Daycare.com Forum
Parents and Guardians Forum>Question for Parents
mac60 05:41 AM 07-07-2009
I have a 10 mo old, parents decided they wanted to take away all bottles at morning and afternoon nap, but baby would still get morning bottle at home before coming and bottle at night.
My question, why not let the provider give the child the 2 bottles at nap time instead of parents giving the two bottles at morning and night. Gees, any idea what we have to go thru/listen to, at nap time because you don't want your child to have a bottle during the day.
Just wondering what the train of thought is here. We have your child for both of their naps, we have your child for approx 9 to 10 hours of their day,and we have to listen to them scream themselves to sleep when a simple small bottle will console them and they will lie quietly and go to sleep.
Just wondering I guess, why it is ok for baby to have bottle at night time with parents, but not a nap time with provider. Just trying to understand.
My question, why not let the provider give the child the 2 bottles at nap time instead of parents giving the two bottles at morning and night. Gees, any idea what we have to go thru/listen to, at nap time because you don't want your child to have a bottle during the day.
Just wondering what the train of thought is here. We have your child for both of their naps, we have your child for approx 9 to 10 hours of their day,and we have to listen to them scream themselves to sleep when a simple small bottle will console them and they will lie quietly and go to sleep.
Just wondering I guess, why it is ok for baby to have bottle at night time with parents, but not a nap time with provider. Just trying to understand.
tymaboy 06:51 AM 07-07-2009
Are you supposed to do this cold turkey? Most of my parents that I care for do not take the nap time bottle away until closer to 1 yr then we work on 1 nap at a time. It makes it much easier on everyone concerned.
mac60 08:42 AM 07-07-2009
Yes, I was supposed to do this cold turkey. All my dc kids pretty much take 2 naps until closer to age 2.
kitkat 12:35 PM 07-07-2009
Have you asked the parents why? If so, what did they say as to why they are dropping the 2 bottles?
DD is just shy of 10 months old. We dropped one bottle, but she still gets 3. We dropped a bottle simply because it was becoming a major struggle to get her to take it. Maybe there is an issue at home and baby is refusing the bottles. We never gave DD a bottle around naptime because we didn't want her to be dependent on that to fall asleep. Maybe the parents were feeling the baby was becoming too dependent on the bottle to fall asleep. Some kids use the nuk, some the bottle. Either way, it's a tough habit to break. Another thought could be that they are thinking they should start to wean from the bottle. If that's the case, they need to offer a cup. Is the baby still getting enough formula during the day?
If the baby is upset at nap because there's no bottle, maybe you can offer a sippy of water. Perhaps one with a soft spout would feel like a bottle and provide some comfort.
DD is just shy of 10 months old. We dropped one bottle, but she still gets 3. We dropped a bottle simply because it was becoming a major struggle to get her to take it. Maybe there is an issue at home and baby is refusing the bottles. We never gave DD a bottle around naptime because we didn't want her to be dependent on that to fall asleep. Maybe the parents were feeling the baby was becoming too dependent on the bottle to fall asleep. Some kids use the nuk, some the bottle. Either way, it's a tough habit to break. Another thought could be that they are thinking they should start to wean from the bottle. If that's the case, they need to offer a cup. Is the baby still getting enough formula during the day?
If the baby is upset at nap because there's no bottle, maybe you can offer a sippy of water. Perhaps one with a soft spout would feel like a bottle and provide some comfort.
mac60 03:28 PM 07-07-2009
This is their 2nd child. They didn't want the first one to have a sippy, so I am assuming they won't want this one too either. Sometimes parents make requests that are not very compatible to a daycare setting...ie, no sippy cup, and we as providers have to do whatever we feel is best in our daycare. I have tried giving the baby a sippy with water and formula in it, and he just clung onto the cup, but didn't drink it. I will try something else tomorrow, as today after listening to him cry for over 1 hour and totally disrupting nap time, I finally gave in and gave him a small bottle, in which he laid down and went to sleep.
Former Teacher 04:09 PM 07-07-2009
it's them, not you. They want to make it easier on themselves and put the pressure on you. They don't want to hear the crying, screaming etc. but it's ok for you to listen to that.
Funny how parents are like that. It's ok for the provider to deal with things but Heaven forbid the parents (not all but most!)! Take for example is potty training. I can't tell how many parents we had at the DC and we had to keep the child in underwear. Yet when the parents came to pick the child up, they would slap a pull up on "for just the ride home". That defeats the purpose. Another example was when parents went "cold turkey" on pacifiers. We never had them at the DC and yet parents would push one in right when they came because "I don't need that crying driving!"
Anyway back to the bottles. I do understand where you are coming from. Maybe they can pack an emergency bottle for you. Though in the beginning there might be alot of those!
Funny how parents are like that. It's ok for the provider to deal with things but Heaven forbid the parents (not all but most!)! Take for example is potty training. I can't tell how many parents we had at the DC and we had to keep the child in underwear. Yet when the parents came to pick the child up, they would slap a pull up on "for just the ride home". That defeats the purpose. Another example was when parents went "cold turkey" on pacifiers. We never had them at the DC and yet parents would push one in right when they came because "I don't need that crying driving!"
Anyway back to the bottles. I do understand where you are coming from. Maybe they can pack an emergency bottle for you. Though in the beginning there might be alot of those!
mac60 04:25 PM 07-07-2009
As a provider, can you understand how I can say "I will just deal with it in my own way", as what you said about parents......they don't want to deal with things........is so very true.
I just don't understand, I put the baby to bed 2 times per day, the parents only once, why can't I have that darn bottle? and let the parents deal with it at night.
I just don't understand, I put the baby to bed 2 times per day, the parents only once, why can't I have that darn bottle?
and let the parents deal with it at night.
Unregistered 06:09 AM 07-09-2009
I would personally buy a bottle and feed the baby it a naptime and not tell the parents. It is unfair of the parents to expect you to be the one to break the bottle habit, and them not have to deal with it. They have one baby at home and they don't want to hear it cry, but you are supposed to disrupt the whole naptime with all the kids listening to this child cry? This is not good for you or the other children or this baby. Keep giving the bottle, sometimes parent Don't know best. As for the sippy cup? This is my home and my daycare, all the children under a certain age drink out of sippy cups, I don't have the time to be cleaning up spilled milk. This is my rule and if the parents don't like it, they can take their kids elsewhere. I also have a rule about not walking around with food, yet parents will bring their kids in, munching on crackers or poptarts when they arrive. I immediately take it away, and sit them at the table (in front of the parents...to make a point). If I let the kids eat and drink all over the house, it would be filthy.
Unregistered 11:49 AM 07-09-2009
unfortunately, parents really don't want to know how their kids days went, if it was bad. I would give the bottle, not tell the parents, put a smile on your face during pickup and tell the parents what a great day their child had. Parents really don't want to know if their kids cried all day, or took an hour of screaming to settle down for nap. Do what you need to to make the baby happy. And if that means giving a bottle to settle him down, then do it and don't feel guilty. You are making their child happy and content as opposed to cranky and miserable. If the parents think this is what is best, then they shouldn't be parents, or they should take away the bottles at home first. Besides, I can see giving the baby his bottle at bedtime, but why are they giving him one in the morning, as opposed to letting you give him one at namptime. It just doesn't make any sense.
ConcernedMotherof2 11:51 AM 08-04-2009
This post started out asking parents for input and wound up (once again) to be a bunch of daycare providers bashing parents. MAYBE the parents are selfish and expect the provider to essentially be the one to wean their child from the bottle. WHICH, YES, WOULD BE WRONG.
HOWEVER, has the provider asked the parents what the motivation for this is? I think that going against the parents' wishes without getting an explanation from them is wrong. Of course, some people have screwy ways of thinking, so it may be necessary for the provider to bend some of the parents' rules in order to maintain her own sanity. But IMO, it would be more useful to all parties involved for the provider to speak with the parents, hear their motivations and explain how difficult it is not only on the provider and the other children in care, but the child who is being weaned.
**Side note** it is difficult to come to this forum with questions. I thought this was supposed to be a forum for parents to ask/answer questions and gain insight on daycare situations. It seems more and more I am seeing providers bashing parents as a whole. We are not all bad. I am all for free expression of opinion... but isn't there a provider forum for such things? I could list at least ten providers I have had dealings with who have either put my children in danger or cheated me in some way, but that doesn't mean that every time I have a problem with a provider, I am going to jump to conclusions and think that all are the same as one. I realize that, as providers, you have to deal with a lot more parents than the average parent has to deal with providers and you have dealt with some pretty tough situations, but not all parents are bad, not all parents are out to make your lives more difficult and not all parents expect the moon and stars. Isn't part of running a successful business the art of tactful communication?
HOWEVER, has the provider asked the parents what the motivation for this is? I think that going against the parents' wishes without getting an explanation from them is wrong. Of course, some people have screwy ways of thinking, so it may be necessary for the provider to bend some of the parents' rules in order to maintain her own sanity. But IMO, it would be more useful to all parties involved for the provider to speak with the parents, hear their motivations and explain how difficult it is not only on the provider and the other children in care, but the child who is being weaned.
**Side note** it is difficult to come to this forum with questions. I thought this was supposed to be a forum for parents to ask/answer questions and gain insight on daycare situations. It seems more and more I am seeing providers bashing parents as a whole. We are not all bad. I am all for free expression of opinion... but isn't there a provider forum for such things? I could list at least ten providers I have had dealings with who have either put my children in danger or cheated me in some way, but that doesn't mean that every time I have a problem with a provider, I am going to jump to conclusions and think that all are the same as one. I realize that, as providers, you have to deal with a lot more parents than the average parent has to deal with providers and you have dealt with some pretty tough situations, but not all parents are bad, not all parents are out to make your lives more difficult and not all parents expect the moon and stars. Isn't part of running a successful business the art of tactful communication?
Michael 01:19 PM 08-04-2009
There are a lot of providers that have a lot on their minds in regards to childcare as a business and as parents/guardians. 
The Daycare.com Forum offers providers AND parents a place to network.
Daycare.com is geared toward both, but parents may have more options on the internet for their questions that may generalize around parenting. The forum is open and will move in the direction that its members choose. We spend a great deal of time clearing out the SPAM and advertisements that crowd out good conversation in other forums. Most of the posts and conversations on this forum are interesting and informative to say the least.
We appreciate your views as a parent and hope you and others make your opinions known here in our forum to help further conversations of interest within our childcare industry.
The Daycare.com Forum offers providers AND parents a place to network. Daycare.com is geared toward both, but parents may have more options on the internet for their questions that may generalize around parenting. The forum is open and will move in the direction that its members choose. We spend a great deal of time clearing out the SPAM and advertisements that crowd out good conversation in other forums. Most of the posts and conversations on this forum are interesting and informative to say the least.
We appreciate your views as a parent and hope you and others make your opinions known here in our forum to help further conversations of interest within our childcare industry.
Unregistered 07:38 PM 08-07-2009
I would NOT give the baby the bottle, and then lie to the parents about it! The parents of a ten month old need to know how much he is eating/drinking throughout the day. Just tell them that you still need to give a bottle at nap time. How can we expect a good relationship with our parents if we're lying to them about the care we're giving their children!
Chickenhauler 02:34 PM 08-08-2009
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I would NOT give the baby the bottle, and then lie to the parents about it! The parents of a ten month old need to know how much he is eating/drinking throughout the day. Just tell them that you still need to give a bottle at nap time. How can we expect a good relationship with our parents if we're lying to them about the care we're giving their children!
I agree with you to a degree, but keep in mind there are parents out there who won't do the difficult things required when raising a child, and will continually dump them on others or just ignore that things need to be addressed.I would NOT give the baby the bottle, and then lie to the parents about it! The parents of a ten month old need to know how much he is eating/drinking throughout the day. Just tell them that you still need to give a bottle at nap time. How can we expect a good relationship with our parents if we're lying to them about the care we're giving their children!
We see it all the time, kids being raised by TV, kids who are in their late teens who have never had the "birds and the bees" talk with mom or dad, parents who won't discipline their kid for fear of "the child won't be their friend anymore", etc etc.
But then again, I have a dismal view of society as a whole and where it's going.
Unregistered 09:39 AM 08-10-2009
If they want you to cut cold turkey, I would suggest that they do that over the weekend and if it goes well for them then you will try on monday, if it didn't go well for them then suggest 1 bottle at a time, not both naps.
seashell 07:14 AM 08-27-2009
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
If they want you to cut cold turkey, I would suggest that they do that over the weekend and if it goes well for them then you will try on monday, if it didn't go well for them then suggest 1 bottle at a time, not both naps.
I agree completely. If no bottle is important to mom and dad, it should be done cold turkey on the weekend. But as for just a bottle at night? If they are taking the bottle, I think it should be gone completely, at home and at school. Consistance between home and daycare is so important. If the baby is getting it at bedtime at home, she will also expect it when it's bed time at daycare. She's probably crying because she's confussed.If they want you to cut cold turkey, I would suggest that they do that over the weekend and if it goes well for them then you will try on monday, if it didn't go well for them then suggest 1 bottle at a time, not both naps.
I would like to point out that as a provider, I do agree that parents are often treated harshly on this board. Comminication is so important, as is respecting each other. Talk, listen, learn and grow!
Unregistered 11:56 AM 09-19-2009
it's your party, sister. this is the exact type of situation that REQUIRES caregivers to have a set of policies for running the daycare. these parents don't have the right to disrupt the rest period for the other PAYING parents. i say tell them you won't take the bottle away at naptimes until the child stops crying for it because it's not fair to everyone else. do you think the other parents would be okay with the situation? i wouldn't want my child to miss a good nap because of it - because they'd be fussy and tired at home. who wants to spend the little time they get with their children fighting and punishing???
tell 'em no!
tell 'em no!
Unregistered 04:47 PM 09-19-2009
I think it's almost too late to go back on it now that you agreed to do it, without making waves, but I think you are probably going to have to.
Tell them as tactfully as you can that quitting the bottle cold turkey has not worked for DCB in X number of days and while you gave it your best shot, it is too disruptive to the other children during the rest period. Tell them you are concerned about other parents getting upset because their kids are missing their naps and are cranky at pick-up time.
Tell them you are happy to work with them on weaning the child but that the weaning will have to be done at home over a long weekend first. This is the same policy I have for children on potty training and on moving out of the crib, it must be done at home first over a long weekend and must be consistently done at home from that point on.
Also the other poster made a good point, why not have a bottle with you at nap and a bottle with them at bedtime as a compromise.
Tell them as tactfully as you can that quitting the bottle cold turkey has not worked for DCB in X number of days and while you gave it your best shot, it is too disruptive to the other children during the rest period. Tell them you are concerned about other parents getting upset because their kids are missing their naps and are cranky at pick-up time.
Tell them you are happy to work with them on weaning the child but that the weaning will have to be done at home over a long weekend first. This is the same policy I have for children on potty training and on moving out of the crib, it must be done at home first over a long weekend and must be consistently done at home from that point on.
Also the other poster made a good point, why not have a bottle with you at nap and a bottle with them at bedtime as a compromise.
Unregistered 10:00 PM 10-01-2009
I realize this sounds bad, and I'm sure many will disagree... but I would just go ahead and give the bottle anyway. Smile and say ok to the parent, then do whatever is in the best interest of you, the child, and your daycare.
Amen.
Amen.
MamaInCali 10:04 PM 11-29-2009
As a parent, I can't speak for their logic because thats what they came up with. But a parent has rights, at least in California to know the truth and not be lied to. You should be forward with them so they clearly understand the length their child is crying. Don't assume parents do not want to hear about their child having a bad day. And if it is disrupting nap time, you have to let the parents know that. Its the providers obligation I feel, to let that child go. To withold information and lie to the parents is wrong. And some times it is just to keep that spot filled.
mac60 02:35 AM 11-30-2009
Well, this problem has been taken care of.....a long time ago. All is well now and has been for quite some time. If I would of gotten rid of the child, that would of been a cop out on my part and that is not me. Some of us need our job, and just because we hit a rocky spot in the road, is not a reason to terminate a family. I can't believe the number of providers that always throw out that soulution.....terminate. If we terminated every time a parent did something stupid or disrespectful or didn't follow our handbook, or everytime a child was having issues or misbehaving, then I would not have a business. I need my job, and issues and problems are a part of it, you just learn to deal with it. For those of you who don't really rely on your daycare income and can terminate everytime something doesn't go your way, consider yourself very lucky, as many of us depend on our income to pay bills and keep a roof over our head, just as I did when I worked outside the home for 21 years for another company.
And just so you know, I clearly explained to the mom regularly the childs behavior....they knew, the child did the very same at home, and the mom regularly apologized for the behavior.
And please, don't talk to me about parents rights.......or I will have to bring up all the days the parents bring their child to me while they have the day off, go shopping, have "other" things to do.....where are the childrens rights here.
And just so you know, I clearly explained to the mom regularly the childs behavior....they knew, the child did the very same at home, and the mom regularly apologized for the behavior.
And please, don't talk to me about parents rights.......or I will have to bring up all the days the parents bring their child to me while they have the day off, go shopping, have "other" things to do.....where are the childrens rights here.
GretasLittleFriends 12:30 PM 11-30-2009
Originally Posted by mac60:
And please, don't talk to me about parents rights.......or I will have to bring up all the days the parents bring their child to me while they have the day off, go shopping, have "other" things to do.....where are the childrens rights here.
And please, don't talk to me about parents rights.......or I will have to bring up all the days the parents bring their child to me while they have the day off, go shopping, have "other" things to do.....where are the childrens rights here.
Hate to say it, but it's the parents' rights to decide the child's rights... I see this with children in my care too. Not so much that the parents bring their child to me to go shopping/etc, but just the general taking their children for granted... "The children will always be my children" mentality, perhaps not realizing how fast they will grow up and how much time the parents will miss out.
For example, one of my dc kids first steps were taken here at daycare. I debated not telling it to mom, because she's a hard worker and trying to make something of her life. I didn't want her to feel guilty about missing that important mile stone.
jen 06:45 PM 11-30-2009
I never ever tell! I usually ask.."has X taken any steps at home yet? He's looking close?" But I never tell!
Originally Posted by GretasLittleFriends:
Hate to say it, but it's the parents' rights to decide the child's rights...
I see this with children in my care too. Not so much that the parents bring their child to me to go shopping/etc, but just the general taking their children for granted... "The children will always be my children" mentality, perhaps not realizing how fast they will grow up and how much time the parents will miss out.
For example, one of my dc kids first steps were taken here at daycare. I debated not telling it to mom, because she's a hard worker and trying to make something of her life. I didn't want her to feel guilty about missing that important mile stone.
Hate to say it, but it's the parents' rights to decide the child's rights... I see this with children in my care too. Not so much that the parents bring their child to me to go shopping/etc, but just the general taking their children for granted... "The children will always be my children" mentality, perhaps not realizing how fast they will grow up and how much time the parents will miss out.
For example, one of my dc kids first steps were taken here at daycare. I debated not telling it to mom, because she's a hard worker and trying to make something of her life. I didn't want her to feel guilty about missing that important mile stone.
mac60 02:17 AM 12-01-2009
I totally understand that it is the Parents rights to decide the child's rights, but when it is in my home, and it is not working, and it does no one justice including other children in my care or the child themselves, I then have to make a decision to do what is best for all involved.
GretasLittleFriends 11:13 AM 12-01-2009
Originally Posted by mac60:
I totally understand that it is the Parents rights to decide the child's rights, but when it is in my home, and it is not working, and it does no one justice including other children in my care or the child themselves, I then have to make a decision to do what is best for all involved.
I was being a smarty pants. I do agree with you.I totally understand that it is the Parents rights to decide the child's rights, but when it is in my home, and it is not working, and it does no one justice including other children in my care or the child themselves, I then have to make a decision to do what is best for all involved.
mac60 12:07 PM 12-01-2009
Originally Posted by GretasLittleFriends:
I was being a smarty pants. I do agree with you.
I was being a smarty pants. I do agree with you.
Maybe you need to go to the time out corner then.
(I don't know, we all might enjoy a few quiet moments in the time out corner)