Hello all! I have a group of 2-2.5 year old boys and I'm trying to figure out how to make their free play less stressful for all involved.

It started with one boy who is a little bit younger than the others who is still in the toddler stage of taking things that he wants that others are playing with. Pair that with a boy who likes to hold toys as a security blanket and we've got a problem.

So now it has become apparent that the boys just don't want to share toys, they are constantly on the lookout to pounce on a toy that another boy is walking away from. I get whining "mine" a LOT and heaven forbid I turn away for a minute to take care of one of the infants; someone will do something and I'm not sure who took what or who was done with which toy! Ugh. They even tense up if they see another one approach them if they're playing with a playset that really can be shared by multiple children.

I know possession and sharing is difficult for this age but I'm hoping for some advice on how to help break down the sheer paranoia of these boys and just help me to help them to play and have fun! I've taken away the play cars altogether because even having them split them up became a constant battle of who's was who's and all they really did was hold them and not even play with them! They would hold the cars and then go play with another toy while holding them.

I'm just very annoyed by this and it is stressing me out to be constantly on top of who is playing with what and taking turns.

Help please.

Reply

I have several thoughts and ideas, but I don't know how much they will apply to you:

*What kind of toys do you have? Perhaps using more open ended toys like blocks, figurines, and cars, they can interact more with each other. In my block area, I have three different sets of blocks, a box of a variety of figuriens, and a box of cars.

*How many of each toy do you have? Getting multiples may not seem economic, but even getting one or two more may save your headaches.

*How are they spaced? You can use blankets and hula hoops to define space.

*One idea I do it have the kids sit at the table, each with a different quiet toy. Then I set the timer for five minutes. At five minutes we rotate. We continue until all the kids had a turn. Depending on the number of kids, it can last as much as 20 minutes of quiet play. This is great for rainy days or when I can't seem to get lunch going.

Reply

I have multiple blocks and cars but they seem to think that even if I divvy them up or if I dump them all out and let them go at it it's nothing but a fight of "mine" and they're in each other's space. I really want them to play together but it seems like it's all about them protecting what they think is "theirs" instead of enjoying the toys.

Reply

Sorry pp, but I dislike the timer idea, in my experience, children should be allowed to play with a toy for as long as they want. If the OP can pull it out of their hands to give it to someone else, they never learn to actually share and you aren't long term solving the issue.


I would model, model, model appropriate play. Get on the floor with toys and kids, and every single time someone steals a toy, give them words to express their feelings. "Oh you wanted the red car? Ask Johnny 'RED CAR PLEASE?' " and just continue to do it. More and more over the years I have to do this. most of my daycare kids are only children and never really learn the art of playing WITH someone or sharing until the come to child care and/or attempt to stop parallel play.

I just had a set of boys, both around 3, that didn't know how to play without teacher led direction, timers, and COULD NOT share. They literally have ZERO social skills.

Reply

I don't think there is an easy fix, learning to socialize takes time and you might need to try different things before you find what works in your group, but no matter what, you'll need to be persistent to see the results

This might not work with every child but this is what has worked for me

...whenever I have a child that doesn't know how to share, or is pushy towards the other kids etc.I ask that child favors (my DCK love to help) I pretend I need him/her with everything I'm doing, starting with basic cleaning and gradually moving closer to a one on one with kids he/she had trouble with

again, it might not be what others recommend but this has worked for me so far ...within days the trouble child starts to show less and less possessive behavior and before too long sharing is no longer an issue

good luck to you

Reply

Hmmm, that just might work. I am having the same problem as OP and only two children. One just turned 2 and one will turn 3 in November. I also have an 8 month old but only 3 days a week.

So today it was time to go outside and just to get them separated I asked non pushy child if she would bring me my shoes. So right away pushy child sees this as "No, I want to go get them." So in this case I followed them to the shoe shelf and showed them how they could each get me one shoe and they did. So in this case I had to give them each a task.

Laurel

Reply

Could you give each a bucket of toys for the day? Maybe put their photo on the bucket.

I agree modeling play would help, it might take awhile. I have a 26m old that hasn't ever played with other kids until he came here. I feel like a broken record lately and I'm tired of my voice at the end of the day. I see he is starting to get it some days.

Reply

My just turned 2 and almost 3 year old are at the height of the MINE WARS!! Omg, they even say to each other "My mom" back and forth as if to say "My mom is better than your mom!" One will say "My mom" and the other will answer back "No, my mom!" over and over until I find some way to make it stop. (Why isn't there a 'pulling out your hair' smilie?)

I mostly try to distract them as much as possible. It is easier when I just have the two of them but on M,W and F I also have an 8 month old. On Tues. and Thurs. I keep them moving from one thing to the next.

Like today they were playing fairly nicely with dolls. When tension started I said "Time to eat breakfast." After breakfast, they each get a little whisk broom and dust pan (the dollar store kind) to clean up around their chair. They also get a wet paper towel to clean up. I just stay close to negotiate the "How dare you sweep up MY crumb" tiff.

I give them tasks like Maria said. They like to bring me my shoes to go out so I ask them to each get one. In other words, I try to head off arguments at the pass.

Also, going outside really helps because the area is so much bigger. If one makes the other one mad they have to follow them all the way across the yard to confront them and by that time they forgot why they were going or a ball on the ground distracts them.

I also separate them sometimes. Play dough calms my one down so I send him to the table with a tray with his play dough stuff on it. Or they both do it and I sit in the middle.

During the summer I noticed that when my just turned 8 year old granddaugter was here they were great. So I watched. She has them sooo busy following her around and giving them things to do that they don't have time to fight. That would exhaust me but she just does it naturally. They are her minions. They think everything she does or tells them to do is cool.

Also, recently I did a 'taking turns' game. They each had one of those big containers that pretzels come in from the warehouse store. We put a pile of blocks in the middle of them and I supervised them. I was teaching them how they may take one and then wait for the other child to choose one, etc. They divided them and each jar had a different color lid and that was their jar. Later they got mixed up but then we just have to do the exercise over again. So things like that help too.

It IS hard though. I sympathize!!!

Laurel

P.S. Edited to add: Mine love to wash their hands so if I can't think of anything else I say "Let's go wash our hands." Works every time!

Reply

I have one who started this thanks to his then 3 now 4yr old sister. Everything is MINE and is a toy hoarder. He's gotten a little better since I'm consistent with sharing and toys aren't "Mine". He still gets very possessive and even though I have 3 boys and 3 cars or 3 monster trucks he still has to have 2! Ugh! Every day it's a problem. He's going to 2yr old preschool in Jan at 23mos and I think he's going to have a hard time transitioning into a group of 6+ other kids who have been there since Sept and know the routine and I would guess are all 2 already. He's very verbal but the social skills like sharing, not whining and please/thank you could be better.

Reply

Yes, pretty much all of these guys are only children. One has an older sister in fourth grade so he's great about sharing, but unfortunately he is starting to copy what he sees here and I hate that they are rubbing off on him! I was hoping it would be the other way around.

Reply

Model, model, and model some more.

I agree that they need to play together, but having some independent play time is OK too. Mine sit on a mat with a toy. They can put that bucket of toys away whenever they want, but must choose a toy not being used to return to their mat with.

My answer to them when they say "Mine!" is "No, the toys are mine. I share them with you when you are at my house.".

Reply

I say the same thing when someone says that's mine! I say actually they are all mine but I LOVE to share with you guys! The first time I say it they look like I don't think they have ever had an adult respond like that!

Reply

I say that to them too. I'm hoping they get it soon, I know that mine is a very common word for kiddos but OY it bugs me!

I think I'm going to try some mat time so they can play with toys and not in each other's spaces all the time.

Reply