I am in a conundrum about what/when to report. I have a 4 year old in my center who today told me that his mom hits him when he says bad words. He does not show signs of physical abuse - bruises, burns, etc-, and he does not live with his mother, but with his grandparents, who pay for his daycare and are very loving towards him. His mother on the other hand is young, and there seems to have other priorities in his life. Most of the time the grandparents pick him up, though she and the father come to pick him up sometimes. They could be more patient and loving towards the child IMOP, and the child tries to draw their attention first by doing talking to them, and when that does not work, he acts out. Usually that's when the negative attention comes. The child has improved a lot while in our care, initially he was very aggressive towards other children - and can still be from time to time - but he is a good boy, and again, most of his issues seem to point to a lack of attention.

I know that spanking is legal in CA, however, I wonder whether this is enough reason to call CPS. I am reluctant to have a family go through that process if there is no valid reason -especially if there is a lack of physical evidence. However, I am also concerned about my duties as a mandatory reporter, and not acting in the best interest of the child. What would you recommend? talking to the grandparents? call CPS?. I know that CPS offers parenting classes, which I believe that could be of help, but I have read very conflicting statements after researching online, and I wanted to get the perspective from other providers.

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Honestly in this case I think I'd bring it up to the grandparents first. "Hey, dcb mentioned that mom hits him when he says things he shouldn't. Do you have any light to shed on this?"

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You call the hotline and ask them. You say just what you said here and ask if you should be concerned.

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Parental spanking is legal. As long as you don't see any signs of abuse, I wouldn't call. Chances are that if the grandparents already have custody, CPS is in their lives. I would mention it to the grandparents and let it go at that.

Now, if you see signs of abuse either on the child or from the parents, I wouldn't hesitate to call.

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I'm not in your shoes and don't know the whole situation, but based on what you have said, I wouldn't. The fact that there are no marks is the main reason for my decision. Even if there were bruises or marks, I would ask the child and guardians where they came from before I made any assumptions.

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I wouldn't based on what you have said. That is the prime age kids like to make up things to get attention. My step son went through a phase a few months back 3.5 yrs old and anytime dad raised his voice at him he would say "dad you hit me!" Seriously! I was right there and dad didn't hit him.

Kids also learn what to say to get attention. I have also been a foster parent and have many parents that work as case workers with child protective services. To be honest caseworkers are overloaded enough. Let them tend to the real abuse cases and not get bogged down by this stuff. If the grandparents are caring and full custody providers and he doesn't look like he has any major bruises I would just nicely mention it to the grandparents in private and leave it at that.

It will take alot more than that to build a case. Meanwhile you will have their life ruined including the childs potentially put upside down. Trying to find something, I have heard stories of mean caseworkers out to cover their ass. I know this may not sound counterproductive but don't assume the kids are better off in foster care. So unless it is really bad I wouldn't do anything. You may want to document the time and date, so if anything else in the future happens you can give them times and dates but that really is it.

I wish you the best of luck, but sometimes the most attention starved kids will say the craziest things.

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Exactly. Spanking is legal. My mom spanked me when I was little when I said a bad word (and yes sometimes she smacked my face) but she did not abuse me. If she had just put me in time out or redirected me I probably would have swore a lot more. My mom even threatened to put dish soap in my mouth and sat me at the table with the dish soap in the middle, then she got a phone call and it took a while so I ended up falling asleep at the table. Before I fell asleep I sat there looking at that bottle and hoping she would stay on the phone forever..I was terrified. My mom said I never swore again after that. It didn't scar me for life. Today that would probably be thought of as emotional abuse. Unless you see signs of abuse ( a child saying he was spanked when it is legal is not a sign) leave CPS out of it. Tell the grandparents only because it sounds like they have custody.

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i dont think that I would be calling cps, but I would start documenting this stuff. I would also talk to the grandparents to see what they think.

I agree that kids of this age sometimes have a pretty big imagination and can make some things sounds really horrible, when they are not.

I had kid tell me, my dad ran over my head with the car....Of coursed I asked the parents about it and they told me the real story... DCG left her toy doll in the drive way and when they backed out of the garage to leave for my house the doll was ran over and the head popped off the doll...

The dcg even went as far to tell me how bad it hurt........

I would ask and if you then feel things dont line up, then go with your gut and do what you feel is the right thing to do.

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In Nv we have to report if we just suspct abuse or neglect. I would look for any marks or bruises to help with the case.
Deb

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