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Indoorvoice 09:02 AM 07-15-2014
Dcg3 came in screaming today as usual. After dcd left, she immediately stopped crying and I had a chat with her about how it's not nice to come in screaming and that she is old enough to come in with a happy face and a quiet voice. I told her from now on, that I expect her to come in nicely. I mean, she's 3 and I think she is capable of controlling her behavior to an extent. But afterward, I felt kind of bad. She probably IS sad and maybe she can't control it. Have you ever told your dck's who are old enough to not cry at drop off? Or am I just giving this too much attention and over thinking it?
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coolconfidentme 09:18 AM 07-15-2014
She cries cause it works with DCD. She stops cause it doesn't work with you.
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Unregistered 09:19 AM 07-15-2014
Oh no,I always have that talk with them.Most of the kids I've had since birth so it's usually not an issue but they do go through separation anxiety.At that age I tell them it's ok to be upset,it is not however ok to scream,kick,throw a fit. I also tell them what will happen if they do it again.
I've only had one kid ever do it twice and he was put on his cot to rest because that behavior tells me he must be tired and he watched all his friends play while he "rested" with books.
He got it together quickly!
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Play Care 11:04 AM 07-15-2014
Originally Posted by altandra:
Dcg3 came in screaming today as usual. After dcd left, she immediately stopped crying and I had a chat with her about how it's not nice to come in screaming and that she is old enough to come in with a happy face and a quiet voice. I told her from now on, that I expect her to come in nicely. I mean, she's 3 and I think she is capable of controlling her behavior to an extent. But afterward, I felt kind of bad. She probably IS sad and maybe she can't control it. Have you ever told your dck's who are old enough to not cry at drop off? Or am I just giving this too much attention and over thinking it?
She's 3! I would NOT feel bad at all! That kind of behavior on a daily basis by a 3 year is ridiculous. You shouldn't feel bad at all. Her parents should feel horrible for allowing it.
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daycarediva 11:07 AM 07-15-2014
Had the same conversation with a 4yo dcg today about not bringing in toys/crying when I take them away at drop off. I don't feel bad in the least.

I think the reason she stopped crying (was able to calm quickly) is that it was a show for Dad and not real tears.
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Blackcat31 11:07 AM 07-15-2014
The attitude of my preschoolers upon entrance each morning dictates what activities they are or aren't allowed to do.

The kids WANT to come in happy so that they can do "big kid" stuff .

Makes a HUGE difference in my day, and I'm sure it impacts the overall mood of the environment.
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Annalee 11:11 AM 07-15-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The attitude of my preschoolers upon entrance each morning dictates what activities they are or aren't allowed to do.

The kids WANT to come in happy so that they can do "big kid" stuff .

Makes a HUGE difference in my day, and I'm sure it impacts the overall mood of the environment.
I agree; I ask my kids if they want to be a leader and role model which means they get special privileges....consequences for their actions in the process.....something my mentor introduced to me from her program...it is a good thing to share with parents as well....when a parent is asked if they want their kids to be a leader/role model, they begin to notice the other children and sometimes this can be a positive thing for the parent as well.
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Play Care 11:14 AM 07-15-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The attitude of my preschoolers upon entrance each morning dictates what activities they are or aren't allowed to do.

The kids WANT to come in happy so that they can do "big kid" stuff .

Makes a HUGE difference in my day, and I'm sure it impacts the overall mood of the environment.


Exactly. But if I were the OP I would NOT feel bad for addressing the behavior this morning.
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AmyKidsCo 11:18 AM 07-15-2014
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:
She cries cause it works with DCD. She stops cause it doesn't work with you.


I've had that conversation. If possible, have a window or two open so DCD can hear that she stops right away, then he won't feel as bad.
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Indoorvoice 11:19 AM 07-15-2014
I love you guys. I'm always second guessing my gut feelings and trying to be the nice guy. I guess it comes from years of teaching when I pretty much HAD to let the parents and kids walk on me. I really like your idea blackcat. It would probably help my own 3 year old keep herself in line too. Most days, my 1yo would be the only one who would get to do the "big kid" activity with how it's been going lately. man, those 3 year olds really get me sometimes. My least favorite age.
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debbiedoeszip 12:27 PM 07-15-2014
Originally Posted by altandra:
Dcg3 came in screaming today as usual. After dcd left, she immediately stopped crying and I had a chat with her about how it's not nice to come in screaming and that she is old enough to come in with a happy face and a quiet voice. I told her from now on, that I expect her to come in nicely. I mean, she's 3 and I think she is capable of controlling her behavior to an extent. But afterward, I felt kind of bad. She probably IS sad and maybe she can't control it. Have you ever told your dck's who are old enough to not cry at drop off? Or am I just giving this too much attention and over thinking it?
I wouldn't make expectations for behaviour unless I also had a consequence in mind. It can undermine your authority/credibility with her. For example, you've told her that you expect her to come in tomorrow with a happy face and a quiet voice. What if she comes in screaming? What will you do? What will the consequence be? If you do nothing, then she may come to think that when you give expectations they are nothing but words, words which can be ignored.

I think that it's better to ignore a (non-harmful) behaviour than to "lay down the law" and not have a consequence in if your "law" is ignored.
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Second Home 01:27 PM 07-15-2014
I have done something similar with a dcg , she is 4 . Her issue is at pick ups though . I do tell her each day there will be no screaming when so and so comes to pick her up . If she screams then she does not get a sticker.
it took a few times but now she knows I mean what I say .
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Hunni Bee 01:57 PM 07-15-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The attitude of my preschoolers upon entrance each morning dictates what activities they are or aren't allowed to do.

The kids WANT to come in happy so that they can do "big kid" stuff .

Makes a HUGE difference in my day, and I'm sure it impacts the overall mood of the environment.
Really? Awesome.

So when they've come in wailing like a walrus and ask to do paint later, what do you say? "Sorry, you had some trouble coming in this morning, maybe next time"?
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Blackcat31 02:00 PM 07-15-2014
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
Really? Awesome.

So when they've come in wailing like a walrus and ask to do paint later, what do you say? "Sorry, you had some trouble coming in this morning, maybe next time"?
Yeppers...."Sorry, hun but painting with tempura paints is for the big kids. You can paint with water colors if you'd like."

The way I do it, allows for everyone to get the same opportunities but with different levels of "big-ness" kwim?

Everyone gets art time but not everyone gets to use tempura paint.
Everyone gets to play Legos but not everyone gets to use the little Lego sets.

Everyone gets to go outside but only the big kids get to go into an area of the yard that has the fun "big kid" toys.

Etc etc. etc...
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Hunni Bee 02:03 PM 07-15-2014
Originally Posted by debbiedoeszip:
I wouldn't make expectations for behaviour unless I also had a consequence in mind. It can undermine your authority/credibility with her. For example, you've told her that you expect her to come in tomorrow with a happy face and a quiet voice. What if she comes in screaming? What will you do? What will the consequence be? If you do nothing, then she may come to think that when you give expectations they are nothing but words, words which can be ignored.

I think that it's better to ignore a (non-harmful) behaviour than to "lay down the law" and not have a consequence in if your "law" is ignored.
I think it's good to make your expectations known. Kids aren't born knowing how to be behave, and if we don't tell them, how will they know? She probably doesnt see anything wrong with her behavior.

I also think it's okay to add consequences down the road if the boundaries are not being respected.
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Indoorvoice 07:55 PM 07-15-2014
Here's what I did: I decided to give dcb3, who came in very nicely after dcg arrived a certificate for coming in so nicely (my kids are big on "happy notes" they can show mom and dad). I made a huge deal about what a great job he did and how quiet his voice was. Of course dcg asked for one and I had to say, "oh man! I wish I could, but you were so loud when you came in today! Maybe you can try tomorrow." Cue dcg pouty face. We'll see how my plan works tomorrow...
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TheGoodLife 08:31 PM 07-15-2014
Originally Posted by altandra:
Here's what I did: I decided to give dcb3, who came in very nicely after dcg arrived a certificate for coming in so nicely (my kids are big on "happy notes" they can show mom and dad). I made a huge deal about what a great job he did and how quiet his voice was. Of course dcg asked for one and I had to say, "oh man! I wish I could, but you were so loud when you came in today! Maybe you can try tomorrow." Cue dcg pouty face. We'll see how my plan works tomorrow...
Awesome! Keep us posted on how it goes tomorrow, hope it works for her!!
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Play Care 03:47 AM 07-16-2014
Originally Posted by altandra:
Here's what I did: I decided to give dcb3, who came in very nicely after dcg arrived a certificate for coming in so nicely (my kids are big on "happy notes" they can show mom and dad). I made a huge deal about what a great job he did and how quiet his voice was. Of course dcg asked for one and I had to say, "oh man! I wish I could, but you were so loud when you came in today! Maybe you can try tomorrow." Cue dcg pouty face. We'll see how my plan works tomorrow...


Great idea! I might even remind the child as they were leaving about your expectations for the morning and what happens if they do a great job coming in ("hey buddy, remember to come in quietly and cheerfully and you can get an award too! Have a great night" then quickly shut the door )

I would NOT ignore a child coming in screaming and wailing each morning. They need to know that behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. This is a business but it is also my home/ neighborhood. Right in my contract there is a blurb about the behavior expectations of children coming and going to day care - staying with parents, being considerate of my family and my neighbors, etc. so a child coming in every day screaming - especially a PRESCHOOLER, could risk being terminated from my day care for that behavior. This isn't tattling (ignore) or slight whining (ignore) it's a potentially term-able offense. Frankly I'd be saying something to the PARENTS if it was happening frequently.
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CedarCreek 06:46 AM 07-16-2014
I had a 4 year old once that pulled this CONSTANTLY. Why? because if he did, Mom would take him with her to go run errands and leave his 2 year old brother with me (who always came in happy and smiley, he was a doll)

I did bye- bye outside with him for a while and eventually had a talk with him about it similar to yours. It got better with consistency.

Really, Mom was the problem. That's why bye-bye outside is so great. It didn't give her time to hang around the door and make things worse.
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rebekki78 10:31 AM 07-16-2014
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:
She cries cause it works with DCD. She stops cause it doesn't work with you.
I have found this to be SO true.
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rebekki78 10:33 AM 07-16-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Yeppers...."Sorry, hun but painting with tempura paints is for the big kids. You can paint with water colors if you'd like."

The way I do it, allows for everyone to get the same opportunities but with different levels of "big-ness" kwim?

Everyone gets art time but not everyone gets to use tempura paint.
Everyone gets to play Legos but not everyone gets to use the little Lego sets.

Everyone gets to go outside but only the big kids get to go into an area of the yard that has the fun "big kid" toys.

Etc etc. etc...
Yep. Going to be trying this one!
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daycare 10:53 AM 07-16-2014
I have this kid and he is 4. Has been with me since age 18 months. I tried BCs tacit, it has worked on all of the kids but this one.

So, I told the DCP that they need to settle their child before they are even getting out of the car.

In my child's case, they were screaming because they could not have a cookie, or daddy would not go to the park, let them play ipad and etc. It was NOT because daddy was leaving or mommy.

I put it back on the parent, sorry you need to calm your child and only drop when they are calm.

When he screams he goes straight to the crying spot and does not get any privileges. Big kids here get to play ABC mouse.com, but big kids don't come in screaming like babies. So nothing for privilege.
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