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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>The DCP Was VERY Aggressive With My Kid In Front Of My Eyes
Unregistered 04:58 PM 03-07-2013
Actually I am writing this post and I feel I will loose my mind. I can't believe that it happened in front of me and I did NOTHING.
This is the story:
I used to send my daughter ( 4 y) to a home daycare. I pay the lady on time never late in my payment BUT I have been Late many many times in picking up .. yes I say that I am late most of the time but out of my hands. The provider have been changed a lot in the last period. I had a feeling in myself that she is hitting my daughter or at least aggressive with her. Tonight I was late 30m, when my daughter saw me she run toward the door to open it for me, THEN the provider very aggressively and firmly hold my daughter's little hands in her hand and the with her thumb and index squeezed my daughter cheeks and told her in a very rough voice "you are not allowed to open the door .. we don't open the door" . Yes that happened in front of my eyes and all I did is giving the provider an angry look and I pulled my child.

I know I am wrong because of the late picking up, I know I am passive because I didn't ??? her when she did that in front of my eyes. I feel the provider is abusing because I am new to the USA and don't have much experience here or my be she is sure that I will not take an action with her....

Please Let me know what should I do, how to report her?
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itlw8 05:19 PM 03-07-2013
I would agree that was not the way to treat a child. but abusive hard to tell if not there t see it. If she left a mark then it is surely abusive. You did not say there were marks so I assume there is not.

What do you do? If she is licensed you call licensing and make a report and then you do not take your child back there.

If she is not licensed then you would hotline ( if there is marks) and do not return.

This does not mean your child is being hit. I would let the provider know you are not returning and are not giving notice because of the way she restrained your child by grabbing her face.

When you are looking for a new provider find one that stays open later 1/2 hour late means you need to find someone open later so you are not late.

You do say you USED to take your child to this provider That leads me to think this was not today and you left owing money or she terminated you. I hope that is not the case and you are not accusing just because you are mad at her.
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blandino 06:58 PM 03-07-2013
Being physical with a child is never okay - but I can understand wanting your child to understand the seriousness of opening the door. At my daycare we NEVER EVER EVER open doors. It is probably the number one rule we have. The dangerous potential for what happens when a child opens the door is terrifying to me. So I can understand being as firm as possible about that rule.

Maybe I am reading incorrectly, but a squeeze on the hand doesn't sound that bad to me. I will probably be in the minority saying that, but uncomfortable pressure on the hand is different than pain. The cheek pinching isn't acceptable, but I would definitely not make the leap from cheek pinching to any sort of hitting or abuse. Those are definitely not clear indicators of abuse.

I would assume you did the right thing for your family by pulling her. And if you really feel that she did wrong, I would file a report - but only mention what oh saw in front of your eyes. Your inclination to believe she was abused there should not be part of your complaint since there is no proof that anything more than what you saw happened to your child.
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brittburk 09:31 PM 03-07-2013
I agree with the above that firmly grabbing and hand or arm (but not squeezing to the point of pain) is okay. Sometimes a kiddo needs some physical contact in order to focus on what you are saying when in a dangerous or potentially dangerous situation in which somebody could get hurt, or if they are really acting out. But by firm I mean gently and firmly, not whipping or pulling a kid around by any means.

Pinching the cheeks though is wrong to me on every level when it isn't your kid (or even when it is in my opinion). You have every right to file a complaint about the treatment of your kid, but if you do only file what you actually saw. Making false accusations won't get you anywhere. But trust your instincts for sure, if you think your kiddo is being mistreated don't hesitate to drop-in unannounced if you can, or even pull your kid from that particular provider. Often times a mother's instincts are spot-on.
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DaisyMamma 05:06 AM 03-08-2013
I dont like that at all.
Have you questioned your child about abuse?
Don't bring your child back. Call state licensing. You can find their number by typing "(your state) daycare licensing" into google.
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Unregistered 07:21 AM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:
I dont like that at all.
Have you questioned your child about abuse?
Don't bring your child back. Call state licensing. You can find their number by typing "(your state) daycare licensing" into google.
Thank you! But I still have some unresolved financial issues with her so, do you recommend me contacting her first or go directly and call the licensing?
AND If I paid her to hold the spot before traveling, then my daughter came back to her spot ( only for less than two weeks), should I ask her to return that money which I paid to held the spot ?
I am sure she wants to terminate, and did that with my daughter to make me feel that it is time to look for another provider.
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DaisyMamma 07:39 AM 03-08-2013
If you want to you can call and let her know you're leaving first and ask for the refund. She might think you won't turn her in if she pays you back. But still, It's very unlikely you will get it. Most providers take deposits and prepayments as non refundable.
As a parent I might try to get the refund, but in the end it doesn't really matter as long as my child is safe.
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snbauser 07:44 AM 03-08-2013
If your child attended after your travels, I highly doubt you will get a refund of any sort. I would guess that you signed a contract and although as a parent I would fight it, she probably has some sort of notification period in there for leaving such as a 2 week notice or loss of deposit. I certainly wouldn't pay it if I felt my child was being mistreated but expect her to try and collect.
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NeedaVaca 07:44 AM 03-08-2013
I am a little confused by your posts. You say she used to go there but then you say you think the provider did that because you think she wants to terminate. Is your daughter still going to this daycare? I wonder if there are missing pieces to the story. Opening doors would be a big no no, taking the child by the hand and firmly explaining that it's not allowed sounds fine and long as she's not hurting her. Cheek pinching not okay but was she really squeezing her cheeks or just gently turning her head to face her so the child is looking at her?
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cheerfuldom 07:48 AM 03-08-2013
no, you should not be asking for refunds. you gave her that money to hold your spot, which she did so you got what you paid for.

if you feel that your daughter is being mistreated, remove her immediately and call the licensing dept. to report
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SilverSabre25 07:55 AM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
no, you should not be asking for refunds. you gave her that money to hold your spot, which she did so you got what you paid for.

if you feel that your daughter is being mistreated, remove her immediately and call the licensing dept. to report
This
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Unregistered 07:56 AM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:
If you want to you can call and let her know you're leaving first and ask for the refund. She might think you won't turn her in if she pays you back. But still, It's very unlikely you will get it. Most providers take deposits and prepayments as non refundable.
As a parent I might try to get the refund, but in the end it doesn't really matter as long as my child is safe.
Thanks DaisyMama!Actually I didn't send my daughter to her today and yet I din't take any steps.. I was crazy when my daughter told me that the Provider hit her because she didn't want to take her nap. I see my daughter yells at her brother saying " go sleep", It seems that the lady yells at the kids and I don't know what else she do .. but I am sure she is somehow aggressive.

I will try contacting her first before any further steps. I don't care if she didn't pay me but I will never send my daughter to her again. I am really sad that I trusted her one day.

Thanks again Daisymama and thanks to everyone who replied to my post.
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jenn 08:10 AM 03-08-2013
If you are questioning your child's safety while in her care, do not take your daughter back. At all. I would tell the provider you are not returning and look for new care. I would not ask for a refund and I would pay any payments due according to your contract (does she require a 2 week notice when leaving? If so, pay it). The main thing at this point is not the money, it is keeping your child safe.
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Unregistered 08:14 AM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
I am a little confused by your posts. You say she used to go there but then you say you think the provider did that because you think she wants to terminate. Is your daughter still going to this daycare? I wonder if there are missing pieces to the story. Opening doors would be a big no no, taking the child by the hand and firmly explaining that it's not allowed sounds fine and long as she's not hurting her. Cheek pinching not okay but was she really squeezing her cheeks or just gently turning her head to face her so the child is looking at her?
NO, my daughter is no longer there, I didn't send her today and I will not send her again.
I know that opening the door is not allowed, but the door is locked and I know that the door will never be opened if my daughter tried because simply she is too short.. My daughter run to the door when she saw me, and she did as If she is opening the door for me to let me in quickly ( It is normal ! she is a child and is happy seeing me at pick up).

What happened exactly is pressing firmly over my daughters hands, then firmly squeezing the cheeks between her index and thumb.. No it is not just a gentle turn of the head.

Thanks for your reply!
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Unregistered 08:17 AM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by snbauser:
If your child attended after your travels, I highly doubt you will get a refund of any sort. I would guess that you signed a contract and although as a parent I would fight it, she probably has some sort of notification period in there for leaving such as a 2 week notice or loss of deposit. I certainly wouldn't pay it if I felt my child was being mistreated but expect her to try and collect.
Thank You!
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youretooloud 08:24 AM 03-08-2013
I wouldn't call that abuse, but it certainly is wrong to grab her face like that.

I get that she was frustrated. 30 min late is a very long time. (if she was closed) I would be very upset too. I would be SUPER upset that she opened the door by herself. I've had kids do that too, and I will actually yell at the child.

But, there is no reason, ever that i'd grab a child's face. I can't even picture a time i'd do that unless maybe the child had something in his or her mouth.
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snbauser 08:39 AM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
30 min late is a very long time. (if she was closed) I would be very upset too.
Although there is NEVER a reason to harm a child, you also need to understand that if you are continually late you will lose providers more often than you can imagine. I am very flexible with all of my families as far as drop off times but I am firm on pick up times. When I close it is time for my family. I get very irritated very quickly when parents are habitually late. Keep that in mind when you are looking for a new provider.
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Blackcat31 10:02 AM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
NO, my daughter is no longer there, I didn't send her today and I will not send her again.
I know that opening the door is not allowed, but the door is locked and I know that the door will never be opened if my daughter tried because simply she is too short.. My daughter run to the door when she saw me, and she did as If she is opening the door for me to let me in quickly ( It is normal ! she is a child and is happy seeing me at pick up).

What happened exactly is pressing firmly over my daughters hands, then firmly squeezing the cheeks between her index and thumb.. No it is not just a gentle turn of the head.

Thanks for your reply!
Is this the same provider that you suspected was spanking your DD in regards to bathroom use?
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Crystal 10:08 AM 03-08-2013
This whole thing sound hokey to me.
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MissAnn 11:00 AM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by Crystal:
This whole thing sound hokey to me.
Exactly what I've been thinking. Seems to be more about the money. Seems like the cheek hold/pinch is exaggerated.
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snbauser 11:11 AM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by Crystal:
This whole thing sound hokey to me.
I wondered as well but since the OP said she was new to the USA I figure it might just be a language barrier as well.
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Crystal 11:26 AM 03-08-2013
Refer to Blackcat's post above. I personally think it is someone who is trying to start controversy
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MissAnn 11:45 AM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Refer to Blackcat's post above. I personally think it is someone who is trying to start controversy
We'll have to see if OP vanishes.

Not cool.

Hate when the "stories" make providers look awful.

I apologize if I'm wrong.
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Unregistered 01:05 PM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
We'll have to see if OP vanishes.

Not cool.

Hate when the "stories" make providers look awful.

I apologize if I'm wrong.
When I posted here I thought I would find an advice from people who know more than me in this field.. But I am really sorry to see that some of you are presuming. I have never told one word which is not true in this story.
You don't know me.. If I am a trouble maker or exaggeration things, so you wouldn't see me here asking for advice..
I have never thought of making the provider awful..

Please try to help and advice people and don't presume.
Thanks!
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Crystal 01:14 PM 03-08-2013
My response comes from your many different stories about this provider, and that you post under the username fairymama and as unregistered, as well as have been given some VERY good advice about this provider when she SPANKED your child and then you continued to take her there. IMO, a legitimite poster/parent would have taken that advice and NOT have taken her child back to the provider who you say HITS your child.

So, if I was wrong and you are INDEED being genuine, then I have to question WHY ON EARTH have you continued to take your child to a provider you claim ABUSES your child? I also have to question WHY would you be late, on a regular basis? That is BEYOND rude and as a provider I would have terminated services A LONG time ago.
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DaisyMamma 07:39 PM 03-08-2013
I'm confused.

How does anyone know she has posted as fairymama? Or that she thought her daughter had been spanked for bathroom issues?

Did I miss something?
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Hunni Bee 07:52 PM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:
I'm confused.

How does anyone know she has posted as fairymama? Or that she thought her daughter had been spanked for bathroom issues?

Did I miss something?
I had the same question.

I could be wrong, but I don't think this is the same person.
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Blackcat31 08:09 PM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:
I'm confused.

How does anyone know she has posted as fairymama? Or that she thought her daughter had been spanked for bathroom issues?

Did I miss something?
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
I had the same question.

I could be wrong, but I don't think this is the same person.
I posted a veiled comment questioning the OP about the provider being the same provider who spanked her DD. I may have wrongly (?) tied the OP to another member but never actually named them.

My reasoning was based on OP's "tone" and speech patterns as well as OP's focus on being habitually late for pick up and her mention of paying her provider during her time away traveling.

Several commonalities between the two.
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MissAnn 08:27 PM 03-08-2013
I noticed that the OP and Fairymama have the same habit of putting a space after the first parenthesis, ( like this)

So, can we now stop with the......my child's provider is abusive and what should I do stories?
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mamac 08:43 PM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
I noticed that the OP and Fairymama have the same habit of putting a space after the first parenthesis, ( like this)

So, can we now stop with the......my child's provider is abusive and what should I do stories?
Nice observation.
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NeedaVaca 09:04 PM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
I noticed that the OP and Fairymama have the same habit of putting a space after the first parenthesis, ( like this)

So, can we now stop with the......my child's provider is abusive and what should I do stories?
Wow, well done!
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Childminder 09:07 PM 03-08-2013
Can you as moderators check ip addresses to se if they are the same?
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Blackcat31 09:25 AM 03-09-2013
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
I noticed that the OP and Fairymama have the same habit of putting a space after the first parenthesis, ( like this)

So, can we now stop with the......my child's provider is abusive and what should I do stories?
Several members/posters do that. It is most common when typing/using their phones to post.

You dont KNOW that the abuse is or isn't true so my advice would be to simply ignore and not reply if you have no advice to offer.

What if the situation is true?!
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MissAnn 09:39 AM 03-09-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Several members/posters do that. It is most common when typing/using their phones to post.

You dont KNOW that the abuse is or isn't true so my advice would be to simply ignore and not reply if you have no advice to offer.

What if the situation is true?!
If its true, I do apologize.

Just as you said Blackcat, there are many commonalities.
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Blackcat31 02:06 PM 03-09-2013
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
If its true, I do apologize.

Just as you said Blackcat, there are many commonalities.
Oh, I most definitely agree there are commonalities that point in a certain direction.

I just thought it was better to let OP clarify her identity rather than any of us just assuming. And then perhaps being completely wrong... Kwim?
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MissAnn 04:20 PM 03-09-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Oh, I most definitely agree there are commonalities that point in a certain direction.

I just thought it was better to let OP clarify her identity rather than any of us just assuming. And then perhaps being completely wrong... Kwim?
Agree!
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Michael 04:40 PM 03-09-2013
Originally Posted by Childminder:
Can you as moderators check ip addresses to se if they are the same?
All of the unregistered posts are from the same person IP.
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Tags:aggression, parents - rude
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