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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Only I Could Have Luck This Bad!
bklsmum 03:25 AM 07-29-2015
So a little background first...a few weeks ago one of my DCM's who is single told me that she was dating one of my brothers. They had met on a dating website and hooked up. Now I love this brother but there are MANY reasons he is still single and should remain so. This DCM is RIGHT up his alley...owns her home, has a good job, desperate to not be single and very sweet and trusting. He sees these women coming a mile away and gets everything he cans from them and splits. He has 6 kids by 3 different women and has been engaged like 7 times. Sooooo...she asked me what I thought and I told her that I love my brother but she should be very careful because he didn't have the best history. A few days later she asked me to babysit one evening which I have done for her before and I said yes and when she showed up to get DCB she was sobbing. Her and my brother had gotten into a big fight in the restaurant and he was a big jerk to her. The next day she got out of work early and came to get DCB and my SIL who REALLY dislikes my brother was here and she gave DCM the skinny on him. DCM told us that my brother didn't like that her and I were friendly and he wanted her to find a new provider. She said she would never do that and DCB was so happy here and etc, etc. I told her that it was obviously her choice but if she did pull DCB that would be it and she could not bring him back when her and my brother broke up because I was not going to go back and forth like that and it wasn't good for DCB. She swore it would never happen but I have been waiting for it ever since.
FF to this week...She keeps telling me that she has not seen or heard from my brother and it is probably for the best and etc, etc...On Monday DCB was whispering to another DCB and I hear "But don't tell Miss BKLSMUM" so of course I asked what was going on and he says "My Mom told me not to tell you" I told him he should not be talking about it here then and he said "I had a rap duel with your brother but my Mom said not to tell you because you would be mad at her." I told him not to worry about it and we went on with our day. I didn't say anything to DCM because if she wants to be stupid that is up to her but it does bother me that she is telling DCB to lie to me because I think that can lead to other lying and issues. When she picked up yesterday he asked her right in front of me if my brother was coming over again to help them with stuff and she looked very embarrassed but I didn't say anything and they left. I feel she will eventually pull him and that is sad because he has attachment issues and likes it here and has been here a couple of years now but I am not sure if I should have a talk with her...*sigh*...how bad does my luck have to be to end up in this situation? UGH!
FF to this week...She keeps telling me that she has not seen or heard from my brother and it is probably for the best and etc, etc...On Monday DCB was whispering to another DCB and I hear "But don't tell Miss BKLSMUM" so of course I asked what was going on and he says "My Mom told me not to tell you" I told him he should not be talking about it here then and he said "I had a rap duel with your brother but my Mom said not to tell you because you would be mad at her." I told him not to worry about it and we went on with our day. I didn't say anything to DCM because if she wants to be stupid that is up to her but it does bother me that she is telling DCB to lie to me because I think that can lead to other lying and issues. When she picked up yesterday he asked her right in front of me if my brother was coming over again to help them with stuff and she looked very embarrassed but I didn't say anything and they left. I feel she will eventually pull him and that is sad because he has attachment issues and likes it here and has been here a couple of years now but I am not sure if I should have a talk with her...*sigh*...how bad does my luck have to be to end up in this situation? UGH!
Play Care 03:51 AM 07-29-2015
How awkward! 
I agree, start interviewing
On a side note, if I were a single mom with young kids and had my cr@p together, I wouldn't date at. all. Statistically mommy's boyfriend is usually the one abusing the kids. I just would not take that chance.
But I'm also an introvert who prefers my own company and to be able to do what I want without having to consider anyone else, so take that FWIW.
I agree, start interviewingOn a side note, if I were a single mom with young kids and had my cr@p together, I wouldn't date at. all. Statistically mommy's boyfriend is usually the one abusing the kids. I just would not take that chance.
But I'm also an introvert who prefers my own company and to be able to do what I want without having to consider anyone else, so take that FWIW.
bklsmum 04:08 AM 07-29-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
How awkward! I agree, start interviewing
On a side note, if I were a single mom with young kids and had my cr@p together, I wouldn't date at. all. Statistically mommy's boyfriend is usually the one abusing the kids. I just would not take that chance.
But I'm also an introvert who prefers my own company and to be able to do what I want without having to consider anyone else, so take that FWIW.
I am a single mother and VERY rarely date and don't involve my kids in it at all and they are 19, 17 and 12. She dates a lot, which is fine but she introduces her son to them a couple of weeks in and it always hurts him when the relationship ends. His Dad is not in the picture so he is looking for a father figure and her bad taste in men and desperation to couple is not helping. As far as the interviewing goes, I am full and have a wait list so I am not worried about that part at all. I just feel bad for DCB.How awkward!
I agree, start interviewingOn a side note, if I were a single mom with young kids and had my cr@p together, I wouldn't date at. all. Statistically mommy's boyfriend is usually the one abusing the kids. I just would not take that chance.
But I'm also an introvert who prefers my own company and to be able to do what I want without having to consider anyone else, so take that FWIW.
Thriftylady 06:02 AM 07-29-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
How awkward! I agree, start interviewing
On a side note, if I were a single mom with young kids and had my cr@p together, I wouldn't date at. all. Statistically mommy's boyfriend is usually the one abusing the kids. I just would not take that chance.
But I'm also an introvert who prefers my own company and to be able to do what I want without having to consider anyone else, so take that FWIW.
I think it can be done (I did it!) but you have to use caution. Sounds like this DCM has other issues when it comes to men though. Meaning that she must have a fear of being alone or something.How awkward!
I agree, start interviewingOn a side note, if I were a single mom with young kids and had my cr@p together, I wouldn't date at. all. Statistically mommy's boyfriend is usually the one abusing the kids. I just would not take that chance.
But I'm also an introvert who prefers my own company and to be able to do what I want without having to consider anyone else, so take that FWIW.
Shell 07:10 AM 07-29-2015
Wow, what an uncomfortable spot to be put in!
I think you've handled it well, and I'm sure when she pulls, it won't be long before she's begging for dcb to come back.
I would just tell her flat out that dcb mentioned not to tell you that your brother was hanging out at their house, and that there shouldn't be any secrecy- it's her life and there's no reason to hide anything. Not to mention, dcb should not be getting into the habit of keeping secrets- I'm surprised she's "encouraging" that type of behavior.
Agree, I would start advertising because unless they break up soon, it's likely she will do whatever he says, even if staying with you is in the child's best interest.
I think you've handled it well, and I'm sure when she pulls, it won't be long before she's begging for dcb to come back.
I would just tell her flat out that dcb mentioned not to tell you that your brother was hanging out at their house, and that there shouldn't be any secrecy- it's her life and there's no reason to hide anything. Not to mention, dcb should not be getting into the habit of keeping secrets- I'm surprised she's "encouraging" that type of behavior.
Agree, I would start advertising because unless they break up soon, it's likely she will do whatever he says, even if staying with you is in the child's best interest.
bklsmum 07:15 AM 07-29-2015
What makes me craziest is that she is a very nice woman and he is going to hurt her. They have been dating less than a month and he has already had her sobbing her eyes out...shouldn't there be some sort of honeymoon period where that stuff just doesn't happen? And he is flat out telling her that he wants her and DCB away from me so I don't tell her the bad things he has done...how is that not a HUGE red flag that this guy is trouble? The funny thing is that he has already told her the worst thing he has done that I know about so I have nothing to tell her even if I would, which I wouldn't because he is my brother even if he isn't acting like it.
bklsmum 07:16 AM 07-29-2015
Originally Posted by Shell:
Wow, what an uncomfortable spot to be put in!
I think you've handled it well, and I'm sure when she pulls, it won't be long before she's begging for dcb to come back.
I would just tell her flat out that dcb mentioned not to tell you that your brother was hanging out at their house, and that there shouldn't be any secrecy- it's her life and there's no reason to hide anything. Not to mention, dcb should not be getting into the habit of keeping secrets- I'm surprised she's "encouraging" that type of behavior.
Agree, I would start advertising because unless they break up soon, it's likely she will do whatever he says, even if staying with you is in the child's best interest.
I do want to approach her about the secrets thing because I think it is harmful to DCB and I's relationship and my program as a whole and it is not ok with me.Wow, what an uncomfortable spot to be put in!
I think you've handled it well, and I'm sure when she pulls, it won't be long before she's begging for dcb to come back.
I would just tell her flat out that dcb mentioned not to tell you that your brother was hanging out at their house, and that there shouldn't be any secrecy- it's her life and there's no reason to hide anything. Not to mention, dcb should not be getting into the habit of keeping secrets- I'm surprised she's "encouraging" that type of behavior.
Agree, I would start advertising because unless they break up soon, it's likely she will do whatever he says, even if staying with you is in the child's best interest.