New DCD Just Shushed One Of My Assistants

[queenbee]

This afternoon at pick-up, new DCD came to pick up DCB. As DCD was walking up to our daycare room, my assistant who was just about to leave home was standing in the doorway waving to the kids, saw him and called Dcb's name. DCD shushed her immediately because, assuming, wanted to surprise or "sneak up" on DCB.

My assistant called me 15 minutes later and let me know this. She was very offended and wanted to know if she should be or was she blowing this out of porportion. She noted that it wasn't a friendly "shhh", but a quick hard "SHHH".

I immediately sent this email to DCD:


DCD,

My assistant just informed me that you 'shushed' her when you picked up DCB this afternoon. I guess you wanted to surprise him. Whatever the reason, I do not feel that was okay and my assistant was very offended by this. We keep pick-ups quick in order to keep pick-up time from becoming congested and we alert the children that their ride is here as soon as we see a car pull up or see a parent. This is what we do for each child and family so that pick-ups are speedy.

Please refrain from shushing either of my helpers again. I view 'shushing' as a form of disrespect and is grounds for termination as per our contract.

If you have any questions regarding this matter, you may email back or call me after 6pm this evening.

Thank you,
QueenBee

Since when is it okay to SHUSH another adult?

[cheerfuldom]

wow, girl, you dont mess around!

some people are just not very socially aware. I guess I wouldnt view it as that big of a deal but I have a high tolerance for some things. Either way, if your assistant felt disrespected, it is important to support her and make sure Dad knows that coming in, in a rude manner, is not acceptable. Its a shame you have to police parents on issues of common courtesy.

I have a DCD that always knocks like a cop trying to break down the door. Some people are just rude in a million tiny ways.

[Lucy]

This is just the way I would look at it. I'm not being judgmental against your assistant or you. Please don't take any offense.

I don't think it was that big of a deal. I don't think the dad had any disrespectful intent. He wanted to surprise the boy. You didn't say, but maybe mom normally picks up, and this would've been a treat to have dad come. I can see why he would want to "sneak up" on the boy. Had I been the assistant, it may have taken me aback for a couple seconds, but I would've seen it from his side, and been like "no big deal".

I also feel the letter was a bit much. Threatening him with termination because he wanted to surprise his son? Again, totally not judging or trying to be harsh, but you asked how WE would feel, and this is how I see it. As the parent, I would've been offended by the letter, personally. I'll bet the parents tell family and friends the story of how "Dad only wanted to surprise Jimmy, and they threatened to TERMINATE him because he asked the asst. not to spoil the surprise. Can you believe the NERVE??" I'm just saying that maybe it was blown out of proportion a little bit.

Just my little ol' opinion. Not bashing anyone.

[momofboys]

Originally Posted by queenbee

This afternoon at pick-up, new DCD came to pick up DCB. As DCD was walking up to our daycare room, my assistant who was just about to leave home was standing in the doorway waving to the kids, saw him and called Dcb's name. DCD shushed her immediately because, assuming, wanted to surprise or "sneak up" on DCB.

My assistant called me 15 minutes later and let me know this. She was very offended and wanted to know if she should be or was she blowing this out of porportion. She noted that it wasn't a friendly "shhh", but a quick hard "SHHH".

I immediately sent this email to DCD:


DCD,

My assistant just informed me that you 'shushed' her when you picked up DCB this afternoon. I guess you wanted to surprise him. Whatever the reason, I do not feel that was okay and my assistant was very offended by this. We keep pick-ups quick in order to keep pick-up time from becoming congested and we alert the children that their ride is here as soon as we see a car pull up or see a parent. This is what we do for each child and family so that pick-ups are speedy.

Please refrain from shushing either of my helpers again. I view 'shushing' as a form of disrespect and is grounds for termination as per our contract.

If you have any questions regarding this matter, you may email back or call me after 6pm this evening.

Thank you,
QueenBee

Since when is it okay to SHUSH another adult?

Awesome! I totally heart you!

[EchoMom]

I agree with Lucy. It is just my opinion, but I think the response, especially the letter was way overboard and if I were the parent and I would be like, "Whoa! What the???"

[seebachers]

SMH............blown way out of proportion

[safechner]

Sorry I have to say I agree with Lucy. I am sure he didn't mean that way because he just wanted to surprise his son. I would let it go for now.

[queenbee]

DCD called about an hour after I sent the email. He profusely apologized for doing what he did, and while he did just do it to sneak up on DCB, he can see how it came across to my assistant and he stresses that it will never happen again. He also wanted her number so he could apologize to her.

Wasn't about to give him her number for multiple reasons, but I told him I'd pass along the message and let her know. He seemed genuine enough, but nobody gets my assistants numbers.

Just to note: I wasn't "threatening" him with termination. I "warned" him that this could be classified as disrespect and THAT was grounds for termination. I could care less if he was trying to sneak up on his kid, but anything less than complete and utter respect for either of my assistants ruffles my feathers big time.

I can easily replace a family. I CANNOT easily replace an assistant as great as my two. I chose to back up my assistant and it paid off well

[sharlan]

I think, being the first time, that your assistant and you, blew this way out of proportion. I think the email to the father was a little over the top.

If I was the father, I would be wondering what else you would over react to.

[Blackcat31]

I also have to agree with Lucy as well.

It would have been an entirely different ballgame had the DCD shushed the assistant while in conversation or in another context, but wanting to sneak up and play with his child is completely within reason.

Seeing a parent want to be playful with their child is refreshing. I have seen a lot of parents have no sense of humor or any delight in seeing their child after a long tiring work day.

The letter is also a bit harsh as this ws something I may have casually mentioned to DCD as a comment (in regrads to assistants feelings) rather than a reprimand for negative behavior etiquette.

I also kind of think the assistant needs to learn acceptance and tolerance as parents all have different kinds of values and manners and it wasn't as if he swore at her or made some sort of rude gesture. It was shushing as in "please don't give me away" NOT "stop talking to me".

In a different scenario, I may have totally agreed with you but I just feel this particular situation has been blown out of proportion.

As a DC parent, I would have been calling around immediately for a new daycare after being given that letter.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by queenbee

DCD called about an hour after I sent the email. He profusely apologized for doing what he did, and while he did just do it to sneak up on DCB, he can see how it came across to my assistant and he stresses that it will never happen again. He also wanted her number so he could apologize to her.

Wasn't about to give him her number for multiple reasons, but I told him I'd pass along the message and let her know. He seemed genuine enough, but nobody gets my assistants numbers.

Just to note: I wasn't "threatening" him with termination. I "warned" him that this could be classified as disrespect and THAT was grounds for termination. I could care less if he was trying to sneak up on his kid, but anything less than complete and utter respect for either of my assistants ruffles my feathers big time.
I can easily replace a family. I CANNOT easily replace an assistant as great as my two. I chose to back up my assistant and it paid off well

I am glad that this worked out ok.

I am happy to hear you support your assistants as much as you do. MAkes for a great boss

However, I don't think this was disrespectful at all given the circumstances.

Considering the circumstances of what was happening, IMHO, I think your assistant needs to grow up and not take things so personal.

She may be a great assistant but she needs to learn how to read a situation and analyze it for what it is.

The shushing was a plea to not give away his (DCD) presence so he could be playful with his child no less........NOT a blatantly disrespectful sign for "stop talking" between two adults. I really just think your assistant made way too big of a deal out of this.

But anyways, glad it is over and is behind you....and everyone can move on happily.

[Country Kids]

I'm so glad this worked out for you. I reread your letter a few times and can see clearly what was going on and why your assistant would be offended. One the dad was just walking into your childcare room (not sneaking). Doesn't really sound like he was going to surprise the child at all. Also, instead of shushing her, he could have held up a finger to his lips to let her know.

I think by his response back, he knew the way he did it was wrong. He could have argued the point, said she was wrong in complaining, etc. He didn't and took full responsibility so it sounds like it was done a little hard.

[queenbee]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

I am glad that this worked out ok.

I am happy to hear you support your assistants as much as you do. MAkes for a great boss

However, I don't think this was disrespectful at all given the circumstances.

Considering the circumstances of what was happening, IMHO, I think your assistant needs to grow up and not take things so personal.

She may be a great assistant but she needs to learn how to read a situation and analyze it for what it is.

The shushing was a plea to not give away his (DCD) presence so he could be playful with his child no less........NOT a blatantly disrespectful sign for "stop talking" between two adults. I really just think your assistant made way too big of a deal out of this.

But anyways, glad it is over and is behind you....and everyone can move on happily.

My assistant is 48yo. Hardly someone who needs to "grow up" I doubt she'd take this personal, but I guess my other families who have been with me long term would have never dreamed of shushing her.

And not to sound cocky, but my daycare isn't something parents like to give up easily I've never had a parent leave under any other circumstances than moving away, job loss or kids heading to kindergarten. I've only had to term once since opening and those two open spots didn't last more than a day.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Country Kids

I'm so glad this worked out for you. I reread your letter a few times and can see clearly what was going on and why your assistant would be offended. One the dad was just walking into your childcare room (not sneaking).

OP said, "As DCD was walking up to our daycare room, my assistant who was just about to leave home was standing in the doorway" which doesn't say anything about walking INTO the classroom...but walking UP TO the doorway since assistant was standing in the doorway.

Doesn't really sound like he was going to surprise the child at all.
Assistant "assumed" DCD was going to surprise child. He may very well have wanted to discuss something or say something that he didn't want his son to be around to over hear. Who knows as he never really said what his intentions were. Assistant only assumed.

Also, instead of shushing her, he could have held up a finger to his lips to let her know.

Isn't a finger to the lips "shushing"? I see the two things as being the same.

I think by his response back, he knew the way he did it was wrong. He could have argued the point, said she was wrong in complaining, etc. He didn't and took full responsibility so it sounds like it was done a little hard.

I also think dad's response back wasn't admission of guilt for knowing he did something wrong, it may just have been a way to make sure he has daycare still and doesn't want his son to lose out on something (daycare) that he loves. It might also have been an apology for upsetting the assistant, whether he agreed that his actions were disrespectful or not. He upset her, so he apologized for it.

Who knows.....he could be searching for new daycare right now as we speak because of this whole thing.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by queenbee

My assistant is 48yo. Hardly someone who needs to "grow up" I doubt she'd take this personal, but I guess my other families who have been with me long term would have never dreamed of shushing her.

And not to sound cocky, but my daycare isn't something parents like to give up easily I've never had a parent leave under any other circumstances than moving away, job loss or kids heading to kindergarten. I've only had to term once since opening and those two open spots didn't last more than a day.

Sorry, I shouldn't have said "grow up" but should have said "lighten up".

and in reference to your "cocky" statement (which I DON'T mean rudely ) I just responded to Country Kids about that same thing. DCD may have apologized so that he doesn't lose excellent daycare services. I mean that complimentary.

He may feel he HAS to apologize whether he feels he did anything wrong or not because he doesn't want to be termed. I can totally see how that would effect his actions and bring on an apology from him.

anyways like I said.....I am glad it worked out and is over with.

[Kiki]

Originally Posted by queenbee

DCD,

My assistant just informed me that you 'shushed' her when you picked up DCB this afternoon. I guess you wanted to surprise him. Whatever the reason, I do not feel that was okay and my assistant was very offended by this. We keep pick-ups quick in order to keep pick-up time from becoming congested and we alert the children that their ride is here as soon as we see a car pull up or see a parent. This is what we do for each child and family so that pick-ups are speedy.

Please refrain from shushing either of my helpers again. I view 'shushing' as a form of disrespect and is grounds for termination as per our contract.

If you have any questions regarding this matter, you may email back or call me after 6pm this evening.

Thank you,
QueenBee

Since when is it okay to SHUSH another adult?

When I first read the title to this post I was sure it was going to be something along these lines:
'DCD told one of my assistants to shush while we were all in conversation.', or something.
I don't mean to offend, but this was a little over the top no? Honestly, I think the parents are probably more offended by this letter than your assistant was over the shush. I know for sure I would have been pretty dang upset if I got a letter like that considering the circumstances.
I agree that this is something that could have been brought up in a casual conversation during drop off/pick up. Just a simple 'Hey, Sue was a little offended by your shush the other day, can you shine some light on what happened?'
I hope for your sake that the dad is really as ok with the letter as you say he is, and that he isn't just playing nice for now.

Also-on the shushing adults-I shush my husband all of the time.

[Lucy]

Originally Posted by queenbee

Just to note: I wasn't "threatening" him with termination. I "warned" him that this could be classified as disrespect and THAT was grounds for termination. I could care less if he was trying to sneak up on his kid, but anything less than complete and utter respect for either of my assistants ruffles my feathers big time.

I'm so glad it all worked out in the end. I should explain that I didn't mean that you outright threatened termination for THIS "offense", what I'm trying to convey is that you, in a round-about way, told him that this is a terminable offense, implying that if it happens again, he could be terminated. Now, it's just semantics, but in the big picture, that is technically threat of termination. At least that's the way my brain sees it LOL. Your mileage may vary.

I agree with the others that he didn't dismissively shush your asst., as in "what you're saying is unimportant, so be quiet", it was more like he was saying, "oh, please don't call his name... I want to surprise him".

Anyway, none of it matters now, as it has all been smoothed over.

Originally Posted by sharlan

If I was the father, I would be wondering what else you would over react to.

Agree.

And I'm shocked he apologized. I sure wouldn't have.


Outstanding reputation or not his intent was obvious and should have been considered. He did nothing wrong and certainly doesn't deserve to be talked about like you've got loads of people to replace him if he doesn't appreciate the way you ladies both handled this whole situation.

"There's the door" implies you don't give a rip about his child or what an additional uproot and move would mean in that child's life.

That's sad.

[originalkat]

I am glad this worked out as well. I tend to agree with Lucy in that it was an overreaction to send the email. But I am glad you support your assistants! That is awesome! And I suppose if your program is that good that you never have openings and could easily get a new family, they would not want to lose the spot. But if that email would have gone to my husband he would have been pissed and would have pulled out our child.
At any rate...I'm glad it worked out in your favor.

[MizzCheryl]

Queen Bee you are my hero. Wow could I work for you. I HATE to be shushed.

One day we were out side and this guy walks up, never saw him before. I said can I help you and he shushed me. I was about to call the police when DCm walks up. It was the DCGs dad, (I had not me him because he had been incarcerated). Needless to say I was none to happy. His apperance was a little scary too and I have to say I was ill.

I should have done what you did.
I don't think your assistant took it too personally, but I am so glad he apologized.
My Hubby has done this and I did not take it to well. He profusely apoligized, he really didn't mean it ugly, but I am sure he would not like it if the tables were turned.

[Sugar Magnolia]

As a provider: yeah, it was mildly rude of this dad. Mildly.
As a parent: I would have been insulted by the letter and its tone. I'm sure your program is excellent, but feeling belittled would be grounds for me and my child to exit. Quickly.

Just my opinion.

[Hunni Bee]

As an employee, I would have not given this another thought. I would have probably joined in on the surprise

As a supervisor, if one of my assistants brought this situation to me, I'd have said what Blackcat said, "Lighten up".

Edit: I see that it wasn't a friendly "shh" but a shh like "shut up". In that case, I think the reaction was warranted.

[youretooloud]

Originally Posted by glenechogirl

I agree with Lucy. It is just my opinion, but I think the response, especially the letter was way overboard and if I were the parent and I would be like, "Whoa! What the???"

Yep...I think both the worker, and you overreacted very rudely. Parents want to surprise their kids, it's not a big deal.

My husband pisses me off when he is near the front door, and sees a parent, and calls the kid to the door. Let the parent walk in and see their own child's reaction, and stop calling the kids to run to the door.

[cheerfuldom]

I think everyone is being too hard on the OP! She supported her assistant and made sure a parent knew what behavior was or wasnt acceptable. Whether the dad agreed or not, he is willing to abide by her rules. Isn't everyone constantly complaining that owners/directors rarely support their staff? Arent we always saying "your house, your rules"? Gah, its like we all post over and over for people to use their backbone and draw the boundary lines where they see fit. I would rather support the OP in perhaps being overly strict than in seeing this dad slowly becoming ruder and ruder over time when nothing was said.

Maybe the assistant was being too sensitive, but we werent there and we cant know the whole story. but we do know that the OP and her assistant united in drawing the line and the dad is willing to live with that. and that is certainly something that I can support.

[littlemissmuffet]

Originally Posted by queenbee

This afternoon at pick-up, new DCD came to pick up DCB. As DCD was walking up to our daycare room, my assistant who was just about to leave home was standing in the doorway waving to the kids, saw him and called Dcb's name. DCD shushed her immediately because, assuming, wanted to surprise or "sneak up" on DCB.

My assistant called me 15 minutes later and let me know this. She was very offended and wanted to know if she should be or was she blowing this out of porportion. She noted that it wasn't a friendly "shhh", but a quick hard "SHHH".

I immediately sent this email to DCD:


DCD,

My assistant just informed me that you 'shushed' her when you picked up DCB this afternoon. I guess you wanted to surprise him. Whatever the reason, I do not feel that was okay and my assistant was very offended by this. We keep pick-ups quick in order to keep pick-up time from becoming congested and we alert the children that their ride is here as soon as we see a car pull up or see a parent. This is what we do for each child and family so that pick-ups are speedy.

Please refrain from shushing either of my helpers again. I view 'shushing' as a form of disrespect and is grounds for termination as per our contract.

If you have any questions regarding this matter, you may email back or call me after 6pm this evening.

Thank you,
QueenBee

Since when is it okay to SHUSH another adult?

I LOVE you! This is EXACTLY how I would have addressed the situation. Good job, girl!

I thought it said DCD SLUSHIED my assistant.
And the thought of that is cracking me up!

[Snapdragon]

Originally Posted by cheerfuldom

I think everyone is being too hard on the OP! She supported her assistant and made sure a parent knew what behavior was or wasnt acceptable. Whether the dad agreed or not, he is willing to abide by her rules. Isn't everyone constantly complaining that owners/directors rarely support their staff? Arent we always saying "your house, your rules"? Gah, its like we all post over and over for people to use their backbone and draw the boundary lines where they see fit. I would rather support the OP in perhaps being overly strict than in seeing this dad slowly becoming ruder and ruder over time when nothing was said.

Maybe the assistant was being too sensitive, but we werent there and we cant know the whole story. but we do know that the OP and her assistant united in drawing the line and the dad is willing to live with that. and that is certainly something that I can support.

Sometimes body language and the way (tone, etc.) you are "shushed" can make the world of difference too. We can't know from the post. Regardless of whether we agree on the action taken, it was commendable that the OP backed up her assistant.

[My3cents]

I bounced back and fourth on this reading everyones thoughts and what the Op wrote-

I side with the OP-

my only thing would have been to talk to him personally in the first place, not send him a letter.

A 48 year old woman that is a wonderful worker, knows right from wrong- at least I want to think this. I don't feel she is going to go to her boss over a petty issue. The Ssshhhh had to be rude, and it bothered her. The worker handled this right. She could have blown up at the Dad right then and there, she thought about it and then called and talked with her Boss.

The boss, OP handled this well too. It's rare that employees are valued these days and this boss showed that she values her employee. Nice

The Father- he handled it well too. He knew he messed up. If not he wouldn't have called and apologized.

Shhhhshing someone is rude, so is using stupid or other names- I get the feeling this went above and beyond a normal Ssshhh, I want to surprise my son. I am guessing it was more of a Sssshhh I own the world type of Ssshhh-

We are all human and make mistakes but it is true that when we do have the backbone we should support each other. I don't think it was easy for the OP or she wouldn't have bothered to come here for suggestions.

I lean towards the OP but I can see the points that others have made. I would have verbally talked to the Dad and toned it down a bit but still been clear that he was rude and it bothered my assistant.

Anyways- It's Friday!!!! Have a wonderful weekend everyone

[e.j.]

Originally Posted by Kiki

I agree that this is something that could have been brought up in a casual conversation during drop off/pick up. Just a simple 'Hey, Sue was a little offended by your shush the other day, can you shine some light on what happened?'

Personally, this is more along the lines of how I would have handled it unless the dcd had a history of being rude to my employees and having to be "spoken to". Glad to hear it worked out for you the way it did. Dcd sounds like a class act based on how he reacted to the situation; hopefully you'll have a long, positive relationship with that family. I'm sure your assistant appreciates the back-up you give her, too.

[PitterPatter]

Originally Posted by queenbee

This afternoon at pick-up, new DCD came to pick up DCB. As DCD was walking up to our daycare room, my assistant who was just about to leave home was standing in the doorway waving to the kids, saw him and called Dcb's name. DCD shushed her immediately because, assuming, wanted to surprise or "sneak up" on DCB.

My assistant called me 15 minutes later and let me know this. She was very offended and wanted to know if she should be or was she blowing this out of porportion. She noted that it wasn't a friendly "shhh", but a quick hard "SHHH".

I immediately sent this email to DCD:


DCD,

My assistant just informed me that you 'shushed' her when you picked up DCB this afternoon. I guess you wanted to surprise him. Whatever the reason, I do not feel that was okay and my assistant was very offended by this. We keep pick-ups quick in order to keep pick-up time from becoming congested and we alert the children that their ride is here as soon as we see a car pull up or see a parent. This is what we do for each child and family so that pick-ups are speedy.

Please refrain from shushing either of my helpers again. I view 'shushing' as a form of disrespect and is grounds for termination as per our contract.

If you have any questions regarding this matter, you may email back or call me after 6pm this evening.

Thank you,
QueenBee

Since when is it okay to SHUSH another adult?

I agree it's not ok to shush and adult some people just have no common sense or people skills. I personally wouldn't make an issue over 1 time. But then again I once (ONCE) tolerated a DCM walking around my home while chatting on her cell AFTER she had signed the kids out and when I tried to speak to her letting her know it was closing time she held her palm up to me blowing me off and turned away finishing her conversation with her Avon lady! Needless to say I grew a backbone since then and I have the upper hand. She does not leave my front doorstep and I don't allow any more calls. She still lingers 20 mins sometimes but that's when I'm outside with the kids can't figure a way around that yet.

I bet big bucks you would have termed her huh?

[Preschool/daycare teacher]

Originally Posted by queenbee

DCD called about an hour after I sent the email. He profusely apologized for doing what he did, and while he did just do it to sneak up on DCB, he can see how it came across to my assistant and he stresses that it will never happen again. He also wanted her number so he could apologize to her.

Wasn't about to give him her number for multiple reasons, but I told him I'd pass along the message and let her know. He seemed genuine enough, but nobody gets my assistants numbers.

Just to note: I wasn't "threatening" him with termination. I "warned" him that this could be classified as disrespect and THAT was grounds for termination. I could care less if he was trying to sneak up on his kid, but anything less than complete and utter respect for either of my assistants ruffles my feathers big time.

I can easily replace a family. I CANNOT easily replace an assistant as great as my two. I chose to back up my assistant and it paid off well

Not to go off-topic, but just curious why no one gets your assistant's phone number? I'm just merely curious because I like when the parents have my number and can contact me directly if they need to instead of having to do a chain of phone calls and bother the owner if it's something I can help with or am in charge of at the time (when the owner is not at the daycare, has a day off, on vacation, etc). But wondering if maybe there's something I'm missing, or a potential problem this could cause?
I want to work for you, too! I love hearing someone talk about how much they value their assistants. That is great!

[cheerfuldom]

Originally Posted by Preschool/daycare teacher

Not to go off-topic, but just curious why no one gets your assistant's phone number? I'm just merely curious because I like when the parents have my number and can contact me directly if they need to instead of having to do a chain of phone calls and bother the owner if it's something I can help with or am in charge of at the time (when the owner is not at the daycare, has a day off, on vacation, etc). But wondering if maybe there's something I'm missing, or a potential problem this could cause?
I want to work for you, too! I love hearing someone talk about how much they value their assistants. That is great!

Oh I NEVER give my assistants numbers out either. I dont allow them to babysit for daycare families either. I dont want a family trying to entice my assistant away from me after all my hard work in finding and training her (my current one is wonderful and has been here over a year). The parents talk to me about any issues, not the assistants. In fact, I like to time the assistant shifts for when they do not even have direct contact with the parents. Parents trying to take assistants away IS a big issue.