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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCD Followed Me to My Bedroom
Core12 03:08 AM 10-25-2018
I run an inhome daycare with my mother in our home. We have nine kids under three years old (one is my nephew).
Recently, a dcd came to pick up his son early unannounced during nap time. No apology, child did not have any appointments...basically dcd just smiled and didn’t say much. I explained that his 1 year old was napping and I would go and get him and he followed me all of the way into my bedroom! I had 2 other babies in my room sleeping in Pack n Plays. I felt like he was checking up on me and also I felt like he wanted to see that his kid was sleeping and not just crying bc they have such issues with him sleeping at night (bc they sleep w/him).
Now I wish I would have had a predetermined answer and said, “wait right here,” however, I also feel like these young parents think that it’s part of the deal for a home daycare to give up their privacy.
I’m hurt more than anything because I truly believe, “we teach ppl how to treat us” and apparently I need to show myself more self respect. I just did not want him to think I was up to no good by not allowing him into my bedroom.
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Josiegirl 03:21 AM 10-25-2018
I think, in this day and age and with media shouting out all the evils of home dc a parent cannot be too careful. BUT this is our home and we do deserve privacy. Maybe it's time for a generic newsletter home, regarding that very issue and access to other's children, etc.
I have nothing against parents showing up, unannounced. And I would have nothing against a parent following me to where their child is sleeping. BUT I can certainly understand why anybody would have issues. Trust is so important in this business but it's also a wonder any of us can gain a parent's trust with media spouting off only the worst stuff.
JMO and we're all different.
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Annalee 04:15 AM 10-25-2018
I have a foyer before entering my large room and I have a dcd that used to do this. Dcg has been here three years now. Some parents you just have to "tell". I don't assume anymore the parents will do the right thing. DCG3 always wants to run back when dcd picks up but I just say "NO, we do not do that". It is possible there was no "reason" at all with your dcd but you just need to TELL him "NO, wait for me".
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Cat Herder 04:45 AM 10-25-2018
There have been a lot of news stories lately of providers doing shady things to attempt to force naps. Tying kids up, leaving them unsupervised behind closed doors, strapping them in unsafe confinement equipment, drugging them etc.

I would not take it personally. If it happened again I'd just ask what his concerns were to open discussion.
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LittleExplorers 05:52 AM 10-25-2018
I would be open and talk with them. Good relationships with daycare families are so important. Like someone said, there are so many bad media reports and especially with a child not old enough to talk, it is somewhat understandable. Especially a parent who is over tired, possibly stressed and wondering how you get your sleep magic.
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Blackcat31 06:20 AM 10-25-2018
I understand it's your home but to parents, it's just where their kids are and in most states any area or room you use for child care is required to be accessible to parents.

Also like Cat Herder mentioned, with the media stories etc as of late, parents are more aware of where their kids are in all aspects of the day.

I wouldn't take it personally. Sadly it's just part of operating a business within your home.
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Jupadia 08:06 AM 10-25-2018
Personally I would not love to have a parent follow me, I would if a parent shows up at nap ask them to wait by the door, while I go get their child. But would also fully understand why they might wish to come with and see where and how child is napping. Personally I use my playroom / daycareroom for naps. Unless they are in pack n play and take 2 naps still then they sleep in my movie / family room (next door to playroom).
As a parent I get it they want to make sure all is good, as a daycare provider I would have problems if it was a repeated behaviour and explain to parent that pickups at nap can wake other kids and it's not fair to them.
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MyAngels 08:50 AM 10-25-2018
I've had this happen. I personally think it's just cluelessness on the part of the parent. Whenever anyone picks up during nap now I say, "since other children are sleeping, wait here and I will get your child." Sometimes you just have to tell them what's expected and it's not a problem after that.
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Unregistered 09:44 AM 10-25-2018
I think being followed by a man into my room in my home is unacceptable. They have no business doing that. Yes, you hear horror stories about daycares but what about the stories of men harming women? All my parents wait in the doorway entrance. Nobody is allowed to just go about my home. All parents are given a full tour of my home including where their child will nap during the interview. If I am not trusted and you try to follow me I would term. Trust is everything.
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hwichlaz 10:06 AM 10-25-2018
You can think it's unacceptable all you like. However, he has the legal right to see his child IN THE ROOM his child is occupying.

I'd have followed you too.

I don't want parents in my room, so I don't nap their children in there.

I'm betting it doesn't happen again, that they just saw recent news stories and wanted to do a little spot check.
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hwichlaz 10:07 AM 10-25-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think being followed by a man into my room in my home is unacceptable. They have no business doing that. Yes, you hear horror stories about daycares but what about the stories of men harming women? All my parents wait in the doorway entrance. Nobody is allowed to just go about my home. All parents are given a full tour of my home including where their child will nap during the interview. If I am not trusted and you try to follow me I would term. Trust is everything.
If you didn't allow me to see exactly where and how you are keeping my child when I show up, I'd report you to DHS.
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ColorfulSunburst 10:19 AM 10-25-2018
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
You can think it's unacceptable all you like. However, he has the legal right to see his child IN THE ROOM his child is occupying.

I'd have followed you too.

I don't want parents in my room, so I don't nap their children there.
I totally agree.
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ColorfulSunburst 10:22 AM 10-25-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I think being followed by a man into my room in my home is unacceptable.
it is not your bedroom during business hours and if kids are there.
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Ariana 10:31 AM 10-25-2018
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
There have been a lot of news stories lately of providers doing shady things to attempt to force naps. Tying kids up, leaving them unsupervised behind closed doors, strapping them in unsafe confinement equipment, drugging them etc.

I would not take it personally. If it happened again I'd just ask what his concerns were to open discussion.
Agree with this! I would err on the side of compassion for dad worried about his child and pat myself on the back for being one of the good ones with nothing to hide!

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Unregistered 11:33 AM 10-25-2018
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
If you didn't allow me to see exactly where and how you are keeping my child when I show up, I'd report you to DHS.
Yay, good for you
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DaveA 12:18 PM 10-25-2018
Do you have another area you can put the pack & plays? I specifically wanted my bedroom excluded from my license (they are gated off from the areas DCKs are allowed) because if it's a spot the kids are at DCPs might want access to it. I would put them in a different location if at all possible. Otherwise yeah I could see following a provider to another room of their house to see the conditions of where my child was sleeping.
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hwichlaz 12:22 PM 10-25-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Yay, good for you
and bad for you, since it's a very serious violation
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mommyneedsadayoff 12:34 PM 10-25-2018
So I feel a little differently. I'm unsure of OP's state or licensing guidelines and I think the parent has a right to see where the child will take their nap, but not at actual nap time when other children are sleeping in the same room. They have access to their child, but they should not get access to other people's children and have the opportunity to disrupt their nap time as well. If they want to see where their child will be sleeping, this is usually done at interview prior to care beginning. I see nothing wrong with him dropping by randomly to check in or even a quick peek at his kid napping, but I do find it to be a violation of the other children's privacy and right to nap in peace, by him entering the room to get his kid as well. Just my opinion, but I would not be ok with that happening either.
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sharlan 12:46 PM 10-25-2018
Personally, it wouldn't have bothered me. But that's just me.

He probably didnt even think twice about what he was doing. To him he was just following you to get his child.
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Meeko 01:20 PM 10-25-2018
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
So I feel a little differently. I'm unsure of OP's state or licensing guidelines and I think the parent has a right to see where the child will take their nap, but not at actual nap time when other children are sleeping in the same room. They have access to their child, but they should not get access to other people's children and have the opportunity to disrupt their nap time as well. If they want to see where their child will be sleeping, this is usually done at interview prior to care beginning. I see nothing wrong with him dropping by randomly to check in or even a quick peek at his kid napping, but I do find it to be a violation of the other children's privacy and right to nap in peace, by him entering the room to get his kid as well. Just my opinion, but I would not be ok with that happening either.
This exactly. I let parents know they have a right to see where their child is spending the day (and sleeping). BUT...no right whatsoever to be around someone else's child. So they can see all areas at interview time (only after hours). They can ASK to see areas any time they like. I would remove all other children first and let them see.

But they would never be allowed to just wander through my home at will.

As a parent, I would be furious to think some man I do not know was allowed to be in a bedroom with my sleeping child.
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DaveA 02:19 PM 10-25-2018
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
So I feel a little differently. I'm unsure of OP's state or licensing guidelines and I think the parent has a right to see where the child will take their nap, but not at actual nap time when other children are sleeping in the same room. They have access to their child, but they should not get access to other people's children and have the opportunity to disrupt their nap time as well. If they want to see where their child will be sleeping, this is usually done at interview prior to care beginning. I see nothing wrong with him dropping by randomly to check in or even a quick peek at his kid napping, but I do find it to be a violation of the other children's privacy and right to nap in peace, by him entering the room to get his kid as well. Just my opinion, but I would not be ok with that happening either.
Originally Posted by Meeko:
This exactly. I let parents know they have a right to see where their child is spending the day (and sleeping). BUT...no right whatsoever to be around someone else's child. So they can see all areas at interview time (only after hours). They can ASK to see areas any time they like. I would remove all other children first and let them see.

But they would never be allowed to just wander through my home at will.

As a parent, I would be furious to think some man I do not know was allowed to be in a bedroom with my sleeping child.
I see what you're saying, but the point I was trying to make is if her state's rules are like IL's any licensed area with a DCP's child in it during business hours is fair game for a parent to have access to. At that time it is not the provider's bedroom- it is a part of a daycare. If you tell a parent they can't go to where their child is and they call licensing your next visit will be quick and unpleasant. One parent being uncomfortable doesn't supersede another parent's access to their child. That's why I was advising moving the pack & plays.
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Unregistered 02:24 PM 10-25-2018
I work in a center and we have all of our 3-12 year old children in the gym on cots while the younger children are on cots in their classrooms in the house
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knoxmomof2 09:29 PM 10-25-2018
I've had this happen once... Not in my bedroom, I have a dedicated nap room, but he came during nap time. I told him, "hold on, I'll get her", walked into the other room and when I turned to bring her out, he was standing there. It bothered me because I had 3 other children sleeping in there and I don't need anyone traipsing through and waking them up. It's already irritating that I've done the work to get his kid (and the others) to sleep just to have to head back in and wake her while trying not to disturb the others.

Thankfully, he didn't like to pay me (this was before I went to prepaid care) so I termed him. I find that the ones who are the most nosey are the ones who don't like to pay. Go figure!
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Rockgirl 05:55 AM 10-26-2018
I can see both sides.

On one hand, we hear stories on the news of home daycares having 20-30 kids, and we say, ďWhy are parents leaving their children there? Thereís no way they didnít know there were too many kids!Ē The obvious solution would be for parents to see their children in the daycare setting, with no notice given when they decide to pop in.

On the other hand, itís your bedroom, and I can see how you probably felt violated when he went in there. I donít use bedrooms for daycare for that reason. I know thatís not an option for everyone, though.

During my last licensing inspection, my rep said, ďIím breastfeeding, and I need to pump. Would your bedroom be the best place for me to do that?Ē Now, my bedroom is not used for daycare, AT ALL. Iíve had one rep in all my years of inspections pop her head in there for a second. Otherwise, they have never opened a bedroom door. No way was I going to have her sit in my bedroom, looking around, for 20 minutes or so. Nope. I told her since I had the kids outside, she could use the daycare room and close the door.

I want to have one place in my home that isnít under anyoneís scrutiny.
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lovemykidstoo 06:46 AM 10-26-2018
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
I've had this happen. I personally think it's just cluelessness on the part of the parent. Whenever anyone picks up during nap now I say, "since other children are sleeping, wait here and I will get your child." Sometimes you just have to tell them what's expected and it's not a problem after that.
I agree. He probably didn't think the slightest about it. I might say something like the child is sleeping and is in a room with other sleeping children. Since he's early you don't want to wake the others to please wait. I would say unless you have a concern at all and then open that conversation if needed. I ask parents that if they're going to pick up early to let me know and I can move their child into a room by themself as to not wake anyone else.
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Snowmom 07:22 AM 10-26-2018
Originally Posted by Meeko:
This exactly. I let parents know they have a right to see where their child is spending the day (and sleeping). BUT...no right whatsoever to be around someone else's child. So they can see all areas at interview time (only after hours). They can ASK to see areas any time they like. I would remove all other children first and let them see.

But they would never be allowed to just wander through my home at will.

As a parent, I would be furious to think some man I do not know was allowed to be in a bedroom with my sleeping child.
I agree with this.

I've never had this come up since I don't allow pick ups during nap time- meaning I can't have a written policy on "no pick ups" but I can tell families I expect them to respect nap time and refrain from picking up at that time and I will terminate families who do not respect the group's well being as a whole.
But, I have always been under the impression that we, as providers, can not withhold a child from their parent but that does not mean they have access to the home- only their child.
If it happened here, I would tell the Dad to quietly wait at the entrance while I retrieved his child. No, I don't have anything to hide either but I think it's horribly disrespectful to end the nap time of 10 other children (& their family's needs in the end) and throw off their schedule for one adult's wants. And I say "end" nap time because that's what it would do here... bells and whistles go off with an opened door, stairs squeak like mice on steriods and gate latches are the magic cue to wake all children laying peacefully together in one room!
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hwichlaz 08:48 AM 10-26-2018
It really depends on your regs too. Parents absolutely do have a right to come into any room their child is in, in California. No matter who else is in there. Denying them that right would get you shut down almost as fast as hitting a kid.

I'm having a hard time understanding what rights are being violated by having someone else's parents see you sleep, while supervised by your licensed caregiver.

Maybe because I've been licensed in California for nearly 19years..so that thought has never even been on the radar?
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hwichlaz 08:53 AM 10-26-2018
Originally Posted by DaveA:
I see what you're saying, but the point I was trying to make is if her state's rules are like IL's any licensed area with a DCP's child in it during business hours is fair game for a parent to have access to. At that time it is not the provider's bedroom- it is a part of a daycare. If you tell a parent they can't go to where their child is and they call licensing your next visit will be quick and unpleasant. One parent being uncomfortable doesn't supersede another parent's access to their child. That's why I was advising moving the pack & plays.
Exactly. The parent has the right to see their child right where the child is at any time. But the right to NOT be seen by someone else's parent does NOT exist. You have no right for someone to NOT look at you, lol. If a parent makes you feel like they are unsafe around the other children, do not enroll them.
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redmaple 09:43 AM 10-26-2018
As a parent I might have followed in too. In my head I would think I was being helpful. You could hand my child off to me, and be free to resettle any other children who may awaken.

I would also think he was doing what is often advised. Make an unannounced drop in to pick up your child.
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littlefriends 11:27 AM 10-26-2018
All of mine sleep in the living room. I stopped taking littles under 2 partly because of how annoying it can be to have pack n plays up in a little house like mine. I only have 3 bedrooms and all 3 barely fit a bed, dresser, and small table or desk and my own kids are only 10 and 14 so use their rooms a lot and donít want daycare gear in there taking up even more space. I can see the opís point in that it can be unnerving to be followed by a man you donít know well into the back of your house, even your own personal bedroom. I also think tho that thatís exactly why I donít want them sleeping anywhere other than my living room. Every one is right where I can see/hear at all times. I ask my dcpís to text me if they need in during nap and I go out and let them in my side door. My dog barks and my door chimes anytime the living room door gets opened and will wake everyone up instantly. I have never told parents they canít come in or pick up at nap but I definitely canít just let them bang open the front door either. I would move the beds out of my bedroom if I didnít want parents back there. Just my two cents, for what itís worth...
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MarinaVanessa 01:33 PM 10-26-2018
I think that is you want privacy in your home then you should nap the babies in another room where it's ok for parent's to check in on them. If there are no kids being taken care of in any rooms that you want considered private then there's no reason to allow a parent to go into those rooms (I've been asked and I refuse to show rooms that are not used for daycare).

It's acceptable and normal especially in this day and age for a parent to expect and be able to check in on their children at any give time of the day to make sure that they are ok. Parent's should have accessibility to their kids at any given time.

If this creates an issue one thing that can be done is to limit the amount of time that a parent can be in your home to 10-15 minutes and have a policy that states that if they show up they have to take their child home and only one drop off and pickup per day.

As family child care providers yes this is our home but it is also a choice we make to also turn it into a business for the public. I wouldn't leave my child with a provider that didn't let me see my child in a room in their home.
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lovemykidstoo 07:27 AM 10-27-2018
The thing is though, this parent didn't ask to see where his child was and OP didn't say no you can't see and deny him access. He simply followed her. So honestly could have just been an innocent thing and not that he was checking to make sure she wasn't doing something wrong.
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Tags:access, parents - are clueless, parents - not allowed, sleeping places, trust - not, uninvited parents
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