the ball is in your court. Close when YOU need to and too bad for them if it doesn't work.....that'll teach them to be better at communicating.
If you don't get to see your grandfather again due to a parent's inability to talk to you, then you will never get over that....resentment will creep in and it usually ends badly when that happens so as of right now, I'd do what I needed to personally do and if anyone complains tell them, that if they had issue with it they should have said something when they had an opportunity to.
Thoughts and prayers for you and your family....situations like this can be soooo hard.
This.. So sorry for your loss; I lost my grandma this May.Since two families already said something about picking up early, I would send a note home stating that since no one else said anything, you will now be closing early so ALL children need to be picked up at (whatever time the family who did reply is coming) and don't give any options now.
They had their opportunity to reply and didn't so now the ball is in your court. Close when YOU need to and too bad for them if it doesn't work.....that'll teach them to be better at communicating.
If you don't get to see your grandfather again due to a parent's inability to talk to you, then you will never get over that....resentment will creep in and it usually ends badly when that happens so as of right now, I'd do what I needed to personally do and if anyone complains tell them, that if they had issue with it they should have said something when they had an opportunity to.
Thoughts and prayers for you and your family....situations like this can be soooo hard.
momofsix 01:47 PM 11-08-2013
So sorry for your loss-I don't have my Grandpas any more either.
I'm so glad your DCPs are being understanding. I hope you are able to enjoy your weekend with family remembering and hearing new stories.
I'm so glad your DCPs are being understanding. I hope you are able to enjoy your weekend with family remembering and hearing new stories.
Hunni Bee 07:40 PM 11-08-2013
I am there with you...my 92 year old grandmother is dying. She had cancer twice in the past several years, and the chemo and radiation from the last one took her to the point of no return.
She has basically stopped eating and went into renal failure like your grandpa, but she's still very coherent and has refused any further medical intervention. So she was turned over to hospice today and has basically gone home to die in peace.
She's had a long full life and is ready to rest. I just feel awful for my mom, who is her caregiver and will be there alone probably when it happens.
Sorry to hijack your thread. I send my condolences to you and am glad your dc families made it that much easier on you.
She has basically stopped eating and went into renal failure like your grandpa, but she's still very coherent and has refused any further medical intervention. So she was turned over to hospice today and has basically gone home to die in peace.
She's had a long full life and is ready to rest. I just feel awful for my mom, who is her caregiver and will be there alone probably when it happens.
Sorry to hijack your thread. I send my condolences to you and am glad your dc families made it that much easier on you.
BABYLUVER21 08:23 AM 11-09-2013
(((((((((((HUG))))))))))))) I am very sorry for your loss.
Laurel 03:48 PM 11-05-2013
Originally Posted by spud912:
So my grandpa's health has been really declining the past couple of months due to renal failure. He would be 103 this Monday so I can't say it's a surprise...we knew this day would come. I moved mountains a month and a half ago and got a day off so I could go visit with him (at the time we thought he only had a couple of weeks to live, but apparently he kept going). This past weekend my dad calls me from Vegas (he was visiting with him) and tells me that my grandpa has a special gift for my dd and was wondering if I could make it out this upcoming weekend. I told him I would see what I could do but couldn't make any promises.
Yesterday, I get a text from my cousin....apparently my grandpa has declined and is in complete renal failure. He stopped urinating several days ago and was in the process of being taken into hospice. Obviously, I decided to definitely take my daughters this weekend to visit with him. Since I'm driving alone and I'm leaving after the last child leaves on Friday, I wanted to text my families to see if it's possible if anyone can pick up early.
I get one text from a truly wonderful mom that she will keep her daughter home that day and if I need to leave earlier she has no problem keeping her home other days as well. She also sent a heartfelt sorry and a card of condolences. I get an email from another parent (who is also really great) that they are sorry and they will pick up their son asap after nap time.
The other parents from the other two families? NO response from the text. NO "ok we are going to pick up our child at ____ time" or "no problem." No "sorry about your loss." At drop off this morning, the parents wouldn't even make eye contact with me and didn't say a thing. I want to text them and ask if they received my text or something. Maybe a text asking what time they plan on picking up their child on Friday. Something! What would you all do?
On top of it all, I'm so upset because it turns out my grandpa is gargling his language and is no longer able to recognize people. The doctors gave him five days at the most, so he may not even be alive by Friday. It turns out he wanted to give my oldest daughter my grandma's Purple Medal of Honor she received from being a Wasp pilot in World War II. I'm so sad that the girls will not be able to see him again. I'm not trying to fish for compassion but I would like at least a response to my text! These parents normally try to participate in our activities and do bring in supplies sometimes, so maybe they don't know what to say. Still, a simple response would have been adequate. Am I being unfair?
I'm so sorry about your grandfather. So my grandpa's health has been really declining the past couple of months due to renal failure. He would be 103 this Monday so I can't say it's a surprise...we knew this day would come. I moved mountains a month and a half ago and got a day off so I could go visit with him (at the time we thought he only had a couple of weeks to live, but apparently he kept going). This past weekend my dad calls me from Vegas (he was visiting with him) and tells me that my grandpa has a special gift for my dd and was wondering if I could make it out this upcoming weekend. I told him I would see what I could do but couldn't make any promises.
Yesterday, I get a text from my cousin....apparently my grandpa has declined and is in complete renal failure. He stopped urinating several days ago and was in the process of being taken into hospice. Obviously, I decided to definitely take my daughters this weekend to visit with him. Since I'm driving alone and I'm leaving after the last child leaves on Friday, I wanted to text my families to see if it's possible if anyone can pick up early.
I get one text from a truly wonderful mom that she will keep her daughter home that day and if I need to leave earlier she has no problem keeping her home other days as well. She also sent a heartfelt sorry and a card of condolences. I get an email from another parent (who is also really great) that they are sorry and they will pick up their son asap after nap time.
The other parents from the other two families? NO response from the text. NO "ok we are going to pick up our child at ____ time" or "no problem." No "sorry about your loss." At drop off this morning, the parents wouldn't even make eye contact with me and didn't say a thing. I want to text them and ask if they received my text or something. Maybe a text asking what time they plan on picking up their child on Friday. Something! What would you all do?
On top of it all, I'm so upset because it turns out my grandpa is gargling his language and is no longer able to recognize people. The doctors gave him five days at the most, so he may not even be alive by Friday. It turns out he wanted to give my oldest daughter my grandma's Purple Medal of Honor she received from being a Wasp pilot in World War II. I'm so sad that the girls will not be able to see him again
. I'm not trying to fish for compassion but I would like at least a response to my text! These parents normally try to participate in our activities and do bring in supplies sometimes, so maybe they don't know what to say. Still, a simple response would have been adequate. Am I being unfair?Why don't you just ask them in person when they drop off or pick up? I know there have been times when I texted my daughter, for example, and she was having trouble with her phone. Sometimes she didn't get a text at all and sometimes days later. Then some people, like me, only use cell phones for emergencies and rarely turn it on. A text message can always be missed.
If it is something important like this I'd just ask them in person. I don't get the whole texting craze. I guess I'm getting old.
I probably would just take Friday off. If I have anything important to do I don't take any chances that the parents will pick up when they say they will.
Hugs, Laurel
mema 07:30 PM 11-10-2013
((hugs)) So sorry for your loss.
Scout 04:07 AM 11-11-2013
So sorry!!!