Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I am at a loss
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 05:24 AM 02-25-2015
So I posted about how I screwed myself out of three days of pay. Well the kids came yesterday and the dad always pays me at pick up. No big deal to me it has been that way for a year and half. Yesterday he picks up and flat out tells me he didn't forget to get my money. When it started snowing harder he decided to just come get the kids because he didn't want to drive out with them in the car when the roads got bad. Here is the kicker.... He passes two 7/11 stores with ATMs and a bank that is at the end of the main road I'm off of. Then he said oh I'll bring it back tonight or tomorrow if we are out and about. If not they will be here Friday. We are getting 5-8 more inches of snow here tonight into tomorrow so I seriously doubt I will see them today and certainly not Friday if mom school is closed. I depend on that money now to pay several bills and to buy groceries. It's really messing my budget up to not have had that 500$ in my account two weeks ago. They are due to pay me again on the first. I've got ads out to try an replace them. My friend who also does daycare said I should just hand them an immediate termination notice the second they hand me the money. However, I can't afford to let them go with out replacement. I hate confrontation at all. I already don't make them pay for summer to hold their spot. So I'm allowing myself to get walked on. I don't know how to move forward from this because it is causing me a lot of animosity to realize how little I'm valued to them. My husband told me last night that clearly I am not a priority in their book and that they are taking advantage of my lack of confidence. He keeps telling me the second I feel confident in what I'm doing then things will change. I feel bad on one hand because I didn't keep their kids so technically they are paying me for nothing. Which my husband tells me no they are paying for the option to bring their child. He is very very very business smart and confronting people is something he is good at. He has suggest that he take over the administration part of my daycare because he is tired of watching me get walked on. He knows I'm too intimidated by people to hold their feet to the fire.
What would you ladies do?
Reply
Thriftylady 05:35 AM 02-25-2015
I am so sorry. You sound like me, I have a hard time standing up for myself also. I would keep looking for someone to replace them, and then be a little more strict with the replacement. It really is true that if we give someone an inch they want a mile.
Reply
laundrymom 05:45 AM 02-25-2015
My husband has stepped in before.
Years ago I had a family and dad got laid off for a few weeks. He brought them any ways so he could search for new job, interview and complete some big jobs on their home prior to winter(supplies had already been purchased). We approved getting paid late so they could take care of things because, it's what we "do", care for people. Two weeks turned into 4 and they were behind over $1200. We were told that unemployment had a glitch in system, that money was coming. I didn't get payment but I understood the situation and, knowing the money would come in a lump sum, I was okay.
Until we ran into them appliance store one weekend buying a ginormous TV. Like, 60 inch hd. Back when hd was new.
Hubs didn't confront them in store, but met dad at door Monday morning.
Informed him that if money wasn't paid by noon or the new TV delivered to our home, he could come get his kids and we would see them in court. That to ask me to work without pay while he's furnishing his man cave was outrageous.
Dcd claimed TV was bought on cc and they had no money to pay. Hubs just closed the door.
I was so nervous. I expected a licensing visit. I expected a call from dcm asking why we were acting that way. I never expected dcd to show less than an hour later w cash money. Paid in full.
Come to find out, company had given severance. Oodles of severance.

I say,
Turn hubs loose. You are partners in life, right? He's your protector. Someone's taking advantage of you and it hurts him to see.
Good luck. Please update.
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 05:47 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I am so sorry. You sound like me, I have a hard time standing up for myself also. I would keep looking for someone to replace them, and then be a little more strict with the replacement. It really is true that if we give someone an inch they want a mile.
I am going to expand my hours and hopefully that will work to generate some calls. I changed some things with my new one that started and I get paid no matter what with that one except my vacation time. I made it clear that if I'm open and they decide not to bring their child that is on them. Last week they missed two days. One because of the snow fall and then second because dcm dad didn't want her driving more then she needed to so he kept the grandson.
Reply
Rockgirl 05:56 AM 02-25-2015
I used to have a really hard time with insisting on getting paid. Then my husband said something that clicked. He told me that it may feel awkward to come out and say that they owe the money, so pay up, but once those words are out, the awkwardness immediately shifts onto them. They KNOW they owe the money. They KNOW they need to pay. Let them be the ones to feel awkward and have to come up with the solution.
Reply
cara041083 06:23 AM 02-25-2015
In your contract when is the due date for payment? If it's now then I would charge them a late fee and give them a Late fee per day and give them a warning.
Reply
AmyKidsCo 06:25 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
I used to have a really hard time with insisting on getting paid. Then my husband said something that clicked. He told me that it may feel awkward to come out and say that they owe the money, so pay up, but once those words are out, the awkwardness immediately shifts onto them. They KNOW they owe the money. They KNOW they need to pay. Let them be the ones to feel awkward and have to come up with the solution.
That's a good way to think of it. I always think of myself as Walmart - they wouldn't ask Walmart if they could walk out with a careful of stuff and pay later, so why should my business be any different?
Reply
LysesKids 06:30 AM 02-25-2015
I just confronted a mom on this same issue... I haven't seen pay since 2 weeks ago; of course I was closed a few days last week due to an ice storm, but I was open the rest & she never showed until today; Nope, no $. I said technically I don't have to take little miss & she said really ( in a huffy voice) - I took the baby & told her cash at pickup, that this was the only pass she was getting. Her husband keeps all the $ in the bank, but she could have hit the ATM on the way here

BTW, I have a replacement signing tonight lol
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 06:51 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
My husband has stepped in before.
Years ago I had a family and dad got laid off for a few weeks. He brought them any ways so he could search for new job, interview and complete some big jobs on their home prior to winter(supplies had already been purchased). We approved getting paid late so they could take care of things because, it's what we "do", care for people. Two weeks turned into 4 and they were behind over $1200. We were told that unemployment had a glitch in system, that money was coming. I didn't get payment but I understood the situation and, knowing the money would come in a lump sum, I was okay.
Until we ran into them appliance store one weekend buying a ginormous TV. Like, 60 inch hd. Back when hd was new.
Hubs didn't confront them in store, but met dad at door Monday morning.
Informed him that if money wasn't paid by noon or the new TV delivered to our home, he could come get his kids and we would see them in court. That to ask me to work without pay while he's furnishing his man cave was outrageous.
Dcd claimed TV was bought on cc and they had no money to pay. Hubs just closed the door.
I was so nervous. I expected a licensing visit. I expected a call from dcm asking why we were acting that way. I never expected dcd to show less than an hour later w cash money. Paid in full.
Come to find out, company had given severance. Oodles of severance.

I say,
Turn hubs loose. You are partners in life, right? He's your protector. Someone's taking advantage of you and it hurts him to see.
Good luck. Please update.
These two parents get paid no matter what. Dad is military (hubby being ex military knows how much this guy gets paid) mom is teacher. I'm not sure how her contract works if they get paid for snow days or if that comes out of their vacation time. I don't know anyone who can afford to not get paid for two weeks.
Reply
laundrymom 06:59 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by Cozy_Kids_Childcare:
These two parents get paid no matter what. Dad is military (hubby being ex military knows how much this guy gets paid) mom is teacher. I'm not sure how her contract works if they get paid for snow days or if that comes out of their vacation time. I don't know anyone who can afford to not get paid for two weeks.
Yes. Step down and let hubs handle. I know it's not the popular way, but sometimes a strong presence, instead of the loving provider they are used to, works.
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 07:03 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by cara041083:
In your contract when is the due date for payment? If it's now then I would charge them a late fee and give them a Late fee per day and give them a warning.
In my contract with them it states that they pay 1/15th unless those days fall on a weekend then they pay the first day of care. Which of course is usually that Monday. Well the 16th was a holiday for both mom and dad so they didn't bring the kids. Then we got 7 inches of snow that night so they weren't here the rest of the week. My other daycare kids all were here. This week dad was on leave due to up coming deployment so he kept them home Monday. Technically yesterday was the "first day of care" since he didn't bring it yesterday I could charge late fee starting today. I have never charged them late fees before when "he forgot". This time it wasn't that he forgot. He flat out told me he didn't forget I just wasn't a priority even though he went past three ATMs but since they weren't "free" ATM he didn't stop.
Reply
Unregistered 07:08 AM 02-25-2015
Notifiy your families that effective immediately there is a 20 dollar a day late payment fee.
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 07:12 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
Yes. Step down and let hubs handle. I know it's not the popular way, but sometimes a strong presence, instead of the loving provider they are used to, works.
Dad also brought up the fact that I wasn't going to sign a form stating that DCB lived here so he can go to preschool with my dd next school year. They don't want him to have to adjust to a new provider again and try not to change things on him to much. Apparently this kid had issues adjusting to me when he started back in August of 2013. Really! I looked at dad and was like the only thing I noticed was his lack of boundaries which he still has. Dad just looked at me and was like well we noticed it at home. Funny here it is almost March 2015 and this is the first I am hearing about it. It couldn't have been the fact he was home with mom for 4 months with absolutely no discipline (he would put mom in timeout) or that he went from an only child to a new sister. He still has no discipline at all. I'm talking NONE.... I'm sure he did have a hard time adjusting to me because I don't let my daycare kids rule the roost. So when he got home it was 1000% worse. According to mom the last provider let him do whatever he wanted but once he got out of hand with hitting then the tables turned. So who knows. I'm just irritated with the money part because my husband was jobless for 7 months and my income is what has held us up.
Reply
cara041083 07:57 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by Cozy_Kids_Childcare:
In my contract with them it states that they pay 1/15th unless those days fall on a weekend then they pay the first day of care. Which of course is usually that Monday. Well the 16th was a holiday for both mom and dad so they didn't bring the kids. Then we got 7 inches of snow that night so they weren't here the rest of the week. My other daycare kids all were here. This week dad was on leave due to up coming deployment so he kept them home Monday. Technically yesterday was the "first day of care" since he didn't bring it yesterday I could charge late fee starting today. I have never charged them late fees before when "he forgot". This time it wasn't that he forgot. He flat out told me he didn't forget I just wasn't a priority even though he went past three ATMs but since they weren't "free" ATM he didn't stop.
Ok. I don't want to come off as rude, but I have been through this before. I would have made dad bring me money when it was due. Regardless of the kids being there or not. Now I understand snow and I have let parents pay late on snow days. But the thing is if you don't enforce when the money is due, then they will think they can pay you when every they want or when its best for them regardless of what it says in the contract because you have always let it slide. So in the dad's mind whey is this time any different then other times. Does that make sense? My pay day is every Friday and even if a child isn't here that day I still expect payment due in full or I start charging a late fee at 5:30 pm and if I don't get all my money by Monday at 8am the kids can't come back. I don't care if they have get out and bring it to me. They get paid on time so should we. I would get a notice together for everyone (even the one's paying on time) and I would state an update to your contract. I would spell out when payment is due, I would also let them know that a late fee will be charged per day and if child is absent then payment is still due. I would give it to every parent as an update and have them sign it and put it with the contract you have. Then you can stand by it and hopefully not have it happen again.
Reply
cara041083 08:06 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by Cozy_Kids_Childcare:
Dad also brought up the fact that I wasn't going to sign a form stating that DCB lived here so he can go to preschool with my dd next school year. They don't want him to have to adjust to a new provider again and try not to change things on him to much. Apparently this kid had issues adjusting to me when he started back in August of 2013. Really! I looked at dad and was like the only thing I noticed was his lack of boundaries which he still has. Dad just looked at me and was like well we noticed it at home. Funny here it is almost March 2015 and this is the first I am hearing about it. It couldn't have been the fact he was home with mom for 4 months with absolutely no discipline (he would put mom in timeout) or that he went from an only child to a new sister. He still has no discipline at all. I'm talking NONE.... I'm sure he did have a hard time adjusting to me because I don't let my daycare kids rule the roost. So when he got home it was 1000% worse. According to mom the last provider let him do whatever he wanted but once he got out of hand with hitting then the tables turned. So who knows. I'm just irritated with the money part because my husband was jobless for 7 months and my income is what has held us up.
And with this I would have termed right there. How dare he ask that of yout and treat you like that.
Reply
daycare 08:37 AM 02-25-2015
this was me... years ago. UNTIL

I got cyber smacked by BC!! lol In a good way.

She bluntly told me what I did not want to hear but needed to hear.

It didn't happen instantly, it didn't happen over night. It took time to figure out how to stand up to parents and enforce all policies of the daycare professionally.

BC. May not know this, but reading the things she would post in response to my threads, forced me to self reflect. Which was not an easy thing to do.

I had to look at my program and ask myself. What is not working? What is working? What do I need to do to fix the things that are not working. 99.9% of the time the things that were not working were the things that I was not taking action on.

I had to choice to do something no matter how much I did or didn't like it. I had to stop being my own obstacle. I had to stop, reflect and realize that I am the resolution.

So after a few rocky attempts to stand up to parents, I realized that It was ME again making it harder for myself. The parents really were not as bad as I thought, it was me over thinking things.

I simply had to learn to build my backbone one step at a time. BUT you have to start some where............
Reply
daycarediva 09:12 AM 02-25-2015
Send a text/email or whatever your typical communication route is

"Dcp, as a reminder your payment is 10(? it's the 25th!) days past due. I have waived the late fees thus far. The balance of $X is due no later than X time in (cash/check) or I will be forced to charge you a late fee of $x and refuse service until your balance is paid in full. Moving ahead, all payments will be due on the 1st and 15th, or the next business day I am open, per our contract or the late fees of $x/day will apply. Thank you, Provider"
Reply
Laurel 09:25 AM 02-25-2015
What has helped me with backbone is to have my husband or grown son or daughter in the next room listening. Also having one tell me "Mom, you're not gonna do it are you?" Well that ticked me off and I knew he was listening so I forced myself to say what I had to say...in a nice but firm way. Maybe you should get reinforcements. But once you do it you will feel incredibly good. It is a wonderful feeling. You can do it!

Laurel
Reply
TheGoodLife 09:27 AM 02-25-2015
I would insist that late payments start the day the payment was due- does not matter if the kids were not there or not, their spot was being held. Payment is due the 15th. Monday was the 16th- the late fee of $X per each day starting the 16th is die with payment and no more care given until paid in full. Have in writing and keep a dated copy for your records and give to DCP. I'd let him know, if he argues, that his choice to disregard his financial obligation because, as he told you, he "didnt want to", that you are sticking to your contract.
Reply
laundrymom 10:00 AM 02-25-2015
I don't think she has a clue how many of us respect her advice. It's rescued me more than once.

Originally Posted by daycare:
this was me... years ago. UNTIL

I got cyber smacked by BC!! lol In a good way.

She bluntly told me what I did not want to hear but needed to hear.

It didn't happen instantly, it didn't happen over night. It took time to figure out how to stand up to parents and enforce all policies of the daycare professionally.

BC. May not know this, but reading the things she would post in response to my threads, forced me to self reflect. Which was not an easy thing to do.

I had to look at my program and ask myself. What is not working? What is working? What do I need to do to fix the things that are not working. 99.9% of the time the things that were not working were the things that I was not taking action on.

I had to choice to do something no matter how much I did or didn't like it. I had to stop being my own obstacle. I had to stop, reflect and realize that I am the resolution.

So after a few rocky attempts to stand up to parents, I realized that It was ME again making it harder for myself. The parents really were not as bad as I thought, it was me over thinking things.

I simply had to learn to build my backbone one step at a time. BUT you have to start some where............

Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 10:37 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
this was me... years ago. UNTIL

I got cyber smacked by BC!! lol In a good way.

She bluntly told me what I did not want to hear but needed to hear.

It didn't happen instantly, it didn't happen over night. It took time to figure out how to stand up to parents and enforce all policies of the daycare professionally.

BC. May not know this, but reading the things she would post in response to my threads, forced me to self reflect. Which was not an easy thing to do.

I had to look at my program and ask myself. What is not working? What is working? What do I need to do to fix the things that are not working. 99.9% of the time the things that were not working were the things that I was not taking action on.

I had to choice to do something no matter how much I did or didn't like it. I had to stop being my own obstacle. I had to stop, reflect and realize that I am the resolution.

So after a few rocky attempts to stand up to parents, I realized that It was ME again making it harder for myself. The parents really were not as bad as I thought, it was me over thinking things.

I simply had to learn to build my backbone one step at a time. BUT you have to start some where............
I completely agree that BC and few others on here help me a lot with issues. Your totally right. I know if I just took the Bulls by the horns and said enough is enough it would change or they will pull out like my last parent did when I wouldn't change things to her liking. I am responsible for letting it get to this point. This is actually the first time that we have had snow and they missed an entire week. Dad is more of an butthole than mom. He is more of an aggressive than she is. However, he likes to take jabs at me too when he gets a chance. Yet he is a push over with his kids. Crying when he put his dd (2-yr old) in timeout for the first time. Mom said he had tears flowing down his face because he made her cry.
I am going to have to standup for myself no matter what because I'm sure there are gonna be other times just like this one. I never did this to my providers EVER. My oldest daughter dad was given orders to Texas and I was court ordered to let her go there for 6 weeks at a time when she was 3-years old. I never one time that entire year I had to do 6 weeks on and 6-weeks off not paid my provider. It didn't even cross my mind. If I was off I went and paid her. If I was going on vacation she was paid early. When I got a raise at work I passed it on to her even when she didn't raise her rates. Then with my second baby that previous provider decided to stop doing daycare and travel more so my kids went to a center that my work had. The two weeks my husband would be off for Christmas or even federal holidays my kids stayed home and didn't go to the center. So it really gets me when people don't respect what we do or the hours we work. This is a hard job with a ton of liability.
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 10:39 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Send a text/email or whatever your typical communication route is

"Dcp, as a reminder your payment is 10(? it's the 25th!) days past due. I have waived the late fees thus far. The balance of $X is due no later than X time in (cash/check) or I will be forced to charge you a late fee of $x and refuse service until your balance is paid in full. Moving ahead, all payments will be due on the 1st and 15th, or the next business day I am open, per our contract or the late fees of $x/day will apply. Thank you, Provider"
I text this and guess who showed up 20-minutes ago with the money owed minus the days that I screwed myself out of but 300$ is better than none.
Reply
ColorfulSunburst 10:42 AM 02-25-2015
A late payment fee makes a miracle.
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 10:45 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by Laurel:
What has helped me with backbone is to have my husband or grown son or daughter in the next room listening. Also having one tell me "Mom, you're not gonna do it are you?" Well that ticked me off and I knew he was listening so I forced myself to say what I had to say...in a nice but firm way. Maybe you should get reinforcements. But once you do it you will feel incredibly good. It is a wonderful feeling. You can do it!

Laurel
My husband does this too. He pushes me out of my comfort zone. He told me today that I shouldn't look at it as begging for money for doing nothing. He said that when dad said he would come back last night or this morning then my text was holding them to their decisions and that I expect payment today. I used the text message suggested above and amazingly they were here not too long after. They were at best buy buying mom a new phone so yeah..... I firmly believe that had I not sent out the email encouraged by my husband and perfectly setup by a previous post on here I wouldn't have seen a dime till Friday.
Reply
daycarediva 10:50 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by Cozy_Kids_Childcare:
I text this and guess who showed up 20-minutes ago with the money owed minus the days that I screwed myself out of but 300$ is better than none.
Texting is MUCH easier (at first!) than in person confrontation. Just stick to it and if YOU stick to your policies, everyone else will, too.

The next time they're late, send them a reminder text and attach the late fee!


Glad you got paid!
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 10:50 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by TheGoodLife:
I would insist that late payments start the day the payment was due- does not matter if the kids were not there or not, their spot was being held. Payment is due the 15th. Monday was the 16th- the late fee of $X per each day starting the 16th is die with payment and no more care given until paid in full. Have in writing and keep a dated copy for your records and give to DCP. I'd let him know, if he argues, that his choice to disregard his financial obligation because, as he told you, he "didnt want to", that you are sticking to your contract.
This day forward Im going to be more assertive. I'm always very intimidated by people when it comes to money. It would be different if it was like before where we didn't depend on my money, but that changed fairly quickly when my husband wasn't finding a job as quickly as he thought he was going to and then had a company drag out hiring process from August to December when they decided he had too many things in his medical record from the military. I'm thankful he found a job and one that pays well but not what he was making in the military so we have had to adjust and now it's time for me to step up my game. It scares me but if it scares you then it's worth it .... Right.... Or so I'm told.
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 10:56 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Texting is MUCH easier (at first!) than in person confrontation. Just stick to it and if YOU stick to your policies, everyone else will, too.

The next time they're late, send them a reminder text and attach the late fee!


Glad you got paid!
Mom is a texting style person. I probably wouldn't even know her voice if she called me from a different number. I have never even spoken to dad on the phone either. I hope it doesn't come down to face to face confrontation. I hate the anxiety it causes. I've only had to do that once in 4-years and it was because I was sooo pissed from all the bull **** this mom did that I couldn't hold back this particular mom brought her son covered in mosquito bites. I'm talking a good 50 bites on him. He was crying because he was itching and he was just 6 months old. I made her come get him and take him on base to his doctor with a doctor note. A few weeks later she didn't call or show for three days and she said she was in a coma and couldn't contact me. She forgot my past job was in a hospital. I was like your not gonna be in a coma for three days and then released to work two days later. It doesn't work that way. You don't go into a coma and wake up get released from hospital and back to active duty. So yeah it was 9-months of lie after lie with her.
Reply
ColorfulSunburst 11:17 AM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by Cozy_Kids_Childcare:
...she said she was in a coma and couldn't contact me...
I almost woke up all kids here with my laughter.

Reply
Unregistered 11:18 AM 02-25-2015
I am non-confrontational too, but would not use my spouse to solve my business problems any more than I would go to his boss to negotiate him a raise.

I just do a text or email or cubby note that says, Just a reminder: To avoid late fees, you need to pay xx by xx date/time. Yes, I put a time, I do not want to wait forever to see if they are going to pay me.
Reply
Shell 12:22 PM 02-25-2015
I would see this as their final warning, and then let them go. I understand how it feels to need the money, but no amount of money is worth disrespect.
I enjoy terming jerk parents- I think it teaches them a nice life lesson.
My dh has also mentioned taking on the business side- my mom too , but once you get tough, it becomes easier.

I also third that BC is the best with this kind of advice. She always helps me see the other side and when I don't listen to her, I wind up kicking myself
Reply
Cozy_Kids_Childcare 02:06 PM 02-25-2015
Originally Posted by Shell:
I would see this as their final warning, and then let them go. I understand how it feels to need the money, but no amount of money is worth disrespect.
I enjoy terming jerk parents- I think it teaches them a nice life lesson.
My dh has also mentioned taking on the business side- my mom too , but once you get tough, it becomes easier.

I also third that BC is the best with this kind of advice. She always helps me see the other side and when I don't listen to her, I wind up kicking myself
4-years in and I'm still so green. I believe it was BC that gave me the perspective I needed to see things differently. I was counting the days till my youngest went to school and I could go back to working at the hospital. Well I believe it was her that said if I do this till dd goes to school then it is like a death sentence that won't ever end and I will remain miserable. I took a long hard look at things and realized the benefits of doing it long term. Like last week I didn't have to take off because of the snow to be home with my kids. When my kids are sick I don't have to worry about loosing my job. I'm home everyday my kids go to school and come home. My income is a little less than I would make at the hospital but I don't have gas, scrubs, meals, daycare, before/after school among other things. I don't mind the solitude so much because I'm not a social person to start with. I feel better since I started going to gym an hour every night giving me a break from my 4-year-old.
Reply
Reply Up