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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Screaming And Time Out
Unregistered 09:51 AM 11-01-2010
A child at the daycare I work for has been attending there for over almost a year. The child is now 3. The child cries/screams when mom or dad drop them off. The child then screams randomly throughout the day. The least amount of screaming is 20-30 minutes. The longest amount is in the afternoon for 2-3 hours. I had the child sit in the bathroom with the door half closed. I have flashed the lights to gain the child's attention. The child is always in my line of view and is out of harms way for themselves and other children. Is what I have been doing considered child abuse?
BentleysBands 10:53 AM 11-01-2010
IMHO, yes thats abuse and neglectful....mayb why the child is so unhappy and clearly shows signs of not wanting to come to daycare. i would be appalled if someone did this to my son/daughter
DCMomOf3 10:59 AM 11-01-2010
I am curious why this is your choice of reactions? It, I think, is clearly not the right thing to be doing, and if any parent came in and saw that, they would be horrified, even if it's not their child. I would definitely consider it neglect, and most likely abuse in my eye. Abuse doen't only mean physically harming a person, there are all sorts of types of abuse.
What do the other teachers do? the Director? I would be very concerned if they condone this.
What do the other teachers do? the Director? I would be very concerned if they condone this.
DCMom 11:09 AM 11-01-2010
OMG, I'd be pissed if that was my child. Just so you know. So yes, that's neglect at the very least.
Is this a center or a home daycare? Is this crying with tears, screaming in frustration or throwing a fit? In any event, there is a cause for it and the cause is not being dealt by sitting him/her in a bathroom for (if I am understanding right) hours.
If that child is that unhappy at that daycare, the parents need to know and your job to tell them.
Just my opinion.
Is this a center or a home daycare? Is this crying with tears, screaming in frustration or throwing a fit? In any event, there is a cause for it and the cause is not being dealt by sitting him/her in a bathroom for (if I am understanding right) hours.
If that child is that unhappy at that daycare, the parents need to know and your job to tell them.
Just my opinion.
momofsix 11:14 AM 11-01-2010
It's too hard to say with the little information you've given. A little clarification might help.
1) WHY is the child screaming? Is s/he sad, angry, in pain, or having a temper tantrum? What sets the child off?
2) What has been done to help the child learn to calm him/herself ?
3) Has anyone talked to the parents to find out if this child screams at home?
4) Is the bathroom being used as a punishment, or as a place where the child is free to scream if so desired?
5) Is the child acrually in the bathroom for 2-3 hours at a time?
6) What do you mean by screaming? In my opinion screaming and crying are very different things?
1) WHY is the child screaming? Is s/he sad, angry, in pain, or having a temper tantrum? What sets the child off?
2) What has been done to help the child learn to calm him/herself ?
3) Has anyone talked to the parents to find out if this child screams at home?
4) Is the bathroom being used as a punishment, or as a place where the child is free to scream if so desired?
5) Is the child acrually in the bathroom for 2-3 hours at a time?
6) What do you mean by screaming? In my opinion screaming and crying are very different things?
laundryduchess@yahoo.com 11:23 AM 11-01-2010
yes its abuse, I think allowing a child to scream for hours in a room alone is abuse. There has to be a better way for you to handle this. Have you spoken to your director? the parents? your peers?
sierrastreasures 03:06 PM 11-01-2010
I'm not here to attack you. Thank you for being honest and open. I believe the reason why you ask is because you want to learn a better way to deal with this child.
So with that in mind I would say there is valid reason why the child is screaming while being forced to control herself/himself while being force to stay in the bathroom. My concern is that when you say the child is in the bathroom and you flash the light to gain the child's attention, I'm assuming even though the door is half open, in reality the room is still dark. You will have to put yourself in the child's place while sitting in a half darken room. She may be terrified by the dark. This is counter productive since the child is focusing on the dark at this point and not on calming herself/himself down. She continues to cry out of fear, fear that she will be put in a darkened room again and fear that she is in the darkened room right now. Can you take her to the office if this in a daycare center?
So with that in mind I would say there is valid reason why the child is screaming while being forced to control herself/himself while being force to stay in the bathroom. My concern is that when you say the child is in the bathroom and you flash the light to gain the child's attention, I'm assuming even though the door is half open, in reality the room is still dark. You will have to put yourself in the child's place while sitting in a half darken room. She may be terrified by the dark. This is counter productive since the child is focusing on the dark at this point and not on calming herself/himself down. She continues to cry out of fear, fear that she will be put in a darkened room again and fear that she is in the darkened room right now. Can you take her to the office if this in a daycare center?
Unregistered 03:44 PM 11-01-2010
I guess I really need to clarify some things...but thanks to everyone for your honest answers. This child comes in screaming and clinging to mom and dad. They have given us the suggestions of time-out and taking away fun activities. These were tried, but unsuccessful, and we didn't feel a two year old would truely understand why they couldn't participate in an activity so we didn's use that. The parents have told us the child is a screamer and does it a lot and if talking in a calm manner didn't help they were out of suggestions. Here's how we originally went about stopping the crying/screaming....We would hold the child or have them sit in our lap. We would hold the child's hand and introduce the child to other children and activities that kids in the room liked. None of these suggestions would calm the crying/screaming. We've tried hugs, a soft toy in the center, a soft toy from home, a picture from home, and something of mom and dad's to hold in case the child gets scared. None of these things worked. We finally put the child next to a wall where they could cry/scream, still be in our view and could watch the other children. This didn't help. We finally would separate the child by having them sit in the bathroom for a up to a minute. We would stand a step or two from the door and be able to watch the child as well as the rest of the room. After a minute the child was asked if they would like a hug and to talk, but they couldn't scream at us. At nap time or later in the afternoon during the 2-3 hour screaming the child would be held, rocked, sat with, read to, sat in time-out, given toys, walked, and nothing seemed to help. We would walk the child back to the bathroom and sit with them to try and calm them. The child was never left alone in the bathroom or out of view of the teachers. The child was separated in an attempt to end the screaming. We have tried just about everything we could think of.
Crystal 04:12 PM 11-01-2010
I think what you are trying sounds reasonable, but it clearly is not helping the child. I would try to find he reason for the screaming. This seems to be much more than separation anxiety and the like.
I would talk to the parents about having the child screened/assessed for special needs. This could be nothing more than a "stubborn child" or it could be an underlying issue, such as Sensory Integration Diysfunction, or even on the Autism Spectrum.
Good luck!
I would talk to the parents about having the child screened/assessed for special needs. This could be nothing more than a "stubborn child" or it could be an underlying issue, such as Sensory Integration Diysfunction, or even on the Autism Spectrum.
Good luck!
sierrastreasures 07:01 PM 11-01-2010
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I would talk to the parents about having the child screened/assessed for special needs. This could be nothing more than a "stubborn child" or it could be an underlying issue, such as Sensory Integration Diysfunction, or even on the Autism Spectrum.
Good luck!
My thoughts exactly! Autism was first on my mind.I would talk to the parents about having the child screened/assessed for special needs. This could be nothing more than a "stubborn child" or it could be an underlying issue, such as Sensory Integration Diysfunction, or even on the Autism Spectrum.
Good luck!
Abigail 07:56 PM 11-01-2010
It's good that the parents are aware of it, but it needs to be solved. Especially since it's affecting the other children you need to be caring for also. If this happened to me daily for hours on end, I would call it grounds for termination. If you say this child has been with you a year, has it always happened??? I would recommend you discuss having the child seen by someone, but be careful to not "cross the line". I would call your local Child Care Resource and Referral and ask them what you should say. The longer you wait to address the issue the worse it's going to get. I feel sorry for the child too because this is not how childhood should be. It could also be addressed with the parents on how they handle it and ask them if they would like help in solving the situation....even if it's been discussed again because things at home may have changed. Maybe this child watches this behaivor at home...this is where you need to be careful not to "cross the line". Good luck
Blackcat31 07:53 AM 11-02-2010
Good luck with potty training later...this child is going to be terrified of the bathroom!!!
I do see the intent for re-direction and behavior modification, but isn't there a coat room or office space they can be in instead of the bathroom? It just seems so cold and unfeeling for a child who is obviously distressed and unsure of themselves and their surroundings. I would think somewhere warm and safe feeling would do the trick much better. If this child does not have any of the developmental delays pp's mentioned then they clearly have some attachment issues where they are not feeling that safe-secure attachment to their caregiver which is what allows them to explore and play comfortably in their environment. The screaming is a clear sign that they need something!
I do see the intent for re-direction and behavior modification, but isn't there a coat room or office space they can be in instead of the bathroom? It just seems so cold and unfeeling for a child who is obviously distressed and unsure of themselves and their surroundings. I would think somewhere warm and safe feeling would do the trick much better. If this child does not have any of the developmental delays pp's mentioned then they clearly have some attachment issues where they are not feeling that safe-secure attachment to their caregiver which is what allows them to explore and play comfortably in their environment. The screaming is a clear sign that they need something!
TGT09 10:40 AM 11-02-2010
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Good luck with potty training later...this child is going to be terrified of the bathroom!!!
This was one of my main concerns as well.Good luck with potty training later...this child is going to be terrified of the bathroom!!!
Unregistered 04:28 PM 11-02-2010
The child is already potty-trained. The parents have been talked to about her screaming. They are out of ideas because the child rarely does this at home. When they do do it at home the parents tell the child they need to calm down and use their words. The child was moved up to the next classroom thinking it would change the behavior. It hasn't changed...it's made it worse. The method of getting her to stop crying is to stand her outside the door on the playground and tell her its okay to scream outside but not inside. So far, it's not working.
TGT09 07:58 AM 11-03-2010
:-( Sad situation but give you props for being honest about everything and trying to find better ways to help her out. I'm sorry I don't have any advice.