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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>It's Amazing How Things Sometimes Happen
melilley 11:38 AM 08-12-2014
I have an almost 3 year old dcb whom I have had here since he was 18 mo. old. He has always been aggressive, he went from biting and pushing and hitting to pushing, hitting, occasionally hair pulling, always scream/crying and it is usually so stressful when he's here-for the other kids and for me. His mom and dad just went through a divorce and until this week, dcb has only been here one day out of almost 4 weeks because he had visitation with dcd, nd it was the difference between night and day! My days were smooth and wonderful! I have always wanted to term, but never did. I love dcm and thought I could help dcb, but it seems nothing has helped him with his aggression, plus he can only say a handful of legible words so that may be part of his aggression.

So after not having him all these days, he came back today. The whole time in the shower I was dreading the thought of him being here today. I even was going over scenarios in my head of what I could say to mom to term, knowing I probably wouldn't. I went about my morning getting ready routine, still dreading his arrival.

Then..Dcb and dcm arrived this morning and mom tells me that she quit her job. Total shocker, she's the project manager for our township and has mentioned how she loves her job. She said that dcb would be part time if I had an opening for that, she's going to stay home to spend time with him and maybe earn her phd. I never thought this day would come. I feel guilty being happy about it because I love dcm, but the thought of only having dcb once or twice a week is fabulous! Then she tells me how she's not sure how it's going to go because dcb was really naughty yesterday (she kept him home), hitting and kicking at home.

Now I don't have to worry about finding a way to term him, I don't have to now! I don't mind having him 1-2 times a week, but 5 days was terrible. I have to say that I did learn a valuable lesson: if a child causes you to not enjoy what you are doing, term! It's not about how much you like a parent, your sanity matters more. I should have termed a year ago!

Now I have to get up the courage to term 2 p/t families. I have to replace the f/t dcb that is leaving and my 2 p/t spots take up my 30 month and under spot, the spot that every one is looking for. It's too hard to find any children that are 30 mo and up so I have no choice. I wish I didn't have such a difficult time with this. I hate that I have to term anyone, especially when they haven't done anything wrong.

Thanks for listening to me ramble...lol
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Childminder 12:00 PM 08-12-2014
I would use this opportunity to be rid of him. You said your day is much better without him, this would be the perfect time to end the relationship. Tell her you are wanting only full time and if a space becomes available you'll be sure to call her.
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Controlled Chaos 12:05 PM 08-12-2014
Yes, use this opportunity to term.
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melilley 12:10 PM 08-12-2014
I know, I know, deep down I know. It's just so hard for me. I'm a people pleaser and I love this dcm. I know, you guys are right though, I think I need to just term.
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Play Care 12:32 PM 08-12-2014
Originally Posted by melilley:
I know, I know, deep down I know. It's just so hard for me. I'm a people pleaser and I love this dcm. I know, you guys are right though, I think I need to just term.
I agree about just terming. I can see this mom being washy washy about the PT and you winding up having dcb more often than not
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Crazy8 12:40 PM 08-12-2014
I agree with the others - use this opportunity to term entirely!!! As she gets more of a taste of how naughty dcb is at home while she is trying to study, etc. you will have him more and more!!!
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Unregistered 01:06 PM 08-12-2014
And it may force her into looking for parenting advise, counseling or help for her child, if the child is truly the one with the problem.
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melilley 01:09 PM 08-12-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
And it may force her into looking for parenting advise, counseling or help for her child, if the child is truly the one with the problem.
This is true, I think she knows that his behavior is extreme and is getting him evaluated in Sept. so hopefully something comes out of that. She's a great mom, but between going back and forth between mom and dad, it's hard to have consistency.
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midaycare 02:59 PM 08-12-2014
I'm glad this worked out so well for you
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Shell 06:36 PM 08-12-2014
I went back and forth with terming a dcg for 3 years! Dcg was good, but dcm drove me nuts on a regular basis and had the mentality that I worked for her. Then one day, dcm tells me she got a new job and they are moving out of town! I was so very happy they ended the relationship, I didn't have to, and we ended on a happy note. The strange thing is, I kind of miss them now I would just be concerned that dcm will try to bring dcb more and more like pp said. If you keep him on, I would very specifically define the number of days/ hours you will take him, and don't cave and let her bring him more when she sees what it's like being home with him!
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