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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>3 hour parent visit 3x a week
CPKKChildcare 04:09 PM 08-13-2012
Hi, I just an interview with a parent that ask me if she can come to child care for the first 3 days for 3-4 hours each day with her children... Do other providers find this acceptable or distracting??? Thanks*
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bgmeyers 04:15 PM 08-13-2012
No way no how!
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sunflower 04:24 PM 08-13-2012
Way too distracting!
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Heidi 04:53 PM 08-13-2012
uhhh. no!

I have had parents come for a playdate for an hour or so on a morning, and I have had parents leave their children for an hour or so as a test (or both). But, noooooo..


"wow, you are really concerned about your children's adjustment, and I appreciate that. But I find it's best for the children if they jump right in and get used to everyone right away. It's just too confusing if you stay that long the first few visits, and then leave them here later".

or

"( Wow......that...) but, we have a GREAT routine here, and having another adult around is just too distracting, and the kiddos tend to act out. I am SURE your kids will love comming here, but I can't accomidate such long visits. It's just too hard on everyone"
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Michelle 04:55 PM 08-13-2012
I would not do it.
Give her some references and tell her to call licensing.
If she is not comfortable after this, then she needs to hire a nanny.
Maybe the first day, she can stay for 30 minutes but that's it.
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Crazy8 05:15 PM 08-13-2012
NO WAY JOSE!!! I have allowed them to come stay for a half hour or so and even that is disruptive enough, no way would I allow longer.
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cheerfuldom 05:21 PM 08-13-2012
I allow a few playdates before care begins but do not allow parents to stay for more than one short playdate (and this is only if they ask, I dont offer this). I have plenty of parents ask to stay though and I just tell them that it is disruptive and that I find it actually hinders the transition for their kids, who dont understand why mom came at first and now does not come. I have never found the playdates to be helpful at all for the kids but will consent to them for the parents sake on occasion. I can usually tell which parents need just a little reassurance before beginning care and which ones will never be satisfied, no matter what I do. I am fine with helping the transition a little bit but am not open to the huge ordeal of a parent sitting around at my house, critiquing for hours on end.
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daycare 05:28 PM 08-13-2012
if you are in CA its not legal anyways. I was told that anyone that would be interacting with the children for more than 30 minutes would have to be approved my licensing, passing all necessary fingerprints, background and TB test. Let me find what section it is under and I will give it to you. I show this to parents that request this.

Also, when I did not have a helper, I told them that I could not allow for it to go on for more than 30min because if I needed to use the bathroom or one of the kids did, that I am legally not allowed to leave that mom in the room with the children alone, I could be in big trouble.

Also for the safety of all children, I just don't allow it, as I don't know what the persons real intentions are.
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MrsSteinel'sHouse 05:33 PM 08-13-2012
I do have them come either in the morning or afternoon for an hour or so to meet some of the other kids and let me play with their child first. But, then they must be comfortable with leaving them with me. If they would like to do a couple of half days to "settle in" that is fine.
I might suggest, that on the first day, they do a half day, come eat lunch with us and then take her child home. Now, that is if this child is old enough to be eating lunch. If it was a baby I wouldn't make that offer! I have several moms that have lunched (or dinnered) with us. I just make sure all of my other kidlets know we are having a guest for lunch and then kicking them out and taking nap.
I would be sure to write awesome notes and take pics on what her child did!
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saved4always 05:46 PM 08-13-2012
I have let parents come for a pre-arranged visit before the child starts their first day. But this was only half an hour, maybe 45 minutes at most, for thier child to meet me and get to know me a little bit before starting a full day without mom. I would never have agreed to 3 or 4 hours. That would just be too distracting and I think the child could actually have a harder time letting mom leave the first day if mom hung around so long the previous time they "visited".
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daycare 05:53 PM 08-13-2012
yes that is another good point savedforalways made...

I tell the parents that you want to start them off the way that it will be everyday. Do not set the child up with a sense of false hope that mom will stay. Stay consistent as possible allowing no room for negotiations. Unless mom can stay that long everyday, then don't start it out that way. I would tell her that and tell her that she needs to trust you. Let her come day one for about 35min or so and if she is still uneasy, then she can call some of your references.
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nothingwithoutjoy 06:31 PM 08-13-2012
I disagree with the other posters. I actually expect that parents stay for at the very least the first full day. This was one of the things I was pleased to be able to start once I opened my own program (as opposed to centers/public school where I'd taught before). My teaching is inspired by the preschools of Reggio Emilia, Italy, where there is a very strong connection between home and school, and I first got the idea from there. I find that while there are certainly difficulties involved, they are far outweighed by the advantages. The kids are very comfortable having their parents there. But more importantly, it's a learning opportunity for everyone. The parents learn a ton about our routines and how and why we do things the way we do. I learn about how they interact with their child, how they settle them for nap, how they help them eat/go potty/whatever. It tells you far more than you learn by asking. And for me, it establishes the strong relationship I want between families and the program.

It all depends on your vision for your relationship. I want very committed, very involved parents, and that's made clear from that first day.
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Heidi 06:39 PM 08-13-2012
Originally Posted by nothingwithoutjoy:
I disagree with the other posters. I actually expect that parents stay for at the very least the first full day. This was one of the things I was pleased to be able to start once I opened my own program (as opposed to centers/public school where I'd taught before). My teaching is inspired by the preschools of Reggio Emilia, Italy, where there is a very strong connection between home and school, and I first got the idea from there. I find that while there are certainly difficulties involved, they are far outweighed by the advantages. The kids are very comfortable having their parents there. But more importantly, it's a learning opportunity for everyone. The parents learn a ton about our routines and how and why we do things the way we do. I learn about how they interact with their child, how they settle them for nap, how they help them eat/go potty/whatever. It tells you far more than you learn by asking. And for me, it establishes the strong relationship I want between families and the program.

It all depends on your vision for your relationship. I want very committed, very involved parents, and that's made clear from that first day.

That's sweet! I wish I could have your optomistic outlook on this one, but experience has taught me that there is way to much misbehavior when both parent and provider are present. I would be trying to teach both the parent and the child the rules and routines here at the same time, and from the testing behavior I see during drop-offs and pick-ups alone, I'm pretty sure it would be a small disaster.

I guess it depends on your client. If you have highly educated, on-board families who think 95 percent like you do, it could work. For me, I live in a rural area with most parents considering daycare a necessary evil-not an early childhood "experience".
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Sprouts 07:17 PM 08-13-2012
Originally Posted by nothingwithoutjoy:
I disagree with the other posters. I actually expect that parents stay for at the very least the first full day. This was one of the things I was pleased to be able to start once I opened my own program (as opposed to centers/public school where I'd taught before). My teaching is inspired by the preschools of Reggio Emilia, Italy, where there is a very strong connection between home and school, and I first got the idea from there. I find that while there are certainly difficulties involved, they are far outweighed by the advantages. The kids are very comfortable having their parents there. But more importantly, it's a learning opportunity for everyone. The parents learn a ton about our routines and how and why we do things the way we do. I learn about how they interact with their child, how they settle them for nap, how they help them eat/go potty/whatever. It tells you far more than you learn by asking. And for me, it establishes the strong relationship I want between families and the program.

It all depends on your vision for your relationship. I want very committed, very involved parents, and that's made clear from that first day.
I agree with this as well, with the infant toddler Montessori training they teach us about "phase ins" and it depends more on the child. If the child is very attached to the parent and cries when they leave, doing a phase in is very helpful. You do have to set boundaries and limits though, and make sure you have someone else to help you that day because even though as a provider we understand some moments can be a bit chaotic , some parents don't understand that, so extra hands helps. Especially if u do have to use the bathroom lol...

If parents stay for phase in I give them a sheet that explains they will be like a fly on the wall, bring something to read, try not to give eye contact or praise or distract , have them sit in a chair, not on the floor where their child will likely try to climb in their lap. if they have to take a really important call then leave something of theirs on the chair and talk outside...

I found that doing this with very attached parents and children was very helpful because imagine leaving ur child in a place with people you basically do not know or will ever know on a personal level...it helps establish that trust between u and the child and the parent. I remember dropping my daughter off in daycare and watching her crying and them telling me oh don't worry she will be fine once u leave, but I knew in the bottom of my heart she felt abandoned and I wish they had a phase in program there...but again every child is different, some are totally okay when their parent leaves and some have a harder time adjusting....

How old is the child/children by the way ?

If you want more info u can pm and I can send u the paper I give to the parents and an article on phase in from my training...
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Busy Bees 11:13 PM 08-13-2012
In Europe EU is it required the first 3-4 weeks the parents to be there w/the child. example If you find a Kindergarten in Germany and they will not do it ,it will be bad practice for the Kindergarten (preschool) .The first 3-5 days for 1-3 hours day ,and then in the second week(not on Monday`s) the parent can go put still have to be in the building ,then if the teacher/provider tells the parent they can go for about 30min. ,next day a little longer.... .
Its for the child to get used to the new place and all the new stuff, and children/teachers/providers..... they have found small children are not as often sick if they get placed the easy way into a new place.
I hope this helps too. I only know about it becouse I do childcare in Germany not on base and follow this requiredments. I move a lot ,my husband is a service member.
I think after I have seen it ,its wirly helps the children and also you will meet the parent better and see if you a good fit.I have a chair were the parent sits and the child can go to, the parent is not aloud to play with onther children in my care.
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Meyou 02:15 AM 08-14-2012
I do a phase in over a week with each new child. I give set times for the family to arrive and leave. The first 1/2 day a parent stays, the second 1/2 day a parent stays if they wish and the third day includes nap and the parent doesn't stay but picks up soon after nap. I encourage the parents to fade into the background and try to disappear and observe. It works very well for me.
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MaritimeMummy 03:22 AM 08-14-2012
Nope, I don't do that.

I always recommend that the child come to me for a first day on either a parent's vacation day, day off, or during a vacation, or if the parents are going back to work after parental/maternity leave, to being care 2 weeks before going back to work.

Depending on the child's age, we make a short day of it. Under 1 year (which hasn't come to happen yet that I've had an under-1-year-old in my home day care) would stay 2 hours. Between 1 and 2 years stays for 3-5 hours, depending on whether they have been in care before or not.

Second day and for the rest of the week, it's a half day at 5 hours, unless DCK had a horrible first day, the we re-do day 1.

If the enrolling child is to be full time, the first week we do 2-3 days, whatever seems more comfortable to the child. We then play it by ear with the second week.

My house is just too small to have another adult here, especially with the age range of kids that I have. 2 of them have adjusted very well here BUT if someone comes to visit they are reminded that they are without their parents and begin to cry for them. Makes it hard for everyone concerned.
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saved4always 04:01 AM 08-14-2012
Originally Posted by MaritimeMummy:
Nope, I don't do that.

I always recommend that the child come to me for a first day on either a parent's vacation day, day off, or during a vacation, or if the parents are going back to work after parental/maternity leave, to being care 2 weeks before going back to work.

Depending on the child's age, we make a short day of it. Under 1 year (which hasn't come to happen yet that I've had an under-1-year-old in my home day care) would stay 2 hours. Between 1 and 2 years stays for 3-5 hours, depending on whether they have been in care before or not.

Second day and for the rest of the week, it's a half day at 5 hours, unless DCK had a horrible first day, the we re-do day 1.

If the enrolling child is to be full time, the first week we do 2-3 days, whatever seems more comfortable to the child. We then play it by ear with the second week.

My house is just too small to have another adult here, especially with the age range of kids that I have. 2 of them have adjusted very well here BUT if someone comes to visit they are reminded that they are without their parents and begin to cry for them. Makes it hard for everyone concerned.
This has been my experience with some kids, too. Some children I have had did not like adults who are not familiar with them and would be a wreak if a "strange" adult stayed for a morning or a week. It is just too disruptive. Plus, I was providing childcare only...I did not do a preschool program. I felt no need to look into European programs or any other philosophies of programs. I did what worked for me and my parents were fine with that.
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Meeko 06:40 AM 08-14-2012
From my own experience in the past:

From the child's point of view, as long as Mommy is there...the provider is not in charge. Mommy is. That's the natural order of life. So they can go to Mommy and ask/demand whatever they want.

Then Mommy either has to look at the provider for guidance (very confusing for the child) or decide that as the parent, they can OK something that is against the daycare rules.

If the child is very nervous, they will cling to Mommy and the provider is the stranger. Who would we like to comfort us? Our mother or a stranger? Of course we all want Mom!

I want the children to learn to come to ME when they feel sad/lonely/scared. As long as Mom is there, that's not going to happen.

I tell the parents that is is very important that the child learn to trust ME and come to ME for comfort. So the sooner they leave and let that process start the better.

I now do not allow parents to have any contact with children other than their own and so their child needs to be in the playroom with the other kids and learning to settle down without Mom there.

And I am sad to say that many parents seem to not be happy until their child is clinging to them and crying. Must make them feel wanted and ease the pain of leaving them or something. I've had happy kids run in to play and then have a parent who will make sad faces/ demand a ton of hugs etc until the kid finally cries....THEN they leave......
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Country Kids 07:00 AM 08-14-2012
How would a parent even do this if they have to work? I can't see any of my parents taking 1/2 a day for a week to come to childcare.

For the poster in Germany-do the moms work or do they put them in for socialization and are able to stay because of being SAHM.
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MizzCheryl 10:01 AM 08-14-2012
I really enjoyed reading the different points of view.
It is amazing how we can do things so differently sometimes but all in all it still works for us as individuals. Thanks for sharing all these great ways to introduce kids to child care.
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nothingwithoutjoy 10:14 AM 08-14-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
How would a parent even do this if they have to work? I can't see any of my parents taking 1/2 a day for a week to come to childcare.
Yes, they take time off work.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 11:28 AM 08-14-2012
We do not do phase in. I have had some children attend for 3/4 of the day prior to coming full-time, or 3/4 of the day prior to attending part-time. The parent has never been present.
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daycare 11:37 AM 08-14-2012
Originally Posted by Meeko:
From my own experience in the past:

From the child's point of view, as long as Mommy is there...the provider is not in charge. Mommy is. That's the natural order of life. So they can go to Mommy and ask/demand whatever they want.

Then Mommy either has to look at the provider for guidance (very confusing for the child) or decide that as the parent, they can OK something that is against the daycare rules.

If the child is very nervous, they will cling to Mommy and the provider is the stranger. Who would we like to comfort us? Our mother or a stranger? Of course we all want Mom!

I want the children to learn to come to ME when they feel sad/lonely/scared. As long as Mom is there, that's not going to happen.

I tell the parents that is is very important that the child learn to trust ME and come to ME for comfort. So the sooner they leave and let that process start the better.

I now do not allow parents to have any contact with children other than their own and so their child needs to be in the playroom with the other kids and learning to settle down without Mom there.

And I am sad to say that many parents seem to not be happy until their child is clinging to them and crying. Must make them feel wanted and ease the pain of leaving them or something. I've had happy kids run in to play and then have a parent who will make sad faces/ demand a ton of hugs etc until the kid finally cries....THEN they leave......
I agree with this 100%

I know that mom's feel guilty about having to leave their child with us so it does make them feel good to see their LO cling on to them and cry for dear life. While I know I dislike it when mom's do it, I am not in their shoes and don't have to leave my LO with anyone.

I have had a situation where a mom tried to stay and it was a straight disaster... I almost did not sign the client on because I could not keep control of the kids while mom was here breaking all of my rules and the kids started to follow suit.

I do think that those of you that can do a phase in service is wonderful option to have to offer parents. With the program that I have and by myself most of the time, there is no way that I could give all of my attention to a parent and new child.
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DBug 11:47 AM 08-14-2012
I've had several parents ask, and I allow it as long as the child is completely registered (which means I have all of the parent's contact info on file, in case something were to happen). I tell them that I generally do transitions on two consecutive days. The first day, mom & child (NOT dad, for my own level of comfort) stay from 9am to 11am. This covers potty routine, snack time, craft & circle time, so they both get a good idea of the way things flow. The second day, just the child stays from 9am to 11am. The third day, the child comes on whatever his or her actual schedule will be.

Most of my parents ask, but only a few have actually done it. I don't find it too disruptive for my kids, and the fact that it's only a couple of hours makes it much easier to deal with.

I think it's finding whatever works for you and your program, and then making that the procedure to follow with everyone.
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Heidi 01:29 PM 08-14-2012
Originally Posted by Busy Bees:
In Europe EU is it required the first 3-4 weeks the parents to be there w/the child. example If you find a Kindergarten in Germany and they will not do it ,it will be bad practice for the Kindergarten (preschool) .The first 3-5 days for 1-3 hours day ,and then in the second week(not on Monday`s) the parent can go put still have to be in the building ,then if the teacher/provider tells the parent they can go for about 30min. ,next day a little longer.... .
Its for the child to get used to the new place and all the new stuff, and children/teachers/providers..... they have found small children are not as often sick if they get placed the easy way into a new place.
I hope this helps too. I only know about it becouse I do childcare in Germany not on base and follow this requiredments. I move a lot ,my husband is a service member.
I think after I have seen it ,its wirly helps the children and also you will meet the parent better and see if you a good fit.I have a chair were the parent sits and the child can go to, the parent is not aloud to play with onther children in my care.
Hallo! Willkommen!
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Heidi 01:35 PM 08-14-2012
Originally Posted by nothingwithoutjoy:
Yes, they take time off work.
lol...the reason they are using childcare in the first place is so that they can work....



As for the German Poster, she is talking about Kindergarten-the german equivilent of preschool. Most children in Germany stay home with their mothers for at least a year (long maternity leaves) and then often, a family member will care for them until kindergarten.

There is a very different transition for a child who has been with mom or grandma at home for 3 or 4 years, than for most children here, who are often in fulltime daycare as infants already.

I don't disagree with nothingbutjoy at all, just not thinking it would work for us here. Of course, each situation is unique, and I have been known to make exceptions to things before.
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Blackcat31 01:46 PM 08-14-2012
I have allowed parents to stay and observe our routine but I don't allow them to do this while their own child is present.

That is a whole set of problems I don't wish to get into. I am it can be beneficial for the child but in most cases of where parents ask, it is usually for THEM not necessarily for the child...kwim?

I know it is acceptable to do in many preschools but I am a family child care provider that offers a preschool program. BIG difference.
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