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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I Am Losing Control of My Daycare
cara041083 08:23 AM 10-09-2014
I feel like I have hit a rut and don't know how to fix it. I used to have such a good group (other then 1 or 2) but for the past month things have gone down hill drastic that now I am wondering if I can even get it back in control again. Every day someone breaks a toy. When I take the toys away and just have the kid or kids sit, they just laugh. If I leave the room, they all get up and start running and screaming so now I am stuck in the daycare room hovering. I have a hard time even being able to make lunch. At nap time, they just laugh and talk and get up and run around. I have them all in 1 room and don't have the space to separate. So by 3 everyone is tired and cranky. I have a baby that is hitting, taking toys, kicking, screaming, but when I try to separate her she just crys. So all the big kids are crying because the baby is picking on them. I have another baby that spits up everything she eats and then screams because she is hungry. This doesn't even touch the parent issues I am having with one family. In a nut shell, she is doing everything she can for me to term because she doesn't want to work,but her husband makes her. So she thinks if I term, then that will be her reason to stay home. Yes I know this and yes I will be terming this week. I just feel that most people have a stressful day and then start the next day fresh. I feel like my is just repeating it self and I don't know how to gain the control back to get these kids to behave. Everything I try, they just smile at me and move on to the next thing. If anyone has any advise then please please share. I don't want to give up on daycare because I used to enjoy it so much. Now I cry at least once a day because I feel so frustrated.
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KiddieCahoots 08:48 AM 10-09-2014
I'm so sorry

I would start by taking a good look at the instigators, or the ones that are putting the bad spin on it all.
Parents, kids, babies, whoever.
Then make some serious changes with terming, and getting the other more manageable parents, kids, babies back under control, before you get burnt out.
While you are getting it back under control, interview to get new clients that are a better match.

Taking the bad apples out of your barrel can make a drastic change for the better.
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deliberateliterate 09:51 AM 10-09-2014
I have nothing, just a

I'm going through something similar with things just feeling like they are out of control and not even knowing how or where to start.
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nothingwithoutjoy 09:52 AM 10-09-2014
Everyone goes through a rough patch now and again. Hang on. It will improve. Some things that might help:

Go outside. A lot. It's a great time of year to spend nearly all your time outside. Less to break, screaming and running welcome, a break for everyone.

Don't leave at nap. Sit beside them at nap and be firm, firm, firm about quiet and staying down. Do whatever it takes to get them to sleep. You all need the break.

Give yourself a break on meals for a while. Cook/prep ahead. Serve cold things you prepared earlier. Make the simplest meals you can.

Take a good look at the toys. What do they play with well? What is just dumped or broken? Remove all but the things they play with well. Put in some new things for interest--unbreakable, easy to clean up things: a basket of scarves, a pile of cardboard boxes, something gorgeous and beautifully displayed to inspire both you and them. A few carefully-chosen things, attractively arranged, lead to calmer play than heaps of stuff.

When they're wild, sit in the middle of the floor and read a great book (to no one--they'll come) or start a finger play or song. They'll come and sit, or at least some of them will, and you'll be able to rein them back in.

Take the biggest instigator into the kitchen with you when you prep meals, and get their help or at least have them play on the floor right beside you.

Make sure you have some chocolate and down time while they nap today! :-)
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Rockgirl 10:15 AM 10-09-2014
This has been a rough school year already for me, too. I have 4 two yr olds and one that just turned 3. What I've resorted to goes against what I believe kids need, but it's keeping some order in the playroom. I've pretty much eliminated free play. I think kids need free play, but this group simply cannot handle it. They're free to run, yell, jump, etc outside, but when were in, it's structured.

I have little rag rugs I bought a few years ago at Walmart. While they're eating breakfast, I spread those throughout the room, and put one toy/manipulative on each rug. The kids take turns choosing a rug to sit on. They MUST stay on it, along with all the pieces they are using. This cuts out the fighting. ONE person to a rug. After about 10 minutes, or when they start losing interest (whichever comes first), they switch to another rug. We repeat this till they've all rotated everywhere.

When it's time for playdough or a craft, they all go to the table at the same time and do it. If they don't want to participate, fine, but they still sit at the table.

When they're a little older, I'll ease up on this a bit, but it's working for now. I'd had enough of the running, yelling, throwing, etc....I was going to lose my mind.
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Rockgirl 10:19 AM 10-09-2014
Forgot to add: it makes a huge difference if you can stay ahead of the game. While they're doing one activity, know what's next, and prepare it as much as possible. Our crazy times seem to always be when we're in limbo...they don't know what to do, so they run and yell. I agree with the suggestion of sitting with some books. At least some will come listen. Or start singing a song. My singing isn't great, but the kids love to sing along anyway. And to me, reading and singing are calming.
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AmyKidsCo 01:06 PM 10-09-2014
You can't make a child do anything, or stop them from doing anything (aside from tying them up, which isn't a good idea.) Accept that you can only control YOURSELF and work to get the kids on board on their own.

Take a look at your expectations - maybe you need to loosen them. If they're yelling and running, take them outside to yell and run, or start a CD and have a dance party. Or pull out a favorite activity - play dough is always a winner here, but I also have glitter crayons and smelly crayons that only come out occasionally.

Give choices. LOTS and LOTS of choices. A ridiculous number of choices. Do you want a fork or spoon with your cereal? (Give them a fork if they choose it.) Do you want 1 scoop of rice or two? Do you want soap on your right hand or left hand? To put your right shoe on first or your left? Wear your jacket or carry it? Giving lots of choices gives them a sense of power/control so they don't have to fight for it by acting out.

Set aside teacher-led activities for a while and put out materials for them to explore instead. Again, it gives them a sense of power and control even though YOU control what they get to use. As they feel like they have more power & control (within parameters you set) they'll feel less need to grab it through misbehavior.

Also, take a "mental health" day off if you can. Sometimes just a day to yourself will work wonders!

Good luck!
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Thriftylady 01:16 PM 10-09-2014
How structured is your day and activities? Sometimes more structure helps. It has been my experience that kids with to much time on their hands and no structure can get this way out of boredom.
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TwinKristi 01:35 PM 10-09-2014
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
How structured is your day and activities? Sometimes more structure helps. It has been my experience that kids with to much time on their hands and no structure can get this way out of boredom.
I agree with this. Some kids need this or they just cause problems. I also agree with the post about staying ahead of the game. I took a class on problematic situations in childcare/preschool and how to use this chart to recognize, attempt to fix and reassess your problems. If you have a specific child, step back and watch what sets this child off. It may take a few weeks to deal with all the problems you have but if you chip them away one by one you will make progress. And sometimes you have to have a tough week of being the meanie and forcing kids to do things befor they learn. Some kids just need boundaries and rules to succeed.
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Controlled Chaos 01:40 PM 10-09-2014
Originally Posted by nothingwithoutjoy:
Everyone goes through a rough patch now and again. Hang on. It will improve. Some things that might help:

Go outside. A lot. It's a great time of year to spend nearly all your time outside. Less to break, screaming and running welcome, a break for everyone.

Don't leave at nap. Sit beside them at nap and be firm, firm, firm about quiet and staying down. Do whatever it takes to get them to sleep. You all need the break.

Give yourself a break on meals for a while. Cook/prep ahead. Serve cold things you prepared earlier. Make the simplest meals you can.

Take a good look at the toys. What do they play with well? What is just dumped or broken? Remove all but the things they play with well. Put in some new things for interest--unbreakable, easy to clean up things: a basket of scarves, a pile of cardboard boxes, something gorgeous and beautifully displayed to inspire both you and them. A few carefully-chosen things, attractively arranged, lead to calmer play than heaps of stuff.

When they're wild, sit in the middle of the floor and read a great book (to no one--they'll come) or start a finger play or song. They'll come and sit, or at least some of them will, and you'll be able to rein them back in.

Take the biggest instigator into the kitchen with you when you prep meals, and get their help or at least have them play on the floor right beside you.

Make sure you have some chocolate and down time while they nap today! :-)


I have one little buddy who helps me prepare every meal. He can not be unsupervised ever if I don't give him an inch we have a great day.
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NightOwl 01:41 PM 10-09-2014
Is there an instigator? A ring leader that the others seem to follow? If so, I would focus on getting that child under control first. If it's impossible, consider terming him. It's not worth it if his actions and their trickle down effect brings you to tears on a daily basis.
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Dilley Beans 03:43 PM 10-09-2014
Most people have said everything I think will work. However, I am a big fan of the crock pot for meals and playing outside. If you can be outside most of the day, I'd do it. At least the air is fresher and screams don't bounce off the walls.

Big for you.
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Play Care 03:09 AM 10-10-2014
Originally Posted by Dilley Beans:
Most people have said everything I think will work. However, I am a big fan of the crock pot for meals and playing outside. If you can be outside most of the day, I'd do it. At least the air is fresher and screams don't bounce off the walls.

Big for you.


When my kids get squirrely, we go on lockdown

As soon as my SA kids get off the bus it's snack, bathroom and OUTSIDE. Often they don't play inside at all during the afternoon. They are just too wild.
When we are inside there is NO free play. It's centers and table activity. I even close off the playroom so their movement is restricted - having open access to all toys is a privilege.
In your case I'd separate the kids into activities - a couple of kids on the floor with activities and a couple of kids at the table with activities. Set timer, rinse, repeat. And I am ON them. If someone even looks as though they might get up, I am right there to make sure they stay put. Any complaints are met with a firm "This is what we are doing now. When it's time to switch, *I* will let you know." It may seem strict but the alternative is chaos and parent complaints, so there you go.
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Rockgirl 04:29 AM 10-10-2014
Originally Posted by Play Care:
And I am ON them. If someone even looks as though they might get up, I am right there to make sure they stay put. Any complaints are met with a firm "This is what we are doing now. When it's time to switch, *I* will let you know." It may seem strict but the alternative is chaos and parent complaints, so there you go.
I am like this, too. In the past I've had groups that could handle having more choices and freely moving to and from activities. Not my current group. They seem to need very clear boundaries and lots of structure, so it's what we're doing for now.
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cara041083 05:24 AM 10-10-2014
Originally Posted by Play Care:


When my kids get squirrely, we go on lockdown

As soon as my SA kids get off the bus it's snack, bathroom and OUTSIDE. Often they don't play inside at all during the afternoon. They are just too wild.
When we are inside there is NO free play. It's centers and table activity. I even close off the playroom so their movement is restricted - having open access to all toys is a privilege.
In your case I'd separate the kids into activities - a couple of kids on the floor with activities and a couple of kids at the table with activities. Set timer, rinse, repeat. And I am ON them. If someone even looks as though they might get up, I am right there to make sure they stay put. Any complaints are met with a firm "This is what we are doing now. When it's time to switch, *I* will let you know." It may seem strict but the alternative is chaos and parent complaints, so there you go.
This is normally how I am. I am normally stopping the problem before it gets out of hand or something happens. I am a very structured daycare. However I think my problem is I feel that fun things like craft time, or free play with toys, or music time are privileges and if they are bad then I am not going to reward them. So every day we start new and if they are just out of control, then they loose the privileges. At least that's how it used to be. Maybe this is something I need to work on and figure out a better system. I am going to watch today and see if I have the "instanter" Now that it has been mentioned I think I can see it and know who it is. Thanks guys for everything. And If I can't get back to a happy place, then maybe it is time to move on. I have heard that most daycare don't last more then 5 years and I am on year 3. So maybe it just time to move on.
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